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Help My estranged brother sends me sexual texts for years nonstop

beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
40
My family are really fucked up. Both parents were very abusive to both each other and me. A lot of fucked up physical violence and emotional. I have a low functioning mentally disabled younger brother. Since he hit puberty he was sexual towards me then I moved out. I have been estranged from my family for about 4 years now. My only "contact" with my family is my brother sending me sexual texts almost every day. Sometimes he will try to threaten me into buying him pornography. He sends me sexual comments about my body, my breasts, asks for naked photographs, this is constant. I screenshot them and send them to my mother and she says she doesn't see what the problem is, that its only text, not a big deal. I send it to my grandmother and she says "it can't be helped." You might think "why not just block the number?" I have blocked over 50 numbers belonging to him. WHenever I block a number my mother buys him a new sim card for him to continue texting me. For the past 3 months when I blocked the number, that was it. But today I got about 15 texts from his next new number, telling me I have huge nice tits. This is my own biological younger brother. Again, he is low functioning mentally disabled. He doesn't even fully understand whats going on but my parents have refused for over 10 years to teach him why its wrong. I feel so fucking disgusting. I don't understand why its ok. I don't understand why my mother would keep buying the numbers. Last year I was actually on the path to recovery but these people keep pulling me back, now I'm in a crisis situation. I have no friends, I have no family. Its like the ghosts of my childhood follow me to this day despite me being almost 30 and trying to cut them off 4 years ago. I feel lie I will never win
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,257
i really really hate to say it but you should call the cops. if you explain that he's mentally disabled and that you alerted your mother to this behavior then they might leave your brother alone (aside from probably putting him in a home) and your mother will most likely be charged with neglect or something along those lines. you really shouldnt be living this way brother or not.
 
beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
40
i really really hate to say it but you should call the cops. if you explain that he's mentally disabled and that you alerted your mother to this behavior then they might leave your brother alone (aside from probably putting him in a home) and your mother will most likely be charged with neglect or something along those lines. you really shouldnt be living this way brother or not.
I don't feel it bad enough for the police to get involved. This is only through text, he has never physically touched me. Even when I was living at home it wasn't physical touching. He is so disabled that he genuinely doesn't understand that he is causing me such extreme distress even when I've tried to explain it to him many times. My parents keep him locked in his room, he is 24 and has no bank account, no friends, etc. I tried to call social services last year and they basically told me they couldn't do anything as he's a legal adult, even though he's too disabled to report what my parents are doing to him himself

Why don't you change your number?
My phone number is tied to so many different important stuff that I don't have the mental coherency right now to go through changing it. I will eventually but right now I am in such a mental haze that if i were to change it i'd end up missing out some important thing and get in more shit from it
 
shy

shy

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2020
Messages
31
You already know this, but it might be nice to see it typed out by someone else. You’re not disgusting, your brother’s behavior is! Your parents enabling him is even more disgusting and it isn’t doing your brother any favors either. It’s screwed up that most victims of sexual harassment are made to feel ashamed.
 
beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
40
You already know this, but it might be nice to see it typed out by someone else. You’re not disgusting, your brother’s behavior is! Your parents enabling him is even more disgusting and it isn’t doing your brother any favors either. It’s screwed up that most victims of sexual harassment are made to feel ashamed.
Its honestly hard for me to think of it as not being my fault. Its also hard to admit that its a form of sexual harassment. Growing up it was very normal for my father to do certain things and my mother told me it was normal so when its only in text form its hard to admit to myself that I'm so upset by it cus it feels like I'm over reacting. I feel like in some way I've done this to myself

It is harassment, and your parents are enabling it by buying him new sim cards.
I don't keep a record of the texts or numbers. Do you think this would be a problem in reporting it? what would I say to them?
 
