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  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
I spent almost twenty years in shared houses. So many fights over the washing up! I couldn't handle room mates now, or rather they couldn't handle me. Mmm it didn't help that most of my flat mates were archaeologists. Bloody messy drunken buggers. One of them used to sleep under the stairs because he couldn't find his own room.
Under the stairs!? Hahaha, my roommates are pretty cool atleast and It's a pretty big house.
 
Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
Under the stairs was in exactly the same place his door was in on the next floor. We'd hear a little disembodied voice calling our names and find him cuddling the hoover muttering heeeelp...
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
Under the stairs was in exactly the same place his door was in on the next floor. We'd hear a little disembodied voice calling our names and find him cuddling the hoover muttering heeeelp...
Lmao, man you really should write a book or something about all this shit. I haven't laughed this much in a while.
 
Epsilon0

Epsilon0

Illuminated
Dec 28, 2019
1,770
3,653
This place is probably the deepest and darkest corner of my mind. I need to be careful because it almost fuels my darker nature at times.

This place has definitely seen the darkest corners of my mind as well. I almost lost my footing there for a while, I got sucked into a vortex, but now I feel I can keep a healthy relation with the forum and enjoy the company it affords me during lonely moments.
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

What is the point
Jul 10, 2019
2,050
3,580
Perosnally this forum has been a *life saver* for me, even if I don't post publicly, I am PMing peep's, I am able to keep above water some how, and am able to keep pushing forward. I understand and respect it is for some people a bad place to me but, for me, its the best place for me!

PS I am on the rum, i'm gonna start talking some right sthittt!
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

What is the point
Jul 10, 2019
2,050
3,580
I miss the days of being so drunk im out of control. Damn my body for getting used to it, its like drinking water
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
Two kids out back breaking up the old fence the council dumped. I can only assume for firewood. I hope they don't Nick the wormery I left out there to de-scent.
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
I've barely left my bed in over a week now. I should be training for my new job but I can't motivate for shit. Eventually my unemployment and money will run out.

If I make it out of my current predicament it'll be a fucking miracle. I'm filled with so much regret and contempt for myself.

I miss V and my kids so fucking much. I keep looking at pictures of them and making it worse, but I can't stop. I haven't had anxiety in a long time. But it's back so bad I cant sleep, eat, or focus on menial tasks.

I honestly dunno what to do now. It feels like I'm just waiting around to finally die at this point. I'm not afraid to CTB, maybe I'm just here for that small bit of hope I have left, which is fading by the minute.

This community has been a Godsend to me and I love all of you. I'm sorry for all the self pity and ranting lately. I'm just a total mess in general right now. I have to get these things off of my chest and I have no where else to turn.
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

What is the point
Jul 10, 2019
2,050
3,580
I've barely left my bed in over a week now. I should be training for my new job but I can't motivate for shit. Eventually my unemployment and money will run out.

If I make it out of my current predicament it'll be a fucking miracle. I'm filled with so much regret and contempt for myself.

I miss V and my kids so fucking much. I keep looking at pictures of them and making it worse, but I can't stop. I haven't had anxiety in a long time. But it's back so bad I cant sleep, eat, or focus on menial tasks.

I honestly dunno what to do now. It feels like I'm just waiting around to finally die at this point. I'm not afraid to CTB, maybe I'm just here for that small bit of hope I have left, which is fading by the minute.

This community has been a Godsend to me and I love all of you. I'm sorry for all the self pity and ranting lately. I'm just a total mess in general right now. I have to get these things off of my chest and I have no where else to turn.

Hold in there, times are fucking tough, but if you want to get through this then you CAN do it, we are all here behind you, put the photos to one side for a moment, focus on where you want to be tomorrow, and take it from there, don't jump whilst you can barely stand.
Keep ranting here, it's good to let it out, take it easy on yourself and just remember to breathe
 
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Epsilon0

Epsilon0

Illuminated
Dec 28, 2019
1,770
3,653
@Brick In The Wall

Rant away, Brick! I am also all drinking from the bitter well of life... It’s pure agony.

Go ahead and fall apart! It’s allright.
Hopefully tomorrow a ray of sun will shine through your window. And mine.

I wish you all the best!
 
Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
I've barely left my bed in over a week now. I should be training for my new job but I can't motivate for shit. Eventually my unemployment and money will run out.

If I make it out of my current predicament it'll be a fucking miracle. I'm filled with so much regret and contempt for myself.

I miss V and my kids so fucking much. I keep looking at pictures of them and making it worse, but I can't stop. I haven't had anxiety in a long time. But it's back so bad I cant sleep, eat, or focus on menial tasks.

I honestly dunno what to do now. It feels like I'm just waiting around to finally die at this point. I'm not afraid to CTB, maybe I'm just here for that small bit of hope I have left, which is fading by the minute.

