“That’s life!” - Goodbye everyone (:

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HorribleFeelings1

HorribleFeelings1

Its a hard knock life
Jan 18, 2020
181
337
I joined SS in January, after being depressed for too long, I wanted to see if suicide was an option, after website after website after website, I couldn’t find the one suitable for me, till I found a website mentioning SS and boom, home I was in. At first I couldn’t believe it, but after being a bystander looking at the forums, it was amazing to see the type of community you all are. “Pro choice” the people called themselves, what deemed to be a rare title. A subject frowned upon almost the whole world, a topic mentioned once and you won’t be able to go back . The world of suicide, I can see it. A safe place this is, a.....magnificent way of love shared throughout each other. You couldn’t be alone, there was always someone here for you. “I want to die” was peacefully said here. My whole life, I’ve been through hell, sometimes I went through heaven. It was a fun ride I’ll tell you

Being neglected by family, in the past affected me, however my family loves me now. Being bullied, abused, betrayed, left. Boy a lot happened to me. I mean it isn’t anything shocking. Relationships hit me the most. My first one, my ex cheated on me. Tried to commit suicide but learned for the best. But the last relationship. I ruined it, all my fault, all of it. If I never did this, if I never did that. I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t lose my best friends and lover. I would be the happiest man on earth. Seems cliche and cringe but I mean it. But now it’s time to pay for my actions, everything comes with a price. Time for me to leave as a punishment. It’s over for me.
My original date was going to be April 4 or March 28 but things keep getting worse and I just can’t handle it anymore. Today I had a mental breakdown in my head, I ditched my school because I couldn’t handle the pain, it was horrible. Now I realize I can’t go on anymore, it hurts to much. I don’t want to care about my life or others around me, I don’t want to care about ANYTHING anymore but my death and finally finding peace.

SS family, I will departure soon, this Saturday, February 15, With a smile on my face, with the pain growing everyday. My destiny was always death, I’m.....fine with it. I’m glad I was able to find a bit of home within this website, being there for others and others being there for me. I joined January, not that long ago but it felt so long for me. I met so many incredible people. You all are way to loving and caring for someone who deserves to die. I wish I can give you all a big hug in real life for being there for me, you didn’t have to, you didn’t have to give me anything, but to those who did, thank you so much.

I’m doing SN without meto, I’m doing stat dose, pretty simple. With tums and ibuprofen. Thank you for accepting me once again. If I have any requests from you guys , please be respectful to everyone. We are all suffering, no one wants to feel left out of here. Good luck to those who want to CTB, I hope you find peace. And I hope to those who are recovering, recovers.

Before I leave I want to say, I can’t promise I will commit suicide this Saturday, anything can happen and my emotions can hold off to a sooner date. Like I mentioned, my original plan was April 4 or March 28. If it stills gets too hard then I’m going to die this Saturday, but if there is any hope shedded on me, I will hold on longer.

IMPORTANT: Mods, if I don’t give an update if I am still alive or not till February 18, please ban me.

That’s it, thank you for reading and always remember!

“That’s life!”
 
Last edited:
enjoy

enjoy

Creature
Dec 20, 2019
237
416
saw you around here a lot for someone who's only been a member for a month. i think we would've gotten along pretty well. i'm sorry it's come to this for you, but do remember that we're here and we won't judge you if you happen to change your mind. peace and hugs.
 
randomz

randomz

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
202
352
I am sorry for everything that happened to you in order for you to decide you have to CTB. I hope to actually reconsider your decision as I don't think you "deserve" to die as you said it - no amount of mistakes in your relationships with either love partners or friends is enough to make you feel this way. At least in my opinion. If anything what you feel now is a proof that you care about others and hurting their emotions, which shows how good of a person you are. And the world needs good people.
Mistakes are just events in our lives, mistakes are not people. At least that's what I think.
 
H

HadEnough1974

My custom title goes here
Jan 14, 2020
184
329
I joined SS in January, after being depressed for too long, I wanted to see if suicide was an option, after website after website after website, I couldn’t find the one suitable for me, till I found a website mentioning SS and boom, home I was in. At first I couldn’t believe it, but after being a bystander looking at the forums, it was amazing to see the type of community you all are. “Pro choice” the people called themselves, what deemed to be a rare title. A subject frowned upon almost the whole world, a topic mentioned once and you won’t be able to go back . The world of suicide, I can see it. A safe place this is, a.....magnificent way of love shared throughout each other. You couldn’t be alone, there was always someone here for you. “I want to die” was peacefully said here. My whole life, I’ve been through hell, sometimes I went through heaven. It was a fun ride I’ll tell you

