[Discussion] Why is there a stigma against admitting some people are less attractive than others?

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nigelhernandez

nigelhernandez

Veteran
Apr 14, 2020
168
305
I know for a fact that I'm not a conventionally attractive male. I'm 5ft 4in, dark skinned, have big yellow teeth, and uninteresting eyes. The only women that find me attractive are "artsy types" never the conventionally feminine attractive women.

I understand everyone has preferences but it sucks that I'll never be desired.

My mother and cousin have told me I'm handsome but I don't believe it. Actions speak louder than words and I've never done well on Tinder.

In fact, I have a male friend who is super handsome. Thought it the first time I saw him. When talking about girlfriends, he said that he has had two and both approached him in a nightclub. Knowing how rare females approach males, one must he a very handsome male for that to happen.

He's also set up a Tinder profile alongside mine and got 10 matches in a week. Meanwhile I only got three in two months.

It's obvious he's more good looking than me but people will deny it for politesse/being PC.

Life sucks
 
nigelhernandez

nigelhernandez

Veteran
Apr 14, 2020
168
305
Aren't you basically doing the exact thing you are complaining about people doing to you?
Oh, I don't mind if people don't find me attractive. That's not my concern. What I have a problem with is the fact that they won't admit it.

I said I don't mind people having preferences. If someone isn't attracted to me then that's fine but I HATE when people like family lie and say "you're good looking" when that's clearly not the case.
 
N

No_more

Member
May 5, 2019
79
267
Who's the woman in your avatar? I thought that was you.
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

Veteran
May 30, 2020
122
362
Oh, I don't mind if people don't find me attractive. That's not my concern. What I have a problem with is the fact that they won't admit it.

I said I don't mind people having preferences. If someone isn't attracted to me then that's fine but I HATE when people like family lie and say "you're good looking" when that's clearly not the case.
I get what you mean. OP isn't exactly 'doing the same thing', he's acknowledging a simple fact. At the risk of sounding extremely politically incorrect: he's saying that those who are conventionally attractive and therefore have the 'privilege' to be choosy, would not date someone on the basis of their looks when said looks are not conventionally attractive. They won't outright say so, because it isn't polite, but it's definitely the case.

On topic: I think it's as you said, OP: it isn't polite to outright say so. That's all there is to it. Conventionally attractive people do get more attention from the opposite sex (and, in some cases, the same sex). That's just the way it is, the way it's always been and the way it always will be. No one is an exception to this either. I'm not conventionally attractive myself; far from, actually. Instinctually, I will be more attracted to someone I find visually attractive from the get go; how could I not? At the moment of laying eyes on them, I know nothing about that person, I only perceive their appearance. As unattractive people tend to, I have come to find that there's much more to attraction than looks alone and would not rule someone out as a potential romantic partner just because I don't find them attractive in terms of looks. But it still is the very first thing that I will notice about someone else - barring the rare exceptions where I will feel a kind of connection to someone which may or may not exist only in my head. People can't help this. And those who have the privilege to be choosy will rarely look further than that because they get to be that picky and pursue a relationship with physically attractive people. That said, Tinder is a meat inspection and everyone saying otherwise is fooling themselves.
 
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TakeYourHappyPills

TakeYourHappyPills

Member
Nov 26, 2019
52
108
Oh, I don't mind if people don't find me attractive. That's not my concern. What I have a problem with is the fact that they won't admit it.

I said I don't mind people having preferences. If someone isn't attracted to me then that's fine but I HATE when people like family lie and say "you're good looking" when that's clearly not the case.
I agree. It’s aggravating when people say im attractive when I KNOW I’m not. Just tell the truth. No need to lie.
 
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Luchs

Luchs

kristallene Bergluft über verfallener Gruft
Aug 21, 2019
276
414
somewhere in the Austrian Alps
I know for a fact that I'm not a conventionally attractive male. I'm 5ft 4in, dark skinned, have big yellow teeth, and uninteresting eyes. The only women that find me attractive are "artsy types" never the conventionally feminine attractive women.

I understand everyone has preferences but it sucks that I'll never be desired.

My mother and cousin have told me I'm handsome but I don't believe it. Actions speak louder than words and I've never done well on Tinder.

