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Suicidal with no support

K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
I was in an accident and my face got destroyed. There is no fixing it. My life is shit. No more dating, no more friends, nothing. The friends I had moved on with their lives and don't talk to me anymore. My family doesn't care about me. My therapists left bc they know I have suicide plans and don't want to be liable. I have zero support. So why the fuck should I stay alive?? This is a fucking nightmare
 
Y

Yulieth Manjarrez

Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
10
Yo también quieri hacerlo como una amenaza y no se como.. Me pueden ayudar
 
WornOutLife

WornOutLife

90% an atheist
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
311
Thank you. Will death bring me peace? Or am I gonna be punished like I am in life?
It'll bring you peace because death is either eternal darkness or some better after life (that's why we're meant to suffer in this one).
If something worse is coming, then we're ruled by devils and everything will suck forever and ever but I don't think so. I'd say there's nothing out there when we die.
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
It'll bring you peace because death is either eternal darkness or some better after life (that's why we're meant to suffer in this one).
If something worse is coming, then we're ruled by devils and everything will suck forever and ever but I don't think so. I'd say there's nothing out there when we die.
Thank you. Even nothingness is better than this shit. I'm just tired of religious people saying dying by suicide is sin and it causes suffering
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
608
Thank you. Will death bring me peace? Or am I gonna be punished like I am in life?
Peace is a feeling so I have to be honest, I don’t think any of us will ever be at peace or feel relief. We will just cease to be conscious of our suffering, we will no longer feel anything at all. I believe when it’s over it is over and there’s nothing afterward.

I am very sorry your face got destroyed, that is one of the worst things that can happen in my opinion. I wasn’t in a freak accident or anything but I was born rather unfortunate looking and then had things happen to me to compound the issue to an unacceptable degree. It causes me a great deal of physical and emotional/psychological pain. I don’t feel at home in my body, I feel absolutely suffocated, trapped and disturbed that people call this thing by my name. I do not identify with it and it is very unfair that I am forced to filter myself through something that doesn’t match or even allow me to be who I am. This is how I am forced to portray myself to the world and unfortunately humans are very superficial and visually based creatures. I try not to feed into that sentiment-at least toward others-but I also cannot deny its truth, and the fact that I need to be comfortable in my body in order to live.

You would think this is something that would illicit sympathy and support, but I’ve found that it’s one of those things that rarely does. Even if the person is genuinely deformed or incapacitated...people either dismiss or distance themselves from the situation. I mean what are you to do? If there is no fixing it and there is no living with it, I understand why you are here. It is horrible that even your own family does not give a shit. I ask myself the same thing, why the fuck should I still be here when not only am I royally fucked over but no one cares that I am, save for me!

What are your plans?
Thank you. Even nothingness is better than this shit. I'm just tired of religious people saying dying by suicide is sin and it causes suffering
Religion is societally accepted delusion.
I scoff at my own religious family members...the nerve they have to believe in a god and pray to him when so many suffer around them..disgusting. They’re the ones who should get diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, of all people. Suicide is not a sin, not even in a secular way. I mean even if it was, I would still do it! I would spit in the face of that nonsense and if I went to Hell then I would just keep going, fight the bastards that put me there because suicide being a punishable crime is ass backwards...the whole reason we commit suicide is because we have already been punished by life..what kind of moron would punish people for being punished!?
I guess only the religious folk can be that willfully immoral and stupid. Pay them no mind. Most of the people who spew that garbage wouldn’t last a day in the shoes of the people they lecture.
 
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H

Hopeindeath!

Elementalist
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
730
Welcome. :hug: I am so sorry for what happened to you in an accident. I wish I had the words to know what to say to you, but I don't. I can only send you a hug.:hug:
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
Peace is a feeling so I have to be honest, I don’t think any of us will ever be at peace or feel relief. We will just cease to be conscious of our suffering, we will no longer feel anything at all. I believe when it’s over it is over and there’s nothing afterward.