Being neglected by family, in the past affected me, however my family loves me now. Being bullied, abused, betrayed, left. Boy a lot happened to me. I mean it isn’t anything shocking. Relationships hit me the most. My first one, my ex cheated on me. Tried to commit suicide but learned for the best. But the last relationship. I ruined it, all my fault, all of it. If I never did this, if I never did that. I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t lose my best friends and lover. I would be the happiest man on earth. Seems cliche and cringe but I mean it. But now it’s time to pay for my actions, everything comes with a price. Time for me to leave as a punishment. It’s over for me.
My original date was going to be April 4 or March 28 but things keep getting worse and I just can’t handle it anymore. Today I had a mental breakdown in my head, I ditched my school because I couldn’t handle the pain, it was horrible. Now I realize I can’t go on anymore, it hurts to much. I don’t want to care about my life or others around me, I don’t want to care about ANYTHING anymore but my death and finally finding peace.

SS family, I will departure soon, this Saturday, February 15, With a smile on my face, with the pain growing everyday. My destiny was always death, I’m.....fine with it. I’m glad I was able to find a bit of home within this website, being there for others and others being there for me. I joined January, not that long ago but it felt so long for me. I met so many incredible people. You all are way to loving and caring for someone who deserves to die. I wish I can give you all a big hug in real life for being there for me, you didn’t have to, you didn’t have to give me anything, but to those who did, thank you so much.

I’m doing SN without meto, I’m doing stat dose, pretty simple. With tums and ibuprofen. Thank you for accepting me once again. If I have any requests from you guys , please be respectful to everyone. We are all suffering, no one wants to feel left out of here. Good luck to those who want to CTB, I hope you find peace. And I hope to those who are recovering, recovers.

Before I leave I want to say, I can’t promise I will commit suicide this Saturday, anything can happen and my emotions can hold off to a sooner date. Like I mentioned, my original plan was April 4 or March 28. If it stills gets too hard then I’m going to die this Saturday, but if there is any hope shedded on me, I will hold on longer.

IMPORTANT: Mods, if I don’t give an update if I am still alive or not till February 18, please ban me.

That’s it, thank you for reading and always remember!

“That’s life!”
You write so well. You are so mature. You are an old soul. If you change your mind, it’s ok. We love you.
 
MsMaudlin

MsMaudlin

Specialist
Dec 8, 2019
344
771
Surrounding you with love and strength for a peaceful journey whichever path you take ❤
 
Sensei

Sensei

Illuminated
Nov 4, 2019
1,161
2,223
I understand that there's more to this than a broken relationship, but as for that particular part, you've been lucky enough to find love more than once in your life, so it's not impossible that it'll happen again. There are members of this forum who would kill just to get a date. I think you should wait, but if you decide to go through with it, I can't stop you and I hope that you never will feel pain again.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
1,609
4,498
I am sorry for everything that happened to you in order for you to decide you have to CTB. I hope to actually reconsider your decision as I don't think you "deserve" to die as you said it - no amount of mistakes in your relationships with either love partners or friends is enough to make you feel this way. At least in my opinion. If anything what you feel now is a proof that you care about others and hurting their emotions, which shows how good of a person you are. And the world needs good people.
Mistakes are just events in our lives, mistakes are not people. At least that's what I think.
I'm going to hold onto these words for personal reasons if that's alright with you
 
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Reactions: randomz
Supertramp

Supertramp

Member
Feb 9, 2020
11
27
I wish you peace. If you need to reach out today or tomorrow don't hesitate to PM.
 
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Reactions: Sensei
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
3,220
6,663
Please be gentle with yourself, whatever you decide to do. You deserve gentle considerate understanding and warmth. I hope for the best outcomes for you. x
 
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Reactions: Quarky00 and Sensei
thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - time is getting closer...
Aug 30, 2018
3,799
12,510
I'm sorry to hear that you are going to go sooner than you anticipated. If you are still around, then I wish you the best and peace in whatever decision you decide to take. :hug:
 
ghostspace

ghostspace

ghost space, ghosts pace
Feb 10, 2020
104
258
I’ll miss you. Truly, I will, you’re the first and only person to PM me and it meant a lot to me when I was newer here. You made me feel welcome ♡ Please take care, no matter what you do, know that you have all of us here 24/7 caring and thinking about you.
 
zherhk

zherhk

Veteran
Nov 25, 2019
116
188
Hi @HorribleFeelings1.
The past hurts, but it matters now, and if you feel loved now by your family, things got finally fixed.
What jumps out to me after reading your post (keep in mind we make thoughts about what you only let us know by words, and based on our experience) is that your well being could depends too much on how others behave with you.

