Recent attempt

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Bjsnode28

Member
Apr 19, 2019
66
83
Ohio
I thought I would tell everyone about my recent experience. I was set to go ctb via handgun. My attempt was this past Sunday morning. I had typed up a text to send to my friend and set it not to send for an hour in the future. I got into the bathtub just to be considerate in case there was a lot of mess. I also live alone with my dog and was afraid she'd chew on my remains. That was the reason for the text to avoid not being found and I didn't want to leave my dog alone to suffer by herself. Anyway, so I'm ready and I put the gun to my head and close my eyes not knowing what waits for me afterwards. I pull the trigger and........ CLICK. I swear it felt like the loudest sound that I ever heard. I was still alive or was I? Is this what death is? Nope, afraid not, the gun didn't fire. OK, no big deal, let's try it again. CLICK again! Nothing happened. Mind you that I know not much about guns but I've watched countless videos to get the gist of loading and pulling the trigger. I wasn't preparing for a new hobby just a one time thing. I felt so strange the rest of the day. Not knowing if this was a sign of some kind. Well turns out that I did not pull the slide hard enough to actually chamber a bullet so pulling the trigger was the same as if I was dry firing the gun. So I just thought I'd share my recent experience with everyone out there that has had previous failed attempts. There are a lot of methods that can be used and no one should feel like a failure because it didn't work. Honestly, the failure has really had me thinking about everything and I am 100% sure that I want to go through with it. I know now that the next time will be successful and I'm ready. I'm still scared of what comes next but I'm sure I'm not alone with that thinking. I am scared but also excited to begin my next chapter if indeed is what comes next
 
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Taki

Member
Jul 31, 2019
58
78
Canada
I thought I would tell everyone about my recent experience. I was set to go ctb via handgun. My attempt was this past Sunday morning. I had typed up a text to send to my friend and set it not to send for an hour in the future. I got into the bathtub just to be considerate in case there was a lot of mess. I also live alone with my dog and was afraid she'd chew on my remains. That was the reason for the text to avoid not being found and I didn't want to leave my dog alone to suffer by herself. Anyway, so I'm ready and I put the gun to my head and close my eyes not knowing what waits for me afterwards. I pull the trigger and........ CLICK. I swear it felt like the loudest sound that I ever heard. I was still alive or was I? Is this what death is? Nope, afraid not, the gun didn't fire. OK, no big deal, let's try it again. CLICK again! Nothing happened. Mind you that I know not much about guns but I've watched countless videos to get the gist of loading and pulling the trigger. I wasn't preparing for a new hobby just a one time thing. I felt so strange the rest of the day. Not knowing if this was a sign of some kind. Well turns out that I did not pull the slide hard enough to actually chamber a bullet so pulling the trigger was the same as if I was dry firing the gun. So I just thought I'd share my recent experience with everyone out there that has had previous failed attempts. There are a lot of methods that can be used and no one should feel like a failure because it didn't work. Honestly, the failure has really had me thinking about everything and I am 100% sure that I want to go through with it. I know now that the next time will be successful and I'm ready. I'm still scared of what comes next but I'm sure I'm not alone with that thinking. I am scared but also excited to begin my next chapter if indeed is what comes next
Incredible story. I’m amazed you had the nerve to try pulling the trigger a second time.
 
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Bjsnode28

Member
Apr 19, 2019
66
83
Ohio
Incredible story. I’m amazed you had the nerve to try pulling the trigger a second time.
I almost didn't but I had gone that far and I wasn't going to stop. After the second time I stopped and started researching what went wrong. It was a new gun and thought it might have been a lemon. I ended up going to the shop I got it from and they checked it and tested it for me to make sure because if anything I didn't want it to fire and not do the job completely
 
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Taki

Member
Jul 31, 2019
58
78
Canada
I almost didn't but I had gone that far and I wasn't going to stop. After the second time I stopped and started researching what went wrong. It was a new gun and thought it might have been a lemon. I ended up going to the shop I got it from and they checked it and tested it for me to make sure because if anything I didn't want it to fire and not do the job completely
Are you in the US?
 
K

ksera

Member
Feb 28, 2019
17
67
I gun is the only thing I haven't tried. I wonder why im still here. Sometimes I think its luck and a bit of not really being able to commit whole heartedly to the final act. if your lucky your attempt works first time but having read many posts I think most people survive. I think the hardest part is not being able to be honest and talk about it. Its not acceptable to say to people around you but it drives you deeper into despair.
 
