What are the main two or three reasons driving your desire to leave?

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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Hello to all. I was reading another thread and I got inspired that this would be a purposeful question to ask and answer...We shall see...:).....Here are my reasons to want to exit the stage, in no real particular order:
1. Failed Relationships - and realizing that the concept of love among humans is pretty much all about lust. Very rarely do I see couples that are content, and it really bothers me when I see so many children caught in the middle of their lies and chaos....There seems to be a constant drive in humans which makes them NEVER satisfied....I don't think humans will ever evolve out of their primitive nature. I think humans will always be selfish, competitive, and aggressive. Bear in mind- this is my opinion and observations..
2. I have a fear of getting old. I worked the last 9 years in hospice/pallitive care....Though I do have fond memories of some of my patients, but even if I like them as people, it doesn't seem to be a strong enough driver for me to really feel "satisfied".....I am also childfree female... I don't think I have a strong drive to take care of anyone and I get to feeling resentful and overworked especially when I struggle to keep my shit together..I basically did it for the money.....Maybe it's because I have aspburgers, bpd....I just never felt an urge to nurture anyone and people really frustrate me. I would rather be in more mobile career, and I found one, but my body cannot take the abuse anymore...I hate workplace politics, though as I get repeatedly abused in the workforce in a lowpaying female centric careeer, my give a damn is busted....My mom used to tell me "you'll feel better about yourself if you care for other people." I don't find that to be the case for me....Nor did i see that affect with her.....I felt like she was being dishonest with me....I also see the way humans treat non-human species, and that makes me sick....I watched a documentary titled "Our Planet" on episode I forget, the elephants and hippos wandering thru the desert looking for water, that was taken from them due to a human built damn.....I just wanted to cbt right on the spot. That was painful to watch....
3. I am just tired of working and feeling physical pain. I am also tired of my depression and anxiety.....
 
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LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
220
Hello to all. I was reading another thread and I got inspired that this would be a purposeful question to ask and answer...We shall see...:).....Here are my reasons to want to exit the stage, in no real particular order:
1. Failed Relationships - and realizing that the concept of love among humans is pretty much all about lust. Very rarely do I see couples that are content, and it really bothers me when I see so many children caught in the middle of their lies and chaos....There seems to be a constant drive in humans which makes them NEVER satisfied....I don't think humans will ever evolve out of their primitive nature. I think humans will always be selfish, competitive, and aggressive. Bear in mind- this is my opinion and observations... :)
2. I have a fear of getting old. I worked the last 9 years in hospice/pallitive care....Though I do have fond memories of some of my patients, but even if I like them as people, it doesn't seem to be a strong enough driver for me to really feel "satisfied".....I am also childfree female... I don't think I have a strong drive to take care of anyone and I get to feeling resentful and overworked especially when I struggle to keep my shit together..I basically did it for the money.....Maybe it's because I have aspburgers, bpd....I just never felt an urge to nurture anyone and people really frustrate me...I hate workplace politics, though as I get repeatedly abused in the workforce in a lowpaying female centric careeer, my give a damn is busted....My mom used to tell me "you'll feel better about yourself if you care for other people." I don't find that to be the case for me....Nor did i see that affect with her.....I felt like she was being dishonest with me....
3. I am just tired of working and feeling physical pain. I am also tired of my depression and anxiety.....
Hiya,

I relate to your post so so much.

I'm in the exact same position as you with regards to being childless and working in a 'not-quite-there-yet' fulfilling job and not really having the strong drive to take care of anyone either. I cannot imagine anything worse than bringing a child into a world with a depressed/anxious mother, where they would probably ending up the same way. And honestly when people say "oh well they are the key to your future and the continuance of your family"... I say back to them, but I have no idea who my great great great great great grandfather is and i dont actually care? My 'future children' will be the same, and who cares if your dead anyway?
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Hiya,

I relate to your post so so much.