CuddleHug

CuddleHug

Back, but with less enthusiasm. Hugs~
Joined
Feb 22, 2020
Messages
229
My phone number is tied to so many different important stuff that I don't have the mental coherency right now to go through changing it. I will eventually but right now I am in such a mental haze that if i were to change it i'd end up missing out some important thing and get in more shit from it
Can you get a cheap second phone and SIM card and tell your family you had to change your number? Let all their crap go to that phone instead and only look at it when/if you ever need to contact them. You could plug in the charger and leave it somewhere on silent mode, because I assume they will be able to see if the texts reach you or not. Might be a crappy solution, but it's better than your current situation if it works.
 
beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
40
Can you get a cheap second phone and SIM card and tell your family you had to change your number? Let all their crap go to that phone instead and only look at it when/if you ever need to contact them. You could plug in the charger and leave it somewhere on silent mode, because I assume they will be able to see if the texts reach you or not. Might be a crappy solution, but it's better than your current situation if it works.
I have a spare phone, I could look into doing that. I still need to keep this number alive until I'm ready to switch utilities, etc over

It’s still sexual harassment and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Can you not file a police report against him?
I replied to another post asking this but it says pending mod approval so I'll repeat what I said, I don't save the texts/numbers, I delete them. Do you think that would be a problem? What would I say to them? I don't want any legal trouble for my brother, I honestly just want it to stop
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,257
I have a spare phone, I could look into doing that. I still need to keep this number alive until I'm ready to switch utilities, etc over


I replied to another post asking this but it says pending mod approval so I'll repeat what I said, I don't save the texts/numbers, I delete them. Do you think that would be a problem? What would I say to them? I don't want any legal trouble for my brother, I honestly just want it to stop
start saving them. i know it will probably hurt but trust me. im speaking from experience in sexual assault/harassment/whatever. you need to call the cops and get help. i didnt. its been at least 5 years since the last incident and im still hurting and just starting to get help now, the sooner you get out of this and getting help the better
 
Maxtothemax

Maxtothemax

Tired of life
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
754
i think you may need to collect some evidence to show the police that it’s been going on for a while. From now on don’t delete anything, take screenshots of it all etc. I know you want it to stop and you don’t want legal trouble but it might be the only way. Possibly look into getting a restraining order?
 
beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
40
i think you may need to collect some evidence to show the police that it’s been going on for a while. From now on don’t delete anything, take screenshots of it all etc. I know you want it to stop and you don’t want legal trouble but it might be the only way. Possibly look into getting a restraining order?
I hadn't considered a restraining order, I'll look into the logistics of it. I wish there was some way I could get the restraining order but if it was broken it would be my parents who took the punishment as my brother is literally too disabled to tell my mother no when she hands him new sim cards. I'll unfortunately start screenshotting what I get from now on. I texted my grandmother and told her if this happens again I'll be forced to take legal action which I'm hoping is enough on its own to show them I'm serious about this no matter how "normal" they say this behaviour is

start saving them. i know it will probably hurt but trust me. im speaking from experience in sexual assault/harassment/whatever. you need to call the cops and get help. i didnt. its been at least 5 years since the last incident and im still hurting and just starting to get help now, the sooner you get out of this and getting help the better
It seriously will but I don't see how I even have a choice anymore. It's hard to recognize that this is even sexual harassment, I still feel like maybe I'm over reacting to it when its just words
 
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

I'm a BPD Barbie Girl living in a suicidal world
Joined
Dec 1, 2019
Messages
2,130
What would I say to them? I don't want any legal trouble for my brother, I honestly just want it to stop
If he hasn't stopped by now, I doubt he is going to stop any time soon unless some serious intervention is done by the authorities. I understand he's your brother and your family, but its having a serious impact on you and your well being which at some point, you have to put first.
 
Worndown

Worndown

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 21, 2019
Messages
530
My family are really fucked up. Both parents were very abusive to both each other and me. A lot of fucked up physical violence and emotional. I have a low functioning mentally disabled younger brother. Since he hit puberty he was sexual towards me then I moved out. I have been estranged from my family for about 4 years now. My only "contact" with my family is my brother sending me sexual texts almost every day. Sometimes he will try to threaten me into buying him pornography. He sends me sexual comments about my body, my breasts, asks for naked photographs, this is constant. I screenshot them and send them to my mother and she says she doesn't see what the problem is, that its only text, not a big deal. I send it to my grandmother and she says "it can't be helped." You might think "why not just block the number?" I have blocked over 50 numbers belonging to him. WHenever I block a number my mother buys him a new sim card for him to continue texting me. For the past 3 months when I blocked the number, that was it. But today I got about 15 texts from his next new number, telling me I have huge nice tits. This is my own biological younger brother. Again, he is low functioning mentally disabled. He doesn't even fully understand whats going on but my parents have refused for over 10 years to teach him why its wrong. I feel so fucking disgusting. I don't understand why its ok. I don't understand why my mother would keep buying the numbers. Last year I was actually on the path to recovery but these people keep pulling me back, now I'm in a crisis situation. I have no friends, I have no family. Its like the ghosts of my childhood follow me to this day despite me being almost 30 and trying to cut them off 4 years ago. I feel lie I will never win
Get a new phone number and do not share that number with them.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
5,771
I think a case could be made that your parents are responsible since they are his guardians and he is mentally incapable of self care. You've reported it to them, they do not agree it's a problem, and they provide the means for him to keep doing it, so they are not only abetting a crime, they may actually be legally responsible for it.

