My SN has been found

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TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

Everyday you are closer to death
Nov 7, 2019
796
1,662
Had to tell my dad and sister that I was going to use ir to ctb. I broke myself. They started to cry. I couldn't hide I started to shake. I'm so fucked up than before. I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week... I feel so bad. So so bad.. I was thinking on ctb this weekend. Maybe it's a sign. I don't know. This is a nightmare. I don't know if I'll ctb. Now i dont have sn anymore. I think i will go to recovery section.
 
Grandexit

Grandexit

Member
Dec 4, 2019
80
264
Maybe it is a sign? Good news is that you will die sometime. Just not today. There are literal tons of SN out there if you try to get better and still think ctb is your best option. We do owe it to ourselves to try, but what the forced lifers don’t admit to, is sometimes things don’t get better. For your sake, I hope life turns around and is glorious.

Also, please clear your browser history and any bookmarks. This site can’t be comprised, it’s all some people have.
 
Yuqani

Yuqani

a poorly written character
Oct 30, 2019
40
69
Maybe it is a sign? Good news is that you will die sometime. Just not today. There are literal tons of SN out there if you try to get better and still think ctb is your best option. We do owe it to ourselves to try, but what the forced lifers don’t admit to, is sometimes things don’t get better. For your sake, I hope life turns around and is glorious.

Also, please clear your browser history and any bookmarks. This site can’t be comprised, it’s all some people have.
Depending on the laws of where you live and all the substances you aquired, "cleaning house" while you can is good advice.
For the sellers' sake, too.
Much love :heart:
 
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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - time is getting closer...
Aug 30, 2018
3,201
11,351
I'm really sorry to hear about all this, and whatever your situation may be, I hope you are able to find the best outcome that helps your future (whether you decide to recover or find peace). One thing I would add is that if you are seeing a psychiatrist, be very, very careful how you speak to them because they are 'mandatory reporters' meaning that they will report you to authorities and have you locked up against your will if they believe you are a danger to others or yourself. Just be cautious of that fact.
 
Readytogo#Broken

Readytogo#Broken

❤️You’ll never walk alone❤️
Jan 1, 2020
61
254
Had to tell my dad and sister that I was going to use ir to ctb. I broke myself. They started to cry. I couldn't hide I started to shake. I'm so fucked up than before. I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week... I feel so bad. So so bad.. I was thinking on ctb this weekend. Maybe it's a sign. I don't know. This is a nightmare. I don't know if I'll ctb. Now i dont have sn anymore. I think i will go to recovery section.
I hope your ok, I think it’s a sign, hope you have strength and maybe turn things around, never stop believing in yourself! no matter what you decide to do ❤❤
 
cosmicpixiedust

cosmicpixiedust

Pixie
Jun 5, 2019
441
714
It’s all going to be okay, take a good deep breath. Like it’s been said, it might be a sign that now is not your time. You can always get more if you decide to CTB in the future. You need to focus on yourself right now and work on doing what’s best for you. Things may not get better, but it’s always worth giving it a shot. No matter what, we’re always here for you and whatever you decide..we stand beside you. I’m sending you love, hugs, and all the good vibes I can muster. ❤ If you want someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Remember, you’ve got this.
 
Jean4

Jean4

Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
Apr 28, 2019
4,356
8,789
Had to tell my dad and sister that I was going to use ir to ctb. I broke myself. They started to cry. I couldn't hide I started to shake. I'm so fucked up than before. I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week... I feel so bad. So so bad.. I was thinking on ctb this weekend. Maybe it's a sign. I don't know. This is a nightmare. I don't know if I'll ctb. Now i dont have sn anymore. I think i will go to recovery section.
I’m here. Don’t argue with me or Stan. You are on the stay with me list and I will add. I told you so!!
 
Angelus Errare

Angelus Errare

Where angels lose their way
Dec 3, 2019
191
638
I wish you well but since psych meds are the reason I'm here I would advise you to be careful with them. Psychiatrists prescribe them like candies. At least don't take antipsychotics.

Some people claim meds helped them but I only got side effects and zero benefits.
 
Carina

Carina

Illuminated
Dec 22, 2019
1,732
1,813
Had to tell my dad and sister that I was going to use ir to ctb. I broke myself. They started to cry. I couldn't hide I started to shake. I'm so fucked up than before. I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week... I feel so bad. So so bad.. I was thinking on ctb this weekend. Maybe it's a sign. I don't know. This is a nightmare. I don't know if I'll ctb. Now i dont have sn anymore. I think i will go to recovery section.
Don't worry, we'll be here. Sometimes life just causes you to stick around when you weren't planning on it. You were honest with them. Totally honest. That says a lot. It's done now, so just focus on you, and just remember that you do have support here, and if/when taken into mental health professionals, you'll have the same choice. But of course they'll probably know the truth because they'll be warned, but still. same choice.

Regardless--we'll be here for you no matter what!
 
MysticPerception

MysticPerception

Some people can't smile so I'll smile for them
Dec 31, 2019
513
842
That's a nightmare for sure. I'm sorry they found it but maybe after you hesitated before this is for the better. If things don't work out you can always try getting SN again. I know how hard it is though to see your parent cry when you tell them you were going to kill yourself so I know what you're going through. The shaking is normal, I did too. Hang in there, maybe things will turn around now that they know and you know they care.
 
Quarky00

Quarky00

Master
Dec 17, 2019
470
945
Ahh :O Real nightmare

But you will be able to handle this. Take others' advice...

