What's your main reason for wanting to CTB?

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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
820
1,527
Before: social issues no friends I'm not a cool guy to hang out with

Now: totally financial problems
I'm going through 5-meo-DMT therapy, I know I could be fine, but being poor and with social issues totally sucks, risk of losing job and becoming so poor is hell. Not able to buy a cheapest house , man, I was a Bitcoin millionaire ( in pesos ) ...
 
GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Mod
Mar 7, 2019
1,515
1,925
Well considering that I don't want to end my life until I am an old man. I want to end it then because I had a psychotic episode years ago and it was so undignifying that I never want to experience anything like that again. On top of it I read from meditational religions that having a bad death can cause one to go to the hell dimensions after death.
 
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A

agateaqua

Member
Mar 21, 2019
5
11
I'm in isolation due to social anxiety , general anxiety , and thanks to my anxieties I will likely lose my young son in a international (across the Atlantic) custody battle . If my ex wins, I will only be able to see my son if I visit my ex in his country. I have severe anxieties that will severely limit my ability to travel . Then I worry about maybe having to pay child support, and how am I going to pay for tickets/hotels etc. And then there's my poor mom who won't see her only grandchild unless she travels with me over there every time. Oh and off course I'm unable to work, function , or have any normalcy . I live in a foreign (to me) country as well with limited family around (moved here against my wishes at later stage in life , but that's a totally different story).
If my ex wins I'm out.
 
S

SNandTonic

Member
Mar 25, 2019
16
26
Threat of homelessness, having everything I've ever worked for getting sucked down into the toilet due to a previous relationship gone horribly wrong, being trans with fierce dysphoria and never being able to be my true self without being discriminated heavily against, unemployment, major depression, tired of having my dreams repeatedly crushed, tired of being a lie, and just tired of all the bad in this world.
This world never understood and never will. I stand with you.
 
TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Illuminated
Aug 27, 2018
1,161
4,242
Hi. I suffer chronic pain, which increases over the years and has become unbearable. That is really the only reason. My life is (would be) pretty great otherwise.
Mine too I can literally say that if I go back 1 year earlier, 2 year, 5 years etc. my physical problems would be better and better and at childhood none existent, and of course the other way too, in 1 year my physical problems will be worse than they are now and even worse in 2 year, 3,4,5 etc.
 
Weems

Weems

Wise
May 5, 2019
200
462
Psychosis was the death of me.
I know what you mean. I slipped into one in October. Found God--and secret demonic activity everywhere! Mixed that with a stupid conspiracy worldview, spammed everyone I knew with obnoxious texts, lashed out at my "sinful" family, made an absolute ass of myself.

At least I felt like something good was happening. I was saved! And had a prayer war to fight! Once it wore off (quitting caffeine helped) I had to face my wreck of a life for what it is. And that's no fun.
 
Weems

Weems

Wise
May 5, 2019
200
462
Can’t shake the fact that there is no point to anything. Life is exhausting, and in the end, are rewarded with indefinite nothingness.
The idea that we all die anyway gives me courage to ctb. It's wild how much that thought destroys the world, though. Your parents, your lovers, the best aesthetic experiences you've ever had...they become nothing
 
Walilamdzi

Walilamdzi

.
Mar 21, 2019
879
1,794
@Xaphous I'm quite isolated too. Bullying in school? What sort of thing would you like to be doing in an ideal world?
 
magick'sgone

magick'sgone

Member
May 16, 2019
35
61
Life really can be beautiful, but I realised that too late, and fucked myself up irreparably during psychosis. Now I can't live in this disfigured shell. I just learned all my lessons slightly too late.
 
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Xaphous

Xaphous

hikikomori
Nov 11, 2018
446
1,393
UK
@Xaphous I'm quite isolated too. Bullying in school? What sort of thing would you like to be doing in an ideal world?
no, lifelong bullying, and I don't know I'm denied everything anyway.
 
R

Realityisawful

Member
Apr 25, 2019
29
35
Too many to list:

Being ugly (5’1, recessed chin and jaw) which means I’ll never be able to attract good looking women, no matter how hard I try.

Being autistic.

Coming from a dysfunctional, poor family.

Having no prospects in life.

What’s accessible to me is definitely not satisfying enough.
The idea that we all die anyway gives me courage to ctb. It's wild how much that thought destroys the world, though. Your parents, your lovers, the best aesthetic experiences you've ever had...they become nothing
Absolutely, it’s far, far better to get it over with than put up with hardship and struggle in a meaningless life. What’s the point of living if what matters to you is out of reach?
 
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Severen

Severen

Illuminated
Jun 30, 2018
1,840
4,088
ancient Athens...
Well i fuck up my life just sat back and wasted my life. All i have now it no job lots the best friend I ever had . O and back living with my folks at thr agr of 45. All i see now ahead of me is pain from crippling arthritis and liver and kidney problems from the pain pills. So all i see a head of me now is pain and darkness and i know one really cares not even my folks. Dont blame them for them not caring bin a dissappointed to them most of my life . So thats me in a nutshell LOL want a joke i am HAHA
Like you had a choice... Freedom is an illusion...
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
820
1,527
im an ungrateful motherfucker, well said
I dont know how to live or enjoy life
''''''''
I only know bitterness hahaha
fuck
cause all day ugly thoughs come through my head
and I hate my dad I want to forgive him but its impossible or really fucked up
 
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