I am very sorry your face got destroyed, that is one of the worst things that can happen in my opinion. I wasn’t in a freak accident or anything but I was born rather unfortunate looking and then had things happen to me to compound the issue to an unacceptable degree. It causes me a great deal of physical and emotional/psychological pain. I don’t feel at home in my body, I feel absolutely suffocated, trapped and disturbed that people call this thing by my name. I do not identify with it and it is very unfair that I am forced to filter myself through something that doesn’t match or even allow me to be who I am. This is how I am forced to portray myself to the world and unfortunately humans are very superficial and visually based creatures. I try not to feed into that sentiment-at least toward others-but I also cannot deny its truth, and the fact that I need to be comfortable in my body in order to live.

You would think this is something that would illicit sympathy and support, but I’ve found that it’s one of those things that rarely does. Even if the person is genuinely deformed or incapacitated...people either dismiss or distance themselves from the situation. I mean what are you to do? If there is no fixing it and there is no living with it, I understand why you are here. It is horrible that even your own family does not give a shit. I ask myself the same thing, why the fuck should I still be here when not only am I royally fucked over but no one cares that I am, save for me!

What are your plans?

Religion is societally accepted delusion.
I scoff at my own religious family members...the nerve they have to believe in a god and pray to him when so many suffer around them..disgusting. They’re the ones who should get diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, of all people. Suicide is not a sin, not even in a secular way. I mean even if it was, I would still do it! I would spit in the face of that nonsense and if I went to Hell then I would just keep going, fight the bastards that put me there because suicide being a punishable crime is ass backwards...the whole reason we commit suicide is because we have already been punished by life..what kind of moron would punish people for being punished!?
I guess only the religious folk can be that willfully immoral and stupid. Pay them no mind. Most of the people who spew that garbage wouldn’t last a day in the shoes of the people they lecture.
It sounds like you have a good idea of what my suffering is like. You've explained it better than anyone. This is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. I should have died. I know you say we don't feel peace after death because we don't feel anything. But isn't feeling nothing a sense of peace?
I have tried so many ways to live with this, but I can't because I'm human and humans need other humans, but I am shunned from society. Guys that used to have a crush on me blocked me from social media once they found out what happened.
My plan? I qualified for assisted death. But it's still a hard thing to go through
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
608
It sounds like you have a good idea of what my suffering is like. You've explained it better than anyone. This is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. I should have died. I know you say we don't feel peace after death because we don't feel anything. But isn't feeling nothing a sense of peace?
I have tried so many ways to live with this, but I can't because I'm human and humans need other humans, but I am shunned from society. Guys that used to have a crush on me blocked me from social media once they found out what happened.
My plan? I qualified for assisted death. But it's still a hard thing to go through
Well I’m glad you think I described this sort of thing with due justice.
Yes I suppose the definition of peace depends on how you look at it. Just personally, I don’t think about it that way since I won’t be able to sense it or feel it (and I would love to be able to). I just think of it as a way for the suffering to finally be over, or at least, I won’t be feeling it-or anything-anymore. So that’s not the word that comes to mind for me, I know a lot of people feel differently on this site.

Oh you did, do you feel comfortable saying what country you’re from and what program accepted you?
I hear you though, if death was easy I wouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have to be forced into that option, no one should have to be put in the position you have been put in. All this suffering does is put people between a rock and a hard place, there is no simple or pleasant way out.
 
goodbyebunny

goodbyebunny

</3
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
73
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Is death really what you want? Or do you want peace, and see no way towards that except dying? Either way, your decisions are your own and you deserve support in whatever path you want to go down.
 
T

TooConscious

Veteran
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
180
Some people were born with no social ability and unappealing looks and nevervhave/had the opportunity to date or feel someone's compassionate touch. It sucks for them but it also sucks for you having had it and thinking you've lost it.
It boils down to the whole of existence sucks it's a very cruel joke, nothing more.
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
Well I’m glad you think I described this sort of thing with due justice.
Yes I suppose the definition of peace depends on how you look at it. Just personally, I don’t think about it that way since I won’t be able to sense it or feel it (and I would love to be able to). I just think of it as a way for the suffering to finally be over, or at least, I won’t be feeling it-or anything-anymore. So that’s not the word that comes to mind for me, I know a lot of people feel differently on this site.