I'm in the exact same position as you with regards to being childless and working in a 'not-quite-there-yet' fulfilling job and not really having the strong drive to take care of anyone either. I cannot imagine anything worse than bringing a child into a world with a depressed/anxious mother, where they would probably ending up the same way. And honestly when people say "oh well they are the key to your future and the continuance of your family"... I say back to them, but I have no idea who my great great great great great grandfather is and i dont actually care? My 'future children' will be the same, and who cares if your dead anyway?
I really like your user name btw..it seems so accurate to how life is.......Even leaving a legacy is not a driving force for me. YOure right on saying something like Noone is gonna remember me or give a damn, because people have their own lives to worry about due to the survival instinct.... The thought that I could put a child on this planet that would suffer as I have, I find only a souless sociopath could do that.....I know that sounds bad, but I can never seem to see most breeders as anything but that..... but of course there are peeps who claim they love their lives.....I just never could relate to that way of thinking...like since I was a child!
 
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BabyYoda

BabyYoda

F*ck this sh!t I'm out
Dec 30, 2019
559
1,538
Pretty much similar to yours, except that the first one is a major reason for me. I'm really tired of expressing my uhhh resentment (?) towards humanity about this "love" bullshit because I have done it so, so, many times in other threads. Also, I think life isn't just for me. I don't want to become "mature" by being okay alone emotionally, not financially or anything else. Call me edgy but I would love to see intense destruction before I leave.
 
LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
220
I really like your user name btw..it seems so accurate to how life is.......Even leaving a legacy is not a driving force for me. YOure right on saying something like Noone is gonna remember me or give a damn, because people have their own lives to worry about due to the survival instinct.... The thought that I could put a child on this planet that would suffer as I have, I find only a souless sociopath could do that.....I know that sounds bad, but I can never seem to see most breeders as anything but that..... but of course there are peeps who claim they love their lives.....I just never could relate to that way of thinking...like since I was a child!
Thank you! Ikr its sums up my life pretty well I had to pick it!

I totally understand. I think the only person who would be truly devastated in my life would be my mother. But honestly I've brought so much aggro in her life (mostly mental health related) I'm pretty sure eventually she would appreciate the peace.

If I had the text book perfect life it would make my anxiety even worse because I would be worried about everything going wrong and being the meat head I am I'd probably end up sabotaging it myself anyway! Fuck life.
 
waterbottleman

waterbottleman

We are Groot <3
Sep 30, 2019
648
1,522
In a nutshell:

1. Severe depression which has lead to losing interest and no pleasure in things I used to enjoy. I have no self worth/self esteem whatsoever and don’t see the point of life, everything seems pointless.

2. Chronic loneliness has compounded my depression.

3. Disillusionment with the rat race and life itself. We’re all told growing up that being successful will make you happy, that you should strive for a high paying career, you’ll have lots of money, a fancy car/home, and if you’re successful women will flock to you. However this vision of life just seems so....empty and hollow. That’s it? The pinnacle of life that we’re all supposed to be striving for is to have fancy objects? That’s so boring and anticlimactic. Let’s say you actually achieve all this stuff, then what? That’s it, that’s life? Just buy a bunch of stuff, wow how unromantic and unfulfilling. Also even if women did flock to you if you had lots of money whereas they didn’t before that would just be even more depressing to me. It would mean people don’t like you for who you are as a person, they aren’t even attracted to you physically, they just “like” you because you can provide them with stuff and a sense of status in society.

I just thought there was more to life than what it has offer. I don’t see the point of being alive anymore. I miss the sense of adventure I had when I was younger, when life seemed so interesting, everything was new, and there’s a whole world to explore. And to a certain extent that really is true, there is a whole world out there to explore. However the reality is when you get older you realize that you aren’t truly free to explore life because everything costs something. The most obvious expense is money of course, but your reputation is also a big factor. If you decide to go travel the world for example you have to have money, then you have to factor that if you travel too often/too long then you’ll reduce your chances of being employed at a job that pays decently.

