- Jul 9, 2020
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I'd say a 9.5. My daughter just came home from college for the weekend- she didn't know it was goodbye, but it was. Now she's gone back and I'm ready to CTB while she and my wife are bringing her back.0 being you're not having any at all to 10 being you're going to ctb very soon because you can't take it anymore. Mine are a 6.5 today
I am here in bed, awake and thoughts running and being invasive, but I’m still a five. Trying to hold myself together during the day. I am middle of the road in figure terms of ctb. I’m waiting for my impulsive self to do it, or one other big thing that will drive that number up and me over the edge quite literally. I only hope that when I get that bravery, they I do it correctly. I hate feeling sad and depressed
I hate those thoughts, I hate that we feel this way. I wish that I could go back but you can’t.10 everyday so far its a 10, i think about it everyday, i try plan and think of a date. when i sleep most nights i try visualise myself doing it, same goes for when i wake up and try go back to sleep.
i hate it too, i hate the intrusive dark thoughts we get, i wish i could stop feeling this way but half of me gets comfort from it all just knowing i could end this sadness & depression.I hate those thoughts, I hate that we feel this way. I wish that I could go back but you can’t.
Anyway I know if the impulse comes, if something goes south then my foundations which are already shaken will break. The thoughts are bad as they are, I too visualise death usjnf different methods - even have my SN.
I wish and hope too that you find peace whatever wherever