Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide!

By registering with us, you'll be able to discuss, share and private message with other members of our community.

Sign Up Now!

Help Was a groomed?

Illias

Illias

Meh
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
804
When I was 15/16 I was on d app Whisper and one guys messaged me and wanted to talk on Kik. Fast forwarding-he was way older, was about to be divorced and had 2 children. We were in a long distance relationship and genuinely liked each other(at least I did) he talked to each other everyday about stuff, it lasted for a few months and we planned on meeting when I turned 18 cause he didn’t wanna get in trouble.
Was I groomed? Everything was consensual, I wanted to be with him, I liked him, and at the time I also wanted to meet him.
It only lasted a few months because at the end I ghosted him from every app we talked on and never talked to him again. I had a weird feeling and suddenly I felt disgusted with myself and very grossed out.
im wondering if I was being groomed cause I was only 15/16, some people think that until you’re 18 you can’t consent but some people think otherwise. I do think that children can’t consent but isn’t 15/16 a bit too old to not be able to consent? I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad.
 
mathieu

mathieu

Illuminated
Joined
Jun 5, 2019
Messages
1,048
Well where I live 16 is the age of consent so at least legally it you can consent to sex at that age. It doesn’t sound like you guys had sex.
 
UpsidedownStar

UpsidedownStar

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
31
I'd say so, yeah. It's not always entirely about being unable to consent, but the power imbalance. This person was old enough to be your father, from the sound of it. As someone who was also groomed (at age 7), the opposite party is completely aware of the repercussions of their actions and can hold that power over you.
 
Illias

Illias

Meh
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
804
Well where I live 16 is the age of consent so at least legally it you can consent to sex at that age. It doesn’t sound like you guys had sex.
Age of consent is 15 here but we didn’t have sex. We did have sex through texting and he did have sexual intentions. At that time I didn’t realize I was asexual yet
I'd say so, yeah. It's not always entirely about being unable to consent, but the power imbalance. This person was old enough to be your father, from the sound of it. As someone who was also groomed (at age 7), the opposite party is completely aware of the repercussions of their actions and can hold that power over you.
I see, I’m pretty sure he knew exactly what he was getting into since he didn’t wanna meet up until I was 18. Huh...still not sure about it tho because the age of consent is 15 here
 
A

Aap

Illuminated
Joined
Apr 26, 2020
Messages
1,010
He was married with two kids and only wanted an online sexting relationship. The 18 thing was just a plausible excuse why he wouldn’t meet you. He had no intention of waiting 3 years.
 
H

HadEnough1974

I try to be funny...
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
581
When I was 15/16 I was on d app Whisper and one guys messaged me and wanted to talk on Kik. Fast forwarding-he was way older, was about to be divorced and had 2 children. We were in a long distance relationship and genuinely liked each other(at least I did) he talked to each other everyday about stuff, it lasted for a few months and we planned on meeting when I turned 18 cause he didn’t wanna get in trouble.
Was I groomed? Everything was consensual, I wanted to be with him, I liked him, and at the time I also wanted to meet him.
It only lasted a few months because at the end I ghosted him from every app we talked on and never talked to him again. I had a weird feeling and suddenly I felt disgusted with myself and very grossed out.
im wondering if I was being groomed cause I was only 15/16, some people think that until you’re 18 you can’t consent but some people think otherwise. I do think that children can’t consent but isn’t 15/16 a bit too old to not be able to consent? I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad.
Oh boy... where to begin?

“I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad”.

What did you like about him? Why did you chat with him for so long and what made you decide to ghost him?

Did he cause you any emotional, psychological or sexual trauma?

Did he make you feel uncomfortable? Make you do things you did not want you to do?

The question you ask, “was I groomed”, only you can answer that question because only you have all the facts and only you know all the details.

Looking back, you feel “dirty”. It sounds to me like someone told you that you were groomed and that seed is growing in your mind.

Preying on vulnerable people is disgusting, and if this person took advantage of you in any way, it’s a terrible thing and I am truly sorry for your pain if such is the case.

“Was I groomed?” was the question. My response is, only you have the answer to that question.

Peace
 
Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
792
It's very hard to say with just what you told us, these situations are usually very complex and always enter in a gray area of legality/morality.

