pain

silentsinger

Member
Mar 1, 2019
50
184
Are there many of you who feel as though you are just a pain to everyone in your life?

I feel as though that's all I am now, just a pain. I almost always feel as though I need to ask people whether i'm welcome to speak to them before a conversation. This has not been the case in face to face situations for a couple of months now though because I don't really see anybody anymore and I haven't been to work since January.
 

silentsinger

Member
Mar 1, 2019
50
184
So many of us. I wish i could do something to help you all. Nobody should be made to feel this way just because they are suffering. Unfortunately it does seem easier for people who don’t understand just to turn a blind eye to it and ignore it. It’s very sad that people do that. Sometimes a bit of a chat can make a difference to someone’s day, even if it doesn’t alleviate personal problems.
 

Marawa

HereButNot
Dec 30, 2018
73
252
51
DC
I'm pretty hysterical now but this question enrages me. We all seem to be (or many) suffering at the hands of uncaring ppl. yet so many of us are hurting & have the empathy to support one another. Like a cruel joke.
I'm really not that sick (terminal or anything) I'm just not useful to anyone anymore.
it's something I'd probably never known if I didn't become disabled. & the pain is more than I can bare
 

silentsinger

Member
Mar 1, 2019
50
184
I'm pretty hysterical now but this question enrages me. We all seem to be (or many) suffering at the hands of uncaring ppl. yet so many of us are hurting & have the empathy to support one another. Like a cruel joke.
I'm really not that sick (terminal or anything) I'm just not useful to anyone anymore.
it's something I'd probably never known if I didn't become disabled. & the pain is more than I can bare
Sending you lots of love.
 

FTL.Wanderer

Ascended
May 31, 2018
898
2,767
Are there many of you who feel as though you are just a pain to everyone in your life?

I feel as though that's all I am now, just a pain. I almost always feel as though I need to ask people whether i'm welcome to speak to them before a conversation.

Absol-frickin'-lutely. It's especially demoralizing when you realize you're too ... depressing ... to be around even other suicidal people. Bullocks.
 

FTL.Wanderer

Ascended
May 31, 2018
898
2,767
I mean I do think that if you are feeling depressed it rubs off on other people and that is why they avoid us.
I've read that researchers find depression can be "contagious." And I think you're right that people avoid us b/c we're depressing. But this is another reason we should be entitled to end our own lives. If others are free not to hire us, to help us, to be around us... and for whatever reasons we can't become what they need us to be, we should be free to check out.
I'm a complete burden emotionally & physically to everyone due to depression (cry at the slightest meaness) & I need to lug a walker everywhere & I'm slow. I can bo longer drive & I'm agoraphobic so I freak out with panic attacks. God yes I feel that way

{HUG}
Unfortunately it does seem easier for people who don’t understand just to turn a blind eye to it and ignore it. It’s very sad that people do that. Sometimes a bit of a chat can make a difference to someone’s day, even if it doesn’t alleviate personal problems.
I agree with you. My experience, though, is that even other suicidal/depressed... people who DO UNDERSTAND can alienate/lecture/dismiss... each other. Often. I think it's just human nature. I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.
I even feel like a burden to my therapist lol
Glad to know I'm not alone! (When I used to see therapists.)
 
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LivingToLong

Member
Feb 23, 2019
69
249
I think I'm more of an awkward, or perhaps difficult, person than a pain as such. Actually, I think me saying that probably proves the point! I know people can see me as pedantic. So, let me be honest, yes, I'm a pain... damn, why didn't I just say that in the first place!

I feel I speak a different language sometimes. It's not that I feel that way about myself but that other people make me feel that way. In my own head I know what I'm saying, it makes sense to me and I'm happy with it. I then seem to fail to communicate it well enough and so I can upset people. They then see me as a pain, someone who should 'get a life'... and all I feel I've done is try to explain myself. I don't know, perhaps I lack empathy or something.
I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.
You know, I can understand that. I find me a pain sometimes so why shouldn't other people?

I know my partner finds me exhausting. I know there are times when they are fed up with me, of having to tread gently around me. That's not a nice feeling for me btw, knowing that I am someone who is like that. I know I'm not what people might call 'easy going' sometimes. I don't know why that is, I just know that it is. I don't set out to piss people off but I end up doing it. So I can understand that they will find me too much like hard work to be around. I get that.

I think there's a limit to most people's tolerance, there certainly is to mine. I'm not critical of that, I accept it as the way we are. I think people who 'stay with' someone, despite all of their problems, are incredible. Maybe it's fear of the unknown alternatives (much like someone with an abusive partners will stay with them) I don't know. Tolerance is extended for people you love but I think there are limits. I can understand people not wanting their lives dragged down by someone else.
 
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Iceangel

The Worse Half
Mar 9, 2019
28
93
SoCal
I agree with you. My experience, though, is that even other suicidal/depressed... people who DO UNDERSTAND can alienate/lecture/dismiss... each other. Often. I think it's just human nature. I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.
This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.
 

FTL.Wanderer

Ascended
May 31, 2018
898
2,767
This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.

