[Discussion] To those who haven't committed yet what are you waiting for?

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ctbUniquectb

Pariah
Jan 7, 2020
496
751
I've been getting around to to scoping out a (specific, known to me) really really abandoned area because I neither want to trigger random derpy normies, nor want one of same to be a pro life douche who comes to my "rescue"
 
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poof

Enlightened
Aug 15, 2018
873
1,506
ive got parkinsons so I want to go before it gets too bad , its not bad enough yet .
Me...another stroke, but I have to wait. My son cannot function without a working wheelchair, and he would not survive living on the streets. I really am afraid to wait though. Anybody believe in prayer? Please pray for me. Thank you.
 
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WhyIsLife56

WhyIsLife56

Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
Nov 4, 2019
1,079
2,993
I'm waiting for the right timing at the moment. Although I won't be doing a goodbye thread. I need my suicidal instincts to skyrocket to the roof when I do it so I'll be doing it alone with music :)
 
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Akeolodo

Akeolodo

̶2̶4̶/̶0̶1̶/̶2̶0̶2̶0̶
Oct 13, 2019
62
175
I'm waiting for the right timing at the moment. Although I won't be doing a goodbye thread. I need my suicidal instincts to skyrocket to the roof when I do it so I'll be doing it alone with music :)
same, I'm planning to go on the 24th but it might be delayed until I can guarantee my method and calculations and also be extremely angry, hopeless and depressed so I have the willpower to complete and not back out.
 
WhyIsLife56

WhyIsLife56

Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
Nov 4, 2019
1,079
2,993
same, I'm planning to go on the 24th but it might be delayed until I can guarantee my method and calculations and also be anger, hopeless and depression to peak so I have the willpower to complete and not back out.
Success rate is higher when you're dedicated to committing suicide. :)
I'm also doing the planning and calculating and now that school started again I have to be way more secretive and calculating.
Hopefully by that time, they'll be no regrets ❤
 
mediocre

mediocre

trapped here
Nov 9, 2019
1,138
2,870
I am waiting to be diagnosed as having a neurological condition and to see if I can recover from it. I don’t have much hope but it’s just enough to keep me going another few months.
 
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hershberger

hershberger

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
106
287
I am waiting on two things.

1. If I can reconcile with my wife.
2. How my job situation turns out. I have one offer on the table, one where I'll find out this week (my preferred choice), and one I interview for next week.

If (1) doesn't happen within the next few months, I'm probably going regardless of (2). However, part of my wife's issues with me have been about work history and the trouble I've had keeping a job, so if I can show some stability, then (2) might help (1). I would say the earliest I'd go would be March/April, and if things haven't worked out by the summer that'll probably be the end of it for me.
 
Lostbetweenworlds

Lostbetweenworlds

I'm coming home soon my darling..
Jan 9, 2020
25
75
The courage honestly, I am scared to die but on the other hand thinking about death makes me feel warm, and comfortable... Honestly I am waiting for the fear to pass and the courage to be great enough so I can go out the way I always wanted too.. it feels like I just have to get over the initial SI the first couple of seconds until I reach unconsciousness.. so yeah, basically I am waiting to be more broken..
 
passenger27

passenger27

In my beginning is my end.
Aug 25, 2019
644
665
I'm waiting on my credit cards to run out and the bill collectors to start calling. Plus I'm second guessing every method, this has to work the 1st time.
 
Akeolodo

Akeolodo

̶2̶4̶/̶0̶1̶/̶2̶0̶2̶0̶
Oct 13, 2019
62
175
I'm waiting on my credit cards to run out and the bill collectors to start calling. Plus I'm second guessing every method, this has to work the 1st time.
Same I've already run out multiple credit cards so I can live life large before I die with no intention of paying it back. it's currently been 6 months since the last card and I get letters from the banks every day, and I hope they don't come calling soon before I'm dead.
 
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strawberrygirl

strawberrygirl

Member
Jan 12, 2020
33
54
Fear of failure mostly and waiting to be drunk and high enough... it's one of my favourite feelings. My greatest wish is to get the support and understanding from my loved ones though.

“Part of what makes suicide seem devastating for those left behind is that it is framed as a tragic, preventable loss rather than the lucky escape of a miserable person.”

Excerpt From
Sarah Perry-Every Cradle Is a Grave
 
charlottewilts

charlottewilts

Specialist
Jun 15, 2019
403
1,424
i joined in June this year when i was still hung up between methods: partial, full, hypothermia, drowning or jumping? i read around here a lot before i finally settled on and ordered SN in December and got all the medication necessary. i wanted to avoid doing it during the holidays.

i would've gone last week but i commissioned an artist for an animation when i was high on ambien. i was too embarrassed to back out... besides, i'm excited to see how it'll look. so i'll wait another week, and then it's bye-bye time! and no more ambien until then!!!
 
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Yuqani

Yuqani

a poorly written character
Oct 30, 2019
37
69
i joined in June this year when i was still hung up between methods: partial, full, hypothermia, drowning or jumping? i read around here a lot before i finally settled on and ordered SN in December and got all the medication necessary. i wanted to avoid doing it during the holidays.

i would've gone last week but i commissioned an artist for an animation when i was high on ambien. i was too embarrassed to back out... besides, i'm excited to see how it'll look. so i'll wait another week, and then it's bye-bye time!
I, uh, don't want to be inappropriate...
but if you're certain, will you make a goodbye thread?
Will sharing the commission compromise your identity?
 
