Venting My failed suicide is not an invitation to DM me for ‘tips’.

Emily_Numb

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I had a failed suicide attempt back in November and I want to point out to anyone on here searching for ways to CTB, when a person has had a failed attempt it does not give you permission to slide into their dms and try to guilt trip then into giving you tips and advice on CTB.

There are plenty of resources to learn about ways to do what you need to do. I am not having 101 questions by strangers almost fetishising how I did it, what went wrong, what was it like etc.

I am not going to be responsible for giving advice to other suicidal people to successfully CTB when I obviously have zero experience in successfully completing, so not in a position to give advice to anyone.

Also have a little compassion! Most people who have failed CTB are either incredibly traumatised by the event, are still suicidal or in fact have chosen recovery.


Please think about this before you quiz people on their failed attempts!
 
WornOutLife

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I get you.
I failed twice but in my case, it made me quite good to vent about it and talk to ppl!
Still, some people need "their space".

Wish you the best!
 
Emily_Numb

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I get you.
I failed twice but in my case, it made me quite good to vent about it and talk to ppl!
Still, some people need "their space".

Wish you the best!
I failed 4 times in the space in a month. Each one escalating until I was in ICU on life support for 5 days.

I do not want my ‘advice’ contributing to someone’s passing on my conscience.
 
Symbiote

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People think that because you went through it, that you're automatically a professional on suicide, except that they forget you didn't die so therefore not really experienced in that area. I've gotten a lot of questions on it, some of more annoying ones are, "Aren't you scared of dying?" and "Why would you do it again if you failed the first time?"
 
Emily_Numb

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People think that because you went through it, that you're automatically a professional on suicide, except that they forget you didn't die so therefore not really experienced in that area. I've gotten a lot of questions on it, some of more annoying ones are, "Aren't you scared of dying?" and "Why would you do it again if you failed the first time?"
That’s the thing, people can read up on this site as much as they like, no one living is an expert on how to CTB even if this site harbours some people who like to flex that way and critique others methods all the while having never even attempted themselves. (This is why I believe there to be a few people on this site who are here as grief tourists who just want to fetishise suicide and guide people through it like a control thing, but that’s a whole other thread and rabbit hole)

The only experts are the ones not here to share their ‘tips’.

I’m sorry you get bothered by inconsiderate people too.
 
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Nodscene

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I'll admit I was the offender in this scenario and I sincerely apologise for making you uncomfortable in any way. As I may be using the same method I was just trying to avoid any pitfalls that may not be in the guides.

In no way was I trying to guilt trip you and if I triggered you at all the more sorry for asking any questions.

A polite response saying you won't answer any questions about it would have been more than sufficient instead of threatening me with reporting me to the mods. My intent was never to upset you and most definitely not in any form attempting to guild trip you.

Once again please accept my apology for asking a highly sensitive question that made you very uncomfortable. I truly understand how that can be inappropriate.

Take care and be well
 
Emily_Numb

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I'll admit I was the offender in this scenario and I sincerely apologise for making you uncomfortable in any way. As I may be using the same method I was just trying to avoid any pitfalls that may not be in the guides.

In no way was I trying to guilt trip you and if I triggered you at all the more sorry for asking any questions.

A polite response saying you won't answer any questions about it would have been more than sufficient instead of threatening me with reporting me to the mods. My intent was never to upset you and most definitely not in any form attempting to guild trip you.

Once again please accept my apology for asking a highly sensitive question that made you very uncomfortable. I truly understand how that can be inappropriate.

Take care and be well
Not quite so polite in your DMs were you?

Also you have not been the only one.
Some of my favorite tips:

Look both ways before crossing the street.

Always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming.

Don't eat stuff off the sidewalk.
Thanks for making a joke of my post. If you don’t have anything constructive to add, don’t say anything. Use another thread to get your post count up.
 
Nodscene

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There you go again haha. Once again I'm not here to pick a fight and I've apologized not only in my DM's (even in the same DM where I wasn't so polite as you put it) but publicly as well. If you think I'll let someone be rude for no reason well that's not going to happen. I'm still going to be respectful and polite and will take full responsibility for my actions.

