''You're not taking away your pain, your dumping it on someone else''

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Apr 7, 2018
75
285
Anyone ever been told this?

I read this on Reddit's /r/rant from a woman and she included it in the end. If someone told me this in real life I would honestly hurt them. The woman in the post started out with a semi-patronizing speech about the options depressed people have and then put this as the last sentence.

Why do people think they have the right to feel 'pain' from our death when they make NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER when we are alive to do anything to help us.

Can someone also explain why there is this pervasive mindset in society off always thinking about others when in relation to suicide and never the suicidal person only? I've met people who have had relatives kill themselves and they felt bad but they also considered what their relatives were going through as well. Is it a lack of empathy?
 

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
1,759
I think it's more about them not wanting to admit that life isn't some unquestionable, inherent good rather than actually giving a shit about the suicidal person. It shakes their own beliefs. So anyone who doesn't validate the life game must be bullied into conformity. Optimism bias at it's worst.
 

voyle

Member
Apr 8, 2018
15
40
Humans have existed for many many years. The things that are happening right now have their roots in the times when we had to fight for survival. You are being weak - you won't be any good in a fight for food or the right person to raise the child. Your brains was being built from the simple form that allowed it to move to food and reproduce to the one that has functions that allow it to cooperate in groups and evolve much faster. Think of this world as an organism that is just trying to become better (evolution is the main force here). Organism will remove cells that are not working properly - you are one(that's why you have suicidal thoughts). If you are not useful to the world - it will get rid of you. (Simply speaking - i know that much more stuff goes there). It's not that persons fault that he says mean things to you while you are being depressed. The thing that you identify with him - simply just is - to allow the machine to function properly. Our brain just needs the sense of being an individual.
 

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
347
928
This is more the case if your the breadwinner or your suicide comes out of the blue.

I dump more pain onto family by being alive at the moment.

I've been suffering visibly for years and have been in and out of work. At the moment, i'm not working and my parents are paying my bills.

My parents have worried about me for over a decade, if i'm gone they can stop worrying and losing money.

They could finally move on as best they can.
 

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
Ok I'm trying to be as objective as possible thinking about this... There is a certain logic to the statement that our suicide/death adds to other peoples' problems. But it's definitely rude af to tell a suicidal person this.

If we compare this to, say, a father abandoning his family without child support or any word, then sure a suicide is a lot like that, and it really sucks for the people cleaning up the mess. But we don't know the father's reasons... maybe he was trying to protect the family somehow (or so he thought). Who knows.

So I guess I'm saying the statement itself has some truth to it (along with another statement we hate: "suicide is selfish" - accurate only because it is a choice that benefits the self). But the way these phrases are thrown around to attack us, that's just unproductive & douchebaggy.
 
Mar 28, 2018
217
724
Anyone ever been told this?

I read this on Reddit's /r/rant from a woman and she included it in the end. If someone told me this in real life I would honestly hurt them. The woman in the post started out with a semi-patronizing speech about the options depressed people have and then put this as the last sentence.

Why do people think they have the right to feel 'pain' from our death when they make NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER when we are alive to do anything to help us.

Can someone also explain why there is this pervasive mindset in society off always thinking about others when in relation to suicide and never the suicidal person only? I've met people who have had relatives kill themselves and they felt bad but they also considered what their relatives were going through as well. Is it a lack of empathy?
Lol. Doesn't know people are evil in 2k18. Lul.
 
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Mar 28, 2018
217
724
This is more the case if your the breadwinner or your suicide comes out of the blue.

I dump more pain onto family by being alive at the moment.

I've been suffering visibly for years and have been in and out of work. At the moment, i'm not working and my parents are paying my bills.

My parents have worried about me for over a decade, if i'm gone they can stop worrying and losing money.

They could finally move on as best they can.
Living in pain everyday also hurts the people that care about you. Killing yourself just takes all that gradual soul draining pain and delivers it in a one shot blow. In the end, pain is no matter what you choose. So from that, you can choose what you feel is the least worst.
 
Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,297
Well, it is not a lie to say that by killing yourself, you are potentially hurting others emotionally (and perhaps in other ways), but here is the thing: Living in pain, as mentioned above, also hurts those that love you. I know that very well. I can see that my mother hurts by knowing I wish for death, and that I have my reasons for wanting death. She has been with me, in a way or another, during my whole life and she knows how things usually don't go well in my life. I would be a fool to think that doesn't hurt her.

Something tells me once I am dead, as sad as she will be for my death, she will also be relieved that I finally got what I wished for. There is pain no matter what I choose, and I choose the path of least resistance.
 

ChizuruN

Failure at Living, Failure at Dying
Mar 20, 2018
88
278
I mean, yes, it definitely brings pain to others, but it's not as if you're just dumping all your problems and shit on them. That's the main problem I have with this statement, along with how it's just plain not taking the person in question's pain into consideration at all.
 