The reality is that you aren’t really free to do anything you want unless you’re willing to pay really high prices for it whether it be money or future opportunities. In addition even if you are willing to pay the high price through your actions, will your conscious allow you to actually enjoy those moments or will you be plagued by constant thoughts and feelings of anxiety because society and peer pressure is telling us that we’re supposed to be working instead of having fun and enjoying life in the present moment. In a way your own thoughts and feelings often make you unable to enjoy the present moment when externally the moment you are experiencing is actually quite great.

Being truly free isn’t just about money and opportunities, it’s also about being free from yourself, from your own negative thoughts and feelings which is virtually impossible to overcome unless you have everything figured out in your life but figuring those things in your life cost you the very moments you want to enjoy. It’s as if life is structured in a way where most of the time it just isn’t enjoyable.

However if you want a good paying job you have to work 40+hours a week for the rest of your fucking life. Go to work, go home, go to work, go home for years and years and years. That sucks and that repetition is soul crushing.

I think one big problem is that the way society is structured it’s just not tailored to human nature and flourishing. Humans like new things, they like diversity. They don’t like repetition yet repetition is the main ingredient of being “successful.” You specialize in a skill you repeatedly do, you follow a boring routine in your day to day life. It just sucks ass and seems so hollow and pointless.

I can’t see myself being part of the rat race for the next few decades. I just can’t imagine seeing myself get older and older, see life and time slip by as I follow a boring routine year after year. Yet you’re forced to do this, because the reality is unless you win the lottery, are born into wealth, or are the very lucky/talented few who create their own successful business that gives them flexibility (and even then how long will the business be able to stay around without going bust) you need money to live literally and the only way to get a consistent cash flow is to have a job.
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
my 3 main reasons are
-having abnormal hideous appearance
-where i live
-the lack of abilities and my painful past
Oooh that's a tough one where I struggled too...That's another quality of humanity that I cannot stand! Humans are so -damned shallow. There's very little constellation I can say to low self esteem on physical attributes....I can remember some very cruel comments said to me by men about my physical appearance..... It didn't help that I was in the army, maybe I have no titties so I guess I may as well pretend to be a man....I used to say that! ....my sister always had big titties....but one thing I've found is sometimes a blessing can become a curse....my sister, sure, she turned all the heads, but now she's a single mom of three mixed- raced, obese due to overworked and burning out her thyroid, and no financial support from here baby daddy...I gloat on this sometimes....she used to think she knew it all too, telling everyone about her God and how she was such a savior to others....somehow she thought her ta-ta's were her money makers but now she's a slave to her ex husband because he's got the race card, she owes him alimony....
 
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A

AcornUnderground

Master
Feb 28, 2020
409
728
Chronic illness that leaves me in chronic pain. It developed over the last few years, I’m 41 and had a really great life despite lots of challenges. I’m so distraught that I have no option but to ctb due to intolerable pain, lack of ability to work and support myself. I also have children. It’s a literal living nightmare.
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Pretty much similar to yours, except that the first one is a major reason for me. I'm really tired of expressing my uhhh resentment (?) towards humanity about this "love" bullshit because I have done it so, so, many times in other threads. Also, I think life isn't just for me. I don't want to become "mature" by being okay alone emotionally, not financially or anything else. Call me edgy but I would love to see intense destruction before I leave.
Likewise....I'd like humanity to get served with destruction especially for the cruelty to other animal species...
 
Final Escape

Final Escape

Existing somewhere between life and death
Jul 8, 2018
3,992
12,208
Mostly the economic fallout from the corona hoax. The installation of full dictatorship, communism. I’m worried about how I’ll be able to take care of myself financially in the future. I’m an addict and dysfunctional lol! If I didn’t have the mental health issues I would try to survive this. But I think I might not be able to make good decisions due to irrational thoughts and paranoia lol! I left out the issues with borderline personality disorder untreated.
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
In a nutshell:

1. Severe depression which has lead to losing interest and no pleasure in things I used to enjoy. I have no self worth/self esteem whatsoever and don’t see the point of life, everything seems pointless.