Given some time and thought you can control any future path you choose – either way. You can do whatever you want. I do feel how terrible, shocking, sad, hopeless, utterly confusing the situation is. :heart:
 
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TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Specialist
May 26, 2019
373
636
I'm sorry to hear the pain you went through. I agree with the Psychiatric statement above about prescribing too many pills. A Mental Health Nurse Practitioner tends to do better, in my experience.

As prochoice as I am, take this opportunity to talk to a therapist and solidify your feelings. Make sure your reasons for CTB are not transient. If your reasons are temporary, CTB might not be the option for you. But only you can figure that out (with constructive feedback)

One thing I think that the prolifers and pro choice people can agree on is that none of us want to see you hurting. We're here for you.
 
Tempeste

Tempeste

Member
Jan 11, 2020
63
148
There's nothing wrong with changing your mind.

Be kind to yourself please. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe and peaceful and if your family is being supportive you don't have to do it alone.

Be brave. Be yourself. Be your best self.
 
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Sensei

Sensei

Visionary
Nov 4, 2019
905
1,708
I don't know. I'm.so so sad. My dad startes to cry when I told him i was going to suicide.. i canr believe all this
If you're dad and sister started crying when they heard it, it means that they really love you, and that also means that they will help you. Maybe you should see this as an opportunity to begin a new life? I can't see that you have much to lose giving it a shot.
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

Everyday you are closer to death
Nov 7, 2019
796
1,662
Thanks to ALL OF YOU. I am totally broken. I'm crying right now. Guess I must keep fighting but I still have suicidal thoughts.. it's everything too difficult. Thanks again. I'm going to listen to some music to distract myself a little. Oh, what a day
 
enjoy

enjoy

Creature
Dec 20, 2019
132
236
hey there. first of all, here's a hug. :hug: we're on quite a similar wavelength right now... my parents also found out i want to ctb and while they lost their shit at first, it completely broke them and opened their eyes to how much i'm suffering. i, too am now going to therapy/a psychiatrist in the coming weeks. if you ever need someone to chat with or relate to, i'm here and totally down with being recovery buddies (as long as that's cool with you, of course!). it very well could be a sign that you should stay alive, but do remember no matter what that none of this is your fault. none of us chose to be this way.

we all love you! take some time to catch your breath, even if that means logging out of ss for a bit. we'll still be here for you when you return. :heart:
 
Thereisnothing

Thereisnothing

Wise
Jan 4, 2020
275
470
If you're dad and sister started crying when they heard it, it means that they really love you, and that also means that they will help you. Maybe you should see this as an opportunity to begin a new life? I can't see that you have much to lose giving it a shot.
If you have family which really care about you, then this is what matters. My mum and dad kept me going over the years. I lost my beloved mum 8 years ago and my beloved father just before Christmas. I have noone now, just an empty void. I dont want to be here anymore, just wish to join them in the afterlife and be at peace, yet so scare and confused. I believe that your SN was found for a reason, you might not see if at the moment. I do hope with strength of your family and help ahead of you, that you will gain strength. Know we are here for you too. xx
 
Underscore

Underscore

Illuminated
Jul 31, 2018
1,020
2,034
What a day indeed. Maybe this can be the start of a turn around? Hope so. But I agree, be wary of the medications they may offer you.
 
Quarky00

Quarky00

Master
Dec 17, 2019
470
945
I am totally broken. I'm crying right now
*Hug*

Guess I must keep fighting but I still have suicidal thoughts
I think it's good to do both. It appears paradoxical. But allowing space and accepting both options can be very liberating. Again, it means you can do what you what. I know that fighting is hard and frustrating. I kinda learned to live in two minds, ctb is my main cause and drive, but I try other things (and I try to brush pitfalls). Dunno if managed to explain.. Be easy on yourself and give yourself time to explore things.
 
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Girobatol

Girobatol

Wise
Sep 9, 2019
211
302
Did they went through your things? Where did you hide it?
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

Everyday you are closer to death
Nov 7, 2019
796
1,662
Did they went through your things? Where did you hide it?
Yes. In my drawer next to bed. I'm condemned to live because of my stupidity.
i'm considering buying a new SN bag next month. I'll hide it in a better place next time.
 
Carina

Carina

Illuminated
Dec 22, 2019
1,732
1,813
Yes. In my drawer next to bed. I'm condemned to live because of my stupidity.
i'm considering buying a new SN bag next month. I'll hide it in a better place next time.
I mean I'm not saying you did this type of thing at all (really I"m not!)...

There was a time I was hiding something from my mom (medical thing), so I hid the pills with all my other pills, in plain sight so to speak. She was suspicious something was wrong eventually, and actually searched all my pills to see if something could explain it. I really wanted her to know, I just didn't know how to approach it--she ended up finding out. The question I ended up asking myself was did I hide them with my other pills to hide them, or did I put them there because I knew it'd be where she'd look when she was suspicious.
 
reapandsow918

reapandsow918

Eternal Pain
Nov 6, 2019
117
358
Yea you just got fucked. You’ll have to take twice the amount of time now to gain their trust back if you can. Personally, my suicidal thoughts never go away so it’s different for everyone else’s situation. Do what’s right for you. If you want to CTB keep trying or if you want to recover then go for it. Only you know what you want and whatever it is, we are here to support you.
 
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
129
135
Yes. In my drawer next to bed. I'm condemned to live because of my stupidity.
i'm considering buying a new SN bag next month. I'll hide it in a better place next time.
Damn that sucks. What is worse is they may start going through your stuff more frequently. You will need to be more diligent now on where you hide it.