But one thing that I can say for sure is that older adults usually don't get into these types of relationships because they are looking for love or even a healthy relationship. Teenagers are the most uninteresting kind of person for someone with any degree of maturity, and it's very easy for young people with less life experiences to get infatuated with someone older who shows interest in them. They might think that they know what they want, but the reality is that only the older person is the one who knows what they are looking for and know what to say to get it.

Just ask yourself. What kind of adult with children tries to have a relationship with a 15 year old?

Obviously, this may not be the case and his intentions could've been 'pure'... But that's extremely unlikely. I think you dodged a bullet.
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
1,968
When I was 15/16 I was on d app Whisper and one guys messaged me and wanted to talk on Kik. Fast forwarding-he was way older, was about to be divorced and had 2 children. We were in a long distance relationship and genuinely liked each other(at least I did) he talked to each other everyday about stuff, it lasted for a few months and we planned on meeting when I turned 18 cause he didn’t wanna get in trouble.
Was I groomed? Everything was consensual, I wanted to be with him, I liked him, and at the time I also wanted to meet him.
It only lasted a few months because at the end I ghosted him from every app we talked on and never talked to him again. I had a weird feeling and suddenly I felt disgusted with myself and very grossed out.
im wondering if I was being groomed cause I was only 15/16, some people think that until you’re 18 you can’t consent but some people think otherwise. I do think that children can’t consent but isn’t 15/16 a bit too old to not be able to consent? I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad.
If you were 15/16 and the age of consent where you live is 15, then you definitely were not 'groomed'. That term refers specifically to behaviours performed by an adult upon a minor to desensitize them to sexual matters.

As to whether he was stringing you along for casual sex while you thought it was more serious, that is a social question rather than a legal one.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
5,760
If you had a creepy feeling, then he was creepy. If you had a dirty feeling, I'd say that indicates his behaviors were predatory. But grooming behaviors are, I think, a pretty specific set of behaviors, so rather than allow anyone to define and label your experience for you, either to confirm it or negate it, I think it would be wise to research sexual predatory grooming behaviors and determine for yourself if that's what you experienced.

As far as predators go, as well as those who groom, something they do is greenlighting. They will do something, usually early on, that sends up a red flag to see if you will override that red flag or if they can convince you to override it. Then they will progress to worse and worse behaviors and continue to test for greenlighting. It sounds to me from what you wrote that he wasn't able to push you past certain limits and you disengaged.
 
StellaArtoix

StellaArtoix

Veteran
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
122
When I was 15/16 I was on d app Whisper and one guys messaged me and wanted to talk on Kik. Fast forwarding-he was way older, was about to be divorced and had 2 children. We were in a long distance relationship and genuinely liked each other(at least I did) he talked to each other everyday about stuff, it lasted for a few months and we planned on meeting when I turned 18 cause he didn’t wanna get in trouble.
Was I groomed? Everything was consensual, I wanted to be with him, I liked him, and at the time I also wanted to meet him.
It only lasted a few months because at the end I ghosted him from every app we talked on and never talked to him again. I had a weird feeling and suddenly I felt disgusted with myself and very grossed out.
im wondering if I was being groomed cause I was only 15/16, some people think that until you’re 18 you can’t consent but some people think otherwise. I do think that children can’t consent but isn’t 15/16 a bit too old to not be able to consent? I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad.
It doesnt matter whether you may believe that your old enough at 15 or 16 to consent because its about what the law states and in most countries i think the age of consent is 18yrs of age. That said if this guy was involved in a relationship with you when you were under 18 and therefore under the age of consent, then what he did was not only illegal but also in my mind was in effect grooming. In addition he was a married man with children. He absolutely knew better than to engage in a relationship with a minor because as you said "he didnt want to get in trouble" by seeing you when you were not 18 yrs of age.
Did you eventually meet up? I wonder if you ended up having sex with this guy. Often i hear in situations like this that once the guys finally get to have sex with that person theyve been grooming they then leave because its about the hunt for them and once theyve got what they came for the fun is over and they move onto their next conquest. Im not saying thats what happened here with you its only something that i have read about. But what that guy did was wrong. As the adult he should have known better. I understand what its like when your 15 or 16 and you feel like your old enough to consent, but the fact is legally your not. Im really sad for you that he took advantage of you.I hope that your ok? This was not your fault and I really hope that you understand that. Yes I believe you were groomed. You said you knew what you were doing, I dont doubt thats how you felt, but you were too young to really know what you were doing and the implications of that. Im really sorry that happened to you. Im glad to hear your no longer in a relationship with him. Please be kind to yourself you deserve better.
 