Oh you did, do you feel comfortable saying what country you’re from and what program accepted you?
I hear you though, if death was easy I wouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have to be forced into that option, no one should have to be put in the position you have been put in. All this suffering does is put people between a rock and a hard place, there is no simple or pleasant way out.
Yes, people on here seem to think death will solve all their problems. But unless you are in permanent physical or mental pain, it does nothing good for you. People glamorize it as if it'll give them a second chance.
Unfortunately for me (and maybe you?) It's the better alternative than suffering through what life brings to those who are deformed or very ugky--isolation, lonliness, depression, anxiety, etc.
I'm going to the netherlands. Why are you suicidal?
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
I've been struggling with this all my life. I didn't have to have an accident, I am ugly from the start. Such people are dehumanized, exploited.
Are you male or female? If you're a man, you can make money and buy love that way
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Is death really what you want? Or do you want peace, and see no way towards that except dying? Either way, your decisions are your own and you deserve support in whatever path you want to go down.
I don't think death is what anyone wants, but ive tried every other alternative and it doesn't work. Death is better than being ostracized by society, because we all die, but most people aren't shunned by society
I could be your friend if you want me to.
Thank you
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Angelic
Joined
Aug 19, 2019
Messages
2,559
I was born a monkey and then my face got disfigured. The ugly may or may not get something, but they will never have what the pretty have.

You know what is worse? When somebody does find you very beautiful, and he is so disgusting that you are even more humiliated because he does.
 
Symbiote

Symbiote

All.F*cked.Up
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
219
Are you male or female? If you're a man, you can make money and buy love that way
Pfft, what a load of crock. Can never buy love, because if you can buy it, they're only there because you're a meal ticket to them. Not because they're genuinely attracted to you. Plus those people who bought their love were never happy in the first place because deep down, they know the person they have never truly loves them for who they are. I am only loved by what I provide in terms of fiscal responsibility to the person I'm with. If I lost my job or went bankrupt, will they still be there?
 
ocd is bad

ocd is bad

Sad
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
207
I was in an accident and my face got destroyed. There is no fixing it. My life is shit. No more dating, no more friends, nothing. The friends I had moved on with their lives and don't talk to me anymore. My family doesn't care about me. My therapists left bc they know I have suicide plans and don't want to be liable. I have zero support. So why the fuck should I stay alive?? This is a fucking nightmare
I'm really sorry people treat you like this. It sucks how shallow people can be and how friends come and go. Btw your therapists sound like bad people for abandoning you like that.

Can never buy love, because if you can buy it, they're only there because you're a meal ticket to them. Not because they're genuinely attracted to you. Plus those people who bought their love were never happy in the first place because deep down, they know the person they have never truly loves them for who they are. I am only loved by what I provide in terms of fiscal responsibility to the person I'm with. If I lost my job or went bankrupt, will they still be there?
I agree that money can't buy love. I think it's never worth being with someone who just views you as a human atm machine.
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
Pfft, what a load of crock. Can never buy love, because if you can buy it, they're only there because you're a meal ticket to them. Not because they're genuinely attracted to you. Plus those people who bought their love were never happy in the first place because deep down, they know the person they have never truly loves them for who they are. I am only loved by what I provide in terms of fiscal responsibility to the person I'm with. If I lost my job or went bankrupt, will they still be there?
I'd rather have someone use me for money than no one like I have now. This is bullshit
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
I was born a monkey and then my face got disfigured. The ugly may or may not get something, but they will never have what the pretty have.

You know what is worse? When somebody does find you very beautiful, and he is so disgusting that you are even more humiliated because he does.
What happened to you to get disfigured?
 
JustAnotherBrick

JustAnotherBrick

Veteran
Joined
Oct 7, 2020
Messages
105
It sounds like you have a good idea of what my suffering is like. You've explained it better than anyone. This is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. I should have died. I know you say we don't feel peace after death because we don't feel anything. But isn't feeling nothing a sense of peace?
I have tried so many ways to live with this, but I can't because I'm human and humans need other humans, but I am shunned from society. Guys that used to have a crush on me blocked me from social media once they found out what happened.
My plan? I qualified for assisted death. But it's still a hard thing to go through
I feel very sorry for you, I don't know why us humans only praise by physical appearance, I'm guilty as well, some girl had crush on me I rejected them because they were fat, I bet I wouldn't have done that if they were cute, that is fucking sad tbh and I truly feel I could love a girl for her personality only and not care about her physic but I'd be call out by others and society, my friends and parents would be disappointed, only way I think I could have someone that is not physically appealing in my life would be to isolated myself and that person from others, and surround myself with other alike people. I guess some guys are strong enough not care about others jugement, but if they are that strong they probably have enough to options to not choosing that same person, but I promess that for that the time I have left on this earth, I will not judge anyone by their physical appearance, at least I will try my best not to.
 