123asdr123

Member
Mar 17, 2018
50
72
Anyone ever been told this?

I read this on Reddit's /r/rant from a woman and she included it in the end. If someone told me this in real life I would honestly hurt them. The woman in the post started out with a semi-patronizing speech about the options depressed people have and then put this as the last sentence.

Why do people think they have the right to feel 'pain' from our death when they make NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER when we are alive to do anything to help us.

Can someone also explain why there is this pervasive mindset in society off always thinking about others when in relation to suicide and never the suicidal person only? I've met people who have had relatives kill themselves and they felt bad but they also considered what their relatives were going through as well. Is it a lack of empathy?
Its thought policing pitched by elites/gov at its best. A voluntary stance to life surely is possessed by spiritually awake people. with the suppression of dmt inducing drugs, spirituality is a t an all time low in america. some think humans evolved out of the stone age becaue we tried dmt shrooms out of cow shit.(thats why they worship cows) i agree with people who say all people in power should have to do three iawasca trips to learn about themselves and what they need to do in life and get a better understanding of balance in the world
 
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Nov 11, 2019
217
733
I’ve heard this many times from many people. Most of the people I’ve heard it from are either very narrow minded or have never felt how I or anyone else who comes to the decision to end their life has felt.

To be objective, I can see it from this point of view. I guess it depends on the situation, if you have a family/ mortgage, kids etc. I can see how people would view this because, inevitably, it would make someone dealing with the aftermath struggle to cope.

No matter what people think regarding this, though, I really don’t think anyone has the right to A) say it to someone who is going through with and/or feels like they want to take their life and B) start a discussion on it when in reality, their opinion on the matter doesn’t change the way someone will feel.

If only it was as easy as getting treatment and being better. If that was the case, forums like this wouldn’t exist and we all would be away, living happy lives.

I think that because suicide is such taboo subject that people still don’t really get it. If it was more openly talked about without people judging or shoving pro-life down your throat, I think the consequences would lead to more empathy and understanding in the aftermath of suicide.
 
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Worndown

Master
Mar 21, 2019
443
755
We live in a very self-centered world. If you inconvenience people, they say things like this.
If they really cared about your pain, they would at least ask about it and might even try to help. They might not be successful, but caring is worth more than whinning any day.
 
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Reyki6667

Veteran
Oct 11, 2019
171
267
It is simple.
Did she ever experience it to speak?
If not that just mad ignorant rambling.
And people don't understand that abandoning equal death for us.....

That's what I write about this not long ago..

To save people hypocrisy and conscience by not acknowledging its severity.
World of shallowness.
Add that to the fact that only a small portion of the population gets its or is genetically permeable to it, so they save themselves by not trying to comprehend what it is really like.
Plus the fact that it's people who end their life and not their body, so they can twist it on their mind, that it's not an illness that ended it.
Add that to doctors who brush it off like know it all while we don't have the knowledge to onto what clearly is happening in the brain since we still don't have the technology to understand the brain inner workings to save their ego.
Then there is also good old religion who see people who kill themselves as filfth that would end in hell, easy to brush under the carpet. And finally you have the mess you have today. History repeat itself with every crisis or illness, that only change only if the people in power gets done by it. Sadly I think it would only change if we take explosive to end it and make kamikaze terrorist attacks and ton of blood everywhere to change their mindset...
 
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CaptainT

Wise
Nov 1, 2019
243
697
My mental reframe for the "you're being selfish...passing on your pain" point of view is to see it as them being selfish for wanting to keep you around so they don't feel lonely even though they know you're in a suffering state. If it was a dog at the vets in pain, you wouldn't stop the vet putting him down because you believe your dog to be "selfish" for dying.
 
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Fragile

Broken
Jul 7, 2019
726
2,270
I don't blame them for believing this, and in a way it's truth, people will inevitably suffer badly from the passing of a loved one, and when they do it themselves is even more painful and traumatic for most people.

at the end of the day we are just stupid monkeys that get deeply attached to things, people and other stuff. loosing them is just painful if you are attached enough.

but i'm just another monkey trying to end my own suffering, if only there was a better way.
 

CrushedHopes

Ex-narcissist that is looking to end himself soon
Nov 3, 2019
472
704
I am taking away my own pain with my death, and I will not let anyone else tell me otherwise. Only my immediate family would grieve for my death, because I'd be the first one to die among all of them and at the age of 22, too.
 

Heart of Ice

Chillin'
Sep 26, 2019
365
495
It's true to some extent. Suicide is selfish in a way, as you take away your own pain and at the same time (probably) make other people suffer. Then again, keeping someone alive to keep your own tattered conscience spotless is also very selfish.