[Discussion] Regret?

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disableddoll

disableddoll

Member
Jul 3, 2019
14
27
What is your biggest regret in life? or your only regret?

I’m entirely pissed with myself for committing to a serious relationship with my boyfriend when i knew at the time i shouldnt date anyone because of my plans to ctb. I don’t know i had just never felt so crazy about a person. Anyways he was recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia and i’m entirely worried about how he would handle my death. I’m sure he’d want me to break up with him first but then wouldn’t the emotional toll be greater?? Like i live with him and his mother so how do i even go about writing a note? And finding a safe place to commit is even harder ... I don’t want them to find me like that, I’m sure he’d never recover
 
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oopswronglife

Master
Jun 27, 2019
448
1,066
My regrets mostly revolve around trusting people who I should not have...and who permanently damaged my life. The problem is I couldn't have known better and were I to be sent back without future knowledge I'd do the exact same thing again. I did everything a reasonable person would before trusting and still got hosed. The reflexive "never trust anyone" lesson from that doesn't work either as not everyone is bad and you cannot survive in this world all alone. But I will be damned if I can figure out the point of it all. What good is a lesson you cannot apply because its contradictory or learned too late when the damage is permanently done?
 
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saomao

Veteran
Jun 12, 2019
105
106
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
 
Broken Chimera

Broken Chimera

Waiting For The End
May 27, 2019
77
184
I didn't ctb when I should've. Now I'm paying for it. Things happened to where there's no coming back from.
I didn't ctb when I should've. Now I'm paying for it. Things happened to where there's no coming back from.

@saomao Weed didn't destroy my life, but it messed with me. You sure no one laced it?
 
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Burzolog

Burzolog

Arcanist
Apr 5, 2018
524
554
Haunted shores of Dawnstar
For not punching my bullies in the face repeatedly. But then I can't tell if things could be any different. I feel like the only difference between me and anyone else is that I got to experience life from my perspective. I don't even know how it can be mine because I feel that's all I ever was. My body, my brain, or whatever I used to associate myself with belong to me in the same degree they belong to anyone else. Or maybe "don't belong" would be more appropriate?
I have the right to ramble, and void always listens... But then, why do we have to watch this shitshow in the first place? Unless we are more like in interactive video-game, forced to make decisions based on a framework given to us. But that is incredible that such roles are possible to play in the first place. It was almost worth experiencing.
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Specialist
Mar 25, 2019
382
1,121
Hell
I regret seeking help. I can’t stand my current psychologist and it’s so expensive. And what does it give me in exchange for it? Nothing. I’ve only gotten worse since I started therapy but now I’ve got weekly appointments I hate.
I think "help" in the mental health system is nothing more than an illusion. Especially when the system is run by virtue-signaling pro-lifers who care more about getting their next paycheck than human lives.
 
DreamCatcher

DreamCatcher

Still searching
Jun 18, 2019
221
519
Michigan
I have so many regrets, part of living for so long I think.

Ruined jobs, even some really good ones that I could have already retired on.
Ruined relationships with friends and family.
Wasted money and time on things that didn't matter.
I regret constantly being self destructive and planning my own failures in advance. Probably because of some untreated executive functioning condition that can't be diagnosed or treated in the US because I can't get enough money to pay for actual health care.

This life has been a complete disaster, and I see the Japanese thinking about CTB as to "claim personal responsibility for a poorly lived life" as the only reasonable option left.

I can't see living being anything but stacking up even more regrets, even my death will pile more regrets on, but I think it'll be easier on everyone around me in the long run if I'm at peace so they can move on with their lives.
 
R

Rain

Member
Jul 19, 2019
9
7
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
I’m sorry you’re suffering. I have brain damage too, though not from weed. I suffer too 24/7 body and mind. Can I ask what your symptoms are? I’m wondering if they resemble mine at all and if there is an answer to undue the damage. Because not everyone gets brain damage from weed or from what happened to me. What might be wrong with us that we got so unlucky. I wonder if we have similar symptoms from two totally different substances, I’m just curious.
 
Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

Wise
May 26, 2019
271
757
Australia
I regret being best friends with people who dropped me so fast when my depression set in.

I regret being a prostitute and doing porn. I hate how much it fucked me up, and how it lead to me being raped.

I regret SMSing my partner when I took my overdose. Without that SMS, I wouldn’t have been resuscitated.

I regret getting my dog when I was trying to recover because now I am scared he will go somewhere where he isn’t loved enough after I CtB.
 
Numbtopain97

Numbtopain97

deader than dead
Aug 10, 2019
109
137
I regret not approaching the girl that I was in love with because I was in the closet.
 
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k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
246
438
I regret all of the surgery I had as part of my cancer treatment. It destroyed me, and I really wish I'd done something different.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
700
1,989
Not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004. This has gone round my head 24/7 since 2010. Y'know what's funny? I still haven't got them
 
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Final_frontier

Member
Feb 23, 2019
75
197
I should've told my parents my mental issues when it started and taken aggressive treatment. Shouldn't have waited five years to open up.
 
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Robbyna

Robbyna

Veteran
Mar 6, 2019
155
428
Virginia
I regret every second of the last two years. I regret letting anxiety and depression take over my life and destroy me completely from the inside out. I regret not having the courage to jump now. I regret letting myself be scammed for N recently and loosing $800 to a heartless thief. I regret not buying a gun when I could’ve. I regret not already being dead
 
Hasssssuùuu

Hasssssuùuu

Master
Sep 18, 2018
439
1,247
20
I regret every second of the last two years. I regret letting anxiety and depression take over my life and destroy me completely from the inside out. I regret not having the courage to jump now. I regret letting myself be scammed for N recently and loosing $800 to a heartless thief. I regret not buying a gun when I could’ve. I regret not already being dead
hope they get whats coming to them. taking advantage of those whom are vulnerable is the sickest and coldest thing someone could do; sickening, heartless and flat out sad.
 
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I

Icarus

Member
Jul 25, 2019
19
24
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
I feel your pain saomao. Same here. I had many warnings I ignored.
I regret ever trying weed and e, not listening to my parents, friends and that deep gut feeling. I regret pushing away the only person I truly loved. I regret being arrogant, selfish and narcissistic. I regret never doing what my soul really wanted.
 
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