This community has been a Godsend to me and I love all of you. I'm sorry for all the self pity and ranting lately. I'm just a total mess in general right now. I have to get these things off of my chest and I have no where else to turn.
Not a damn thing to apologise for mate, it's exactly what we are here for. You have a tough patch and all the old shit comes back. If you want to get through this then you have to take every little bit at a time. Gah, stop me from talking in clichés!
I get depressed. I want to stay in bed very often and let the world fuck of. You know why I don't? Because I have to pee every thirty minutes, so I have no choice but to be up and doing stuff, sleep is out bounds for me during the day. It's horrible, but there is that positive to it, I can't languish in bed. If I could, I would.
Makes it harder for you to motivate yourself, but that's something you need to do...get up and do stuff, anything, even though you don't want to and don't feel like it. Especially because you don't feel like it.
I remember before my urinary issues I stayed in bed and it made everything worse. Got post postural blood pressure drop and kept fainting.
And if you can't focus,take each tiny thing at a time and forget the rest. Make a list of you want, then forget it and just deal with each thing at a time,forgetting the rest of the list.
Sorry of any of this comes over as condescending, there is always that danger. It's just how I dealt with things, bit by tiny bit. I built a foundation and then stood on it to put the bigger bits together. Don't expect miracles or to be happy or sorted. Just do what you have to in order to survive.
And we are here with you however we can be.
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
Not a damn thing to apologise for mate, it's exactly what we are here for. You have a tough patch and all the old shit comes back. If you want to get through this then you have to take every little bit at a time. Gah, stop me from talking in clichés!
I get depressed. I want to stay in bed very often and let the world fuck of. You know why I don't? Because I have to pee every thirty minutes, so I have no choice but to be up and doing stuff, sleep is out bounds for me during the day. It's horrible, but there is that positive to it, I can't languish in bed. If I could, I would.
Makes it harder for you to motivate yourself, but that's something you need to do...get up and do stuff, anything, even though you don't want to and don't feel like it. Especially because you don't feel like it.
I remember before my urinary issues I stayed in bed and it made everything worse. Got post postural blood pressure drop and kept fainting.
And if you can't focus,take each tiny thing at a time and forget the rest. Make a list of you want, then forget it and just deal with each thing at a time,forgetting the rest of the list.
Sorry of any of this comes over as condescending, there is always that danger. It's just how I dealt with things, bit by tiny bit. I built a foundation and then stood on it to put the bigger bits together. Don't expect miracles or to be happy or sorted. Just do what you have to in order to survive.
And we are here with you however we can be.
Thank you my friend! You weren't condescending or anything my man. You were just telling it how it is.

I'm going to try to take your advice. Moving little by little and doing what I have to, to survive. You guys have been like a family to me and I appreciate it alot.
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
Thank you my friend! You weren't condescending or anything my man. You were just telling it how it is.

I'm going to try to take your advice. Moving little by little and doing what I have to, to survive. You guys have been like a family to me and I appreciate it alot.
You want to chat anytime you know where I am. Well, technically you don't, I'm assuming, unless you are tracking my IP address. And anytime but now because tbh I'm tired and going to bed soon. Probably for the best as I've clearly started talking bollocks. Ah well, you know what I mean.:hihi:
 
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Carina

Carina

Angelic
Dec 22, 2019
3,961
4,232
I figure my little toe isn't broke... but day 3 of it tingling, discomfort, and pain putting on socks or putting in shoe made me push for a dr to actually do something since the one yesterday didn't do an xray despite being like 70ft from the machine then.
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
Has anyone sat there and gone fuck, I didnt realise quite how hated I was? I am getting to that point :pfff: :pfff:
That aside how is everyone doing this evening?
I've had many of those moments lol. Atleast you're not hated here! I'm doing alright I suppose, starting to cheer up a bit.
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
Oh yes. Many times. I've lost count of the things that have ended badly and the places I can never return to.
 
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A

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,729
2,809
Pondering whether I should move across the country and buy a shabby house where my dad lives to fix up with him. It's not the life I once imagined to live, but he will soon need a lot of help (had a stroke) and I do as well (financially) – as much as I don't want to admit it. Too much vanity and pride on my side? should I adjust to reality?

It's a mix of pride and not wanting to get his hopes up and hurting him even more should the effort fail.

It is beautiful here; very quiet, a lot of forest ... he bought a large piece of land with a little fish pond and trees. The house we could buy is shabby, but aesthetically pleasing, with trees in the backyard, a shed, and very secluded.

Sorry for the ramble. How are you guys doing? haven't been active the last couple of days
.
We wouldn't live in the same house (it's the same street)
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,905
7,678
Where you live looks cool and it would be a shame to leave but it does sound from what you say that you could help each other. And the new place doesn't sound too bad.
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,651
8,918
Pondering whether I should move across the country and buy a shabby house where my dad lives to fix up with him. It's not the life I once imagined to live, but he will soon need a lot of help (had a stroke) and I do as well (financially) – as much as I don't want to admit it. Too much vanity and pride on my side? should I adjust to reality?

It's a mix of pride and not wanting to get his hopes up and hurting him even more should the effort fail.

It is beautiful here; very quiet, a lot of forest ... he bought a large piece of land with a little fish pond and trees. The house we could buy is shabby, but aesthetically pleasing, with trees in the backyard, a shed, and very secluded.

Sorry for the ramble. How are you guys doing? haven't been active the last couple of days
I'd say go for it man! Maybe a change of scenery will do you some good. All things are temporary anyways.
 
A

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,729
2,809
Where you live looks cool and it would be a shame to leave but it does sound from what you say that you could help each other. And the new place doesn't sound too bad.
It just needs some work done, you could turn it into something quite beautiful. My dad has money, I think it's just not wanting to admit failure as a man to move back and be dependant on him, you know? But then again, he has lost a child already and I would like to spare him the grief