[Discussion] Your Last Few Days

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MeltingHeart

MeltingHeart

-
Sep 10, 2019
2,182
3,770
Probably sitting around being very anxious! Sorry not much fun that answer- depends if I felt like I used to and knew I was gonna die. Or feel like I do now & contemplating ctb. The former would be very different answer.
 
6ixxy

6ixxy

I sank so she could swim
Apr 26, 2019
273
835
24
Uk
Depending on my method of CTB, ultimately I’d like to indulge in everything I could. good food, good drinks, good views, a shit load of acid and weed. Kinda lousy in the grand scheme of things but my type of peace.
If I’m gonna go I want to go doing happy shit
 
Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Jul 7, 2019
681
2,176
probably overthink everything, the things that i wont get to do, the grief of the ones left behind, the life that could have been...

i want to say that i'll be eating and drinking all the good food and beverages that i enjoy, but even the mildest form of anxiety makes me unable to eat at all.
so the last days will probably be a drug binge that ends with my CTB when the hungover begins.
 
noctiva

noctiva

the invisible girl
Nov 6, 2019
396
2,120
HEL
I think I would do nothing that I don't already do. I have no regrets, I have nothing on my bucket list that I could tick off. I would probably do my normal routine, as per usual. I don't understand why I should 'treat myself' because I'll kill myself. If treating myself differently would change anything, I would have treated myself differently a long time ago. But I treat myself well, always have. So there are no regrets, nothing that will make life towards death better or easier.
 
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OneBigBlur

OneBigBlur

Wise
Nov 30, 2019
233
812
30
I think I would do nothing that I don't already do. I have no regrets, I have nothing in my bucket list that I could tick off. I would probably do my normal routine, as per usual. I don't understand why I should 'test myself' because I'll kill myself. If treating myself would change anything, I would have treated myself differently a long time ago. But I treat myself well, always have. So there are no regrets, nothing that will make life towards death better or easier.
I think many people on here want others to treat them well. There is nothing special that I could do or buy for myself that would make my last moments realistically better. If there was something worthwhile that I valued in my life then I wouldn't be planning my exit to begin with.
 
Taki

Taki

Wise
Jul 31, 2019
235
456
It’s easy to think of a bucket list, but unless you’re dying of an illness and only seeking death to avoid pain, and would prefer to live, I don’t think most people would be living it up. If you’re seeking death because life has been unbearable for a long time, and I can imagine myself in my final days, I think most people would just want to withdraw and use their energy to stay calm and focused, and keep under the radar. But I’m an introvert.
 
Meant2Die

Meant2Die

Specialist
Nov 8, 2019
309
882
I'm basically treating the last few weeks and this month as "my last few days" already since I sort of have a cap on when my CTB needs to happen. I've already eaten from some of my fav restaurants, and have been eating more junk food at home in comparison to my perfectly clean diet that I should have. I would still like to catch a movie at the actual theater instead of saving $ and doing Redbox, since that used to be one of my fav things to do, but It's kinda hard to enjoy any of it b/c of depression and numbing anhedonia, so everything is blahhh. If i do it then okay, but if I don't I won't be too disappointment. All the movies seem like a shittier version of something you've seen before anyway once you reach your 30s, lol. I've already gotten to stare out the window a few times over the last few days, at the beautiful slowly falling snow while contemplating life, thanks due to the recent weather, and that's the one thing I really wanted to see before CTB this winter. Box - checked off.
 
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NeCkDeEp

NeCkDeEp

-
Nov 30, 2019
288
1,033
Preparing songs for my funeral, writing hand written letters for the people I appreciate the most, taking myself to my fave restaurant, getting drunk and high for one last time and playing my fave songs while taking SN.
 
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Conker

Conker

Veteran
Oct 22, 2019
114
192
In my last few months there would be a decent amount of drugs with a lot of Quake, UTournament & Halo sessions. Then once those last few days arrive just go on a drug binge & maybe travel to somewhere secluded. Lol who here would like to take a boat with me to the Bermuda Triangle? that would be interesting.
 
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Moonicide

Moonicide

ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ
Nov 19, 2019
810
2,849
ʟᴀ ʟᴜɴᴀ
If I had the money I'd travel during my last few days. I'd ctb somewhere beautiful.
Instead I've been binge watching shows, spending time with loved ones (including my adorable pet), and eating unhealthy delicious food.
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Today starts my final month. I plan to die on January 3rd. I have to say, so far it's been very freeing knowing it's almost over and I never have to suffer through another holiday season again. Also, anytime something happens that irritates me, I can tell myself that will be one of the last times I ever have to deal with whatever it is.

I'm also enjoying the holiday season more than I have since my husband's passing. I haven't decorated because that would take too much energy, but I've baked cookies and I've been watching all of my favorite holiday specials and movies, and listening to my favorite holiday songs. I've also been drinking a lot of Apple Cider Hot Toddies. I had never made one myself before, I had only had them in bars or restaurants. But I found an easy recipe online & I've been making them almost every night.

