What causes depression for you?

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information.
    For immediate help, consider calling the Samaritan's hotline: (877) 870-4673. Be aware they may call emergency services if they believe you are at imminent risk of death. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.
    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".
V

Verklempt

Member
Dec 30, 2019
71
173
isolation, childhood, getting left out, over thinking, social anxiety, low self esteem, being a disappointment, comparing myself to others, talking myself down, the list goes on.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Stricken
Jun 30, 2018
572
2,323
Ranked by most to least contributing factor

-Loneliness
-Lack of decent amount of funds (gotten nowhere in life and the years are passing by)
-Anxiety and general dislike of social events including more than 2-3 people.
-Stress over waaay too much things pared with lo self-esteem.
-No joy in life whatsoever for almost 2 decades because of depression and loneliness.
-Being way too kind for this godforsaken shithole society
-Average (or so i'd like to believe but probably less than average) looks
-A few physical issue's
-Wage slaving to no avail. Working loads of hours and basically just work,eat,sleep,repeat
-hobby's gone to shit
-lost contact with alot of people in my life. I have it hard enough as is to connect. Getting worse each year.
-Just general hopelessness because of all of the above
-A more than likely bleak future.
-Anger over the fact i haven't kicked the bucket yet .. the fuck am i trying to hold on for?

The more i think the more i can add. It's kinda pointless really. I could try to live with most of it but as long as the main issues don't change it's hopeless.

It's kind of cascade really ... Shit keeps going downhill. But (even though i've said it before) this year it either improves or ends. No more in between. It's kind of liberating to think that this year i will stop. No more.
 
Last edited:
L

lofistos345

Veteran
Oct 6, 2019
164
225
Isolation and a dysfunctional family that destroy my future
 
R

Roro90

Member
Jan 2, 2020
19
33
i just hate every little thing about my life and i don’t see any future for me even though i tried i just can’t see happiness coming
 
L

LittleJem

Specialist
Jul 3, 2019
340
449
Then there’s also depression without any apparent cause. Or depression caused by weltschmerz which is despair at how wretched this world is and how powerless we are to change it.
[/QUOTE]

What a great and useful word. I must learn how to pronounce it!
I just had 11 days off depression - the happiest days of my entire life - and it has now come back. I found myself laid back, thinking happy thoughts about people, being understanding about things, making light of things, laughing. Now the depression is back - washed out and suicidal.

I think mine is genetic (though I have childhood trauma too and it could be caused by that) but I think I would have had it anyway. I definitely had a lack of social skills as a child and had to learn what I have. I don't fit the description of autism/aspergers - though my ex boyfriend is autistic and thinks I am too. Which would maybe explain a lot! I feel like I have to watch normal people and learn from them.

Some people think I am Bipolar, but I don't think I am. But maybe.

But for those 11 days when I was happy - I felt part of conversations in a way I never do and more connected with people. I think what I mean is - definitely for me it is my brain chemistry/genetics/childhood trauma which cause my depression. Because when my chemistry alters, I feel different. It just doesn't last.
 
Last edited:
Final Escape

Final Escape

Getting closer to my end
Jul 8, 2018
3,513
11,272
42
Denver,CO
I don’t want to be negative by saying all the things that cause my sadness. I would say it’s at least partly being intelligent, not genius but intelligent enough to see how everything is connected. Like one problem in one area connects to the problem in another area and so on. I was too curious about why things are the way they are in society and when u find out why it’s devastating because it could be so amazing yet most people are forced to lead quiet lives of desperation vs lives of deep fulfillment, prosperity, and meaning. Most of us never self actualize in the current system and there’s a reason for that.
 
Last edited:
I

idonk

Member
Jan 3, 2020
14
17
childhood trauma
stuck in a dead end job
anxiety
ssri no longer working for me.
 
YukiFox

YukiFox

Healing druid
Dec 8, 2018
180
596
Brazil
Gender dysphoria (Although I'm planning to make some body changes this year and also take my Hormone Replacement Therapy)
The constant procrastination about my goals, specially to finish my novels I started. One of them has 270 pages already.
My social and sexual anxiety. Why sexual anxiety? Because I want to enjoy sex., but in every relationship had it was a bad one. I don't talk about rape, was just disappoint. I really want a partner, but I don't cheer me up to meet people.
My overweight. Yeah, there are a fat acceptance movement outside but I don' t like to be overweight. I'm talking about 60 lbs.
The constant fear of falling in disgrace, specially when I start living as a trans woman. It's hard to transgender people to find jobs and stuff, and some of us are living in poverty or even are homeless. That's freaking me out.
 
J

Journeytoletgo

Member
May 14, 2018
71
124
1. Loneliness
2. Friendless
3. Appearance
4. Jealousy
5. Feeling like a failure
 
  • Like
Reactions: lofistos345
Exitforme

Exitforme

Deceased
Oct 3, 2019
40
67
The cause of depression is the conscious acknowledgement of deprivation; in all its forms.
 
