Pure hell

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Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,174
3,308
Well, happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I’ve been near death for so long it’s pathetic that I’m still around. I have most of the supplies needed to ctb and it’s been tough because a close friend told me they would be devastated if I killed myself.
What the heck should I do now? I can’t keep living in this hell and pretending I’m going to get better. Does anyone else feel they are sticking around so that they don’t hurt anyone by their leaving this hell?
Peace/hugs❤
 
C

ClonesAnnoyMe

-
Feb 7, 2020
134
108
You are all good people for deciding not to ctb to save your family or loved ones

Valentine's Day sucks if you're single but just because things suck temporary doesn't mean they will forever
 
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MysticPerception

MysticPerception

I'm back and I'll still smile for you
Dec 31, 2019
1,181
2,090
The psychiatrist asked me what my main reason for being alive was before they let me go. I said my family. I'm not even sure if I was telling the truth but I don't want to hurt them after they all visited me in the hospital. So I understand the feeling at least.
 
Itsbeenreal

Itsbeenreal

Member
Feb 4, 2020
12
15
The only reason I'm still here is because of the pain I'll inflict on my family if I ctb. Especially my mom. I almost did it today then she sent me a sweet Valentine's message which absolutely broke my heart. On one hand I'm so unhappy but on the other leaving would destroy my loved ones.
 
LMLN

LMLN

Master
Aug 10, 2019
433
2,206
The psychiatrist asked me what my main reason for being alive was before they let me go. I said my family. I'm not even sure if I was telling the truth but I don't want to hurt them after they all visited me in the hospital. So I understand the feeling at least.
That's what makes a failed attempt so much worse. I'm sorry you went through that. :hug:
I felt so bad and guilty seeing the reaction of my family. I was scolded and shamed too! :(
 
S

S1mpleme

Master
Dec 27, 2019
473
507
Well, happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I’ve been near death for so long it’s pathetic that I’m still around. I have most of the supplies needed to ctb and it’s been tough because a close friend told me they would be devastated if I killed myself.
What the heck should I do now? I can’t keep living in this hell and pretending I’m going to get better. Does anyone else feel they are sticking around so that they don’t hurt anyone by their leaving this hell?
Peace/hugs❤
Maybe you won't get better but you already have something- close friend. It's up to you if you want to be with your friend in this life or alone in darkness.
 
Epsilon0

Epsilon0

One candle left to burn before the darkness comes.
Dec 28, 2019
478
934
Yes, my family and a few close friends are a big deterrent.

It’s such a paradox: on the one hand these relationships, though genuine and beautiful, do not fulfill me or ease my anguish and are, therefore, in a sense, meaningless; on the other I cannot ctb because I feel responsible towards the people in my life who care about me.
 
T

thecountdown

Member
Feb 13, 2020
17
44
I don't know if this makes me a bad person but I don't have those feelings anymore, although I don't want to do it in the home I'm living in. My issue is getting the money for supplies and moving out, and getting the courage to actually go through with it. I think it's because I've reached a hopelessness that has overcome those feelings.
 
S

S1mpleme

Master
Dec 27, 2019
473
507
I’m feeling alone and in darkness now, can’t see much of a difference
There is a huge difference between death and life, but being dead you won't see that difference. Just allow yourself some time with your friend, I know you feel lonely, but how about your friend? Please don't forget about your friend's feelings, maybe you're whole world for your friend.
 
PoisonedJuliet

PoisonedJuliet

Let’s kill em with kindness
Feb 12, 2020
139
277
If I ctb one of my best friends who also struggles from depression will surely kill himself and I can’t ever and never want to be the source of someone else’s pain. He is one of the reasons I’m still here but it also makes my life a living hell. I understand what you’re going through:heart:
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
1,328
3,331
Well, happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I’ve been near death for so long it’s pathetic that I’m still around. I have most of the supplies needed to ctb and it’s been tough because a close friend told me they would be devastated if I killed myself.
What the heck should I do now? I can’t keep living in this hell and pretending I’m going to get better. Does anyone else feel they are sticking around so that they don’t hurt anyone by their leaving this hell?
Peace/hugs❤
Hi Nem,
I have the same dilemma … I'm mostly concerned for my parents and family. I have a few friends that will be hurt but in time I believe they will get over it. They have other friends and family. I've mentioned this before that I did tell a friend of mine I wanted to die a few years ago and he got upset. Not enough to text me a hello every once in a while … unless I send him a text first. :wink: Perhaps I will be missed a little more when I'm gone ... I don't know.

I don't really have any good advice but it really sucks to just exist so others won't be in pain. :angry:

You are all good people for deciding not to ctb to save your family or loved ones

Valentine's Day sucks if you're single but just because things suck temporary doesn't mean they will forever
It won't suck anymore after I'm gone. :devil:
 
Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,174
3,308
There is a huge difference between death and life, but being dead you won't see that difference. Just allow yourself some time with your friend, I know you feel lonely, but how about your friend? Please don't forget about your friend's feelings, maybe you're whole world for your friend.
I can see the difference between life and death, it boils down to suffering and no suffering. I know some pro life people see it differently and my friend knows I’m suffering but they’re not in my shoes and can’t truly appreciate the hell ive been going through
Peace/hugs
 
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
411
465
I understand
I don't know if this makes me a bad person but I don't have those feelings anymore, although I don't want to do it in the home I'm living in. My issue is getting the money for supplies and moving out, and getting the courage to actually go through with it. I think it's because I've reached a hopelessness that has overcome those feelings.
I agree as well. I am at a point where I do not care about staying alive to make other people happy. I am not happy, but they are. They will eventually move on as all people do and I will be at peace from my suffering.
 
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