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The only way to escape my family is to commit suicide

DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
It pains me, really pains me, to say this but I feel its the only option at this point. Nothing will get better. Nobody listens to me when they talk. Nobody takes mental health seriously. I dont have any friends/family to stay by and no job or income. I thought I could hold out till I graduate, but now that feels impossible. If I die, I just hope everyone here will understand and wont forget me
 
R

rt1989526

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
847
I felt the same way when I was in high school. If I could go back I would just force myself to put up with their bullshit until I graduated college then cut ties..instead I ran away from home twice and now I'm an uneducated fool working a shit job with the same mental illness I had back then.

If you can tough it out stay there and get thru college and then cut ties or else you're in for a rough ride. It only gets harder for people like us once you're on your own and the bills don't stop.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
I felt the same way when I was in high school. If I could go back I would just force myself to put up with their bullshit until I graduated college then cut ties..instead I ran away from home twice and now I'm an uneducated fool working a shit job with the same mental illness I had back then.

If you can tough it out stay there and get thru college and then cut ties or else you're in for a rough ride. It only gets harder for people like us once you're on your own and the bills don't stop.
Sounds like suicide is the answer....
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
Well it is for me I'm a bit older and screwed now. You still have a chance to live the life you want, if you can tough it out with them and just accept their bullshit and focus on getting a good career you could make it in life!
I'll see. I'll see.
 
RoseyBird

RoseyBird

Angelic
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
3,358
I know how trapped and hopeless it feels to be in a toxic upbringing household. I can understand why you feel death is the only way out. If you lived away from them the whole world might look different to you. I know it seems like a far of dream to be away, but each day is one day closer. I respect whatever you need to do, but remember if you do want to carry on we will be here for you.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
I know how trapped and hopeless it feels to be in a toxic upbringing household. I can understand why you feel death is the only way out. If you lived away from them the whole world might look different to you. I know it seems like a far of dream to be away, but each day is one day closer. I respect whatever you need to do, but remember if you do want to carry on we will be here for you.
Thanks
whatever happens just dont forget me. I dont want ot be forgotten here
 
RoseyBird

RoseyBird

Angelic
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
3,358
Thanks
whatever happens just dont forget me. I dont want ot be forgotten here
I’ll never forget you. Connecting with people here and saying goodbye doesn’t mean they are gone from our hearts and minds. I’ve been here a long time, and the names I’ve said goodbye to are still with me. You matter, and you are cared about.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
I’ll never forget you. Connecting with people here and saying goodbye doesn’t mean they are gone from our hearts and minds. I’ve been here a long time, and the names I’ve said goodbye to are still with me. You matter, and you are cared about.
thanks. people here really care for me unlike my family
 
T

tidalwxves

Veteran
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
188
It pains me, really pains me, to say this but I feel its the only option at this point. Nothing will get better. Nobody listens to me when they talk. Nobody takes mental health seriously. I dont have any friends/family to stay by and no job or income. I thought I could hold out till I graduate, but now that feels impossible. If I die, I just hope everyone here will understand and wont forget me
Thanks for opening up
Please be as gentle with yourself as possible, there is a way to get away from your family beyond CTB if thats the underlying issue. Please use this community to get what you need, this is not a situation that has to last forever. We can help you strategize about how to get an income, how to hide/save money for your own place, you may feel stuck you that doesn't mean you are. I hope you get some peace soon
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
Thanks for opening up
Please be as gentle with yourself as possible, there is a way to get away from your family beyond CTB if thats the underlying issue. Please use this community to get what you need, this is not a situation that has to last forever. We can help you strategize about how to get an income, how to hide/save money for your own place, you may feel stuck you that doesn't mean you are. I hope you get some peace soon
I dont even know how to get an income when I am too lazy to work
 
T

tidalwxves

Veteran
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
188
I dont even know how to get an income when I am too lazy to work
Well, you know I have to honest with you. If you want to free yourself it will require work. But it won't all be work, it will be taking the time to learn about yourself to love yourself and indulge your hobbies. You will have to work, but CTB is also work, its requires money energy, planning etc. so why not at least try to commit that energy to at least trying to heal?
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
Well, you know I have to honest with you. If you want to free yourself it will require work. But it won't all be work, it will be taking the time to learn about yourself to love yourself and indulge your hobbies. You will have to work, but CTB is also work, its requires money energy, planning etc. so why not at least try to commit that energy to at least trying to heal?
I cant answer that. All I know is that I am tired of trying to survive
 
R

rt1989526

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
847
It is very hard to survive on your own in today's world with mental illness. Very hard. The bills never stop, the bullshit never stops.

