[Method] Partial SN documentation

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

Philosykos

Philosykos

Veteran
May 30, 2020
122
348
The person who witnessed this (whom I will refer to as W from this point onwards) is conflicted about whether they should release this information as full documentation of the SN method could not be obtained due to technical difficulties. But it was the person's last wish to document their experience for the members of this site so they could get a firsthand account of what SN ingestion does to the body. No one should be denied their last wish. MX (whom I will refer to by M from this point onwards), this is for you. :heart:

Before SN ingestion
7:25pm (PT) - text conversation was started between M and W. M says he feels calm, not anxious at all. M and W converse a bit, but not much is said between them. W asks once again if M is absolutely sure of his decision, which is confirmed by M. He says he is aware he can stop at any time before or after ingestion.
7:36 - M starts to prepare his supplies. He will make three cups with 25 grams of SN, mixed into 60ml of water each. No other medication was taken, a risk M is aware of which is why he decided for two back up doses in case he vomits. W mentions their feeling sorry that life has brought M to this point but M is determined and seems fairly uninterested in talking about his reasons much. An emergency plan is agreed upon; in case M wants to call it quits after ingestion, he will share his location with W and specifically say: Save me. He instructs W not to try and get help for him under any other circumstances, no matter what happens.
7:47 - M shares some basic information that he considers important for others to know: He is a 20 year old male, 5'6 ft tall (~168cm) and weighs around 210lbs (~95kg). He has not eaten in seven hours and has had only moderate water consumption over these seven hours; almost none in the past hour.
7:52 - M says he is not afraid at all and simply hopes that it will go quickly without too many complications.
7:56 - After W asks M if there's anything he'd like to say to the people on SS, he instructs W to thank everyone on the forum and sends a heart emote.
8:01 - Video call was started.
8:02 - M starts mixing the first cup. W is shown everything of relevance: the scale, the amount of SN on it, the amount of water added to the cup and the bottle of the SN used.
8:08 - M prepares his second and third cup. The mixture which he shows W looks a bit milky, not clear.
8:10 - M mentions feeling a bit of anxiety now that everything is prepared. W once again mentions that he can stop this at any time, that W will be there for him no matter what and the backup plan is once again confirmed by both parties.
8:12 - M mentions his phone battery being almost dead and leaves the bathroom to charge it for another 20 minutes or so just to make sure it won't die before he passes out. He shows W the note taped to the bathroom door, instructing housekeeping not to enter and call emergency services.
8:22 - M mentions his phone is charging very slowly.
8:24 - M returns to bathroom to stir his mixtures some more, says that the SN dissolves in the water for 90% or so, asks if the mixture will keep for a bit while his phone charges. W mentions that they think it will be fine for a bit. M spreads a blanket on the bathroom floor along with a bucket in case he needs to vomit and a backup cup in case he cannot get up later.
8:27 - after once again confirming that he is absolutely certain of his decision and is aware W is there and will call emergency services if M wants them to as per agreed upon backup plan, M drinks the first cup in one big gulp. He shows W some small salt residue at the bottom of the cup. He says it tastes very salty but not too bad. He does not have a mint or sweet to mask the taste afterwards.

After ingestion

8:28 - M mentions his heart beating faster than normal but is unsure whether this is due to anxiety or if it is SN induced tachycardia.
8:29 - M complains of lightheadedness and the urge to burp. He says he will lie down now and does so. Visual is lost at this point and W can only see the blanket. Audio is still fine and they can hear each other.
8:31 - M says he feels nauseous and sweaty.
8:32 - W tries to speak to M to put him at ease as much as they can and asks if M is all right, but M asks them for silence, not intending offence.
8:34 - after two minutes of silence, M picks up his phone and W gets a short visual of his face. He is drenched in sweat and starts groaning profusely. The phone falls on the blanket again and W cannot see anything anymore, only hear M's groans. W calls out to M several times but only gets groaning in response. No more words are spoken and the connection is lost soon after. Whether this was due to a poor internet connection or if M's phone died, W could not say.

I am very sorry it had to end like this for MX and his last wish to document the entire experience could not be fulfilled. No one knows what happened after, if he called emergency services or not or if other hotel guests overheard his groans and alerted hotel staff to it. W had no means to contact M in any way whatsoever after the call was ended. Whatever happened to you, MX, I hope with all my heart that you are in a better place now.
 
A

Anonymoussn

Veteran
May 12, 2020
170
307
Thankyou to you for sharing this, MX for agreeing to document it, and to W for being with MX in his last moments. All of this will help a lot of people on their journey.

