[Discussion] Regret?

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disableddoll

disableddoll

Member
Jul 3, 2019
16
40
What is your biggest regret in life? or your only regret?

I’m entirely pissed with myself for committing to a serious relationship with my boyfriend when i knew at the time i shouldnt date anyone because of my plans to ctb. I don’t know i had just never felt so crazy about a person. Anyways he was recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia and i’m entirely worried about how he would handle my death. I’m sure he’d want me to break up with him first but then wouldn’t the emotional toll be greater?? Like i live with him and his mother so how do i even go about writing a note? And finding a safe place to commit is even harder ... I don’t want them to find me like that, I’m sure he’d never recover
 
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oopswronglife

Elementalist
Jun 27, 2019
738
2,297
My regrets mostly revolve around trusting people who I should not have...and who permanently damaged my life. The problem is I couldn't have known better and were I to be sent back without future knowledge I'd do the exact same thing again. I did everything a reasonable person would before trusting and still got hosed. The reflexive "never trust anyone" lesson from that doesn't work either as not everyone is bad and you cannot survive in this world all alone. But I will be damned if I can figure out the point of it all. What good is a lesson you cannot apply because its contradictory or learned too late when the damage is permanently done?
 
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saomao

-
Jun 12, 2019
105
117
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
 
Broken Chimera

Broken Chimera

Waiting For The End
May 27, 2019
255
475
I didn't ctb when I should've. Now I'm paying for it. Things happened to where there's no coming back from.
I didn't ctb when I should've. Now I'm paying for it. Things happened to where there's no coming back from.

@saomao Weed didn't destroy my life, but it messed with me. You sure no one laced it?
 
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restingspot

restingspot

Lucid Dreamer
May 30, 2019
118
250
I regret being a doormat most of my life. I try not to because it was how I was raised to be (aka compliant and non-questioning), but I often wonder if I'd be in a better position if I stood up for myself instead of where I am today...
 
21Neberg

21Neberg

Illuminated
Dec 17, 2018
1,560
7,804
I regret seeking help. I can’t stand my current psychologist and it’s so expensive. And what does it give me in exchange for it? Nothing. I’ve only gotten worse since I started therapy but now I’ve got weekly appointments I hate.
 
Burzolog

Burzolog

Wizard
Apr 5, 2018
613
795
For not punching my bullies in the face repeatedly. But then I can't tell if things could be any different. I feel like the only difference between me and anyone else is that I got to experience life from my perspective. I don't even know how it can be mine because I feel that's all I ever was. My body, my brain, or whatever I used to associate myself with belong to me in the same degree they belong to anyone else. Or maybe "don't belong" would be more appropriate?
I have the right to ramble, and void always listens... But then, why do we have to watch this shitshow in the first place? Unless we are more like in interactive video-game, forced to make decisions based on a framework given to us. But that is incredible that such roles are possible to play in the first place. It was almost worth experiencing.
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Arcanist
Mar 25, 2019
549
1,724
I regret seeking help. I can’t stand my current psychologist and it’s so expensive. And what does it give me in exchange for it? Nothing. I’ve only gotten worse since I started therapy but now I’ve got weekly appointments I hate.
I think "help" in the mental health system is nothing more than an illusion. Especially when the system is run by virtue-signaling pro-lifers who care more about getting their next paycheck than human lives.
 
DreamCatcher

DreamCatcher

Still searching
Jun 18, 2019
221
536
I have so many regrets, part of living for so long I think.

Ruined jobs, even some really good ones that I could have already retired on.
Ruined relationships with friends and family.
Wasted money and time on things that didn't matter.
I regret constantly being self destructive and planning my own failures in advance. Probably because of some untreated executive functioning condition that can't be diagnosed or treated in the US because I can't get enough money to pay for actual health care.

This life has been a complete disaster, and I see the Japanese thinking about CTB as to "claim personal responsibility for a poorly lived life" as the only reasonable option left.

I can't see living being anything but stacking up even more regrets, even my death will pile more regrets on, but I think it'll be easier on everyone around me in the long run if I'm at peace so they can move on with their lives.
 
Rain

Rain

Member
Jul 19, 2019
28
73
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
I’m sorry you’re suffering. I have brain damage too, though not from weed. I suffer too 24/7 body and mind. Can I ask what your symptoms are? I’m wondering if they resemble mine at all and if there is an answer to undue the damage. Because not everyone gets brain damage from weed or from what happened to me. What might be wrong with us that we got so unlucky. I wonder if we have similar symptoms from two totally different substances, I’m just curious.
 
Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

-
May 26, 2019
397
1,365
I regret being best friends with people who dropped me so fast when my depression set in.

I regret being a prostitute and doing porn. I hate how much it fucked me up, and how it lead to me being raped.

I regret SMSing my partner when I took my overdose. Without that SMS, I wouldn’t have been resuscitated.

I regret getting my dog when I was trying to recover because now I am scared he will go somewhere where he isn’t loved enough after I CtB.
 
Numbtopain97

Numbtopain97

deader than dead
Aug 10, 2019
368
671
I regret not approaching the girl that I was in love with because I was in the closet.
 
