Not belonging in this world.

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

G

ginjq

Member
Dec 21, 2019
6
24
Warning: potentially long rant/post ahead.

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong in this world - like something is just inherently wrong about you.

Maybe I have unrealistic expectations but I feel like I'm so alone. I don't have any real friends - I always have to initiate events despite the fact that I'm naturally introverted. I'm pretty sure if I lost my phone for a week, I would find no messages from anyone apart from my parents. With the current coronavirus situation, people are saying to look out for each other. Yet it's funny, not one of my friends has checked if I'm doing OK. I took two days off work to self reflect and think about what my goal is, what my purpose in life is and none of my friends (who work at the same company) noticed. In fact the funny thing is the only person to check up on me was my manager.

Needless to say, at 25, I've never been in a relationship in my life, never even held a girl's hand as corny as it sounds. The only reason I'm still alive is because my parents and music. I really really want to leave this world but I feel so ungrateful considering what my parents have given me. They are immigrants and came to the UK with virtually nothing and worked so hard so that I could have a "normal" comfortable life. I know my situation is not the worst, I am fortunate to have a stable job and I'm still relatively healthy physically but I don't see the point of continuing anymore.

I made a promise to myself after my first failed CTB attempt that I would give it another try - until my birthday (which is 3 months away). I tried CBT and going to the gym, the latter of which helped a bit but obviously now not really possible with all the gyms being closed. I ordered everything required for SN last month and it's all arrived, and I almost used it yesterday but restrained myself to see if anything changes til my birthday.

Not looking for responses - just needed to vent.
 
Darkhaven

Darkhaven

Pain, Sorrow, Grief, Angst, Depression
May 19, 2019
865
2,040
I feel like an alien or a machine amidst people.
And i'm much worse than you. Never had a real friend, also never "holded a girl's hand", never had a job, i don't have nothing. I don't even have parents that like me. I was an accidental birth.
So yeah, i should have never been here.
 
Thebuddhacel

Thebuddhacel

the truecel buddhist
Jan 17, 2020
43
66
I feel the same. And I'm grateful for my parents too. But unfortunately they can't eliminate my suffering.
 
  • Hug
Reactions: Taran
Mm80

Mm80

Specialist
May 15, 2019
319
355
Sad to hear this but your certainly not alone. Im autistic and dont even feel likevim a member of the human race.
 
a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

only PM please no chat
Nov 17, 2019
910
1,320
" like something is just inherently wrong about you."

maybe this has truly never occured to you, but you state that:

- Your friendships are crap
- No woman ever showed you any affection
- no matter how hard you work, nothing you do seems to yield the effects that were promised to you by the outside world

And you still think that something is wrong with you???

Did you choose the way you look, the way you talk, the way you walk? Did you choose your parents, your upbringing? Did you choose your particular talents and most importantly, did you choose the particular world and part of the world you were born into? the culture you live in (that doesn't seem to have any use for you, aside from your wage labour?)

Why do you look for the problem within yourself? Did you choose to be a "failure", did you choose to be miserable?
.

What exactly do you think is wrong with you/ are you doing wrong?
 
LifeCutOpen

LifeCutOpen

Member
Mar 27, 2020
13
8
I have always felt like I never belonged here. It’s something I’ve never been able to get anyone else to understand, but it is so deep within me that it permeates through everything I do, think, and feel. I’m sorry to hear you struggle with it but happy to offer my solidarity.
 
S

SuicideDJ

Member
Mar 4, 2020
10
6
I know what you mean about living in the UK.
I have high functioning ASD and live here. If I can help you give me a shout onhere