I think that it's only natural that there would be some discomfort. And this to me sounds similar to Moonicide's CTB. So I think that this mostly serves to reinforce what we suspected already.
 
gerot

gerot

Member
Nov 25, 2019
26
17
All the few documented (three that I know of) SN attempts had quite a bit of distress involved.
I personally don't think anymore that it's at all so peaceful as is believed.
Yeah, I feel the same but he didn't have the rest of medications, i.e antiemetic, which can maybe change the whole process, i don't know. When my time will come I will see for myself how it will be..( very soon )
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

Veteran
May 30, 2020
122
348
Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing since no one has tried both (with and without other meds) and lived to tell the tale. I suppose it's highly dependant on the individual. I know myself well enough to know that the tachycardia alone would likely make me panic and even if I had taken all other medication including a BB, an AE and a sedative, I would probably freak out just from the simple knowledge of what's about to happen. My mind has quite a bit of power over my body, especially when in a state of panic; i.e. if I think I'll vomit, I will.

I agree with Lastsauce that SN is very likely not nearly as 'peaceful' as it is often made out to be here. Whether it is physically painful (which is something different than peaceful) is debatable. We have no way of knowing if MX for example was in any pain. His groans seems to indicate it, but it's not 100% certain if they were due to physical pain or just the body being in a state of distress from hypoxia (I think that's what SN induces right?).

As things are, SN is popular for the very simple reasons that it is not as gruesome or messy as methods such as jumping or a gunshot and easier to obtain than N, F and H. It's supposedly relatively peaceful, which doesn't mean it is peaceful in a general sense.

W would like to stress that what they witnessed did not look peaceful or beautiful in any way. It was rather agonising to watch for them. Just so people know what they sign up for with this method. This is not some kind of drifting off to unconsciousness with little discomfort or something.
 
A

aminend

Member
May 24, 2020
68
53
If I ever would have worked through my list of considerable methods and got to SN, I feel this account has opened my eyes and well and truly put me off
SN is not painless. All methods have some level of pain. But comparing with other methods (except N) is best. I've potassium cyanide but I dont want to use it because of probobly sever but short time pain. Also I have exit bag material but I dont want to go by that too because of its probobly side effects after fail which is brain damage.
 
Cashewmilk

Cashewmilk

Wise
Mar 10, 2020
252
508
sounds like severe indigestion, indigestion can be extremely painful and uncomfortable, this makes me look at my methadone stash once again as an option lol
 
  • Like
Reactions: DyslexicForeigner
B

Borabora

Member
May 6, 2020
67
94
sounds like severe indigestion, indigestion can be extremely painful and uncomfortable, this makes me look at my methadone stash once again as an option lol
I am wondering if the sound might be the 'death rattle'? According to google, "A death rattle is a distinctive sound that a person may make as they are coming to the end of their life and may no longer be able to swallow or cough effectively enough to clear their saliva. While a death rattle can be difficult to hear, it does not usually cause pain or discomfort to the individual." Medical term, it is - "Cheyne-Stokes breathing. It's an abnormal pattern of breathing commonly seen as patients approach death." I heard it can sound like, 'gurgling noises.'
 
aedric_artifact

aedric_artifact

Find me in the sweetest oblivion
Jun 27, 2020
63
176
No other medications were used? That is really risky imo. Although, I do not know if it was possible for this person to acquire the other meds, so perhaps it was out of the question. I believe this would have been a lot more peaceful and quiet if the other medications were used - but either way, rest in peace. I am sorry the last moments did not seem peaceful.
 
C

Ceecil

New Member
Jun 13, 2020
1
1
That sounds scary. This was the method I was contemplating, now I just don't know.
 
  • Love
Reactions: SXCX965
JigsawFeelin

JigsawFeelin

Member
May 31, 2020
22
61
This has actually instilled in me some confidence. One of my biggest fears re this method is feeling 'normal' or 'like it hasn't worked' after ingestion. It would worry me to be fully capable after making the decision to die,
The idea of drinking something and then being fully capable of 'going about my life' with the knowledge it was about to end would scare the living shit out of me,.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Ain't it all just ridiculous?
Jan 11, 2020
4,085
8,382
The thing is we don't know when they lose conciousness, they can makes lots of disturbing noise etc but may not even be aware at that point.

Respectfully, he picked up his phone, which indicates he was aware:


8:34 - after two minutes of silence, M picks up his phone and W gets a short visual of his face. He is drenched in sweat and starts groaning profusely.
 
pentobarbitaldreams

pentobarbitaldreams

Member
Jun 11, 2020
77
208
Interesting. I saw a thread where the individual claimed to have consumed SN and didn't report any pain but was mistyping his last post (something like
"I sthrew up a lgttle"), that was I believe 9 minutes after consuming. I'm also definitely gonna take some ibuprofen before I ctb.
 