  • Like
Reactions: idonk
enjoy

enjoy

Creature
Dec 20, 2019
130
226
Oblivion
1. thinking about my ex
2. family treating me like garbage (mother verbally abuses me, father neglects me)
3. realizing that i am no one's first choice and never will be
4. coming to terms with the fact that i will never find true romantic love, and that no one in real life has ever been romantically or sexually attracted to me
5. remembering that i'm a repeat offender of academic failure
6. i eat too much and rarely sleep, shower or practice any form of self-care
7. i'm physically unappealing and can't do much about it
8. i got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday and i already have fucking dry socket. i know this is random, but i'm fucking irritated about it
9. i'm still not in fucking therapy or on some fucking meds - my parents refuse to let me do either, despite promising they would a few months ago
10. i'm not dead. i'm still here, i'm still aware, and my trauma is completely drowning me. fuck this!
 
greencoat111

greencoat111

Member
Jan 5, 2020
43
131
For me the fact that I have been bullied throughout my life. The majority of my relationships and friendships have been emotionally abusive. I grew up with a depressed father who I felt didn't give a crap about me.
I was also a very sensitive person who felt hurt by the world. I'm also in my 30's, a leebian and never wanted to follow the life script of getting married and having children which has led a lot to me feeling like a failure because I suppressed my sexual orientation for many years and cared too much about society's expectations.
 
  • Aw..
Reactions: Hollow
D

dyingtodie

Veteran
Nov 29, 2018
100
294
I also feel like an alien. Since I was in 3rd grade I realized I did not come from my family, I was far too different from them for that to be possible, but they were maybe some of the closest matches so I incarnated in their family. I feel sounds and vibrations intensely, so engines (cars/planes) are like torture, and I've never found anywhere to live that is not within earshot of said torture. That, and humanity is very ill and doomed. I wanted to stay and help, but I think it is a lost cause. And I'm too alienated/isolated to enjoy my life alone... have had lots of good solo days in the last years but the thought that I'll never find friendship or community makes me not wanna bother anymore. Everything is futile, so I can't take proactive life affirming steps...since that flys in the face of me wanting to die. Like, why would I bike and do yoga and work on projects if they feel like a chore, and would make me feel less like ctb...which is what I ultimately want for myself...I'm still just scared ... not so much of the act, but the potential for interruption/failure...and I keep finding some pleasure in the day through music/chess/my cat/food etc... I can find pleasure despite wanting to die very badly.
 
ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
292
819
Sweden
not being able to obtain the job i worked years and years for
and some body issues

i'm perfectly fine with being very lonely and isolated, all i care about is work and even that'll be over soon
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow
SlackJim

SlackJim

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost
Sep 30, 2019
204
440
I believe that we create our own lives and realities so I believe the cause of my depression is my soul needing to experience such a difficult life in order to grow and evolve. I'm hoping that growth can start to happen before I die but maybe it will happen afterwards
 
Conker

Conker

Member
Oct 22, 2019
70
105
This Zionic beast system that left me & others for dead. Nothing ever seeming to get better down here.
 
  • Hug
  • Like
Reactions: Flume and Hollow
Mark Edward

Mark Edward

Member
Jan 19, 2019
58
309
Outskirts of London, England.
I have very low self-esteem, apparently from childhood emotional abuse.
It’s my war and it attacks when I am not expecting it.
Had a good year last year, but it’s creeping back, so going to have to fight again.
 
Lostbetweenworlds

Lostbetweenworlds

Wanderer of lost worlds..
Jan 9, 2020
23
53
25
Germany
Honestly, I don't know where it started anymore.. I remember that I just started to isolate myself and become more and more negative around my enviorment, today though I can say that every negative energy impacts me.. if I feel hatred I will feel remorse as the aftermath, my whole enviorment makes me depressed.. basically everything makes me depressed besides tending to my physiological needs.. (Food, water, air) sounds melancholic I know..
 
C

Compodulator

Elementalist
Nov 8, 2018
702
2,112
It's... complicated.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to paint myself as some special case.
I did a lot of self digging. I do that when I go to walks on the weekends. I do a lot of walks. Through those walks I've concluded that my depression comes from a cycle and a half.

Cycle 1:
I am epileptic.
Epilepsy is a seizure disorder.
Seizures cause anxiety, depression, and stress because I can't trust myself to not have a seizure in public and have medics called on me.
Stress is a well known trigger for seizures.
Stress in general causes me to have seizures.

Cycle 2:
I am epileptic.
Epilepsy is a seizure disorder.
Seizures cause anxiety, depression, and stress because I can't trust myself to not have have a seizure in public and have medics called on me.
Medics are fucking expensive!
I stress over money.
More stress seizures.

Cycle 3:
I am epileptic.
I take meds to control it.
Meds have the potential side effects of MORE FUCKING SEIZURES.
Med related seizures.

I can probably go on and describe another five good cycles.
There IS hope: temporal lobecotomy - a surgery to hack off my temporal lobe, gain control over the seizures and seen me off of the meds.
Once/if that actually happens, weird shit will unfold. Happy weird shit. I wish for that shit to unfold.
 
  • Aw..
Reactions: Midnight
IndianBoy

IndianBoy

Waiting For The Bus
Dec 21, 2019
29
54
18
isolation, childhood, getting left out, over thinking, social anxiety, low self esteem, being a disappointment, comparing myself to others, talking myself down, the list goes on.
Damn, I can relate so much
Where do I start :notsure::haha:.......
- Bullying
- Addiction
- Shame and guilt
- Panic attacks
- Social anxiety
- Trauma
- Toxic parents
- Chronic headache
- Mental and Physical burnout
 
Last edited:
  • Hug
Reactions: Verklempt and Flume
i'mfine

i'mfine

Member
Jan 14, 2020
12
35
traumatic life, I always felt excluded or ignored, as in a previous comment I suspect that I am autistic, a lot of anger ... too much anger, the recent death of my mother's pet (it was my fault because it was my responsibility to take care of the dog while my mom was in another country) and feel more stupid than average people