2. Chronic loneliness has compounded my depression.

3. Disillusionment with the rat race and life itself. We’re all told growing up that being successful will make you happy, that you should strive for a high paying career, you’ll have lots of money, a fancy car/home, and if you’re successful women will flock to you. However this vision of life just seems so....empty and hollow. That’s it? The pinnacle of life that we’re all supposed to be striving for is to have fancy objects? That’s so boring and anticlimactic. Let’s say you actually achieve all this stuff, then what? That’s it, that’s life? Just buy a bunch of stuff, wow how unromantic and unfulfilling. Also even if women did flock to you if you had lots of money whereas they didn’t before that would just be even more depressing to me. It would mean people don’t like you for who you are as a person, they aren’t even attracted to you physically, they just “like” you because you can provide them with stuff and a sense of status in society.

I just thought there was more to life than what it has offer. I don’t see the point of being alive anymore. I miss the sense of adventure I had when I was younger, when life seemed so interesting, everything was new, and there’s a whole world to explore. And to a certain extent that really is true, there is a whole world out there to explore. However the reality is when you get older you realize that you aren’t truly free to explore life because everything costs something. The most obvious expense is money of course, but your reputation is also a big factor. If you decide to go travel the world for example you have to have money, then you have to factor that if you travel too often/too long then you’ll reduce your chances of being employed at a job that pays decently.

The reality is that you aren’t really free to do anything you want unless you’re willing to pay really high prices for it whether it be money or future opportunities. In addition even if you are willing to pay the high price through your actions, will your conscious allow you to actually enjoy those moments or will you be plagued by constant thoughts and feelings of anxiety because society and peer pressure is telling us that we’re supposed to be working instead of having fun and enjoying life in the present moment. In a way your own thoughts and feelings often make you unable to enjoy the present moment when externally the moment you are experiencing is actually quite great.

Being truly free isn’t just about money and opportunities, it’s also about being free from yourself, from your own negative thoughts and feelings which is virtually impossible to overcome unless you have everything figured out in your life but figuring those things in your life cost you the very moments you want to enjoy. It’s as if life is structured in a way where most of the time it just isn’t enjoyable.

However if you want a good paying job you have to work 40+hours a week for the rest of your fucking life. Go to work, go home, go to work, go home for years and years and years. That sucks and that repetition is soul crushing.

I think one big problem is that the way society is structured it’s just not tailored to human nature and flourishing. Humans like new things, they like diversity. They don’t like repetition yet repetition is the main ingredient of being “successful.” You specialize in a skill you repeatedly do, you follow a boring routine in your day to day life. It just sucks ass and seems so hollow and pointless.

I can’t see myself being part of the rat race for the next few decades. I just can’t imagine seeing myself get older and older, see life and time slip by as I follow a boring routine year after year. Yet you’re forced to do this, because the reality is unless you win the lottery, are born into wealth, or are the very lucky/talented few who create their own successful business that gives them flexibility (and even then how long will the business be able to stay around without going bust) you need money to live literally and the only way to get a consistent cash flow is to have a job.
Very true, well said. It's like even with all the money, there's always a cost...and even people who win the lottery, typically end up broke ,or with parasites and freeloaders banging on the door...I don't think anything would make me content in this world, because the world serves it's own needs! I was able to travel in the military, but the only reason that was my favorite job is because maybe I could die, get blown up in a convoy, but I wouldn't want my battle buddies hurt or killed, that's the only reason I could be happy, because I don't ever want to decide for another human but me, life or death, personally.....the honor aspect means something to me though in death...but that never happened for me unfortunately.... I was transportation the most dangerous job as a female I could enlist in, at the time...now females are allowed in the infantry, but not when I enlisted ..I've confessed this before...but the only reason I do healthcare is because it's physically easier.. I did a lot of damage to my body working in factories, military, and other such things....it seems everything I have done, and I have had several career changes, even change becomes a source of stress! Especially at 39. Everything has a cost....even in relationships I see both men and women who screw somebody else behind their spouses back, because they're bored, I guess!? I know a female who has 3 children and a sex addiction, according to her...she is also an alcoholic who recovers/relapses...Her husband gives her everything as he is in IT, and she's banged multiple men behind his back! A few friends/ aquaintences, we went to the casino before this covivid 19 crap, and I saw her leave us to go bang some random Ethiopian dude without protection in his hotel room , she told me!!! Her husband, He's got it all; money looks, an attentive father, but she's still not satisfied! I have also known of men in the military visiting prostitutes and some were married with children! That sickens me the most when breeders cheat... So people are just bored with the same old, same old, but even change seems to change for the worse as I age, ...whether it be partner or career...
 