K

Karencalle

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
9
I feel very sorry for you, I don't know why us humans only praise by physical appearance, I'm guilty as well, some girl had crush on me I rejected them because they were fat, I bet I wouldn't have done that if they were cute, that is fucking sad tbh and I truly feel I could love a girl for her personality only and not care about her physic but I'd be call out by others and society, my friends and parents would be disappointed, only way I think I could have someone that is not physically appealing in my life would be to isolated myself and that person from others, and surround myself with other alike people. I guess some guys are strong enough not care about others jugement, but if they are that strong they probably have enough to options to not choosing that same person, but I promess that for that the time I have left on this earth, I will not judge anyone by their physical appearance, at least I will try my best not to.
Thanks for your honesty, but it's not just about being accepted by other people, it's the loss of my identity. I feel like I died and I'm in permanent morning of my facial features that made me ME. I'm constantly sick to my stomach and I tried to live with it, but I really can't. Is death such a bad thing if you have to live everyday unloved and in fear, isolation, anxiety?
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Angelic
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
2,143
Is death such a bad thing if you have to live everyday unloved and in fear, isolation, anxiety?
It's your own life and feelings about it. No one can decide but you. It sounds terrible.
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Joined
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
2,149
Thanks for your honesty, but it's not just about being accepted by other people, it's the loss of my identity. I feel like I died and I'm in permanent morning of my facial features that made me ME. I'm constantly sick to my stomach and I tried to live with it, but I really can't. Is death such a bad thing if you have to live everyday unloved and in fear, isolation, anxiety?
I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to know I really relate to what you described here. You're not alone feeling this way. While my face wasn't harmed, I was surgically disfigured and the damage isn't something I can ever accept. It's not vanity; it's that I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel like I died in the operating room, and there's no coming back. I'm permanently grieving myself and who I used to be, and I don't feel I can ever let anyone in again. Not fully.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know you're not the only one. If you ever want to talk about what you're going through, feel free to PM me.
 
R

Reach

Member
Joined
Jun 28, 2020
Messages
50
I don’t feel at home in my body, I feel absolutely suffocated, trapped and disturbed that people call this thing by my name. I do not identify with it and it is very unfair that I am forced to filter myself through something that doesn’t match or even allow me to be who I am. This is how I am forced to portray myself to the world and unfortunately humans are very superficial and visually based creatures. I try not to feed into that sentiment-at least toward others-but I also cannot deny its truth, and the fact that I need to be comfortable in my body in order to live.
This is me, thank you for describing it so beautifully.
It sounds like you have a good idea of what my suffering is like. You've explained it better than anyone. This is the most fucked up thing that can happen to anyone. I should have died. I know you say we don't feel peace after death because we don't feel anything. But isn't feeling nothing a sense of peace?
I have tried so many ways to live with this, but I can't because I'm human and humans need other humans, but I am shunned from society. Guys that used to have a crush on me blocked me from social media once they found out what happened.
My plan? I qualified for assisted death. But it's still a hard thing to go through
Would you mind sharing your story with assisted death? Like how did you get accepted, where, etc? It may help others here including me. :)
 
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dropdeadfred

dropdeadfred

At least we made the most of it, kid. ♡
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
50
Guys that used to have a crush on me blocked me from social media once they found out what happened.
Fuck them so hard. Reality is too much for their little baby minds to swallow. They just desire the inauthentic shallow life. Good riddance, bitches. This is a prime example of why I am 95% a misanthrope. The fuckasses far outweigh the good individuals, unfortunately. I hope you get relief, Karen. Fucking A, man.
 

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