Well, it was nice while it lasted.

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DepressoEspresso

DepressoEspresso

Member
Dec 27, 2019
11
32
It's been around 8-9 months since I started Vyvanse. Throughout my experience I've been mostly depression free. Though I never felt happy to be alive or anything. The thought of death never left my mind. I'm taking 80mg daily of Vyvanse in divided doses and my depression once again is adapting to it. Just like every other medication I have tried. I'm beyond tired of experimenting with different medicines. Time to go electrocute my brain I guess. I've got nothing to lose at this point. I wake up, take amphetamines, do monotonous course work, eat, and sleep. Rinse and repeat. No friends, no relationships, just life finding every opportunity to shove me back to the ground. Right as I finally begin to pick myself back up. There's really only one permanent solution to treatment resistant depression and it's the one I've been trying to avoid for nearly a decade. Years of meditation, DBT, and CBT prove to be a wasted effort. I'm beginning to believe I'm beyond help.

I hope nobody else can relate because I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
 
mathieu

mathieu

Elementalist
Jun 5, 2019
722
1,210
So sorry that Vyvanse is no longer working for you. I had a similar reprieve in my depression when I first took Lamictal. But it stopped working and doesn't do anything now. It's such a tease to feel what it's like to feel good for a while, only to crash back into misery.
 
Q

qwerty_in_me

Member
Mar 30, 2020
11
14
aight bud here's one last thing for you to try-relationships.
any kind will do, friends, romantic partners, companions just so long as it's human connection and do try to stir up your routine as much as possible.
if you are wondering "Well how do I meet new people?", that's simple- a do-or-die attitude and the utilization of that lacking fear of death!
Just walk up to some random strangers and start a convo! what kind? -quantum physics -the ISS -history of magic or really whatever comes to mind, after all if it goes south it's not much worse than death!
 
T

timf

Member
Mar 26, 2020
25
30
A monotonous grind can seem pointless and depressing. If one looks at life as a spectrum one can see at one end is a lot of suffering and at the other end real happiness. Mid way is a realm of boredom. Often people work their way out of suffering only to find boredom and then find that their restlessness leads them to chose paths that lead back to suffering.

The key to enter the land of happiness, is to decrease the seeking of things for self and live more for what can be done for others. New parents often find that the love for their children grows as they surrender their own interests for that of their children. Buddhists consider the key to enlightenment the conquest of desire. However, this often leads to a type of numbness that can be a poor substitute for real happiness.

You might want to find a opportunity to serve others in something as simple as helping someone move. While gratitude is not often encountered, the self-knowledge of how others have been helped can bring a sense of meaning and purpose that can fill life with satisfaction.
 
Final Escape

Final Escape

Existing somewhere between life and death
Jul 8, 2018
4,001
12,224
It's been around 8-9 months since I started Vyvanse. Throughout my experience I've been mostly depression free. Though I never felt happy to be alive or anything. The thought of death never left my mind. I'm taking 80mg daily of Vyvanse in divided doses and my depression once again is adapting to it. Just like every other medication I have tried. I'm beyond tired of experimenting with different medicines. Time to go electrocute my brain I guess. I've got nothing to lose at this point. I wake up, take amphetamines, do monotonous course work, eat, and sleep. Rinse and repeat. No friends, no relationships, just life finding every opportunity to shove me back to the ground. Right as I finally begin to pick myself back up. There's really only one permanent solution to treatment resistant depression and it's the one I've been trying to avoid for nearly a decade. Years of meditation, DBT, and CBT prove to be a wasted effort. I'm beginning to believe I'm beyond help.

I hope nobody else can relate because I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
Vyvanse will make u wish you were dead. Same with adderall, Ritalin, Dexedrine, etc. stimulants help at first but then can lead to suicide after awhile. They mess up your brain chemicals and u will be depressed after daily use. Your brain can’t cope trying to make more dopamine fast enough to keep up with the constant assault on it.
 
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FriendofDeath

FriendofDeath

Member
May 22, 2020
38
41
It's been around 8-9 months since I started Vyvanse. Throughout my experience I've been mostly depression free. Though I never felt happy to be alive or anything. The thought of death never left my mind. I'm taking 80mg daily of Vyvanse in divided doses and my depression once again is adapting to it. Just like every other medication I have tried. I'm beyond tired of experimenting with different medicines. Time to go electrocute my brain I guess. I've got nothing to lose at this point. I wake up, take amphetamines, do monotonous course work, eat, and sleep. Rinse and repeat. No friends, no relationships, just life finding every opportunity to shove me back to the ground. Right as I finally begin to pick myself back up. There's really only one permanent solution to treatment resistant depression and it's the one I've been trying to avoid for nearly a decade. Years of meditation, DBT, and CBT prove to be a wasted effort. I'm beginning to believe I'm beyond help.

I hope nobody else can relate because I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
I have been through many anti-depressants, too. Some I rejected very quickly due to the cost. My psychiatrist had me do a test - I can't remember now what bodily fluid I had to submit, but the results were supposed to show which medications would be best for me. Only 1 came up in the best column - Pristiq. I started it and found it numbed me, which at the time I really needed. It's a strange feeling to say "I love you" when you are trying to mean it but your heart and brain are like, "Whatever." Pristiq has a really short period when it is in your system, and if I missed a dose I'd get headaches that did not respond to meds. I also had a reaction which took me a long time to recognize - bruxism. And it got bad. My mouth pain did me in and I went off Pristiq and am back on my first depression med, Prozac. Like you I am considering electric shock. I'm also supposed to check into Ketamine and Trans Magnetic Therapy. Cost is definitely an issue for the last 2 , and the Trans Magnetic is done over weeks! There's something called the Fischer-Wallace. I don't know if it's effective or not. You can buy online, sort of over the counter now (used to need a prescription), but I think it's anywhere from $200-$400. So far I'm doing okay back on Prozac. I'm in survival mode.
 
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