Rocket1Rocket1

Rocket1Rocket1

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
63
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I don't see how this is related to "general suicide". Shouldn't this thread be in offtopic?
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
1,968
It may need to be reiterated that 'grooming' is a legal/clinical term with specific reference to the age of consent in the relevant location.

That said, you may certainly still feel that you were taken advantage of, but this is not 'grooming' in any accurate sense of the term. What you experienced could just as easily (and lawfully) occur between people of differing levels of power or maturity at any age in their lifetimes (as long as above the age of consent).

A more apt title for this thread might have been 'Was I taken advantage of?'.
 
Illias

Illias

Meh
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
804
It doesnt matter whether you may believe that your old enough at 15 or 16 to consent because its about what the law states and in most countries i think the age of consent is 18yrs of age. That said if this guy was involved in a relationship with you when you were under 18 and therefore under the age of consent, then what he did was not only illegal but also in my mind was in effect grooming. In addition he was a married man with children. He absolutely knew better than to engage in a relationship with a minor because as you said "he didnt want to get in trouble" by seeing you when you were not 18 yrs of age.
Did you eventually meet up? I wonder if you ended up having sex with this guy. Often i hear in situations like this that once the guys finally get to have sex with that person theyve been grooming they then leave because its about the hunt for them and once theyve got what they came for the fun is over and they move onto their next conquest. Im not saying thats what happened here with you its only something that i have read about. But what that guy did was wrong. As the adult he should have known better. I understand what its like when your 15 or 16 and you feel like your old enough to consent, but the fact is legally your not. Im really sad for you that he took advantage of you.I hope that your ok? This was not your fault and I really hope that you understand that. Yes I believe you were groomed. You said you knew what you were doing, I dont doubt thats how you felt, but you were too young to really know what you were doing and the implications of that. Im really sorry that happened to you. Im glad to hear your no longer in a relationship with him. Please be kind to yourself you deserve better.
We didn’t end up having sex, we didn’t meet up irl because I already ghosted him before that cause I was scared. It was as if this trigger in my head was pulled and I suddenly realized that everything I’ve been doing with him was insane and gross and had to stop
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
938
I agree with much of what the commenters thus far have said. The only thing I would add is that age of consent is a legal term and in fact rather arbitrary, as evidenced by the wide discrepancies in this age across countries. The idea that one day you can be taken advantage of, but the next enough we’re of sound mind to make the decision is ridiculous, but we do need some objective standard for legal purposes.

The power differential is key. Grooming usually involves intent to engage in a romantic or sexual relationship with a minor. Given that the individual always planned to hold off meeting until you were 18, I’m not sure I would consider it “grooming” in the legal sense. I think the more important point is that with the age differential, power dynamic, and variance in life situations, it likely would not have been a positive interaction for you. You eventually came to this realization anyway.

I try not to make broad assumptions about age differentials as there are so many factors at play, and so many examples of positive relationships with large age gaps. I like to use Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black as a rather public example.
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
1,968
I agree with much of what the commenters thus far have said. The only thing I would add is that age of consent is a legal term and in fact rather arbitrary, as evidenced by the wide discrepancies in this age across countries. The idea that one day you can be taken advantage of, but the next enough we’re of sound mind to make the decision is ridiculous, but we do need some objective standard for legal purposes.

The power differential is key. Grooming usually involves intent to engage in a romantic or sexual relationship with a minor. Given that the individual always planned to hold off meeting until you were 18, I’m not sure I would consider it “grooming” in the legal sense. I think the more important point is that with the age differential, power dynamic, and variance in life situations, it likely would not have been a positive interaction for you. You eventually came to this realization anyway.

I try not to make broad assumptions about age differentials as there are so many factors at play, and so many examples of positive relationships with large age gaps. I like to use Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black as a rather public example.
Even if the male hadn't planned on holding off until OP was over 18, it still isn't grooming in the legal sense because the age of consent where they were was 15.

