wanted to ctb because of heartbreak now not sure

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".



Mar 29, 2020
I was with my ex-partner for 11 years, everyday I can't stop thinking about him! I've been single 4 months now. He was the one who left me, I come home and he had taken all of his things. Really broke my heart.

I met up with my ex at around 10 in the evening its now 1:28 in the morning, must of spent at least 3 hours together, I don't know how to feel, I feel hopeful we might get back together although he hasn't said anything, the way he treated me tonight was so loving...
He cuddled me, kissed me, mistakenly called me "baby" during conversation. Then we had sex... I feel so stupid.
Should I of done it? We were together 11 years, then leaves me and now 4 months later asks to meet up and says we should start having fun.
I couldn't read him at all emotionally, yes he was loving, seemed caring, kissing me and holding me because I was weak and cried in front of him but he held me!!

When the relationship ended, I kinda fell out with his family too... Do you think I'm on my way to getting back together or more heartache?
He has this girl he speaks with who lives in Poland, he lives in England a few towns from me (just saying) he video calls this Polish girl, told me he loves her, they share the same music interests, they share memes, I even know they have matching T-Shirt's ffs. When I asked him earlier about loving someone else he said "We all say stupid things, love is a strong word"
I'll be honest, I want him and only him, I want to reconnect, be wiser and stronger as a couple. Is this possible? Ohhh I dunno why I'm asking here. Without him I don't want to live.
He really is amazing, I'm hoping the universe or whatever tf controls this world spiritually will bring us and wants us together. Am I dreaming omg
  • Aw..
Reactions: SG999 and Vorty27


Jun 24, 2020
United states
11 years is an insanely long time!! I think it's totally understandable that you are struggling. My longest relationship was 4 years and we broke up 18 months ago and I'm definitely not over it - so I can't even imagine what you're going through.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
trewq12345 Ctb on hold Recovery 5
Similar threads