Last edited:
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Ain't it all just ridiculous?
Jan 11, 2020
4,085
8,382
I observe that whenever there is a post detailing discomfort in an SN suicide, comments follow that bring up how specific other SN suicides were comfortable, or try to reframe what happened in the attempt under discussion in order to place doubt of suffering or discomfort, or even deny that such occurred.

Reading the threads that have gathered anecdotal accounts of SN successes and failures show that there are a limited number of symptoms, but that they are all experienced to widely varying degrees by each individual. For some it is peaceful and easy, for some it is like what has been reported here. The person ingested poison, and the result for that individual person was physical distress and suffering.

I respectfully caution against gaslighting oneself or others, that is, telling a different story from reality to create a false new one. The evidence in this case is very clear, and it is the unfortunate reality that it not does support the desired narrative that this method is reliably peaceful. It is only reliably fatal, and then, only reliable when performed correctly (that is, fasting, and correct amounts of SN and water), and not aborted or interrupted.
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

Veteran
May 30, 2020
122
348
Thank you, Good. Well said. I would also like to take a moment to remember MX. He wasn't on here very long and I didn't get to know him as well as I would have liked perhaps, but the few times we spoke, it was evident he was a kind, easy going, open minded young man. I am sorry it ended like this. I am sorry life had got him to a point that he was so dead set on committing this act. I know there's a lot of people like that on this forum and my heart goes out to all of them. In his own small way, MX was a hero for wanting to document his experience with this method as he knew how popular it is here and out of kindness and a wish to help, he wished for a log of events to be kept by W.

Seeing as his symptoms seemed to follow each other very quickly, I can only hope that unconsciousness found him very soon after the connection with W was lost. That he didn't have to suffer very long. W can't confirm if he was in pain as MX did not speak to them much anymore after lying down. But it was clear that he was in some distress. I hope he found peace or called for help and I am sorry things went this way, as I'm sure W is as well.

I will remember you forever, MX.
 
F

Fedrea

Veteran
May 14, 2020
103
194
Eeek
Thank you, Good. Well said. I would also like to take a moment to remember MX. He wasn't on here very long and I didn't get to know him as well as I would have liked perhaps, but the few times we spoke, it was evident he was a kind, easy going, open minded young man. I am sorry it ended like this. I am sorry life had got him to a point that he was so dead set on committing this act. I know there's a lot of people like that on this forum and my heart goes out to all of them. In his own small way, MX was a hero for wanting to document his experience with this method as he knew how popular it is here and out of kindness and a wish to help, he wished for a log of events to be kept by W.

Seeing as his symptoms seemed to follow each other very quickly, I can only hope that unconsciousness found him very soon after the connection with W was lost. That he didn't have to suffer very long. W can't confirm if he was in pain as MX did not speak to them much anymore after lying down. But it was clear that he was in some distress. I hope he found peace or called for help and I am sorry things went this way, as I'm sure W is as well.

I will remember you forever, MX.
Very well spoken
 
L

Living sucks

no one can understand
Mar 27, 2020
2,669
2,353
It’s a shame the call ended and he didn’t get to fulfill his last wishes.
Being that I also only have SN, and already scared, this now terrifies me.
The difference is I’m way less healthy than he was and older, I wish I knew for certain my health would make it easier or worse.
Speculation says I’ll probly succumb faster but at what degree of pain and fear? Will it be too much that I call for help? Or the people in the same house will hear me groaning?
This didn’t help me :/
 
L

Living sucks

no one can understand
Mar 27, 2020
2,669
2,353
Also some people are still posting 20 mins later or posting at 15 mins they’re not feeling anything then they report symptoms and disappear quickly, there is a huge range of timeframes but also we have no idea of validity in some cases.
@Aftex was searching the rules and FAQ 25 mins after drinking so they were still functioning where Mx was feeling it immediately?
i think sweating, nausea, tachycardia, dizzy, tingling are most common effects.
I don’t know how much the other meds truly help but this case has me thinking they might make a difference.
Ugh.
thanks @Philosykos and W
 
S

Saed

Wise
Apr 21, 2020
276
422
From what I've "seen" so far,I'll stick my neck out far enough to say,in addition to the combinations of peripheral drugs used or not used and unique physiological reactions,I think it possible reagent or lab grade is perhaps harder on the body than food grade.
I know that doesn't make sense looking at them from a chemical perspective.

@Living sucks It's quite sobering for me to see you post that.