First off, I'm really, really, really sorry. What you're saying resonates with my whole life experience. You're absolutely-absolutely right: "when you feel like your going to die anyway why not..." When you're constantly suicidal, it's very hard to do painful things NOW with the reasoning that your future self will benefit. What future self?

Second (I don't mean to sound offensive), your parent made the decision to create you. They decided to impose on you a potential 100-year sentence. We owe parents "respect" of the same kind we do other living beings. But THEY owe us MUCH MUCH more. Your parents are cutting your survival cord despite what you're dealing with. Another win for reproductive freedom. They can make us but they don't have to have in place plans to assure our security.

I'm also "treatment resistant." I wish I had an answer. Have you thought about leaving your country (if you're in the West) and trying something in a developing nation? That didn't really work for me because I'm my major problem. But if you feel your major problem is financial or political or social, maybe getting out of your environment would help? If you ever want to throw ideas around, just PM me. Sorry you're hurting so much.
 

silentsinger

Member
Mar 1, 2019
50
184
This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.
I am so sorry that you are suffering this way. I feel particularly low at the moment and am struggling. Although our circumstances may be different, I totally sympathise with the way you must be feeling. No one deserves to feel like that.
 

Iceangel

The Worse Half
Mar 9, 2019
28
93
SoCal
First off, I'm really, really, really sorry. What you're saying resonates with my whole life experience. You're absolutely-absolutely right: "when you feel like your going to die anyway why not..." When you're constantly suicidal, it's very hard to do painful things NOW with the reasoning that your future self will benefit. What future self?

Second (I don't mean to sound offensive), your parent made the decision to create you. They decided to impose on you a potential 100-year sentence. We owe parents "respect" of the same kind we do other living beings. But THEY owe us MUCH MUCH more. Your parents are cutting your survival cord despite what you're dealing with. Another win for reproductive freedom. They can make us but they don't have to have in place plans to assure our security.

I'm also "treatment resistant." I wish I had an answer. Have you thought about leaving your country (if you're in the West) and trying something in a developing nation? That didn't really work for me because I'm my major problem. But if you feel your major problem is financial or political or social, maybe getting out of your environment would help? If you ever want to throw ideas around, just PM me. Sorry you're hurting so much.
Id agree with you but im adopted. My sister has a bunch of stuff with her mentally (agoraphobia (sp?), depression, anxiety) and has drained my parents assets for yearssss. Shes their blood daughter though so if theres a choice in where those assetts are allotted its her. I dont blame them, for years i was self sufficient so why shouldnt i be able to do it again? Living with them isnt an option either, mentally abusive to the point all I do is cry, drink, and think of ways to off myself. Ive thought of moving out of country but honestly i just dont care anymore. Ive seen what life has to offer (the good and the bad) and while i know there may be happy memories to be made overall they wont compare to the amount of emotional suffering id have to endure to get there and after.

As for ideas ive tried them all, ive tried therapy, drugs (legal and not so much), moving across the country, moving back with my parents, then back across again, drinking, relationships (casual and long term), etc. Life just brings me no joy anymore.
 

FTL.Wanderer

Ascended
May 31, 2018
898
2,767
Id agree with you but im adopted. My sister has a bunch of stuff with her mentally (agoraphobia (sp?), depression, anxiety) and has drained my parents assets for yearssss. Shes their blood daughter though so if theres a choice in where those assetts are allotted its her. I dont blame them, for years i was self sufficient so why shouldnt i be able to do it again? Living with them isnt an option either, mentally abusive to the point all I do is cry, drink, and think of ways to off myself. Ive thought of moving out of country but honestly i just dont care anymore. Ive seen what life has to offer (the good and the bad) and while i know there may be happy memories to be made overall they wont compare to the amount of emotional suffering id have to endure to get there and after.

As for ideas ive tried them all, ive tried therapy, drugs (legal and not so much), moving across the country, moving back with my parents, then back across again, drinking, relationships (casual and long term), etc. Life just brings me no joy anymore.

I'm really sorry. I wish I had an answer, but here I am, too. If it ever helps to talk/vent, please PM me.
 

Eeyore

Member
Aug 4, 2018
11
31
I've read that researchers find depression can be "contagious." And I think you're right that people avoid us b/c we're depressing. But this is another reason we should be entitled to end our own lives. If others are free not to hire us, to help us, to be around us... and for whatever reasons we can't become what they need us to be, we should be free to check out.

Glad to know I'm not alone! (When I used to see therapists.)
Yea and psychiatrists and therapists don't care unless money is involved and even then its about faking empathy. At least thats how I see it not sure if it is really like that. I do agree with you that we should be free to check out but just because we are fucked up doesn't mean there isn't a place for us in this world. We are not hurting anyone except ourselves. Maybe we could form some community and see how that works out? Like a town full of us miserable people hah.
 

FTL.Wanderer

Ascended
May 31, 2018
898
2,767
Yea and psychiatrists and therapists don't care unless money is involved and even then its about faking empathy. At least thats how I see it not sure if it is really like that. I do agree with you that we should be free to check out but just because we are fucked up doesn't mean there isn't a place for us in this world. We are not hurting anyone except ourselves. Maybe we could form some community and see how that works out? Like a town full of us miserable people hah.
Big thumbs-up to you. :sunglasses:
 
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