It sucks that I haven't been the only one and that tends to happen on this site for various reasons. I hope in the future that people will not ask you about this anymore and you still feel safe enough to share.

A possible idea for the next time this subject comes up is to put a disclaimer that you will not respond to any DM's concerning that issue etc. Hopefully that will help so you no longer get them.

Once again I truly with you the best whatever that means to you.
 
Promortalistic4Life

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People really do this?
Fucking rude.
Im sorry you needed to experiecne this.
I wouldn't neccessarely call it rude, as their intentions are good, more like... inappropriate? Idk, I personally appreciate any of this tips people can give me but that's just me. At least these people are not these insensitive pro-lifers who just tell you to not do it and that everything will turn for the better... sigh.
 
Miss_Takes

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I wouldn't neccessarely call it rude, as their intentions are good, more like... inappropriate? Idk, I personally appreciate any of this tips people can give me but that's just me. At least these people are not these insensitive pro-lifers who just tell you to not do it and that everything will turn for the better... sigh.
I challenge the statement that thier 'intentions are good'.
The intention may be entirely driven by personal gratification without consideration for the OP.
Just because someone puts something on the internet does not mean it is an invitation to fulfil ones own needs vicariously or directly.
Having said that it is perhaps a tad naive to think that posting such a thread would not garner that kind of attention because the community is here for this sort of information specifically.
I tend to try to consider very carefully prior to pm'ing anyone.
I did pm a member unsolicited yesterday because I thought my reasoning was sound. On reflection I think perhaps I made an error in judgement in doing so and if they are reading this I hope they accept my apology.

This site is not without its challenges and dangers many because we are all simply human.

I am sorry you have had to experience this TA and hope that your journey from this point is less stressful.
 
D

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I failed 4 times in the space in a month. Each one escalating until I was in ICU on life support for 5 days.

I do not want my ‘advice’ contributing to someone’s passing on my conscience.

My attempts kept escalating like that but not to icu, thank God, and I know that the people who "saved" me weren't getting thanks, I hated them for it and told them so. I felt like such a failure that if people questioned me to "help" them I would have been beyond angry. I don't want the added responsibility of someone else on my conscience. Plus as you said we're the wrong ones to ask. If they want to know so bad make it public and I'm sure other people feel more comfortable sharing that stuff. I'm sorry people are bombarding you and I'm glad you've made a public post because otherwise people don't know it's a problem to do it...sending lots of love x
 
lucacaro

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I'm not really surprised. Most people here are looking for methods and to be as informed as possible about how to do it and what's the best way - which includes knowing how it has failed. When people hear someone has done an attempt of course they are going to have questions. It may seem inappropriate but on this site... it's pretty normal I'd say? Doesn't exactly make it right and it's not an excuse but this forum is basically people just informing each other on how to die so..

However it's 100% reasonable that you would not want to answer questions or in any way help people to commit suicide. I hope no one has been rude or pushy in your DMs because you don't deserve to pretty much be harassed over this. My only suggestion is to put a disclaimer about no DM's if you post about this sort of thing because it's very likely people are going to want to talk to you about it. Hope you get better OP.
 
ohhgeeitsme

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questions by strangers almost fetishising how I did it
While I personally don't mind if someone simply asks me questions about it and I think most mean no harm and would feel terrible if they knew it bothered you, I definitely had the same experience when it came to someone almost seeming to get off on it, when I first came to this site and posted about my failed attempts. It was just one person and they were clearly encouraging me to kill myself, and kept going on and on about how they hope I'm not listening to anyone trying to talk me out of it. They started sending me all these videos of people hanging themselves and encouraged me to record mine, and it was just very uncomfortable. They are definitely not the norm here though and they did end up getting banned.
 
