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R

Reddd

New Member
Mar 26, 2020
1
9
Hi

First time actually posting anything in a forum ever, it's just I've made a decision that I can't talk about with anybody I know and I need to talk about it that's not in my own head, if that makes any sense at all.

Everything is just so awful right now and it gets worse every day. I make things worse when I do something, I make things worse when I do nothing. I know that being alive is a massive problem to so many people who care about me and also some who don't. I don't want to hurt the people I love and I have to stop the additional anxiety and pain that I cause them. I know they will be hurt when I do this but it'll be the last time, it will put a stop to all the stress and worry they currently have about me. Lots knows they have enough else to worry about. I can't make things better this time, there is no way out of this.

I have decided exactly what's happening and that's when I realised I'd stopped crying, my head stopped hurting and I just knew this was the decision I had to make for me because there is no other way for me. There is no way out and I don't have enough strength left to keep going.

But I am a mother to a beautiful little toddler who I am so upset about. I feel so irresponsible bringing him into this cruel world and not being able to protect him or be able to cope with life long enough to support him until he's grown up.

My only hope is that he is too young to understand and will not remember me or that I wasn't good enough to be his mother. He has a wonderful father and extended family so I know he will be looked after when I'm gone, I just hope that he will be ok.

I can hear my husband downstairs laughing, my son is sleeping soundly beside me. I just want to freeze in this moment in time indefinitely
 
enjolras

enjolras

Saw the angel shine through the jellyfish
Feb 13, 2020
1,024
1,546
(For a first post, it is well expressed, very moving. Welcome)
 
one4all

one4all

I'll put pennies on your eyes and it will go away.
Feb 3, 2020
3,457
2,337
Sorry for what you are going through. I do hope everything works out for you though.

I just want to freeze in this moment in time indefinitely
That would awesome if we could all do that.
 
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Reactions: faust
faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
2,979
4,541
Hello,
Thank you for your story!
You are right when saying about freezing at the moment, I sometimes feel that too...
If it is your final decision, I hope they will take care of your child.
And I am sorry life brought you to this point.
Sending you hugs :hug:
 
enjolras

enjolras

Saw the angel shine through the jellyfish
Feb 13, 2020
1,024
1,546
7B522447-D52D-45D7-B6EA-6998668ECD37.jpeg
Shop for the “Emotion retainer” model. Plug to the brain instead of a guitar. Wait for a moment of bliss. Slip into eternal ecstasy.

Science fiction has failed us :(

(Pardon for the parenthesis)

Your fall is striking because it condenses the rest of your story.
I have no idea of the nature of your situation (physical, mental, contextual) that makes you feel that you can no longer get involved in your environment. Since you can express some sort of regret, it is both a curse and a blessing to have to leave something holding your life back behind you. Whatever your choice, I hope that you will be able to unravel any internal conflict once and for all, in order to find peace.
 
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Reactions: nonown
H

Hopeindeath!

Arcanist
Dec 7, 2019
522
609
I wish your life could get better, and you could be there for your son.:hug:
 
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