I'm not quite sure why a number of respondents here aren't grasping this basic principle from the OP's first post where they clearly explained this.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
5,760
How to Identify Grooming and What to Do if You See It - Women Against Crime | Albuquerque, New Mexico

If you’ve ever talked to your women friends about a friend who is or has fallen prey to a predatory scheme, you may have heard the following:

How could she fall for that?
Can’t she see how fake he is?
Why can’t she just leave him?


We’ve talked about the cycle of abuse and the complicated psychological reasons women go back to obvious abusers. But there is also another factor at play in predatory schemes: grooming.

How Predators Ensnare Good People

Grooming is a tool that predators use to gain the trust of a target, and ultimately manipulate that trust to gain sexual, monetary, or other advantages. You may have heard the term as it applies to children, but adults can also groom other adults. In fact, some adults may use other adults, and particularly women, to help them in their grooming.

As with other forms of manipulation, grooming is not a simple cut-and-dry technique. It plays on an individual’s insecurities and, even in a strong-minded person, can wreak havoc psychologically.
Recognizing grooming for what it is can help you avoid being groomed yourself or help you support a friend survive a predator.

The Stages of Grooming

Master manipulators use grooming to get what they want out of someone, whether it’s sex, morally questionable behavior, money, or something else. (Does Dirty John ring a bell?)
Whether the target is an adult or child, the stages of grooming by the predator toward their target are typically the same:
  • Friendship-forming: The predator will work to determine a target’s candidacy by asking questions about the target’s life and gauging their vulnerability, and also getting contact information such as social media handles or phone number.
  • Relationship-forming: The predator works to gain the target’s trust, often through secret-sharing or by fulfilling a need. For instance, they may run errands for the victim or pay for bills. The predator may also share a secret that “only the target can know”, then ask for a similar secret to level the playing field.
  • Threat-gauging: The predator will engage in a risk assessment to determine how accessible the victim truly is. This is more common among predators who are grooming children, but can also happen with adults who will check a target’s relationship strength with friends, family, and roommates.
  • Isolation: The predator will begin distancing the target from friends or family. This can be done in multiple ways, including surprisingly positive methods such as compliments and favors. The predator may tell the intended victim that they feel an especially strong connection to them, or that they understand each other in a special way that no one else can get. Control is the predator’s intent. By appearing calm and concerning, the predator is seeking to increase their influence over the victim to advance their agenda.
  • Abuse: In this phase, the predator will start to use the target to meet their needs. With children this is generally sexual in nature, but predators will use victims for money, to accomplish morally questionable things for them, or even just to fill an emotional need.
  • Maintenance: Once the victim is doing what the predator wants, the predator will work to keep them under control through various means. These methods can include gas-lighting (telling the victim their feelings are crazy or unreasonable), destroying the victim’s self-esteem, or continuing the isolate the victim from their loved ones.
Grooming is a common tool of con-men, pedophiles, and those with narcissistic personality disorder. The results to a victim can be catastrophic, in terms of loss of self-esteem and personal safety, psychological trauma, and harm to the victim’s financial resources and personal wealth.

Flying Monkeys and Grooming

Abuse by proxy is another tactic that can be part of grooming. In this situation, an abuser will use others outside of the relationship to inflict further harm on the victim or even convince them to stay with the abuser. These third-parties are called “flying monkeys” in popular culture because they resemble the team used by the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz.

Most often, flying monkeys have no idea they are being used to groom a subject, because they have been convinced by the predator that he’s not a bad guy and his intentions are correct. They are often the abuser’s friends or family (especially spouses, girlfriends, children, friends, or siblings), enlisted by the predator to dismiss the victim’s concerns. A manipulator may also convince the victim’s friends or family members to side with him, or even authority figures such as police officers or pastors to side with the abuser rather than the victim.

What to Do if You See Grooming Behavior

If you believe that your child is being groomed by a pedophile or adult predator, you should immediately take steps to eliminate or at least limit your child’s interaction with the person. You should also ask your child about their relationship and maintain open conversation with your child, offering a safe place to talk without judgment. Remember: the predator may have told your child that you are not a trustworthy person. You may also be unable to see the impending abuse right away if the abuser has put himself in a position of trust in your life.

Children who have been groomed and are undergoing abuse may withdraw from their normal lives. You may notice behavioral changes at home or new problems at school. The abuser may be working very hard to keep you from seeing what’s going on.