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218x

218x

متيم
Apr 9, 2019
370
762
I'm unable to limit it to two or three reasons because my whole life itself is driving me to kill myself, I'll try.

1. I have possibly lost the one I love because I was too late. Maybe, it's my fault that he said goodbye. If he doesn't come back or if he finds someone else, I will end it. We were perfect for each other, the two of us could have been so happy together but the situation is such, we met too late.

2. My life, the constant pain and suffering I've been through since I was born and the depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses I have because of it. I used to be so lively even though I was miserable, at least I had a bit of adventure in my life four years ago with my ex bestfriend and sister of 8 years who in the end, used me, betrayed me, left me and ruined my life. Those wonderful days I had with her before she got corrupted and turned selfish and vile are gone and the worser trauma I went through three years ago because of her took a toll on my peace of mind, I got really messed up and after that, I started my CTB plan. Everything I loved, left me and it all slipped away. I've never been truly happy and now, I can't enjoy anything anymore. I want to escape from this brain which is the additional cause of my pain. I'm so ugly on the outside and inside, I have nothing left of me. I've lost everything in life and I'm empty. I would rather end my life.

3. I simply never had a longing for this life, everyone is so fascinated by this worldly life but I was always detached from it. The fancy cars, expensive brands, having a shit ton of money, diamonds, going on holidays, five star hotels, none of it ever appealed to me even throughout my teen years... it's hollow. I always knew life is vile and pointless. One day, we all die and all of this means nothing. This is exactly why I left sixth form, I didn't want a job and I didn't want to study. I always saw money as just paper, I never cared for it. I knew what I only wanted was true love and marriage and I knew if I get married, I'll never consider working and I would rather be a housewife. That was my dream growing up. I can still remember 16 year old me, I always thought in my head that one day we will all die so what's the point in doing anything? What's the point in studying if I know I'll leave the job once I have a child after marriage? It seems like a waste of time. I want death and if there is a Paradise after this life or even nothingness, I would rather experience that than this disgusting life. If I am to live, I only want true love, that's my heaven on earth itself.

I want all scum humans to die and I want only animals to stay in this world. I know they are probably feeling very peaceful and free due to this coronavirus.

I just want to be free, I want my soul to fly away into the heavens.
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Chronic illness that leaves me in chronic pain. It developed over the last few years, I’m 41 and had a really great life despite lots of challenges. I’m so distraught that I have no option but to ctb due to intolerable pain, lack of ability to work and support myself. I also have children. It’s a literal living nightmare.
Hello. Sorry to hear of your pain and suffering. I hate hearing when any animal suffers, even the human species. I recently f'd up my knee... I already have bad feet and my lower back....not so good. I've had to rely on my strong knees and thighs and arms- but recently I have developed tendinitis in both inner elbows, neck to get me thru....but loosing a knee, OMG, really is a problem! I am totally unsure if I can do my lifting job.....and I am so burned out from healthcare.....I am really realising now, at 39, how much the toll if all the emotion destress, being a female in very intense occupations and a tough upbringing, has taken a toll on my health! I have no answers right now...I just have to really deal with this... Of course I want the best for you, though that offers not too much...
I'm unable to limit it to two or three reasons because my whole life itself is driving me to kill myself, I'll try.

