To be or not to be?

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Dec 19, 2019
I got overwhelmed with a sensation of peacefullness.
I get your mixed feelings. On one side you don't feel despair and hopelessness, but on the other side you have a sour taste in your mouth, thinking about how life brought you to this extremes in the first place.
Atleast this is what i am imagining you're feeling.
Whatever one chooses, we aren't alone, and thats a comforting feeling.
This forum indeed, is a blessing.


Jan 2, 2020
I'm genuinely ecstatic for the day mine arrives haha, more so for the feeling of controlling my own destiny
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Jan 2, 2020
I live in a country that does not sell SN to people without a permit so i have to go through a lot more effort to get it and carry it out so im not completely free to decide my own fate. Its still not as hard as other ways to gain a peaceful death. My thoughts though is and i've been thinking this to myself constantly, to imagine yourself how you'll be 10 to 20,30 40 years from now. How much more suffering will you have to endure to get there? How will you cope to keep surviving? How will you die? I can already guess all the gruesome and painful situations i could end up in if i just kept going... for the past few years ive been trying to find a way out of the mess im in, trying to be positive, and searching for ways to improve, trying everything.. but its all lead to failure and the final conclusion has always been CTB. I think I should just be grateful that I was still able to find a method that is relatively peaceful in the first place, i've had chances with other methods before but kept postponing which then eventually became unavailable . I personally think the people who discovered this method are crazy awesome , there might never be another chance in the future. It's a gift and i hope this time im determined enough to step through the door while it remains open.