What time of the day do you feel your absolute worst?

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ShadowChild

ShadowChild

Any time now.
Jan 13, 2020
65
140
Do you wake up and feel like hell or do you slowly get worse as the day drags on?
 
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Elekrel

Elekrel

Member
Oct 31, 2019
15
68
From my own experience, I find it is slowly getting more worse. When I awake up, I usually go out the door for fresh air (and a cigarette, but good excuse).

I find its terrible during the time I am actually alone at night. When everyone is sleeping and you cant sleep. Just over thinking... cough. I try to be safe but for the most time I just cry and wish the feelings of my depression to go away.
 
freaky3600

freaky3600

Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.
Jan 11, 2020
17
48
I feel it right before bed. When I am laying there and my mind is racing and overthinking everything in my life. I also get it on the way to work. I drive an hour in and my brain just gets overloaded and I dread the upcoming day.
 
Puddings

Puddings

Member
Feb 9, 2019
34
132
My worst time is laying awake at nights trying to sleep and the panic sets in because I know I have to work but I cant sleep. The later it gets at night the darker I get. By the time I wake up (after maybe an hour or two of sleep) I dread life. I often have an emotional shower, crying in my cup of coffee. But as I get to work and the day starts moving I'm actually functioning and coping. And by midnight I am back to I dont know how I am going to keep on keeping on anymore.
 
Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Jul 7, 2019
736
2,301
it depends

earlier last yeat it was in the mornings when felt the absolute worst, i usually woke up with severe nausea and some times even throwing up. i even had panic attacks and was loosing a lot of weight because i couldn't eat at all during those days.

but now i feel specially bad at night, the hours before i can take my benzos and try to pass out on weed are the worst, i'm either loosing tons of sleep or waking up way too late every day, but hey, at least now i can eat.
 
cosmicpixiedust

cosmicpixiedust

Pixie
Jun 5, 2019
933
1,543
The depression doesn’t usually set in til I wake up a bit cause my brain is still sleepy, but once I wake up I’m a time bomb waiting to go off. I never know what’s going to make it happen either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But mornings are my worst.
 
Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,477
4,179
I feel it right before bed. When I am laying there and my mind is racing and overthinking everything in my life. I also get it on the way to work. I drive an hour in and my brain just gets overloaded and I dread the upcoming day.
Hugs! I could’ve written the same thing, I drive an hour in and during that hour my anxiety starts to peak and it’s just a feeling of dread that overcomes me.
peace/hugs❤
 
Imtrying21

Imtrying21

Wise
Dec 8, 2019
204
547
I used to find the night really alleviating???

I don't like it much now. I still prefer the dark in the day tho I dunno.

I miss being awake with someone now and I myself don't really feel here nor trying to be so life feels lonely.
 
Broken Chimera

Broken Chimera

The abyss also gazes into you
May 27, 2019
872
1,543
It's usually bad when i wake up (Usually too early). As the day goes on it builds up until nightfall. I feel better for a little while but then insomnia keeps me up past 2 most nights and almost daylight on others.
 
Letmego. Please

Letmego. Please

Wizard
Nov 18, 2018
628
1,880
I feel you. I prefer the darkness. There’s something eerily calming about it.
Thats how I feel about sitting in darkness, I was frightened of it years ago but now find it calming & oddly safe.

One annoyance of being locked up is I used to sit in my room in the evening with the lights off as I found it calmer & the stupid twats would come round every hour & go 'Oh you don't want to sit in darkness do you' & turn all the bloody lights back on (again)
 
George81

George81

Member
Jan 8, 2020
55
106
I find mornings very hard and am irritable, tired and snappy. I am angry at the thought of another day ahead but at bed time there's the relief that hoping sleep might give me some break away from life but at the same time going to bed and sleeping means the morning will soon follow which means waking up to another day! It's a vicious cycle. Mornings tend to be filled with anger whilst evenings are filled with depression and tears.
 
thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - on borrowed time.
Aug 30, 2018
4,867
15,180
It really depends, sometimes it's morning, but other times it's during the afternoon or evenings that I feel the worst. More frequently, it's usually early to mid afternoon, though I have had times where I felt horrible at night.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Listening to the Air Conditioner Hum
Jan 5, 2020
416
697
Morning, or let's be honest, noon for me is the worst. Right now I'm prescribed lorazepam which makes me almost functional. Sadly never prescribed on a long term basis though. I often question the point in doing that when it really does work. They probably will say it's addictive, and I have no doubt it is. But then again so are cigarettes and they're my only alternative without lorazepam at the moment :-(
 
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Trisolaris

Trisolaris

Member
Dec 11, 2018
56
145
Mornings and evenings. Mornings because that's when the anxiety and the weight of the day/s ahead and all other thoughts hit me. Evenings becase that's when the fatigue gets really bad and I'm unable to do anything productive.
 
S

SugarbushMtn

Veteran
Dec 15, 2019
151
146
Mornings are the worst and then get better thru day as I wake up more and more.
 
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A

AintNoWayOut

Member
Jan 6, 2020
79
175
i prefer nights way more to the daytime bc i dont have to hear all the usual chaos in my house (on a day off). and for other reasons i just find them more peaceful, like im still depressed and suicidal but in a more comforting way. i've come to the point where seeing the sun shining and people out and about bothers me simply due to the contrast it has to my dark mood, whereas the night reflects how i feel more so i feel much more comfortable and at ease.
 
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Thereisnothing

Thereisnothing

Illuminated
Jan 4, 2020
1,609
1,483
Mornings when I rouse (not that sleep much) and for those first few seconds I have that thing where you think life is normal and then reality kicks in. Also nights are very hard.
 
