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Discussion Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

M

massiveblackhole

Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2020
Messages
24
I feel like after Uni, everyone goes off on their own way and end up having kids. If you don't have kids you end up becoming the social pariah who doesnt get invited to things anymore. People with kids seem to be able to make friends through school, extacurricular activities. I don't play sport. I used to go to the gym a lot but being a shy introvert I never spoke to anyone there (and no one spoke to me) so never made any friends. My work there is just me and the receptionist who I don't get along with. She has a baby and that's all she talks about while I zone out. I tried going to Meetups but I found that you only meet people once; you generally don't see the same person twice so you're always having the same boring polite conversation (What do you do? When did you move to so and so town). I don't go to church either. Now and then you might bump into someone you used to know but its always the same - oh we should catchup sometime but never do.

Does anyone else have the same problem? What ways have you found worked to make friends as an adult?
 
Whatajoke

Whatajoke

The angel of death is ruthless.
Joined
Jun 15, 2020
Messages
120
It really is difficult after a certain point in life. I got to the point where I tried to use Bumble just to find friends, but I deleted the app like an hour after I downloaded it. It becomes even harder to find friends when you're naturally introverted. I am as well.

I think you're right in saying after college, people tend to go their own ways. Most people get a job, start a family, so on. It's like the natural progression of life, if you're a traditional person, I guess.

I suppose I've come to terms that this is how it is and have kind of been defeated. The only upside there is, although it's cynical, is that there's less disappointment with less people around. I try to savor my peace as much as possible. Other humans tend to ruin that for me.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Joined
Jul 8, 2018
Messages
4,300
I feel like after Uni, everyone goes off on their own way and end up having kids. If you don't have kids you end up becoming the social pariah who doesnt get invited to things anymore. People with kids seem to be able to make friends through school, extacurricular activities. I don't play sport. I used to go to the gym a lot but being a shy introvert I never spoke to anyone there (and no one spoke to me) so never made any friends. My work there is just me and the receptionist who I don't get along with. She has a baby and that's all she talks about while I zone out. I tried going to Meetups but I found that you only meet people once; you generally don't see the same person twice so you're always having the same boring polite conversation (What do you do? When did you move to so and so town). I don't go to church either. Now and then you might bump into someone you used to know but its always the same - oh we should catchup sometime but never do.

Does anyone else have the same problem? What ways have you found worked to make friends as an adult?
Yea this is the downside of not having kids. Not saying it’s a reason to have kids. I wish I had understood about this more though. The upside is your life is less stressful. You don’t have kids to worry about.
 
nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Specialist
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
322
Does anyone else have the same problem? What ways have you found worked to make friends as an adult?
I have the same issue, i wish i know the answer, i do have friend but i move to a different country(i stay there for love but im alone now) because i was unhappy even with friends around. And now im alone not sure how to make friends, i have autism too so that not helping...
 
MisterPeeWee

MisterPeeWee

Patrick
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
43
I have the same issue, i wish i know the answer, i do have friend but i move to a different country(i stay there for love but im alone now) because i was unhappy even with friends around. And now im alone not sure how to make friends, i have autism too so that not helping...
Wanna be friends here?

I get the idea of not having made friends after uni will make it really difficult unless you had friends before that time

left college statistic in your midst....
but it’s not bad to open arms and invite others to be your friends online if you want to have someone to listen and talk to.

Open to being friends with anyone before I ctb, but hey it’s the thought that counts and my thoughts are for each and one of you reading this.
 
nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Specialist
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
322
Wanna be friends here?

I get the idea of not having made friends after uni will make it really difficult unless you had friends before that time

left college statistic in your midst....
but it’s not bad to open arms and invite others to be your friends online if you want to have someone to listen and talk to.

Open to being friends with anyone before I ctb, but hey it’s the thought that counts and my thoughts are for each and one of you reading this.
Thank you :heart: I am open to be friends with everyone on this forum that need help and support too, for recovery or ctb.
 
Sinkinshyp

Sinkinshyp

Master
Joined
Sep 7, 2020
Messages
466
I was a single mom. I never met friends because I had kids. I didn't meet friends through them either. I think in this day and age of social media it's hard for anyone of many ages to meet like minded people who could be friends. People are behind the screens and not out and active I guess. I started a dog club in my 20's. I ended up with some friends back than. I'm also socially anxiety, don't go out and don't know where I would meet people my age for friendship either
 
Quinlor

Quinlor

The stranger
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
679
I think the problem is that almost of people in an adult life already have solid core of friends and them own families...
Us, instead don't have skills or didn't have opportunities to build ours own network of friendships
 
deadgirlahsatan

deadgirlahsatan

Specialist
Joined
Jun 5, 2020
Messages
319
Yes it's harder to make friends as u get older. Most people have kids and a husband or wife. Hardly anyone has no kids so it is way harder without a family.

Illnessess make it harder too. I have social anxiety plus other health issues.

Online is the only way i can make friends.
 
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
908
I totally resonate with this and everything you said is true. I wanted to add that I did the meetup thing for a bit. I found that it wasn't people trying to make friends. It was often guys gravitating to the prettiest girl in the room/venue.
 
Blank Dreamer

Blank Dreamer

Seeker of Dreams
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
48
Wanna be friends here?
Reading this and then looking at your profile image made me chuckle a lot more than it should have.

I was never great at making new friends. Before I would get new friends because they're friends with the current ones I have. Now I don't have them anymore. It doesn't help that I'm not actively searching to make friends. But I just don't like people in general. Being introverted also makes that difficult too.
 
nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Specialist
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
322
You cant force those things, unfortunately, in the last 8 month i try to meet people for making friends, but its just never happen, event after meeting some quit a few time. Im not the type of person that ask/give phone number or plan meetup spontaneously...
 
M

massiveblackhole

Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2020
Messages
24
Yea this is the downside of not having kids. Not saying it’s a reason to have kids. I wish I had understood about this more though. The upside is your life is less stressful. You don’t have kids to worry about.
I don't regret not having children. Life is definitely less stressful and I wont have to feel as guilty if i kill myself
I totally resonate with this and everything you said is true. I wanted to add that I did the meetup thing for a bit. I found that it wasn't people trying to make friends. It was often guys gravitating to the prettiest girl in the room/venue.
Sucks to hear that. Yea some people just use it to casually date.
tbh this site is my best bet
This site is great! So glad I found it. Others ive been on there is very little activity/responses and when you do get a response its some annoying pro-lifer telling you you need to find God.
 
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