1. I have possibly lost the one I love because I was too late. Maybe, it's my fault that he said goodbye. If he doesn't come back or if he finds someone else, I will end it. We were perfect for each other, the two of us could have been so happy together but the situation is such, we met too late.

2. My life, the constant pain and suffering I've been through since I was born and the depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses I have because of it. I used to be so lively even though I was miserable, at least I had a bit of adventure in my life four years ago with my ex bestfriend and sister of 8 years who in the end, used me, betrayed me, left me and ruined my life. Those wonderful days I had with her before she got corrupted and turned selfish and vile are gone and the worser trauma I went through three years ago because of her took a toll on my peace of mind, I got really messed up and after that, I started my CTB plan. Everything I loved, left me and it all slipped away. I've never been truly happy and now, I can't enjoy anything anymore. I want to escape from this brain which is the additional cause of my pain. I'm so ugly on the outside and inside, I have nothing left of me. I've lost everything in life and I'm empty. I would rather end my life.

3. I simply never had a longing for this life, everyone is so fascinated by this worldly life but I was always detached from it. The fancy cars, expensive brands, having a shit ton of money, diamonds, going on holidays, five star hotels, none of it ever appealed to me even throughout my teen years... it's hollow. I always knew life is vile and pointless. One day, we all die and all of this means nothing. This is exactly why I left sixth form, I didn't want a job and I didn't want to study. I always saw money as just paper, I never cared for it. I knew what I only wanted was true love and marriage and I knew if I get married, I'll never consider working and I would rather be a housewife. That was my dream growing up. I can still remember 16 year old me, I always thought in my head that one day we will all die so what's the point in doing anything? What's the point in studying if I know I'll leave the job once I have a child after marriage? It seems like a waste of time. I want death and if there is a Paradise after this life or even nothingness, I would rather experience that than this disgusting life. If I am to live, I only want true love, that's my heaven on earth itself.

I want all scum humans to die and I want only animals to stay in this world. I know they are probably feeling very peaceful and free due to this coronavirus.

I just want to be free, I want my soul to fly away into the heavens.
However many reasons you have, 1million, would be fine with me! :) questioning. I have no answers, but what I have seen....well, "expirience is the greatest teacher"....a quote from whom, I can't recall...I hope true love for you... I have two pretty good friends, of which I am grateful!. I'm such an introvert, and they are both more extroverted....that's helpful for me, but I am still thinking and acting planning ctb for if it gets too cray ..my family don't really care about me...I hope you find a couple or a few people or more!, who accept you for who you are.... little I can offer.
 
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Raven Moon

Raven Moon

Wizard
Feb 14, 2019
686
2,112
1. Mental/physical issues, severe abuse and trauma. It has not and will never improve
2. Failed life due to unbelievably bad luck and a few of my own mistakes
3. Existential crisis- life is just a pointless, boring endeavor for me. Work, to live, to die. I exist purely for the sake of existing and that's no life.
 
Hollow Point

Hollow Point

A̵l̷w̷a̷y̸s̷ ̷t̸i̸r̵e̸d̶
Mar 24, 2020
117
428
1. I'm tired of living on the streets, and bouncing back has repeatedly proven to be impossible

2. I have no good relationship to speak of with my family, and I have cut off any friends I had years and years ago

3. My existence is similar to a parasite. I made a little change for myself but rely on handouts from others for food and shelter. This has been going on for too long to still justify feeling ok with
It.
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

.....
Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Mostly the economic fallout from the corona hoax. The installation of full dictatorship, communism. I’m worried about how I’ll be able to take care of myself financially in the future. I’m an addict and dysfunctional lol! If I didn’t have the mental health issues I would try to survive this. But I think I might not be able to make good decisions due to irrational thoughts and paranoia lol! I left out the issues with borderline personality disorder untreated.
Paranoai, I can pretty much understand this, what u feel...I can't say exactly, as I am not you........an exit strategy, that can be a psychological relief for some of us humans. Unfortunately, the masses don't understand this.........
 
