"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
- Jul 1, 2020
ok so i got kicked out at the beginning of gr11. i was just a month or so away from taking my GED test and passing (i dont want to be egotistic or anything but if i failed my test id be surprised because ive always gotten As and Bs and the fact that this is basically the only thing stopping me makes it hurt that much more for me so i feel it should be added). i was so close. and then my mental disorders started to make themselves known and i just couldnt concentrate, i couldnt remember what i was learning so i had to put it down. that was about 3-4 years ago (my timing on a lot of the things i say may be off because the disorders i have are horrible on my memory and bioclock but im typically roughly in the ballpark). lately, the past few days ive been starting to feel a little better and id really love to give my GEDs another shot but im scared. im worried that "what if i do and then all my disorders come rushing back? do i really want to do this on what could possibly be a false hope just making me feel worse then i did before because again ive failed at something i shouldnt have" and its not so much that my disorders arent there as ive kind of inferred but more that they arent messing with my memory or anything making me feel that if i were to try again as of right now i have a chance at succeeding at it. but what if my memory starts to fail me again and i have to put it all down. im not sure if i should try again or if i should wait a little bit longer to see how this plays out. and if i do wait how long should i wait? i have an appointment on the 22nd with my therapist i mean....at least wait until then....maybe??? im not sure.