I'm working on my notes and paperwork I plan to leave behind and I feel kind of almost optimistic right now. I'm so looking forward to getting out of here. But I do suddenly feel like I have a ton of stuff to do and not much time to get it all done.
I'm basically treating the last few weeks and this month as "my last few days" already since I sort of have a cap on when my CTB needs to happen. I've already eaten from some of my fav restaurants, and have been eating more junk food at home in comparison to my perfectly clean diet that I should have. I would still like to catch a movie at the actual theater instead of saving $ and doing Redbox, since that used to be one of my fav things to do, but It's kinda hard to enjoy any of it b/c of depression and numbing anhedonia, so everything is blahhh. If i do it then okay, but if I don't I won't be too disappointment. All the movies seem like a shittier version of something you've seen before anyway once you reach your 30s, lol. I've already gotten to stare out the window a few times over the last few days, at the beautiful slowly falling snow while contemplating life, thanks due to the recent weather, and that's the one thing I really wanted to see before CTB this winter. Box - checked off.
I love to watch the snow fall as well. It's very calming and peaceful. And I've also been eating a lot of junk & holiday treats, as well as the excess of alcohol mentioned below. I also agree with you about the movies. I don't know where you're from, but in the USA it's expensive as hell to go to a movie theater. The tickets, plus the popcorn, sodas, and candy are all expensive. And the movies are all either remakes of old movies, sequels, or turning a song or Broadway show or tv show into a movie. Hollywood had no original ideas anymore.
 
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R

realjunes

Elementalist
Oct 1, 2019
734
1,371
Today starts my final month. I plan to die on January 3rd. I have to say, so far it's been very freeing knowing it's almost over and I never have to suffer through another holiday season again. Also, anytime something happens that irritates me, I can tell myself that will be one of the last times I ever have to deal with whatever it is.

I'm also enjoying the holiday season more than I have since my husband's passing. I haven't decorated because that would take too much energy, but I've baked cookies and I've been watching all of my favorite holiday specials and movies, and listening to my favorite holiday songs. I've also been drinking a lot of Apple Cider Hot Toddies. I had never made one myself before, I had only had them in bars or restaurants. But I found an easy recipe online & I've been making them almost every night.

I'm working on my notes and paperwork I plan to leave behind and I feel kind of almost optimistic right now. I'm so looking forward to getting out of here. But I do suddenly feel like I have a ton of stuff to do and not much time to get it all done.

I love to watch the snow fall as well. It's very calming and peaceful. And I've also been eating a lot of junk & holiday treats, as well as the excess of alcohol mentioned below. I also agree with you about the movies. I don't know where you're from, but in the USA it's expensive as hell to go to a movie theater. The tickets, plus the popcorn, sodas, and candy are all expensive. And the movies are all either remakes of old movies, sequels, or turning a song or Broadway show or tv show into a movie. Hollywood had no original ideas anymore.
BlueWidow - it is so nice to hear you feel some optimistic and enjoying some of the little pleasures of life you enjoyed before. It makes me smile as I think of you.
 
Dark and alone

Dark and alone

Invisible Pain
Oct 22, 2019
5
5
Michigan
Since I haven't enjoyed life for a very long time,I don't have or care to have any energy to do anything special. Most people I have loved are dead. The few that remains will go on and be fine. I'm not going out of my way to say anything or write a note since nobody cares to notice me. The one that will miss me will probably follow shortly after.I never asked for life,or this pain.It will just happen. I would of liked to have lived by the desert,and walk in and keep walking. To hear the peace of nothiness would finally calm my racing mind. I have nothing or nobody to really miss. They will go on just as the world will. What a cruel world it is.I am like a single grain of sand in the deep,vast ocean. No biggie. SSDD
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
BlueWidow - it is so nice to hear you feel some optimistic and enjoying some of the little pleasures of life you enjoyed before. It makes me smile as I think of you.
>sigh< Just when I was feeling more optimistic, my sister-in-law just told me that she's made a Drs appt for me this coming Monday, without asking me first. I know she thinks she's helping me, but I wish she'd leave me alone to enjoy my final month in peace. When I told her I didn't want to go because my insurance won't pay for anymore Dr appointments this year, she said either the Dr will treat me for free
(great I get to be a charity case) or she'll pay for it because "I'm her little sister" . That's very nice of her and the doctor, but it makes me suspicious. Like the universe is suddenly trying to convince me to change my mind. Then once I do, it will start shitting on me again. I'm NOT changing my mind! They can be as nice as they want to, it ultimately won't change anything.
It pisses me off that I have to continue dealing with this crap, even in my last days here. Well, at least it will be over soon. They'll all know how useless their efforts were soon enough.
 
T

Talokin

Member
May 17, 2019
80
156
Wow...many of you seem to be able to enjoy things. Food, travel, pets, friends, music, the falling snow.


I guess I've been too depressed for too long - so none of those things bring me any relief or joy.

Actually, these things bring me further pain. I TRY to enjoy them. When it fails, I feel worse. FYI - I've been THIS bad since about 2013.
 
angele

angele

gay trans man (he/him)
Nov 20, 2019
79
382
I don't have the money to do what I would LIKE to spend my last days doing, so I predict I'll be getting drunk and sleeping a lot. Also will probably be putting final touches on everything, like my suicide note. Will probably be clearing out my laptop/phone data. Already changed all my passwords everywhere so no one can get into my accounts that I don't trust. I plan to speak to my ex sometime before I die in Jan. I'm also trying to give everyone a nice Christmas in my last month here. Might try to reconnect with my spirituality and do some rituals to calm my nerves. I have some dried rose petals that I'm going to use for my final bath...
 
thepolarbear

thepolarbear

'til we die
Dec 7, 2019
59
137
Great replies everyone. Enjoying reading this thread.


For me nothing special:
Catch up with few good buddies. I'd invite them to a nice restauraunt.
Tell one girl I love her and always have.
Write a note to my mom.
Go for a long walk next to the river.
 
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