If a friend or loved one is the subject of grooming, it’s important to keep open lines of communication with them. Help them talk through their issues and point out where the abuser may be overstepping, such as:
  • Asking for access to monetary resources
  • Spending too much time alone with the victim
  • Pulling the victim away from loved ones
Remind your friend that you are there for them, no matter what, and encourage them to get away from the abuser. Remember that because of the manipulation in play, your friend may get mad at you for trying to take them away from the groomer. Be patient and prepared as you would with any abuse victim.

If you believe you are the subject of grooming, take steps to ensure your safety before removing yourself from the relationship. Abusers will often lash out against their victims when they try to leave, and even if the groomer isn’t violent, this can lead to devastating consequences.

The best thing you can do for any survivor of any abuse, whether it started with grooming or not, is to offer yourself as an unconditional friend without judgment. That includes not judging yourself if you’ve fallen for a manipulative scheme, no matter what kind of damage it wreaked on your life. Manipulators are experts at using grooming tactics to get what they want out of people, even if that means destroying the victim in the process. It’s never the victim’s fault.
 
lunatic

lunatic

Disorganized schizophrenic
Joined
Jul 11, 2020
Messages
15
I’d say yes you were groomed. I experienced something similar when I was 13/14 with a guy that was 23, and at the time I thought it was consensual but looking back now at 26 I feel disgusted. Age of consent here is 15 but there is no way I’d date even a 20 year old, much less a 15 year old. I don’t care if it’s legal, I see teenagers as children and we all know what an adult who wants to mess around with kids is.
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
938
Even if the male hadn't planned on holding off until OP was over 18, it still isn't grooming in the legal sense because the age of consent where they were was 15.

I'm not quite sure why a number of respondents here aren't grasping this basic principle from the OP's first post where they clearly explained this.
Very true. I missed this detail and was thinking of laws in my own country. The other points regarding age differential and power dynamic still stand, though.
 
StellaArtoix

StellaArtoix

Veteran
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
122
We didn’t end up having sex, we didn’t meet up irl because I already ghosted him before that cause I was scared. It was as if this trigger in my head was pulled and I suddenly realized that everything I’ve been doing with him was insane and gross and had to stop
That trigger in your head worked very well. Im so glad you were able to come away from an awful and i imagine really confusing situation before it got any worse. Grooming or not, that word has certainly caused some debate in this thread. Regardless of what people say this is your story, your experience. If the word grooming and what it means to you fits your situation then it is the correct term to use. Im sad that you were exposed to someone who did not respect you. Its really confusing when your young and meet someone who you really relate to and you start to develop feelings for them. Ive been in exactly that situation before when i was your age, so i think i have a fairly good understanding of some of the feelings you may have had. The guy i met was also married and had children. I "knew" that what I was doing wasnt right, he was married with children, alot older than me BUT he made me feel so good about myself. He made me feel wanted, loved, desired. Everything i thought i wanted in a relationship he gave me. He also made me feel like i was older than my years and that I was "mature for my age". It wasnt to some years later when i heard that "your really mature for your age" is a common thread used by men just like him preying on young girls. I was so naive at the time but that was far from what I thought I was at the time. My brother found out about the relationship and went around to his house to see his wife. I was so angry with him because i felt i was old enough to look after myself, old enough to know what I was doing and to be in a relationship with someone almost twice my age, married with children. Its a very confusing time of life, when your learning the rules around relationships. You were very lucky that your instinct kicked in and you were able to stand back and look at the situation realising it was not a good place for you. It took me a bit longer and unfortunately i was having a sexual relationship with this guy. There are alot of hard lessons we sometimes have to learn in life. Im just glad that your safe and that you have learned from this experience. Your worth so much more. Take care.
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
1,968
I’d say yes you were groomed. I experienced something similar when I was 13/14 with a guy that was 23, and at the time I thought it was consensual but looking back now at 26 I feel disgusted. Age of consent here is 15 but there is no way I’d date even a 20 year old, much less a 15 year old. I don’t care if it’s legal, I see teenagers as children and we all know what an adult who wants to mess around with kids is.
The difference is in your situation, it actually was grooming because you were 13/14 and the age of consent where you were was 15.

Your understandable disgust at your own illegal scenario doesn't give your opinions any more credibility in judging a different, fully legal scenario.

