[Venting] This is crazy

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SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Illuminated
Jun 1, 2019
1,172
2,395
And still it rumbles on. Conspiracy theories abound. People at each others throats. Shit happening. Sound familiar? Yep, the real world. I was even stupid enough to buy into it for a moment or three. Defending others is something that comes easy to me, doing it in such a way as to not belittle someone, possibly not. But thats my lot. I wont be doing it again, not here, not in the real world or anywhere else for that matter.

Anyway, enough on that crap.

It never made sense to me why anyone would want multiple accounts on any kind of internet platform such as this place. Many moons ago, I was part of some online community or other [theres been many] and I got friendly with a guy from SA. We spoke every day, laughed a lot as e shared a similar sense of humour. But it turned out he had 6 different accounts. One of those accounts was in the guise of a lass from Oz. She was active, attractive in more than just a physical way and a joy to be able to chat with. Then this guy from SA tells us she has been raped and murdered. It hit a few of us who felt we knew her as well as you can know anyone online, very hard. Little did we know at that point it was yet another of this guys false accounts. But I mean, it just goes to show how twisted some people really are. Finally, it all came to light and obviously I lost someone I deemed a decent online friend and also others who were never real. The moral of the story?

Then I knew someone from the US deep south. I got to know her via a radio station I listened to. We got to talking, the talks became more frequent [you know where this is headed dont you] and soon a rather intense online relationship developed. Her life was a mess. I have this "thing" about saving women in distress [blame my mother] so it was a match made in online heaven. I took some time away from my current partner as I was convinced I had found my soul mate. We shared so much. I was making plans to go and be with her. When I named the date, something came up that prevented it from happening on her end. OK, no worries, postpone. I named another date, the same response. I never once dreamt that it was anything other than coincidence. But each and every time I mentioned meeting, something prevented it from happening. In the end, I said it was maybe better to just remain friends as it was likely we would never be together. Not long after that, I find she is seeing someone. OK, we agreed, just friends. But it was on/off, constantly, with me doing my knight in shining armour routine every time it was off. I used to make long phone calls that cost a small fortune, just trying to calm her down when she made threats to end it all. It all got very messy and it turned very sour. In the end, she told me she wanted nothing more to do with me when I told her something I knew would hurt her like she had hurt me. It was a lie, but it did the job. But I dont think either of us turned out to be who we actually were in the eyes of the other. Again, theres a moral here.

Fast forward. Anyone remember Friends Reunited? All the rage a few years ago. I used the site and met a old flame from my school days. We relived some old memories and got on famously. She was having a hard time. Seeing a theme here? Anyway, long story short, we became very close. We spoke most days, exchanged e mails etc etc. I even went to see her one day, a nice 500 mile round trip. Her mum and dad were a right mess, not what I remembered at all. I used to think they were the coolest people on the planet. Anyway I digress. This friendship was becoming more than just that, albeit very slowly. Then I got ill. Then I tried to take my own life and that was that. I told her about it all and she washed her hands of me. She gave my details to a old mate and when I told him about my suicide attempts, that was that, never heard from him again. Moral?

You are not stupid, you see the pattern here. None of us online can be trusted to be who we say we are. Oh some will scream FOUL here and protest they dont lie and they are who and what they say they are. But in reality, can we really believe that? I dont doubt people intentions, I dont doubt my own, but I am no innocent bystander who has been wronged. I have made plenty of my own mistakes. But recent events surrounding this place have put people on their guard and rightfully so. We are maybe too open here for our own good as it is a clearnet [visible to all] site. Maybe there is way too much info floating about the place that will attract unwanted attention. But all I am saying is, be wary, dont be cynical, just wary, that some of us are not who we say we are and are motivated by issues that I will never understand if I live to be 100.

Conspiracy is dead, long live conspiracy :wink:
 
SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Illuminated
Jun 1, 2019
1,172
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The above must (not can!) also be applied to life as a whole.
Thats what I mean about not being cynical, wary yes, cynical no. I trust my partner, I trust my son, implicitly, even though I am not married and he is not my son. If I were cynical, that would not be the case.
 
J

jake3d

Illuminated
May 29, 2019
1,044
2,069
Europe
I'm not being cynical. One should always keep a certain amount of reservation even when dealing with family.

From what I understand, you have good family. This isn't the case for many of us sadly. It's family that got me messed up so bad I ended up on here.
 
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Dreamcolleger

Dreamcolleger

I surrender... I SURRENDER!
Apr 26, 2019
162
251
This is why I think one of the most fundamental reasons people should come here is to learn, if they are serious about ending it. And even then, check everywhere and verify what you read.

If you know you're not and are coming here mostly looking to chat, you are risking wasting a lot of time or at worst putting yourself in danger. Nothing wrong with that but the risks do seem much higher.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Ascended
Jun 12, 2018
816
4,472
#1 rule on here - trust no one.
Can also be applied to the internet as a whole.
When I checked into the hotel almost 2 months ago, in an attempt to drink my N, and when I couldn't do it, do you know who helped me during that time? People from this forum. Someone even paid an uber so I could get home safely again at 4 am. That person stuck around the whole night just for me. Not many people would do that. So it's true that you have to be careful but if you never trust people, you will miss out on many great things.
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Specialist
Mar 25, 2019
360
1,020
Hell
When I checked into the hotel almost 2 months ago, in an attempt to drink my N, and when I couldn't do it, do you know who helped me during that time? People from this forum. Someone even paid an uber so I could get home safely again at 4 am. That person stuck around the whole night just for me. Not many people would do that. So it's true that you have to be careful but if you never trust people, you will miss out on many great things.
I can't speak for everyone on this forum, but in general, most of the people I've spoken to here are much nicer than people I know IRL. This forum is the only place I ever feel like I've really belonged.
 
Life+me=error

Life+me=error

-
May 22, 2019
603
565
#1 rule on here - trust no one.
Exactly!
So it's true that you have to be careful but if you never trust people, you will miss out on many great things.
And if you ctb you will miss out on many great things as well.
Call me an as***** for this question, but how was it possible for you to write with users in this forum two months ago, if you are only registered since one month?
You are not an as*****, just blind.
 
O

oopswronglife

Specialist
Jun 27, 2019
396
931
. Oh some will scream FOUL here and protest they dont lie and they are who and what they say they are. But in reality, can we really believe that?
I have always found that such a ridiculous response to doubt...especially online. "Why would I lie?", "Why would I waste my time...?" etc. People do it all the time, everyone of us has experienced it, yet people still get offended if other strangers don't take them at THEIR world. It's so weirdly egotistical and unreasonable.

"Trust me!"...that's not how it works.
 
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SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Illuminated
Jun 1, 2019
1,172
2,395
I do have a very small, little family group. My blood relatives I have nothing to do with and are partly why I am here as well. I am fortunate in that respect and they are the sole reason I am still alive today. Its good to have a place like this to come to, even when I am not in one of my suicidal funks, where I can be around others who share my afflictions. I feel very isolated and alone most of the time, but here, I can seek and find some solace. If I forge a friendship or two along the way, so be it. We all know the pitfalls of doing that in a place like this, but if they are prepared to risk that and I am as well, it can be mutually beneficial.

I enjoy reading posts like that from RainandSadness. It restores a little faith in the human race. There are still some decent people in the world who help others without conditions. If I were more cynical, that would never happen, my rationale would be skewed. But I am definitely more wary these days even though I could not spot a duplicate account if I tried, I just do not know how to spot such things because my mind does not work in that way. I remember a old poker friend telling me about how he spotted certain "patterns" at tables, but I could never see them.
 
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