[Venting] Today was going to be the day

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luna666

luna666

IBS/Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks
Apr 24, 2019
50
131
Hey everyone!

Way before this apocalypse teasing stuff break loose, I planned to CTB before this month ended, but guess what? everything went wrong.

I was waiting for my family to sign some papers so they could sell the house and move to another place, since they wouldn't had to live in a place with bad Memories, but now they have to wait more.

We'll be staying here for a few more months, and at the moment I don't even know what's up anymore.

I feel dead inside already, but I keep pretending that something will break me free from this paralyzed state so I can deal with life for a few more months. I used to at least feel something, but now I'm just looking at nothing the whole day, pretending that this is the best that it gets, but to be honest I'm just tired of trying, my migraines got worse, my allergies are haunting me in this dusty house, I can't sleep properly, and have no will to live anymore.

But oh well, cheers to another month I guess.
 
Darkhaven

Darkhaven

Scheduled for Deletion
May 19, 2019
933
2,324
I don't know your situation but i would consider this new month a new opportunity to try to get a grip on life. After all what do you have to lose? We will all die someday, you already know how to do that yourself, same as most of us, there is no reason to despair or suffer for antecipation because of it.
I once knew a friend that used to say "Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back!" But while she doesn't smile at us let us smile for other reaons! Life gave you another month to find news ways to smile, i believe you can do it! I will cheer you on!
 
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luna666

luna666

IBS/Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks
Apr 24, 2019
50
131
Thank you for your words!

Well after 10 years trying to get better there's nothing driving me anymore, no will to improve, no treatment can help some things that chronic diseases causes. My health is awful and no doctors helped me, a full decade of seeking treatment and I've only got worse. I lost all my friends and I've become too toxic and uninterested to find new ones. I've thrown away all the opportunities that I had.

I fought a lot, for so long, I've tried for so long and even got a college degree in a STEM area trying to get better but ended up unemployed, sick and tired, and have no will to seek ways to try again. It feels like my battery is on 10% , and nothing that I do can recharge this, so I'm just waiting for it to get to 0%.
 
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taylor321

taylor321

Member
Mar 1, 2020
60
415
same here, i was making plans with an online friend who isnt here anymore. I still feel bad about it and i'll feel bad about it until i die. Im not supposed to still be here. Im just so tired. Im tired of hating myself, im tired of hating my life, im tired of being here. And most of all im tired of feeling like a fucking coward. If i was more social and outgoing i wouldve made some fucking progress by now :angry:
 
theguineapigking

theguineapigking

I hate myself so much
Dec 5, 2019
400
672
Hey. Have you tried anything else for the migraines? How long have you had those?


I always have one. But it’s not always very painful. It flares up and worsens often. I have to judge how I do stuff to avoid it worsening as much as possible. If I sleep without a fan on or my body gets warm when asleep, it can easily trigger a migraine. I have to drink water throughout the night as well. I use excedrin migraine sometimes. I also will take 4 advil(800mg ibuprofen), Tylenol 2 equate brand pills can’t remember the mg..I think 1,000) , and ~60 mg of caffeine. This used to help me a lot. Sometimes I substitute ibuprofen with 500mg naproxen(still using the Tylenol and caffeine). Naproxen doesn’t help as much though for me.


Preventatives can help too. But recognizing things such as heat or sunlight triggers can help.


I know migraines aren’t all you suffer from. But I just wanted to contribute my experience.
 
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luna666

luna666

IBS/Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks
Apr 24, 2019
50
131
Hey. Have you tried anything else for the migraines? How long have you had those?


I always have one. But it’s not always very painful. It flares up and worsens often. I have to judge how I do stuff to avoid it worsening as much as possible. If I sleep without a fan on or my body gets warm when asleep, it can easily trigger a migraine. I have to drink water throughout the night as well. I use excedrin migraine sometimes. I also will take 4 advil(800mg ibuprofen), Tylenol 2 equate brand pills can’t remember the mg..I think 1,000) , and ~60 mg of caffeine. This used to help me a lot. Sometimes I substitute ibuprofen with 500mg naproxen(still using the Tylenol and caffeine). Naproxen doesn’t help as much though for me.


Preventatives can help too. But recognizing things such as heat or sunlight triggers can help.


I know migraines aren’t all you suffer from. But I just wanted to contribute my experience.
Thank you for your words!
Well, I'm on the same boat.
Tylenol, Ibuprofen, dipyrone + coffee and water.
Well my migraines are kind of connected with a bunch of causes but can't pinpoint what's worse.

When I have an anxiety attack I get a migraine.
When my eye hurts (I had surgery for keratoconus) I get a migraine.
When I clench my jaw due to stress I get a migraine.
And a few others.
It usually lasts for a few hours and i get nauseous the whole time.
 
U

Ulisses

Veteran
Feb 21, 2020
137
157
I share your situation friend. we are taking these dragged days, until the day of ctb.
 
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