In fact, I have a male friend who is super handsome. Thought it the first time I saw him. When talking about girlfriends, he said that he has had two and both approached him in a nightclub. Knowing how rare females approach males, one must he a very handsome male for that to happen.

He's also set up a Tinder profile alongside mine and got 10 matches in a week. Meanwhile I only got three in two months.

It's obvious he's more good looking than me but people will deny it for politesse/being PC.

Life sucks
It's about the mentality. I'm kinda attractive, I have a strong jaw, deep brown eyes, light brown hair and a fair skin tone, even though I don't really do sports I've got a slightly athletic body, and I'm not 1.8m tall, I've also been told I have a cute ass, and yet I still have problems getting women, not because they don't find me physically attractive, but because I am a mental wreck.
 
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nigelhernandez

nigelhernandez

Veteran
Apr 14, 2020
168
305
It's about the mentality. I'm kinda attractive, I have a strong jaw, deep brown eyes, light brown hair and a fair skin tone, even though I don't really do sports I've got a slightly athletic body, and I'm not 1.8m tall, I've also been told I have a cute ass, and yet I still have problems getting women, not because they don't find me physically attractive, but because I am a mental wreck.
You've been told you have a cute ass by women or men?
 
selfhater

selfhater

Wise
Mar 1, 2020
223
868
It's about the mentality. I'm kinda attractive, I have a strong jaw, deep brown eyes, light brown hair and a fair skin tone, even though I don't really do sports I've got a slightly athletic body, and I'm not 1.8m tall, I've also been told I have a cute ass, and yet I still have problems getting women, not because they don't find me physically attractive, but because I am a mental wreck.
YOU ARE SO DAMN LUCKY *cries and banging my head on wall*
 
Chiyuki99

Chiyuki99

a nightmare dressed like a daydream
May 28, 2019
114
190
21
Portugal
To be honest, nowadays there is a stigma about everything (also concerning looks) and people get butt hurt over everything. A reason for that is probably the Body Positivity Movement that tries to also tell us that it's completely fine to be severely fat even though it means heart attack by the age of 40 or earlier and problems moving ones body around. It's more of a Fat Positivity Movement really.
I have always been the fit-skinny type and I can't count how many times I have been told to "eat more" and how many times I've been catcalled by creeps. But how dare I describe someone else as fat when they are clearly fat or tell a guy he is not attractive for me because that would make me a b****.
Sometimey, I admit, I don't directly tell someone they are not attractive when I sense that hearing this would realpy hurt them.
 
cryptic__egg

cryptic__egg

Arcanist
May 9, 2020
599
3,531
I think it's because people know it's not something we can really change. People feel bad about pointing out negative things when they know you can never change them.
 
Cashewmilk

Cashewmilk

Wise
Mar 10, 2020
255
518
Aren't you basically doing the exact thing you are complaining about people doing to you?
That's always what I find interesting. I get what OP is talking about... but that part just negates it all for me. He is doing the exact same thing. This is a very common problem I have heard from men. They only care about their little heads.
 
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alizee

alizee

Master
Jul 22, 2018
438
750
Basically what cryptic egg wrote. In any case I’m sure people are capable of giving you an honest opinion of how attractive you are but only if they knew you wanted to know. Although a lot of people don’t want to be in that position especially if they’re being forced to answer.
Personally I don’t know why you care if you know you’re unattractive already. If you have no chance with people that put more work into appearance then why bother and why not target lower or improve your looks. There are attractive women that don’t care about looks if you can make it up with being the bread winner significantly. That’s something to keep in mind but it’s not guaranteed.
 
x51391225x

x51391225x

Member
Jul 1, 2020
27
53
29
New England
*shrug* Unconventionally attractive is "in" right now. I was always called ugly, weird looking, etc. I have a big ass Italian nose and I got called Gonzo in middle school. Now, those some basic Chads who called me that are trying to slither into my DMs. Not looking like everyone else is cool, man.
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Angelic
Aug 19, 2019
2,017
3,964
Very small trap
I'm not very attractive, but very honest: I prefer an attractive partner who is hiding a body in the basement to a good person who is not my type. Not only do I care a lot about looks, but also I don't even give a single fuck how good a character somebody has.