[Help] Really Struggling Today

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

B

Banquo501

Veteran
Feb 6, 2020
141
121
I have my house to myself today and I’m really struggling with suicidal thoughts. I have my SN, and Meto and it’s taking a lot of will power to stop myself from taking a stat dose. Deep down I know it would be a terrible idea, I’m only alone for a few hours, and I haven’t put any affairs in order or anything.

All the same, I can’t stop thinking about it.
 
MsMaudlin

MsMaudlin

Life Becoming a Landslide.
Dec 8, 2019
297
610
I get exactly like this, I really understand.

I don't get much time at home alone and when I do, my suicidal thoughts go into overtime.
I'm still putting affairs in order, 2 more letters to write, passwords etc to be finaliy all written down for my family.
I know when it's all in place I can go, its going to be awful enough for my family without stressing over my bills etc

(((((((Lots of love ❤)))))))
 
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
126
170
I have my house to myself today and I’m really struggling with suicidal thoughts. I have my SN, and Meto and it’s taking a lot of will power to stop myself from taking a stat dose. Deep down I know it would be a terrible idea, I’m only alone for a few hours, and I haven’t put any affairs in order or anything.

All the same, I can’t stop thinking about it.
I completely understand. I've got my affairs in order and my method is 100% ready. I guess I'm waiting for that final push. It's coming. And soon.

I hope you wait until you're ready. As others have said, an impulsive attempt is a bad idea.
 
B

Banquo501

Veteran
Feb 6, 2020
141
121
Ok, so I’ve eaten something now, so that is kind of putting me off SN as it’s going to have a higher risk of failing. I can’t bare these feelings though, or the thought of dragging myself through yet another day of the same old shite.
 
Last edited:
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
126
170
Ok, so I’ve eaten something now, so that is kind of putting me off SN as it’s going to have a higher risk of failing. I can’t bare these feelings though, or the thought of dragging myself through yet another day of the same old shite.
That's good. Eating might help you feel better, too. I can't keep going with how I feel anymore either. I can't keep hurting.

What's got you feeling so down today?
 
W

WEASEL1234

Member
Jan 28, 2020
68
89
I have my house to myself today and I’m really struggling with suicidal thoughts. I have my SN, and Meto and it’s taking a lot of will power to stop myself from taking a stat dose. Deep down I know it would be a terrible idea, I’m only alone for a few hours, and I haven’t put any affairs in order or anything.

All the same, I can’t stop thinking about it.
If you can wade through how you’re feeling at present then if you choose to go ahead you can plan a little for it. Here if you want to chat. I know EXACTLY how you feel.
 
B

Banquo501

Veteran
Feb 6, 2020
141
121
That's good. Eating might help you feel better, too. I can't keep going with how I feel anymore either. I can't keep hurting.

What's got you feeling so down today?
What’s causing this depresssion and suicidal thoughts? It’s a long story. But basically, I have a chronic illness that limits my life, I can’t work, and I’m in pain most of the time. I’ve been putting on a brave face for a long time, probably been in denial about how bad my life actually is and have just been burying my head in the sand and pretending that everything will eventually be ok. About a month ago my girlfriend (of 4-5 years) ended things unexpectedly, she says she still loves me and that if things were different we’d still be together. She lives in another country at present and we can’t find a way to get her over here again or me over there. She thinks it’s a dead end. This has hollowed me out completely, I feel so empty and abandoned now.

It’s been a bit of a wake up call for me, I think the relationship was probably papering over a lot of cracks in my psyche and now I’m just left staring at a life that I don’t really want to endure anymore.
If you can wade through how you’re feeling at present then if you choose to go ahead you can plan a little for it. Here if you want to chat. I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Thanks
 
  • Hug
Reactions: escapefromabuse
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
126
170
What’s causing this depresssion and suicidal thoughts? It’s a long story. But basically, I have a chronic illness that limits my life, I can’t work, and I’m in pain most of the time. I’ve been putting on a brave face for a long time, probably been in denial about how bad my life actually is and have just been burying my head in the sand and pretending that everything will eventually be ok. About a month ago my girlfriend (of 4-5 years) ended things unexpectedly, she says she still loves me and that if things were different we’d still be together. She lives in another country at present and we can’t find a way to get her over here again or me over there. She thinks it’s a dead end. This has hollowed me out completely, I feel so empty and abandoned now.

It’s been a bit of a wake up call for me, I think the relationship was probably papering over a lot of cracks in my psyche and now I’m just left staring at a life that I don’t really want to endure anymore.


Thanks
I'm sorry to hear that life has worn you down to this point. Except for the chronic illness part I feel everything you're saying. Losing a loved one, especially when you're already barely standing, can be all it takes for your whole world to collapse.

I hope you can make it through today and take some time to really think about what you want to do.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Banquo501
B

Banquo501

Veteran
Feb 6, 2020
141
121
I'm sorry to hear that life has worn you down to this point. Except for the chronic illness part I feel everything you're saying. Losing a loved one, especially when you're already barely standing, can be all it takes for your whole world to collapse.

I hope you can make it through today and take some time to really think about what you want to do.
Thanks. I just can’t see a future that I’m going to enjoy. Currently only hanging on for others rather than living for myself. It’s hard.
 
  • Hug
Reactions: escapefromabuse
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
126
170
Thanks. I just can’t see a future that I’m going to enjoy. Currently only hanging on for others rather than living for myself. It’s hard.
I hear ya. Same here. I've lost everything I cared about in the last 12 months and I've held on for others. It's exhausting to keep going when my whole being wants to quit.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Banquo501
Underscore

Underscore

Illuminated
Jul 31, 2018
1,508
2,918
Ok, so I’ve eaten something now, so that is kind of putting me off SN as it’s going to have a higher risk of failing. I can’t bare these feelings though, or the thought of dragging myself through yet another day of the same old shite.
I think that's a good tactic, if you want to avoid the impulse. Eat something. You'd have to be a fool to attempt anything on a full stomach. And I know what you mean, every day and night... argg its exhausting. Especially when you have tried everything and people are now bored with it and have moved on.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Banquo501