I would document everything, including conversations with them. Start screenshotting and documenting all texts. Also, the ones you haven't saved, the police can subpoena them from the carriers if they pursue a case.

I would also talk to an attorney about what your rights are and what you can do. Your brother is verbally sexually assaulting you, and your parents are complicit. You have to have a way to defend yourself. You certainly have a right to.
 
Maxtothemax

Maxtothemax

Tired of life
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
754
Do your doctors/therapists know that this is abuse is affecting your mental health? Because couldn’t that be used in some way if you decide to build a case against your brother
 
VIBRITANNIA

VIBRITANNIA

lelouch | any pronouns
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
967
you're not disgusting, i assure you. none of this makes you disgusting. it's what your brother is saying towards you that's disgusting. it's the fact that your parents refuse to teach him why what he's saying is wrong, and enable his behavior.

i know you don't want any legal trouble for your brother, but it's affecting you to the point where it's halting your recovery and putting you into a crisis. an intervention is necessary.
 
M

mapletree

Veteran
Joined
Aug 22, 2020
Messages
163
Gather evidence and screenshots, it’s harassment as others have said, your parents are responsible, talk to a lawyer and you may have to look into getting a formal order or some kind of process to get this to stop which would most likely be directed at your parents because they’re the ones responsible. I don’t know where you are but unfortunately sometimes it’s hard to get things like this to stop, but if it’s been happening for five years I don’t think it will stop until someone intervenes and makes it stop whether it be a formal no contact order or you getting a new number

In the meantime I would start trying to switch stuff over to a new number, keep the old number active on a spare phone, don’t give them your new number under any circumstances and actually I would take pains to make sure that this number can’t be attached to your real name on “people finding” websites (Aka there are some services where you can pay a few to track down someone’s cell phone number- I would search how to opt out or remove yourself from those websites)- keep the old number in play though so it still shows the text messages going through and just leave it in a drawer somewhere

In terms of what evidence you would have to gather if it escalates, talk to lawyer but you would need proof that you asked for him not to contact you as well as your parents and that they repeatedly violated the request not to contact you...unfortunately in terms of text and internet harassment the laws vary by location hence lawyer time

But as other people have said unfortunately I would not delete stuff even if it’s upsetting and start documenting everything. But also, for your mental health, I would start trying to get a different number and under no circumstances ever let anyone anywhere near or in contact with your family find out

Mentally disabled or not, your parents behavior in regards to the issue is not normal and is actually super fucked up and you’re not weird for thinking it’s super fucked up, they’re enabling him, he doesn’t know any better but they’re letting the behavior happen, their fault, not yours. And very much not normal.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
5,771
You could send a letter to your brother and each of your parents laying out what he's doing and that you demand he permanently stop contacting you at your current number or any other number, or by any means. You could get the letter notarized, keep copies, and send them certified registered so that each person it's sent to has to sign for it. Then you have proof they've been notified.

I'd also suggest getting a no contact order against him. You can give what evidence you have. Sending those letters and proof of receipt would also be evidence.
 