Nodscene

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My attempts kept escalating like that but not to icu, thank God, and I know that the people who "saved" me weren't getting thanks, I hated them for it and told them so. I felt like such a failure that if people questioned me to "help" them I would have been beyond angry. I don't want the added responsibility of someone else on my conscience. Plus as you said we're the wrong ones to ask. If they want to know so bad make it public and I'm sure other people feel more comfortable sharing that stuff. I'm sorry people are bombarding you and I'm glad you've made a public post because otherwise people don't know it's a problem to do it...sending lots of love x
I'm not trying to cause any problems but this post isn't going to help in the least. In a day or two it will be gone and she will be left in the same position she was in before. That's why I suggested she either put a disclaimer in any post where there is a chance someone may ask for advice or possibly a better idea would be to add it to her signature. This should almost guarantee that this won't happen again.

This is a different and way more open forum when it comes to CTB and the methods used so the vast majority of people are willing to share their knowledge not only to make sure a person is successful, but I think most importantly that if they don't succeed that there will be no long term damage.

No person here can be responsible for anyone's actions especially when it comes to CTB. It doesn't matter what information you give out or even if you send them the necessary items. In the end it will always rest on the individual who takes action on that knowledge.

That being said I don't blame anyone for not wanting to share no matter what their reason is. That should be ultimately respected and I think most people here accept that.

True you can make a post asking everyone about a specific method and why it wasn't successful to hopefully get the answers that will help ensure a successful CTB (so I think people who didn't succeed are exactly the kind of people who should be asked because something didn't go as planned). Sadly I didn't think about it so I sent a pm.

While everyone will have differing opinions I personally don't think there is an issue with that. It keeps it private so it's not out in the open for everyone to see and allows the receiver to decline to answer the question without the pressure of the whole forum expecting an response from the OP. Once again that's just my point of view and as with everything else in life not everyone is going to agree.

This is a forum unlike any other with people sharing things here that they wouldn't dare tell friends or family. This is a safe place for anything you want to say and even things you don't want to say.

I hope this puts a rest to this whole thing once and for all. Obviously I triggered some strong emotions and that wasn't my intent. I was just looking for knowledge plain and simple.

Once again I will sincerely apologise for any pain and/or discomfort I caused her and I truly hope she can accept that apology.

Most importantly I hope she sticks around as there are a lot of great, open, and caring people here that is extremely hard to find elsewhere.
While I personally don't mind if someone simply asks me questions about it and I think most mean no harm and would feel terrible if they knew it bothered you, I definitely had the same experience when it came to someone almost seeming to get off on it, when I first came to this site and posted about my failed attempts. It was just one person and they were clearly encouraging me to kill myself, and kept going on and on about how they hope I'm not listening to anyone trying to talk me out of it. They started sending me all these videos of people hanging themselves and encouraged me to record mine, and it was just very uncomfortable. They are definitely not the norm here though and they did end up getting banned.
Man, that's seriously messed up and sorry you had to deal with that. Only a really twisted person would write such sick messages to you.
 
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ohhgeeitsme

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Man, that's seriously messed up and sorry you had to deal with that. Only a really twisted person would write such sick messages to you.

I mean, it was uncomfortable but I soon realized they were just some psychopath and didn't let it bother me much. This forum is still the safest place I've found to address suicide. It seems like on most other sites, you bring any of this up and then you suddenly have several psychopaths and trolls flooding your DMs and even posting horrible responses on the thread itself.
 
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lucacaro

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I mean, it was uncomfortable but I soon realized they just some psychopath and didn't let it bother me much. This forum is still the safest place I've found to address suicide. It seems like on most other sites, you bring any of this up and then you suddenly have several psychopaths and trolls flooding your DMs and even posting horrible responses on the thread itself.
Reminds me of that poor girl who posted yesterday talking about how people wanted to rape her when she said she wanted to be euthanized.... Yikes.
 
BrokenBeyondRepair

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I'm sorry you're facing this, @Emily_Numb. :hug:

I have to stop myself from replying to some posts because I don't want to contribute to another's death. It's my moral line in the sand, I guess; I'll give advice and support but not help with ctb. It's a challenge at times because I want to help but just can't do it.