D

dreamofme

Member
Sep 10, 2018
63
84
Having experienced firing a handgun I can honestly say its harder than it looks to put that thing to your head. Just because its a small pull of the trigger dosent mean its easy , trust me. hats off to you @Bjsnode28 for sharing your story.
 
GinaIsReady

GinaIsReady

Master
Mar 29, 2019
220
308
IMH
Whoa - that is INTENSE. Reading that you went and really thought about everything but still feel 100% sure you want to do it is affirming, somehow.

When you were firing the gun, did you shake? I think about using a gun but am prone to tremors when afraid/anxious, and I have very strong SI so am wondering if you had issues with tremors.
 
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Bjsnode28

Member
Apr 19, 2019
66
83
Ohio
Whoa - that is INTENSE. Reading that you went and really thought about everything but still feel 100% sure you want to do it is affirming, somehow.

When you were firing the gun, did you shake? I think about using a gun but am prone to tremors when afraid/anxious, and I have very strong SI so am wondering if you had issues with tremors.
No, surprisingly I didn't shake at all. I had previously decided on the when so I had already prepared mentally I think. Now, don't get me wrong Im I'm nervous now. I think I'm nervous now because I know when I pull the trigger this time it's going to fire. It's a strange but comforting feeling
Having experienced firing a handgun I can honestly say its harder than it looks to put that thing to your head. Just because its a small pull of the trigger dosent mean its easy , trust me. hats off to you @Bjsnode28 for sharing your story.
Having no experience with guns at all I somehow was totally calm about it. But now that I know that the next time it will do something when I pull the trigger has been making me nervous.
I gun is the only thing I haven't tried. I wonder why im still here. Sometimes I think its luck and a bit of not really being able to commit whole heartedly to the final act. if your lucky your attempt works first time but having read many posts I think most people survive. I think the hardest part is not being able to be honest and talk about it. Its not acceptable to say to people around you but it drives you deeper into despair.
That's the reason why I wanted to share my experience. I want people to know that ending your life isn't as easy as it sounds. You spend so much time deciding on your method and then whatever prepping needed you don't realize that when you are all ready to go you're exhausted because there's so much mental preparation involved with everything that mistakes are pretty much inevitable. Don't be so hard on yourself if/when the first time isn't flawless. Use the experience to make sure this is really what you want your path to be. That's what I did and I am definitely sure it's what I want. Don't get me wrong, I might be completely without doubts but knowing that once the trigger is pulled I will experience something that I can't mentally prepare for because I don't know what comes after.
 
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Roger

Roger

Arcanist
May 11, 2019
528
888
UK
OP, thanks for explaining why your pistol didn’t fire. I was intrigued when you posted your thread “Gun Didn’t Fire” and despite you generally asking for advice, I was reluctant to make any sort of comment which might be construed as advice or encouragement.
You have an awful lot of nerve to have pulled the trigger twice, and now to be considering using the same method again.
 
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Bjsnode28

Member
Apr 19, 2019
66
83
Ohio
OP, thanks for explaining why your pistol didn’t fire. I was intrigued when you posted your thread “Gun Didn’t Fire” and despite you generally asking for advice, I was reluctant to make any sort of comment which might be construed as advice or encouragement.
You have an awful lot of nerve to have pulled the trigger twice, and now to be considering using the same method again.
I can't tell if you're complimenting me or not
 
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Roger

Roger

Arcanist
May 11, 2019
528
888
UK
I can't tell if you're complimenting me or not
Oh, sorry, I meant you’ve got courage and resolve. No criticism intended at all.

I see that your state requires handgun training before a concealed carry permit can be issued, but presumably you didn’t go that route ?
 
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Bjsnode28

Member
Apr 19, 2019
66
83
Ohio
Oh, sorry, I meant you’ve got courage and resolve. No criticism intended at all.

I see that your state requires handgun training before a concealed carry permit can be issued, but presumably you didn’t go that route ?
Thank you for clarification, you never know what people's intentions are on here
Correct, but I think it is a fairly simple 1 day course, however I don't foresee me walking around town with a holstered side piece anytime soon.
On a lot of methods that might result in a brain damage that will make you suffer for decades. :/
For people that don't know what they're doing. Most self inflicted gunshot failures stem from aiming under the chin or not using a sufficient caliber
 

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