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Inferdan

Inferdan

'Til death tears me apart
Nov 3, 2019
291
2,236
I'm sorry for not writing a longer answer, but I'm exhausted and feeling like absolute shit right now. Haven't slept at all, and it's 5:17am. Well, here I go.

My three main reasons:
-Hatred for everything. The world and the society of it, the past and the trauma of it, my mistakes and guilts/regrets, and the constant pain and confusion of the present, and the horribly tough decision of whether to tolerate this shitty world for the fleeting good moments or just ctb and be done with it.
-The pain. There's many of them. Pain of the trauma, of the guilts and regrets, pain of living, of socialising, of thinking constantly, of simply a shit day...it never ends.
-The confusion. The turmoil that tortures me every day. A never ending debate that argues with so many reasons why I should or should not die. And if is start feeling too goodness and the decision seems easier, life will fuck me over and out me back on the spot. Same goes to feeling absolutely horrible, something good comes along and throws me right back into indecision. It's like life is toying with me. I hate it. Oh, wrong reason.

Well, this turned out longer than expected. Guess it turned into me half-venting, idk. Well, I'm done here. Hope everyone's day gets a little better, even by a small bit. Cherish the little things, it's all we have.
 
danilion

danilion

Member
Nov 24, 2019
54
51
I have ZERO people in my life that care about me. I am not exaggerating, either. Not one person has reached out to me since quarantine...and, well before that, no one did then either. But in the face of a pandemic...literally no one cares that I am alive. No text messages, phone calls or anything.

I have worked in long term care before and given how miserable my life has been and the lack of family I have, I am not dying alone in a senior home wearing diapers. It is sad to begin with but given that no one visits me in my mid-age, no one will be around in my senior years either. I have given up on people/family and just want off this planet.

I should add a third reason because it very valid in my life - TRAUMA. I have CPTSD and I am sick of the symptoms. I was once a great parent, had a great career that I worked hard for and had a bunch of friends. Now, I have literally nothing. Kids dont want anything to do with me, my parents who were abusive have influenced my kids and I burned bridges with friends. I isolate now. Surviving on disability and no one cares about me at all. Whatever. I hope they dont pretend to care once I am gone. That would piss me off. I guess this goes under the category of mental illness. I also have borderline personality disorder, which makes me feel less than human and I can't survive in this world. I feel like I was meant to have a troubled life and die early from a young age.
 
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suzylou

suzylou

Member
Mar 10, 2020
37
72
1. terrible mental health which has only gotten worse over time, making it difficult to sustainably be a normal person... i feel like even if i werent depressed, my anxiety and bpd would still be debilitating

2. terrible things have happened to me and it feels like they will always be following me around and im afraid of them getting worse, so i like having the ability to ctb in my back pocket so i can always jump ship when things get too tough

3. im deeply miserable about my existence and circumstances of my life in unchangeable ways. sometimes it feels like even if everything is perfect, there's still inescapable stuff all around me and it's so tiring and i can't see me lasting longer through it lol
 
danilion

danilion

Member
Nov 24, 2019
54
51
1. I'm tired of living on the streets, and bouncing back has repeatedly proven to be impossible

2. I have no good relationship to speak of with my family, and I have cut off any friends I had years and years ago

3. My existence is similar to a parasite. I made a little change for myself but rely on handouts from others for food and shelter. This has been going on for too long to still justify feeling ok with
It.
So many of us feel this way. It is too bad we can't all unite and help eachother. I know it is just wishful thinking because most of us wouldn't trust anyone or reach out anyway.
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