Maybe it comes from years and years on pro-anorexia sites where I freely gave advice and "tIPs AnD TrICkS." -_-
 
Promortalistic4Life

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I challenge the statement that thier 'intentions are good'.
The intention may be entirely driven by personal gratification without consideration for the OP.
Just because someone puts something on the internet does not mean it is an invitation to fulfil ones own needs vicariously or directly.
Having said that it is perhaps a tad naive to think that posting such a thread would not garner that kind of attention because the community is here for this sort of information specifically.
Good point. Though personally, I'd be ok with others asking me what went wrong and such. I mean sharing our experiences and failures can truly be beneficial and even crucial.
 
Nodscene

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I'm sorry you're facing this, @Emily_Numb. :hug:

I have to stop myself from replying to some posts because I don't want to contribute to another's death. It's my moral line in the sand, I guess; I'll give advice and support but not help with ctb. It's a challenge at times because I want to help but just can't do it.

Maybe it comes from years and years on pro-anorexia sites where I freely gave advice and "tIPs AnD TrICkS." -_-
Only do what you feel comfortable with and please don't beat yourself up about past actions. It won't serve you any purpose but to make you sad. It's in the past and now you are doing what you feel is right, that's all that's important now.
 
D

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I'm not trying to cause any problems but this post isn't going to help in the least. In a day or two it will be gone and she will be left in the same position she was in before. That's why I suggested she either put a disclaimer in any post where there is a chance someone may ask for advice or possibly a better idea would be to add it to her signature. This should almost guarantee that this won't happen again.

This is a different and way more open forum when it comes to CTB and the methods used so the vast majority of people are willing to share their knowledge not only to make sure a person is successful, but I think most importantly that if they don't succeed that there will be no long term damage.

No person here can be responsible for anyone's actions especially when it comes to CTB. It doesn't matter what information you give out or even if you send them the necessary items. In the end it will always rest on the individual who takes action on that knowledge.

That being said I don't blame anyone for not wanting to share no matter what their reason is. That should be ultimately respected and I think most people here accept that.

True you can make a post asking everyone about a specific method and why it wasn't successful to hopefully get the answers that will help ensure a successful CTB (so I think people who didn't succeed are exactly the kind of people who should be asked because something didn't go as planned). Sadly I didn't think about it so I sent a pm.

While everyone will have differing opinions I personally don't think there is an issue with that. It keeps it private so it's not out in the open for everyone to see and allows the receiver to decline to answer the question without the pressure of the whole forum expecting an response from the OP. Once again that's just my point of view and as with everything else in life not everyone is going to agree.

This is a forum unlike any other with people sharing things here that they wouldn't dare tell friends or family. This is a safe place for anything you want to say and even things you don't want to say.

I hope this puts a rest to this whole thing once and for all. Obviously I triggered some strong emotions and that wasn't my intent. I was just looking for knowledge plain and simple.

Once again I will sincerely apologise for any pain and/or discomfort I caused her and I truly hope she can accept that apology.

Most importantly I hope she sticks around as there are a lot of great, open, and caring people here that is extremely hard to find elsewhere.

Man, that's seriously messed up and sorry you had to deal with that. Only a really twisted person would write such sick messages to you.
Dunno why you felt the need to call me out. My post was for the OP not for the people messaging her. And if you're one of those people I'm not surprised you don't find my message of support for her helpful.
 
Nodscene

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Dunno why you felt the need to call me out. My post was for the OP not for the people messaging her. And if you're one of those people I'm not surprised you don't find my message of support for her helpful.
I wasn't calling you out and yes it was helpful but think about it. What's going to protect her more, a post that's going to get lost in a sea of posts in a matter of days or her putting it in her signature so that it's always around for people to see and they will know that she doesn't want to be messaged.

So yeah, you post technically wasn't very helpful at all in the long run. As someone who upset her I wanted a solution that would work for her the whole time she's on this forum. If you've got an issue with that, well frankly I don't really care. If anything you should see the logic of my idea and be happy about it instead of having a hurt ego for some reason I can't fathom.

I've done what I needed to do. I apologized and gave her a solution so this wouldnt happen again.

My job here is done.
 