Saying things like 'I don't care if it's legal' tends worryingly towards undertones of vigilantism, and really isn't a useful response. It also suggests the extent to which your own negative experiences may be clouding your judgement of other, more lawful scenarios.

In a more general sense, it doesn't help for others to suggest that if grooming is the term that 'feels right' for you, then to use it regardless. The importance of having an established body of medical or legal terms is that they are used consistently and without ambiguity.

There is also a false equivalence in presenting use of the term 'grooming' in regards to adult financial or other predatory behaviours as evidence that the term can also be used flexibly in reference to adult/teen interactions. Use of the term for adult financial scamming clearly has no overlap or potential misinterpretation with the illegal activities of child sexual grooming. Whereas using the term for lawful adult/teen interactions is dangerously close to being confused or conflated with illegal child sexual practices.

I hope this post is not taken as a dismissal of the OP's concerns. It is merely intended to educate and, when it comes to legal or medical terms, insisting on the proper usage of these terms is important and not merely a matter of semantics. It would be a bit like a doctor trying to explain the correct definition of the word 'cancer' in a thread where everybody who had a skin rash was referring to it as cancer, even though none had been diagnosed and all were in fact attributable to other causes.
 
Illias

Illias

Meh
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
804
I was just asking for my own interest so no one can like lead me a wrong way or anything. Was just looking for opinions, I don’t plan on going to like police or anything hah. I just feel really grossed out by the situation and I mean I don’t know what I was thinking back then I can’t believe I did something gross. I just wanted to like give a confession :hihi: and hopefully get it behind me and forget about it. I was being dumb and would never do anything like that again sort of thing
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Illuminated
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
1,318
I just feel really grossed out by the situation and I mean I don’t know what I was thinking back then I can’t believe I did something gross.
Live and learn. We do dumb things sometimes without knowing any better. You were led astray.
 
Last edited:
SoIntoYou

SoIntoYou

Pillowman
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
215
When I was 15/16 I was on d app Whisper and one guys messaged me and wanted to talk on Kik. Fast forwarding-he was way older, was about to be divorced and had 2 children. We were in a long distance relationship and genuinely liked each other(at least I did) he talked to each other everyday about stuff, it lasted for a few months and we planned on meeting when I turned 18 cause he didn’t wanna get in trouble.
Was I groomed? Everything was consensual, I wanted to be with him, I liked him, and at the time I also wanted to meet him.
It only lasted a few months because at the end I ghosted him from every app we talked on and never talked to him again. I had a weird feeling and suddenly I felt disgusted with myself and very grossed out.
im wondering if I was being groomed cause I was only 15/16, some people think that until you’re 18 you can’t consent but some people think otherwise. I do think that children can’t consent but isn’t 15/16 a bit too old to not be able to consent? I knew what I was doing but I didn’t realize it was bad.
He did "groom" you in that he bided his time and fed you whatever you wanted to hear until he could act on his desires. I suspect it was this deception (that every guy does. I was guilty of it in a past life) that led you to ghost him (good for you). There's a lot of debate on consent among the different communities. How old until a girl can make decisions for herself? I think science has pinned it down to your mid 20s when your brain is finished developing. I might start there. I'm more concerned about environment - If I had a daughter, I would teach her everything there is to know about sexuality as early as possible. You know, the obvious stuff like how it works, how pregnancy works, the history, etc., but also less obvious stuff like the dangers that are out there and how lying works. Guys love to front like they're something they're not in order to play ball. Pretty much, once I was done teaching her every possible thing there was to know, I'd tell her that she is free to do with her body what she wants and that nobody should be able to tell her or guilt her into thinking otherwise.
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
1,968
I was just asking for my own interest so no one can like lead me a wrong way or anything. Was just looking for opinions, I don’t plan on going to like police or anything hah. I just feel really grossed out by the situation and I mean I don’t know what I was thinking back then I can’t believe I did something gross. I just wanted to like give a confession :hihi: and hopefully get it behind me and forget about it. I was being dumb and would never do anything like that again sort of thing
You certainly don't need to give a 'confession' or feel as if you did 'something gross'. Although what happened was not illegal (and would not have been had it progressed to sex in person), you were certainly the less mature of the two parties involved, and any feelings of guilt or regret should be his, and not yours.
 

Similar threads

Top