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Root

Root

Veteran
Sep 15, 2019
118
250
I'm thinking about my little sister whose life it would affect very much, and a friend of mine who just lost a friend by suicide. Other reason is that I'm a coward.
 
charlottewilts

charlottewilts

Specialist
Jun 15, 2019
403
1,424
I, uh, don't want to be inappropriate...
but if you're certain, will you make a goodbye thread?
Will sharing the commission compromise your identity?
i will be making either a thread or profile post with my regimen. i'm still on the fence on whether i want to make a goodbye thread, i don't think many people would want to reply to it, so that'd just make me feel shitty. i don't want to share the commission publicly, i really respect that artist and have gotten commissions from them before; i wouldn't want their art to become associated with a suicide forum. i could PM it to you if you're curious and that's why you asked.
 
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Yuqani

Yuqani

a poorly written character
Oct 30, 2019
37
69
i will be making either a thread or profile post with my regimen. i'm still on the fence on whether i want to make a goodbye thread, i don't think many people would want to reply to it, so that'd just make me feel shitty. i don't want to share the commission publicly, i really respect that artist and have gotten commissions from them before; i wouldn't want their art to become associated with a suicide forum. i could PM it to you if you're curious and that's why you asked.
I am indeed curious and that's absolutely why I asked! But... But! I respect your perspective on this. Don't PM it to me, not on my behalf. It's yours and yours alone.

I feel sad, however, that you think people won't care when you leave.
I mean, I think the same way about my exit...
And I have no real argument...
But still.
Much love :heart:
 
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D

detached

Veteran
Mar 31, 2019
107
131
I don't even know, to be honest. I guess I'm waiting for the right moment and probably also the right place. I kinda wanna finish my suicide book before deciding to ctb, so that I can have all the resources and be as sure as I possibly can be about choosing the right method.

Being in the "right headspace" so-to-say is kinda important to me, too. don't wanna ctb when I'm feeling neutral/positive and am more likely to chicken out or fail. I wanna wait until the urge to die is over the minimum needed to kill myself.

Suicide, to me, is like brewing this witch soup; I gotta have the right ingredients. There has to be x amount of sugar and y-z amount of salt. Too little (and in some cases too much), and the entire soup is ruined.
 
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DeathAddict

New Member
Jan 4, 2020
4
10
I made a promise to myself that I try everything possible to achieve my dream before I think about ctb again.
Currently working on the hardest part.
 
CatchTheBus

CatchTheBus

If I could start over, I’d keep myself
Jan 14, 2020
30
62
I just joined today. I have the date set and method decided on, I just need to change my will to include my two younger kids. Plus I need to sign my POA doc so my parents have some time to get custody of my kids. My goal is to not let them go into foster care.
 
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Shinbu

Shinbu

Shiki
Nov 24, 2019
480
982
I'm waiting for Jan to pass, and waiting on my meto to arrive. If I had meto I couldn't do a sn stat dose rn. If I ctb rn I wouldn't see my brother 15th birthday, and I don't want to do Jan because then he would associate his b day month with my death. My desire to die is getting stronger. I feel so impatient, but I must get through with this for the sake of my brother. Feb is the month I will ctb. March is my b day month. I can't ctb on that month it would be cruel to the others who care about me.
 
LavenderMemories

LavenderMemories

Wandering to the bus stop
Jan 14, 2020
25
220
I'm taking my mom on her dream vacation in the beginning of May. I finally made my decision a couple weeks ago. I can hold on until then. It'll also give me time to slowly say my goodbyes, give my family a few good memories, and write my letters.

My family has always been poor, so I'm going to try and give my mom the best week of her life. Then, when we come back home, it'll be my time.
 
T

TotallyIsolated

Wise
Nov 25, 2019
214
614
I’m scared and I’m not sure if I really want to. Trouble is, I don’t really want to live either.
 
shoganai

shoganai

Member
Jan 14, 2020
33
63
I'm brand new here, but have been suffering from depression for twelve years.

I came somewhat close to ctb a few years ago but decided to make a major life change instead. It's started a bit of a trend for better or worse. I've learned more about myself and have grown a lot, but the depression has only worsened. Nothing I do helps at all. No outside help has worked either.

I'm just holding on for a few more years and trying new things. I don't expect anything to help at all, but I want to be able to say "I've done a good job fighting" before I kill myself. Plus, the more things I try, the more I find myself rationalizing suicide. Win? The decision is also less likely to be done on impulse or as a result of strong emotions.

I'm looking at ctb at 27 or 28 unless something drastic happens.
 
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TheBlackSwordsman

TheBlackSwordsman

Member
Apr 24, 2019
70
108
I'm taking my mom on her dream vacation in the beginning of May. I finally made my decision a couple weeks ago. I can hold on until then. It'll also give me time to slowly say my goodbyes, give my family a few good memories, and write my letters.

My family has always been poor, so I'm going to try and give my mom the best week of her life. Then, when we come back home, it'll be my time.
It's entirely possible your mother will never be able to look back fondly on that amazing week if you ctb immediately afterwards.
 
LavenderMemories

LavenderMemories

Wandering to the bus stop
Jan 14, 2020
25
220
It's entirely possible your mother will never be able to look back fondly on that amazing week if you ctb immediately afterwards.
It'll be a few weeks afterward, but thanks for the new worry!
 
TheBlackSwordsman

TheBlackSwordsman

Member
Apr 24, 2019
70
108
It'll be a few weeks afterward, but thanks for the new worry!
My apologies, I meant no additional complication. I respect everyone's decision but I hope all of us understand the gravity of the choice we are considering and weigh it accordingly. Wishing you the best in whatever you decide.