Miss_Takes

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I wasn't calling you out and yes it was helpful but think about it. What's going to protect her more, a post that's going to get lost in a sea of posts in a matter of days or her putting it in her signature so that it's always around for people to see and they will know that she doesn't want to be messaged.

So yeah, you post technically wasn't very helpful at all in the long run. As someone who upset her I wanted a solution that would work for her the whole time she's on this forum. If you've got an issue with that, well frankly I don't really care. If anything you should see the logic of my idea and be happy about it instead of having a hurt ego for some reason I can't fathom.

I've done what I needed to do. I apologized and gave her a solution so this wouldnt happen again.

My job here is done.
While solution focus is good and its a good suggestion that I support in theory I think it is a shame that she should have to add a note on her signature because its isnt an absolute right for anyone to assume someone is happy to share their experience beyond what they write in a post or thread.
I understand the angst and desire to 'know' all the implications of an attempt but it comes down to the respect an individual has for persons right to vent without fear of an inquisition.
I dont believe there are many here who would have the intention to make the OP or anyone purposely uncomfortable however this has happened in this case. And it is a good awareness/reminder to read a thread like this.
 
Nodscene

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I completely agree with you in theory but I do take objection to your use of the word inquisition as it was far from that.

From the time I've spent here I've never encountered anyone else who had an issue with asking questions over pm. To me that's a large part of the beauty of this place in that the vast majority people are open and willing to share their knowledge. I've had people ask me questions and I've asked my own.

I honestly think it would take away from what makes this place so special for people like us (obviously not everyone is the same but I hope you get my point) if we had to stop messaging other users and not be able to ask them important questions. This forum is very specialized and deals primarily with the interest, consideration, knowledge, and act of CTB in a way that very few forums even allow.

I truly think it would detract from this forum if we had to refrain from messaging other users about the very topic that this whole forum is essentially about.

I'll admit that I haven't been here a long time and if I'm in the wrong then I'll freely admit it. On the other hand do we stop doing it because it may bother a small percentage of the user base (at least from my experience).

Once again you can never please everyone, we are humans after all :) I can only see two solutions to this issue, we refrain from messaging anyone about the act of CTB which is the only way to be sure we aren't upsetting someone. Or we ask the smaller percentage to consider adding something to their signature stating what they aren't comfortable getting messages about.

I'm honestly open to either option given the will of the majority or moderators. My personal feelings are that I really appreciate the ability to be able to message someone about a potentially tough subject. To me it lends itself to a closeness and understanding between all of us that we just can't find anywhere else.

This isn't the easiest subject to go through or talk about with friends and/or family and yet this place let's you do just that without being judged and most importantly the support between members is second to none.

I don't know the right answer. I only know what I feel and what I consider this forum to be to me. That said it wouldn't be the first time I completely missed the mark.
 
Miss_Takes

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The term 'inquisition' was inflammatory and so I apologise ... it was not directed at you specifically.
I am not suggesting that people should not pm each other ... more that it should not be assumed that someone is here to attend to our needs rather than their own in the first instance ... particularly when the issue may be as sensitive as an attempt with all of the complex emotions that accompany that.

As I said, there is a naivety in thinking that it posting a thread about an attempt wont garner great interest on a site who primary purpose is discussion about suicide. However again ... sensitivity to the author should apply.

In the moment I am sure your questions were extremely important ... as were the questions of the other however many people pm'd but common sense might suggest that if you have burning question it might be pertinent to consider the impact of asking on the OP rather than just barrel ahead.

This site is a wonderful resource of information and support but noone here owes me their time as I owe noone. If I give it (and I am sure people are starting to wish Id give a little less of it lol) I do so because I am in the headspace and I wish to.

I dont think a formal rule needs to apply to this just a little commonsense and respect.
Perhaps asking in the thread if the author is happy to be pm'd ... and as I said I have made the same error in judgement myself.

I am also new here so am finding my way and I hope this doesnt come off as berating you because it is not my intention and I am aware I have no more an ideal solution than the next person.
I do like a good discussion though.
 

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