[Discussion] To those who haven't committed yet what are you waiting for?

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2

2manyproblems

Member
Jan 4, 2020
53
65
Needing to prepare. I keep adding things I want to do before going to my list. I want to write a good note and I keep putting it off. I want to explain what i’ve gone through to get to this point. I don’t know what else I want to do to prepare.
 
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

I'm a BPD Barbie Girl living in a suicidal world
Dec 1, 2019
1,354
3,961
People have set dates, want to wait for the right time, researching methods, changing methods, people just have ideation and not intention.. The list goes on.
 
Quarky00

Quarky00

Illuminated
Dec 17, 2019
1,971
4,628
Because members are not here "to commit suicide".

It's a pro-choice forum, not pro-suicide.

The spectrum of people and their issues is huge :) Some attempted and continue. Some recover. Others have some terminal physical illness, have time, and weigh options. Others get some support that suspends their ctb, despite thinking about it every hour. Some explore their options. Others consider their future ctb plan, which may not be 'urgent'. Some need to organize and make sure their plan works for them etc.

You may get more details if you ask kindly for people to share their experience / journey :)
 
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ceasetobreathe03

ceasetobreathe03

And I cried for help so many times. I needed you.
Dec 20, 2019
2,015
2,635
People have set dates, want to wait for the right time, researching methods, changing methods, people just have ideation and not intention.. The list goes on.
Instinct as well
I'm waiting for ideation to turn into planning. I so badly and desparately want to leave but I tell myself that it'll get better. I love too many people even though I don't show them. I wish I could snap my fingers and be on my way. And I mean that in quite the literal sense. I guess it's also that I want to fade away, at least until things get better.. not possible :( I've made myself more miserable and I can't stand the idea of how much I fucked things up when things were crumbling around me beyond my control.
 
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Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,149
11,555
Three things: I’m scared of fucking up, I feel immense guilt over hurting my mom, I am too much of a lazy coward to push through any attempt. After all constantly thinking about suicide is different than actually going through with it but I can’t accept living my life so essentially I’m stuck in limbo lost between living and dying. It’s something I know I have to do sooner or later but it’s like no time feels like the right time and I keep procrastinating and postponing. And I guess you’re right, being on here becomes pointless after a while and I’m just overstaying my presence here by not catching the bus.
 
mesohappy

mesohappy

Cat piss sammich??
Jan 10, 2020
680
1,177
What are you waiting for??
 
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HereToday

HereToday

Master
Dec 27, 2019
439
1,412
Some people may not have been actively suicidal the whole time they've used the site, there's a recovery section too. Others might hate their life but not actually want to die. Others might be waiting around hoping life will get better. There are many reasons why someone would have an account on here for a long time
Personally I'm only waiting until I've sorted out all my affairs to make things easier on my family
 
APharmaDestroyedLife

APharmaDestroyedLife

Your RX drugs are likely your real problem
Nov 4, 2019
310
853
For many people the act of Suicide is like a progressive illness, not an impulse. Threre A lot of people here that are depressed or dealing with illness, others have lost friends and loved ones. A lot of us do not really want to die, but we want to know we have a plan in place in the event we just can't go on any longer. Most people come here for support, for reassurance , and for hope. A lot of people end up feeling better, gaining friends, and finding purpose just by knowing others are suffering too. This is a support group, and we support everyone, and by doing so, many people find they can make it through another day.
 
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Akeolodo

Akeolodo

̶2̶4̶/̶0̶1̶/̶2̶0̶2̶0̶
Oct 13, 2019
62
175
I don't want to hurt my parents and I'm afraid of ending up a vegetable
I'd rather end up a vegetable rather than being depressed. at least then I won't have the mental capacity to be depressed and have all things taken care of.
 
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Partial-Elf

Partial-Elf

Jack of All Trades
Dec 26, 2018
445
1,531
I don't want to hurt my parents and I'm afraid of ending up a vegetable
These are my two. I was very close to committing (bought a gun and ammo) but thought I’d give it one more try for my parents sake. Sometimes I think I can get to a point where life is tolerable... but it seems like I’ll have a month of tolerability and then four or five or suicidal depression. It’s exhausting
 
Akeolodo

Akeolodo

̶2̶4̶/̶0̶1̶/̶2̶0̶2̶0̶
Oct 13, 2019
62
175
These are my two. I was very close to committing (bought a gun and ammo) but thought I’d give it one more try for my parents sake. Sometimes I think I can get to a point where life is tolerable... but it seems like I’ll have a month of tolerability and then four or five or suicidal depression. It’s exhausting
I understand man, better to keep trying than live life in misery.
 
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UpandDownPrincess

UpandDownPrincess

Specialist
Dec 31, 2019
385
748
I never really understood as I see profiles that are years old and active daily.
My suicidal urges come and go. I was ready to go when I first found this site, but spending time here (first lurking, now posting) has given me another way to release some of that energy. It's still a struggle, but, for me, even a bit of wavering is enough to put off the date.
 
Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
3,262
5,361
These are my two. I was very close to committing (bought a gun and ammo) but thought I’d give it one more try for my parents sake. Sometimes I think I can get to a point where life is tolerable... but it seems like I’ll have a month of tolerability and then four or five or suicidal depression. It’s exhausting
Yeah, it is exhausting
 
I

I want to end it

Veteran
Apr 29, 2018
170
297
I'm one of the oldest profiles. I didn't because I live with parents and I started feeling bad about my parents finding my body. It's a silly reason I know. I should just do it. I must be the oldest profile here who hasn't done it.
 
WhyIsLife56

WhyIsLife56

Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
Nov 4, 2019
1,079
2,991
Three things: I’m scared of fucking up, I feel immense guilt over hurting my mom, I am too much of a lazy coward to push through any attempt. After all constantly thinking about suicide is different than actually going through with it but I can’t accept living my life so essentially I’m stuck in limbo lost between living and dying. It’s something I know I have to do sooner or later but it’s like no time feels like the right time and I keep procrastinating and postponing. And I guess you’re right, being on here becomes pointless after a while and I’m just overstaying my presence here by not catching the bus.
I feel the same way. I had a breakdown when I the thought sank in that I would leave my mom even if we have arguments she was the only one who supported my decision to study in the USA. Being in a limbo is the worst feeling to have. It's like you're not existing or living. It's just limbo. I don't want to overstay my welcome here and I'm vowing that I succeed my ctb. Hope you do too at some point ❤
 
T

toomuchgrief

a grieving mother
Sep 15, 2019
397
461
Because I'm still undecided as fuck between plunge 2,000 feet to my death, or a tactical shotgun using slug to my head. I'm leaning towards the 2,000 feet plunge though, because if you shot a real shotgun before, it damn loud and recoil suck.
 
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