almost_dead

almost_dead

Specialist
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
399
My family are really fucked up. Both parents were very abusive to both each other and me. A lot of fucked up physical violence and emotional. I have a low functioning mentally disabled younger brother. Since he hit puberty he was sexual towards me then I moved out. I have been estranged from my family for about 4 years now. My only "contact" with my family is my brother sending me sexual texts almost every day. Sometimes he will try to threaten me into buying him pornography. He sends me sexual comments about my body, my breasts, asks for naked photographs, this is constant. I screenshot them and send them to my mother and she says she doesn't see what the problem is, that its only text, not a big deal. I send it to my grandmother and she says "it can't be helped." You might think "why not just block the number?" I have blocked over 50 numbers belonging to him. WHenever I block a number my mother buys him a new sim card for him to continue texting me. For the past 3 months when I blocked the number, that was it. But today I got about 15 texts from his next new number, telling me I have huge nice tits. This is my own biological younger brother. Again, he is low functioning mentally disabled. He doesn't even fully understand whats going on but my parents have refused for over 10 years to teach him why its wrong. I feel so fucking disgusting. I don't understand why its ok. I don't understand why my mother would keep buying the numbers. Last year I was actually on the path to recovery but these people keep pulling me back, now I'm in a crisis situation. I have no friends, I have no family. Its like the ghosts of my childhood follow me to this day despite me being almost 30 and trying to cut them off 4 years ago. I feel lie I will never win
-dis happens when you watch too much hentai , kids- Dont watch hentai
 
MrAsclepius

MrAsclepius

Грустная Сука
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
98
If you do consider getting a fake number or so to give to your brother/family, I use TextNow. If you're on pc you can make a number with your same area code right there for free, and if you don't have access to a computer you can do it on phone through an app and just mute the app. (you could also use the browser app to open the site in desktop mode from your phone like I do) the numbers on there get a couple spam callers but you can easily mute the entire thing completely, and just check it once in a while to see what you get from people. I mention it in case you wanted a free option. I've used it for a couple years now and it's very good for secondary numbers/temporary numbers. It will tell you to buy for more stuff but it's not needed, the texting/calling is unlimited, as long as you text from it every once in a while to keep it it stays forever.

I hope you can find resolve in your situation, and for what it's worth, I would not have nearly half the patience for this as you do. I would probably go bat shit on all of them. You're stronger than you think.
 
F

fat feet

Throw away.
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
190
My family are really fucked up. Both parents were very abusive to both each other and me. A lot of fucked up physical violence and emotional. I have a low functioning mentally disabled younger brother. Since he hit puberty he was sexual towards me then I moved out. I have been estranged from my family for about 4 years now. My only "contact" with my family is my brother sending me sexual texts almost every day. Sometimes he will try to threaten me into buying him pornography. He sends me sexual comments about my body, my breasts, asks for naked photographs, this is constant. I screenshot them and send them to my mother and she says she doesn't see what the problem is, that its only text, not a big deal. I send it to my grandmother and she says "it can't be helped." You might think "why not just block the number?" I have blocked over 50 numbers belonging to him. WHenever I block a number my mother buys him a new sim card for him to continue texting me. For the past 3 months when I blocked the number, that was it. But today I got about 15 texts from his next new number, telling me I have huge nice tits. This is my own biological younger brother. Again, he is low functioning mentally disabled. He doesn't even fully understand whats going on but my parents have refused for over 10 years to teach him why its wrong. I feel so fucking disgusting. I don't understand why its ok. I don't understand why my mother would keep buying the numbers. Last year I was actually on the path to recovery but these people keep pulling me back, now I'm in a crisis situation. I have no friends, I have no family. Its like the ghosts of my childhood follow me to this day despite me being almost 30 and trying to cut them off 4 years ago. I feel lie I will never win
It is never easy thinking that your family, the people that are suppose to love you are the very people that are keeping you sick. I am not saying you are sick, they are they keep you pulled into their sick world that you need to remove yourself from completely. Change your number, find people that will support you in that process. I am sure there are plenty of people that will here, but find real people to make family with. Make this a priority. Please do this you are 30 you have lost of time to build relationships that are family like. Sometimes you need to more forward for your own sanity. Good luck.
 
deadgirlahsatan

deadgirlahsatan

Specialist
Joined
Jun 5, 2020
Messages
319
Ur not disgusting . He is. He can't keep doing that shit to u.i think u need to change ur asap like other people mentioned. Could tell the cops too.Then u will feel better. There are not many other options . The whole situtation is awful.

So sorry ur parents were abusive. Well still are. They don't care what ur brother is doing to u. :meh: :mmm: ;-;
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,257
It's hard to recognize that this is even sexual harassment, I
I totally understand this. My stepfather use to cover it up by making it look "normal" but the way he handled things just wasn't appropriate. I needed an outside perspective to show me this.
 
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