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Random thoughts

nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
559
I wake up most days concerned with what I'm going to do to pass the time :( Been sleeping a lot lately and really appreciating it. Last therapist said something about how it's my decision if I want to "sleep my entire life away" and I think it is. I think this is what I want.
 
WOODESITY

WOODESITY

Veteran
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
128
omg wtf thats assault!
They must be on drugs or some shit.

Is the police involved?
Perhaps there are surveillance footage that can be checked?
I believe so, there were cameras, and I called police and filed complaint yesterday, one guy was asking me for my phone and I lied I didn't have any because I couldn't afford losing it, so I think that passed him off
 
Raven Moon

Raven Moon

See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,083
All the pain, disappointment, sorrow....it all just adds up...I'm not anymore suicidal than I was before I'm just done...less afraid. I'm actually more sad because I *almost* made it out I almost achieved a life worth leading then fucking covid crushed that dream...and I'm left with nothing but a pointless, pathetic failed life.
 
StrokeMyEgoBaby

StrokeMyEgoBaby

Ask, you will receive; Seek, you shall find.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
1,188
I believe so, there were cameras, and I called police and filed complaint yesterday, one guy was asking me for my phone and I lied I didn't have any because I couldn't afford losing it, so I think that passed him off
Robbery and assault.
The cops will get em.
Instant karma is especially real with crimes.

Hope you are okay :(
 
coeur.brisé

coeur.brisé

Illuminated
Joined
Jun 4, 2020
Messages
1,347
I'm having way too much fun - as an anonymous sh*t disturber on Twittter. I'm stirring the pot in certain political circles. I didn't think I liked politics (I've always refused to vote but could debate anyone under the table) but this is fun! Wit without accountability, so to speak. It fills time and politics offers so much material LOL!
 
Lorntroubles

Lorntroubles

Photography by Haris Nukem.
Joined
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
3,098
Thinking if we had speed dating for us SS'ers, how much of a shit show it would be. Ha ha! I don't want none of y'all crazy asses. I'm crazy myself!
 
WOODESITY

WOODESITY

Veteran
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
128
Robbery and assault.
The cops will get em.
Instant karma is especially real with crimes.

Hope you are okay :(
I'm doing fine now, thank you for your replies, I just don't want them to be walking free and doing same to others, but from now on I'm on always constant lookout for them, and I'll just try avoid such situations
 
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StrokeMyEgoBaby

StrokeMyEgoBaby

Ask, you will receive; Seek, you shall find.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
1,188
I'm doing fine now, thank you for your replies, I just don't want them to be walking free and doing same to others, but from now on I'm on always constant lookout for them, and I'll just try avoid such situations
It's misfortune we have those kind of scumbags roaming around terrorising people.
I believe there's a special place in hell reserved for them.
Or at least they'd drop the soap in prison at some point.
 
Lorntroubles

Lorntroubles

Photography by Haris Nukem.
Joined
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
3,098
People must think I'm a mod because when I enter chat, it goes quiet.

That or Lorn bores the crap outta em.
 
waterbottleman

waterbottleman

Not a person
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
730
Thinking if we had speed dating for us SS'ers, how much of a shit show it would be. Ha ha! I don't want none of y'all crazy asses. I'm crazy myself!
Would be nice in theory to find a fellow SSer lady to cuddle with while we talk about how broken our lives are without judgment from each other.

I'm not boyfriend material or anything nor advertising/looking for that (I'm too messed up to be in a relationship with someone) but I have a pretty decent looking face and I'm a good listener =)

However that won't happen nor would I ever try doing that for a whole host of reasons, but it's a nice thought since you bring it up and this is random thoughts.
 
Lorntroubles

Lorntroubles

Photography by Haris Nukem.
Joined
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
3,098
For once, me looking forward to something will not fail. I cannot fail my ctb. It will be what I want and it's gonna go right, motherfuckersss!!!!
 
throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
1,380
the desperation is only increasing.
i am reminded of this quote:

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

― David Foster Wallace
 
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
559
Seething with some really ugly jealousy today. Sometimes other people get to feel better or they have somebody to talk about their problems with and I'm finding it really hard to co-exist with that.

All I want is help. People keep saying I deserve it and I can get it if I look hard enough but it hasn't been that easy so far. I wish I still cared or that somebody around me still cared.
 
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
559
I've got an appointment with my psych doctor today. I want to get off these meds and I'm worried she's going to put up a fight and I'll have to advocate for myself or something. Son of a bitch.
 
StrokeMyEgoBaby

StrokeMyEgoBaby

Ask, you will receive; Seek, you shall find.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
1,188
Thoughts are such a powerful thing.
 
Raven Moon

Raven Moon

See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,083
I want death or happiness...this empty hopeless void feeling of complete despair is just too much..I wish I could just feel confident and get the inevitable over with.. staying alive is just prolonging my suffering...SI is a bitch
 
Morphinekiss

Morphinekiss

don’t know how to leave or how to stay
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
1,202
I can feel it in my bones, I’m dying on that operating table.
 
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
559
I tried playing an MMO tonight, got too anxious, now I'm crying and panic attacking :( Been doing the solo stuff for weeks and loving it, now I have to do something with actual other players and I don't think I can get through it. It's been a few years since I've tried this so I thought maybe it'd go a little differently this time but it just went worse... I really am just declining, I think. Oh God :(

Im just trying to find a hobby to make circling the drain a little more bearable but my stupid brain won't even let that happen. I feel so much better when I'm sleeping.
 
Raven Moon

Raven Moon

See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,083
I hate life so much...I hate myself so much. I wish I had no family or anyone who cared about me because I would ctb asap...it's coming I'm just delaying the inevitable with false hope.


I tried playing an MMO tonight, got too anxious, now I'm crying and panic attacking :( Been doing the solo stuff for weeks and loving it, now I have to do something with actual other players and I don't think I can get through it. It's been a few years since I've tried this so I thought maybe it'd go a little differently this time but it just went worse... I really am just declining, I think. Oh God :(

Im just trying to find a hobby to make circling the drain a little more bearable but my stupid brain won't even let that happen. I feel so much better when I'm sleeping.
Gosh I relate..I recently tried an mmo I used to love years ago and couldn't complete the group stuff or anything with other players because if my anxiety. I know how you must feel I'm in the same spot desperately trying to occupy my time but nothing interests me and I'm to anxious so sleeping and reading here is all I do. Maybe you could try a single player game like Skyrim if you enjoyed the solo content of the mmo? I tried but I can't seem to enjoy anything anymore. Hugs
 
StrokeMyEgoBaby

StrokeMyEgoBaby

Ask, you will receive; Seek, you shall find.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
1,188
Funny how focusing on the problem doesn't always help you solve it.
 

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