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freaky3600

freaky3600

Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.
Jan 11, 2020
17
48
Hugs! I could’ve written the same thing, I drive an hour in and during that hour my anxiety starts to peak and it’s just a feeling of dread that overcomes me.
peace/hugs❤
Yeah, I hate it. Sometimes I try to stay up as late as I can, that way the next day I am like a walking zombie and just numbed out to everything from being so tired. I love your puppy pic btw! Mushy faces are the best!
 
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BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
2,184
4,935
That would have to be “times”— not just one time. I feel like crap over and over again several times a day with brief periods of feeling good in between, if I’m lucky.

A typical day:

I wake up and realize I’m still here. FUCK! Still alive! Force myself out of bed. The minute my feet touch the floor pain starts shooting through them and I force myself to shuffle across the floor as my body, particularly my feet, are in pain & my arms and legs feel like dead weights. My body is also usually swollen and stiff with arthritis in the morning, particularly my fingers and toes, especially if it’s cold outside.
I always have to fool myself into believing that washing my face, getting dressed, and all that type of crap is going to make me feel better even though it never does. The only reason I do it is to get it over with. Then I have to remake my bed so that it’s ready for me to fall into at a moment’s notice again, in case I have to pass out at some point during the day. If I’m lucky after getting dressed and fixing the bed back up, I have the strength to go into the kitchen and make myself some coffee. Then I come back into my bedroom and I either sit and listen to something on my phone, a podcast or something, or I come on this website. I sit in the chair until I can’t do it anymore because I’m too dizzy and tired to hold my head up and then I have to go and lie down. I have the pillows propped up so I can sit up and still lay back and be comfortable. I spend a large part of the day either on the Internet, listening to podcasts on my phone, or watching TV. I used to love to read, but I can’t focus or concentrate enough to do it anymore. I thought at one point about getting that audible service that will read the book to you, but I just never did it.
If I’m lucky, in the middle of the day between 12 and 4, I have the energy to actually get out of bed and get a few things done, though nothing too strenuous usually.
By 4 o’clock my energy starts to take a downward turn & by 5:30 or 6, I have to lie back down because I’m so dizzy and tired that I can’t hold my head up. Usually somewhere between 6:30 and 7 pm, I’m so exhausted that I just black out and I stay that way for anywhere from 1 to 4 hours depending on how tired I am. Luckily, it usually only lasts for an hour to 90 minutes, but sometimes it lasts much much longer. I’ve had it happen where I blacked out at 6:30 pm and didn’t come back until the next day. And I do say blacked out instead of fall asleep because when this happens to me, I go into a state that I assume is pretty close to blacking out because I don’t know what’s going on around me. I don’t hear the phone, I don’t hear any noises around me. I don’t know what’s happening around me at all. I am just out. The other reason I call it blacking out instead of sleeping is because when I sleep I toss and turn incessantly, rolling from one end of the bed to the other over and over again. When I go into these blackout states, I stay in the same position without moving for the entire time. I wake up in the exact same position that I blacked out in and I can tell I’ve been in that position the entire time because my body usually aches from holding the position for so long.
After one of these blackout periods, I’m usually more awake than I’ve been the entire day. Of course now it’s night time. Then depending on whether I’m having insomnia or the opposite problem where I’m unable to stay awake for long periods of time, I’m up from the time I wake up to anywhere from 11:30 or midnight to four or 5 o’clock the next morning. I can force myself to stay awake all day, other than the black out things which I can’t do anything about, and it still doesn’t affect me when I have insomnia. I still stay awake and can’t sleep. And I have both kinds of insomnia. Sometimes I have the insomnia where I just can’t sleep at all, and other times I have the type where I can sleep for anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes then I’m just suddenly wide awake for hours, then another 10 to 30 minutes and wide awake again, etc.
But when you tell the doctor this all they tell you is that “everyone has trouble sleeping sometimes“. Or if you tell them you’re tired they tell you the opposite, “everybody gets tired sometimes”.
What I have is not just being tired, it’s fatigue. Being fatigued and being tired are NOT the same thing. When you’re tired you can go to sleep and it fixes you. When you’re fatigued it doesn’t matter how long you sleep, you still wake up fatigued. Nothing you do makes it go away. Nothing!
Eventually I usually just fall asleep from being so exhausted that I just can’t stay awake any longer. Then I wake up the next day and do the whole thing all over again.
This is on a typical day when I don’t have to go anywhere. If I have to go out of the house, that’s a whole other hellish experience.
 
lunarpoppies420

lunarpoppies420

Wise
Oct 14, 2019
295
828
Probably late at night when there's no distractions
 
Nemeshisu

Nemeshisu

Wise
Dec 25, 2019
205
419
Morning. I absolutely hate waking up from my lovely sleep. I wish I could sleep forever.
 
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issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
260
786
Honestly waking up in the morning for me is the worst. The nothingness of sleep is so comforting to me that when i’m pulled out it’s kind of jarring. Another shitty day to go through. Right before bed I get excited to go back to sleep finally.
 
Underscore

Underscore

Nothing is forgotten.
Jul 31, 2018
4,349
8,723
At night. Lying awake listening to the plumbing. Getting up to pee every half hour for most of the night. Finally getting comfortable then having difficulty breathing. Getting maybe an hour or two asleep in short stretches. Lying in bed in the cold and the dark wishing for sleep. Listening to that bastard cockerell outside telling me it's time to get up. Thanks mate. Night.
 
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
733
1,171
First thing in the morning and later in the evening since there are not many distractions. I guess it is more a result of me no longer being interested in the hobbies I was once interested in. So I don't have much to occupy my time and my mind goes off racing.
 
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