I think you should try and stay at home as long as you can and work on yourself and how you react to your family. They will never see your point of view. But you might do yourself a great favor if you can make it work with them and just focus on getting a career so you can branch out when you're ready. Life is so hard when you're alone with mental illness.
 
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Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

Veteran
Joined
Jun 17, 2020
Messages
112
How much longer until you're expected to graduate? I don't know what your particular family situation is, but I was a difficult (read: not neurotypical in several regards) child growing up in a home that was often ill-equipped to meet my (non-material) needs. Narcissistic parent. I often felt that there was no way out, and that the only way I could fix things (at the time, I felt responsible for all of the dysfunction and strife) was to remove myself from the equation permanently via suicide. I remember being eight years old and feeling that I had to kill myself in order to save them. It sucked (understatement).

I made it out. Obviously, I'm on SS, so there's that... but I've also accomplished things I never would have thought possible. I took a strange, cursory path to get here, but for the most part, I am living the life that I wanted when I was younger. (Or I would be, if said life hadn't also come equipped with severe, chronic, treatment-resistant mental illness. Which is why I'm here.)

You are young. Suicide will always be an option, but it is so final. I know right now feels like an eternity, but I think you deserve the opportunity to experience what life could be like on your terms. Do it to spite them, if you have to.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
How much longer until you're expected to graduate? I don't know what your particular family situation is, but I was a difficult (read: not neurotypical in several regards) child growing up in a home that was often ill-equipped to meet my (non-material) needs. Narcissistic parent. I often felt that there was no way out, and that the only way I could fix things (at the time, I felt responsible for all of the dysfunction and strife) was to remove myself from the equation permanently via suicide. I remember being eight years old and feeling that I had to kill myself in order to save them. It sucked (understatement).

I made it out. Obviously, I'm on SS, so there's that... but I've also accomplished things I never would have thought possible. I took a strange, cursory path to get here, but for the most part, I am living the life that I wanted when I was younger. (Or I would be, if said life hadn't also come equipped with severe, chronic, treatment-resistant mental illness. Which is why I'm here.)

You are young. Suicide will always be an option, but it is so final. I know right now feels like an eternity, but I think you deserve the opportunity to experience what life could be like on your terms. Do it to spite them, if you have to.
I want to kill myself to spite them
I took a knife from my kitchen unbeknownst to my dad and brother. I wanted to cut myself. I grabbed the knife and my wrist kept shaking. I tried ot pierce my skin but I couldn't. I am so scared....
 
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JosephBrasil

JosephBrasil

Veteran
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
153
I am in the same situation as you, my family has neglected me for years and I doubt that they will pay for any study, if I cannot have a good job and a good life I prefer to die than being more of a government slave
 
clayp

clayp

-
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
143
Same my parents just call me lazy. I gave up talking about my state of mind with them. Instead just talk to my doctor, close friends and now in here.
 
okaoki

okaoki

last
Joined
Aug 4, 2018
Messages
232
same here , no job/ friend and broke , stuck with family who keeps hurting me ,everyday the same
can't have any peace moment ,hard to breathe.
 
B

bigdog

Wise
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
281
Yeah toxic family is the worst thing possible by far! I mean combination of double binds and different other disfunctional behaviour or even energy incoming from these people can make you miserable and nobody from outside won't recognise it. It is a real problem and very hard to overcome. They purposefully destroy you and it becomes harder to change. I don't know only luck can help. Maybe if you have strength move away but be prepared to give yourself some time to rewire your brain after toxicity. I move out miraculously and it took me 1 year to change completely. But I had money. If you don't have money and your health is already detoriated because of this scum it would be very hard to restart and try
They somehow suck all the energy from you and you are left with nothing
 
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flatearth

flatearth

dot
Joined
Aug 27, 2020
Messages
76
if this is how you truly feel then go for it. really think about every option you have.
i sincerely think you will make the right choice:heart:
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
702
I am in the same situation as you, my family has neglected me for years and I doubt that they will pay for any study, if I cannot have a good job and a good life I prefer to die than being more of a government slave
Dad pays for my college, the issue is that he has no backbone to deal with my abusive brother
Yeah toxic family is the worst thing possible by far! I mean combination of double binds and different other disfunctional behaviour or even energy incoming from these people can make you miserable and nobody from outside won't recognise it. It is a real problem and very hard to overcome. They purposefully destroy you and it becomes harder to change. I don't know only luck can help. Maybe if you have strength move away but be prepared to give yourself some time to rewire your brain after toxicity. I move out miraculously and it took me 1 year to change completely. But I had money. If you don't have money and your health is already detoriated because of this scum it would be very hard to restart and try
They somehow suck all the energy from you and you are left with nothing
thats the thing. It'll take me forever to be normal
 

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