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Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Just one, I made some mistakes in the past that I can't fix, my life worthless
Mistakes... That's yours to question..... I beat- myself- up for the end of my best friendship with my best friend of youth, who was a homosexual male.....it was when I fell under my religious spelll, from my family.....I can't go into too much details here, because it is sooo painful and confusing I just don't have it in me to indulge at the moment......but mistakes, trust, you're not alone...not saying this short expo. means much....it's such a looooong story....
1. I'm tired of living on the streets, and bouncing back has repeatedly proven to be impossible

2. I have no good relationship to speak of with my family, and I have cut off any friends I had years and years ago

3. My existence is similar to a parasite. I made a little change for myself but rely on handouts from others for food and shelter. This has been going on for too long to still justify feeling ok with
It.
Hello. I have read some of your past posts which I do totally salute you, btw!. I have never been without, which I do fear! Until my recent knee injury, I've always been sorta reletively equipped, making up for my lacking....I don't know how else to say it.....I feel I am going to be dependent, though really, I have always been if I think on it.....I have always felt, I didn't deserve anything good....
1. Mental/physical issues, severe abuse and trauma. It has not and will never improve
2. Failed life due to unbelievably bad luck and a few of my own mistakes
3. Existential crisis- life is just a pointless, boring endeavor for me. Work, to live, to die. I exist purely for the sake of existing and that's no life.
I hate the merely existing. That is a type of pain many don't understand....what do we, that expience this, do? I don't know? I am in a similar situation...
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

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Mar 15, 2020
298
628
Mental illness, physical illness, and I don't fit here because I'm overly sensitive
Over sensitivities is a good one to mention....because you can often feel intense negativity on this planet that 'mainstream' people cannot understand! though it should be nothing to dismiss casually, as many of other people feel life is more stress than it's worth... But there's a 'who cares attitude' towards the ladder, as is done, unfortunately..
 
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A

Aonewayticketplease

Member
Jun 3, 2019
95
117
Hello to all. I was reading another thread and I got inspired that this would be a purposeful question to ask and answer...We shall see...:).....Here are my reasons to want to exit the stage, in no real particular order:
1. Failed Relationships - and realizing that the concept of love among humans is pretty much all about lust. Very rarely do I see couples that are content, and it really bothers me when I see so many children caught in the middle of their lies and chaos....There seems to be a constant drive in humans which makes them NEVER satisfied....I don't think humans will ever evolve out of their primitive nature. I think humans will always be selfish, competitive, and aggressive. Bear in mind- this is my opinion and observations..
2. I have a fear of getting old. I worked the last 9 years in hospice/pallitive care....Though I do have fond memories of some of my patients, but even if I like them as people, it doesn't seem to be a strong enough driver for me to really feel "satisfied".....I am also childfree female... I don't think I have a strong drive to take care of anyone and I get to feeling resentful and overworked especially when I struggle to keep my shit together..I basically did it for the money.....Maybe it's because I have aspburgers, bpd....I just never felt an urge to nurture anyone and people really frustrate me. I would rather be in more mobile career, and I found one, but my body cannot take the abuse anymore...I hate workplace politics, though as I get repeatedly abused in the workforce in a lowpaying female centric careeer, my give a damn is busted....My mom used to tell me "you'll feel better about yourself if you care for other people." I don't find that to be the case for me....Nor did i see that affect with her.....I felt like she was being dishonest with me....I also see the way humans treat non-human species, and that makes me sick....I watched a documentary titled "Our Planet" on episode I forget, the elephants and hippos wandering thru the desert looking for water, that was taken from them due to a human built damn.....I just wanted to cbt right on the spot. That was painful to watch....
3. I am just tired of working and feeling physical pain. I am also tired of my depression and anxiety.....
1. Oddly enough when I had firearms I never considered suicide. I totally miss IDPA and not being able to do it is depressing.
2. A good income.
3. A warm climate.
 
littlemisssunshine

littlemisssunshine

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Feb 19, 2020
55
211
- my son and his special needs/ constant violence / abuse towards me and becoming totally isolated because of it all
- my ex boyfriend and his abuse towards me.
- my bpd - knowing I can’t accept anything better than the above lol