What's keeping you here

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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice
Aug 30, 2018
2,422
9,420
Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).
 
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SHThrowAway213

SHThrowAway213

Help
Apr 19, 2018
97
140
UK
I have tried before, but what it would do to my partner. He has depression too, my mental health is a bit more complex then his though.
The fact I don't want to live with yet another failed attempt over me.
What comes next.
 
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M

Mortalscreensaver

Member
Jul 31, 2019
36
67
My uselessness. I can''t even succeed in something as "simple" as suicide.
I agree with this. I lay here and can't even make a plan.
I need to find a way to get my hands on fentanyl.
 
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pane

pane

Wise
Apr 29, 2019
248
359
As much as I hate myself, as empty and wasted as my life is, I just don't have the balls to commit suicide because my instinct for self-preservation/fear of death is still too strong.
 
M

Mortalscreensaver

Member
Jul 31, 2019
36
67
As much as I hate myself, as empty and wasted as my life is, I just don't have the balls to commit suicide because my instinct for self-preservation/fear of death is still too strong.
This I agree with too. I'm too much of a scared bitch.
 
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Beautifulletdown

Beautifulletdown

Too Stupid to leave, Too Stuck to Move
Jul 6, 2019
88
212
My fear of failing and being worst off than I already am honestly. I could care less about my family anymore as they have no empathy for me whatsoever.
 
Kjo

Kjo

Veteran
Jun 7, 2019
148
349
Colorado, USA
Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).
Where do you live? Is it fear or religion or something that is holding you back? Could you explain that?
My uselessness. I can''t even succeed in something as "simple" as suicide.
Not simple. So not simple. And I'd like to argue you're not useless. Being here, you help others by talking, if that counts for anything.
 
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Throwaway9787

Throwaway9787

Master
Jun 27, 2019
431
473
Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).
Nothing wrong with being a wizard bro
 
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Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
146
231
I honestly don't know, for some of it it's timing, and being able to *vanish* without people sending out a search party within 2 hours. Part of it is fear of failure and part of it is anxiety, I struggle to leave the house without a panic attack, so thats kinda screwing me over at the mo (In home CTB is not at all in any way doable)
 
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Guizin239

Member
Aug 6, 2019
8
20
I tried the rope and it hurts a lot. Also, I'm scared of being found before dying and end up a vegetable.
 
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tothemoon

Member
Aug 5, 2019
13
9
On my bad days not wanting to go out horrifically by poison. On my slightly better days realizing getting a divorce it takes awhile to get over. Although she screwed me over so bad I'm not sure ill find a way out. I'm not in the ' inevitable' stage but lucky breaks are very rare and if life even is middle of the road scenario that will probably be enough to do me in.
 
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A

andy69

Veteran
May 23, 2019
173
385
Nothing. The love of my life left for someone else without so much as telling me. I don’t have career or a job. I’m too old to start over and would probably fail if I tried. I guess too much of a chicken.
 
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J

JoeFailure

Specialist
Apr 29, 2019
385
1,019
My family and friends.
Sand volleyball.
Hope for a financial miracle of some kind.
Trying to help other people who got a raw deal in life.
Food.
 
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Fragile

Fragile

Member
Jul 7, 2019
36
86
the lack of a reliable method is the main reason, i just can't find one that will 100% kill me, i'm too afraid of failing and suffering the aftermath of an unsuccessful attempt.

i'm also really afraid of how my family would react, but that fear gets smaller every day, i just can't keep living like this.
 
Pistolero114

Pistolero114

Veteran
Jun 25, 2019
153
203
United States
I honestly just don't know. Fear that CTB'n will put me in a worse situation than I am right now possibly? I hang around because I made a promise to Baxter. My best friend. That as long as I could draw a breath he would have a warm secure home with as much kibble and hugs as he could stand. He is my depression barometer. He will often one find me just when I'm starting a slide back into misery. I figure I owe him something. At least a little bit of time before I have to leave.

If you've followed me this far you are awesome. Thank you(s).
 
C

Codieb1

Veteran
Jun 18, 2019
179
295
My Sn very recently arrived and I'm confident I can take it. I just need to wait for the right moment to take it. I was preparing to go today, but had to delay. Hopefully next weekend.

What WAS keeping me here? Being scared, and trying to find a method I'm comfortable with. Now I have SN, I have nothing keeping me here at all
 
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