The pain happens when someone invest his own mind with expectations and those expectations are not addressed. Everyone do that.
Since we can't control other people to behave as we please, and we wouldn't be happy neither on the other side, we can control our reaction when things we don't like happens.

You don't deserve to be thrown left and right because of others.
Please don't allow other people to have such power on you.

You wrote about school, you could be really young, but that's not the point, at any age you can work on that.

About the mistakes you made, if we don't make them, we will never understand what is the best/worst thing to do.

Good luck whatever you decide.
 
UpandDownPrincess

UpandDownPrincess

Wise
Dec 31, 2019
269
475
HorribleFeelings1-

Oh, my heart hurts for you today!

There is so much in your post that seems to have a positive edge. Must it be so soon?

If this is time, I wish you a peaceful journey into the light.

If it feels wrong, even at the last second, come back to us. We'll be here.

:heart:
 
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Reactions: Supertramp
MysticPerception

MysticPerception

I'm back and I'll still smile for you
Dec 31, 2019
1,180
2,084
I come back and everyone starts wanting to leave! Well I won't try to stop your or anything that's just mean. But don't feel bad if you back down, it's not the end of the world if you do there's always later. Anyway, I hope you find peace and can finally be free from your suffering. Good luck without the meto, you're gonna need it.
 
C

ClonesAnnoyMe

-
Feb 7, 2020
134
108
Hey man just wanted to say please don't leave, I've been cheated on by multiple women. Its terrible but weed gave me a will to live. I hope you find something that gives you a will to live.

Have you tried getting help?

You seem like a thoughtful person, please don't ctb

I messaged you
 
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zherhk

zherhk

Veteran
Nov 25, 2019
116
188
We understand that basking in feelings could feel good.
Try to find the desire to rise from the fact that the cause of your discomfort falls completely into something you can actually change.
 
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Anon2662

Anon2662

Just a girl trapped in a psychological prison
Feb 13, 2020
127
175
I know what you mean about finding ‘home’. I’m a new member, although have been on here a few times before signing up and I can’t explain the relief I feel just reading other people’s post and the replies.. not because I’m glad people are feeling the way they do, but that people on here are so understanding and non judgemental. I hope you find peace whatever the outcome
 
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Reactions: Lady Lazarus 2020
ghostspace

ghostspace

ghost space, ghosts pace
Feb 10, 2020
104
258
Today is a special day, the day I tried to commit suicide at age 15. Wow does time fly so fast. Kinda funny because I might do it again today.
please message me, if you can. it breaks my heart that you’re leaving us.
 
itssasssh144

itssasssh144

Member
Jun 16, 2019
8
11
Hey, I appreciate the messages we exchanged. Thank you for not leaving me alone. There is much good to see if you stay but I also respect your decision of course. I appreciate your existence, thank you for being a part of my life, even if we didn't talk so much. I wish you the best, and we will always be here to welcome you back. :heart:
 
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Quarky00

Quarky00

Illuminated
Dec 17, 2019
1,000
2,022
I don't think a person should die as "punishment" for their wrongdoing , "paying" for what they did , or that they "deserve it" . I understand where it comes from and accept it , but it's painful to hear . And obviously even more painful to feel :heart: I guess we are here to provide comfort with one's final decision , but I cannot find words to comfort that misery .. All I can say is that I am with you in your path . Sending a warm embrace :hug:

I am not up to date with things lately , but if you do want to share on this thread how you lost everything and cannot live with the result or the blame , please feel free to do so

As others mentioned you've expressed yourself beautifully , and it'd be a shame to let you go (no guilt trip just appreciation:)
 
J

jgm63

Illuminated
Oct 28, 2019
1,633
2,533
I come back and everyone starts wanting to leave! Well I won't try to stop your or anything that's just mean. But don't feel bad if you back down, it's not the end of the world if you do there's always later. Anyway, I hope you find peace and can finally be free from your suffering. Good luck without the meto, you're gonna need it.
Keep in mind that some people seem to do okay without antiemetic, although obviously it is much better if you can get it.
e.g. @NeCkDeEp was confident in her wine drinking ability without throwing up and therefore felt confident to skip the antiemetic and succeeded (to the best of our knowledge)
Perhaps the OP also feels a degree of confidence that they might be ok without the antiemetic.
But yes, the general advice is definitely to try to get the antiemetic, especially if you want to be *really sure* about your attempt, and obviously I respect that in your particular case you found it was very much needed....

:heart:
 
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