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k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
1,254
2,606
I regret all of the surgery I had as part of my cancer treatment. It destroyed me, and I really wish I'd done something different.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
1,405
4,130
Not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004, not getting the surgeons numbers in 2004. This has gone round my head 24/7 since 2010. Y'know what's funny? I still haven't got them
 
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LifeOver

LifeOver

Professional Suicide Attempter
Jul 23, 2019
116
270
Each and every day I wake up regretting that I hadn't been brave enough to ctb the previous day. If only I did, I wouldn't have to suffer again today.

I also regret being born in a family where nobody cares about my personal happiness/freedom, but I guess this wasn't my choice to begin with.
 
F

Final_frontier

Veteran
Feb 23, 2019
111
318
I should've told my parents my mental issues when it started and taken aggressive treatment. Shouldn't have waited five years to open up.
 
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Robbyna

Robbyna

Veteran
Mar 6, 2019
188
545
I regret every second of the last two years. I regret letting anxiety and depression take over my life and destroy me completely from the inside out. I regret not having the courage to jump now. I regret letting myself be scammed for N recently and loosing $800 to a heartless thief. I regret not buying a gun when I could’ve. I regret not already being dead
 
Hasssssuùuu

Hasssssuùuu

Staff
Sep 18, 2018
828
2,425
I regret every second of the last two years. I regret letting anxiety and depression take over my life and destroy me completely from the inside out. I regret not having the courage to jump now. I regret letting myself be scammed for N recently and loosing $800 to a heartless thief. I regret not buying a gun when I could’ve. I regret not already being dead
hope they get whats coming to them. taking advantage of those whom are vulnerable is the sickest and coldest thing someone could do; sickening, heartless and flat out sad.
 
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Icarus

Icarus

Member
Jul 25, 2019
43
74
Weed ruined my life, I wish I could go back in time, now I have brain damage, you will say how is that possible? And I I will answer you I wish I knew. All I know now is that I'm suffering 24/7 body and mind and I can't over come si, totally trapped for the rest of my miserable life, no one and nothing can give me even 1 second of relief.
I feel your pain saomao. Same here. I had many warnings I ignored.
I regret ever trying weed and e, not listening to my parents, friends and that deep gut feeling. I regret pushing away the only person I truly loved. I regret being arrogant, selfish and narcissistic. I regret never doing what my soul really wanted.
 
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TearyEyedQueen

TearyEyedQueen

In the wrong timeline
Nov 14, 2019
369
872
I regret breaking off a friendship with my friend group when I was 11/12 because of one toxic bully in that group and not beating the shit out of that bully.
This would be irrelevant if not for the fact that I never had a solid friend group after that and thus began my isolation.
I also regret going to that certain high school.
 
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mediocre

mediocre

stuck in an alternative universe
Nov 9, 2019
569
1,474
not spending more time with my grandmother before she died. I was very close to her. I feel like I abandoned her.
 
Starrywaters

Starrywaters

Member
Dec 10, 2019
60
130
I regret seeking help. I can’t stand my current psychologist and it’s so expensive. And what does it give me in exchange for it? Nothing. I’ve only gotten worse since I started therapy but now I’ve got weekly appointments I hate.
Can you change therapists? It’s actually not uncommon for people to struggle to find the right therapist. I saw one once and he was god awful he was sort of a ‘tough love’ sort of therapist and what I felt I needed at that time was somebody to say “I hear you, I want to let you talk it out” and feel validated.

Can you identify what you don’t like about your current therapist? If so you can hopefully identify what you want from a new one. Therapists are used to patients switching out on them, not every session will gel for them either.
 
21Neberg

21Neberg

Illuminated
Dec 17, 2018
1,560
7,804
Can you change therapists? It’s actually not uncommon for people to struggle to find the right therapist. I saw one once and he was god awful he was sort of a ‘tough love’ sort of therapist and what I felt I needed at that time was somebody to say “I hear you, I want to let you talk it out” and feel validated.

Can you identify what you don’t like about your current therapist? If so you can hopefully identify what you want from a new one. Therapists are used to patients switching out on them, not every session will gel for them either.
I have thought about it since. However, nobody listens to me. Since I made that comment they have put me in additional therapy groups and have put me on medication. I try to resist but they keep saying why I need it and that it would benefit me and I just can’t get a word in there.

Last week I finally mentioned that I’d prefer to quit therapy all together, and he acted like he didn’t hear me at first. When I repeated myself he said that he wasn’t going to give into my wishes because he believed he could help me.
 
Starrywaters

Starrywaters

Member
Dec 10, 2019
60
130
I have thought about it since. However, nobody listens to me. Since I made that comment they have put me in additional therapy groups and have put me on medication. I try to resist but they keep saying why I need it and that it would benefit me and I just can’t get a word in there.

Last week I finally mentioned that I’d prefer to quit therapy all together, and he acted like he didn’t hear me at first. When I repeated myself he said that he wasn’t going to give into my wishes because he believed he could help me.
Are you under order to complete your therapy with this therapist? If not then you should be able to withdraw yourself and seek other assistance. If the therapist resists perhaps ask him to refer you to somebody else. It doesn’t matter if he believes he can clinically treat you - you either click or you don’t.
 
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C

Cutepoison

I don't like life
Dec 22, 2019
75
152
I regret not coming home on 21 April 2019, instead I stayed in a place that caused dramatic flashbacks that led to a psychosis and mental hospital.