[Help] Relationship after SA *trigger warning*

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Mar 7, 2020
Long story short. I was raped almost exactly a year ago by a guy who was a good friend. Police dropped it as it was 'me versus him.' I also have BPD so the whole thing is a complete mess.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for about six years and I'm struggling with intimacy still now. Even touching him feels wrong. I feel repulsed with my body and don't want to be near any man right now, and maybe not ever. Even a guy who I know loves me. It doesn't feel fair on him.

I'm working through it with my therapist. I just wanted to know I'm not alone. Has anyone had a relationship survive rape? Did your relationship with sex recover? I'm even wondering if my experience might even have changed my sexual preference altogether. I feel so much guilt and shame.


Apr 2, 2019
Hi. <3

I want to start by saying that your feelings are valid. You’re not wrong in any way for feeling or thinking the way you do. You were scarred. And you recognize that. It’s very strong of you.

If your partner is knowledgeable of the situation, and of your past, and he’s still with you, he seems to be patient enough to allow you to trust him as times goes. Sure, sex is important but your lover isn’t with you solely for sex. He’s with you for YOU. Inside. When you’re ready, it’ll happen and you don’t need to feel awful for it. I understand that’s not something you can help, but try to acknowledge it and ask your partner for help. Being communicative and open will allow for understanding on both sides.
If it’s suitable, thank him for understanding and being patient and present while you build yourself up again.
If your sexual preferences have changed, try new things as you’re comfortable. Have a safe word, y’know? Do what you love and experiment with fun ideas to make sex intimate and enjoyable again. It will not remain traumatic forever.
You have no time limit, darlin, you’re doing great.
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