Method matters but not as much as this

chrisbate7

chrisbate7

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Everyone spends so much time researching methods. I’ve done that myself. It’s the “fun” part of being suicidal. But we should all spend more time on finding out if we are truly ready to die. Also, are we capable of CARRYING OUT the chosen method. I for one don’t know if I’m ready to die or if I’m capable to end my life. Plan all you want, shit only gets real once you pull the trigger or drink the SN.
 
K

KiraLittleOwl

Lost in transition
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Maybe planning is sometimes a way to cope with suicidal ideation. Nothing wrong with that.
Personally for me it comes in waves when I start actively preparing and then find a reason to wait.
 
violetsaturn

violetsaturn

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Everyone spends so much time researching methods. I’ve done that myself. It’s the “fun” part of being suicidal. But we should all spend more time on finding out if we are truly ready to die. Also, are we capable of CARRYING OUT the chosen method. I for one don’t know if I’m ready to die or if I’m capable to end my life. Plan all you want, shit only gets real once you pull the trigger or drink the SN.
This is so true. I know that I am completely okay with dying now or any time soon and I know specifically how I would ctb, but I also know I can’t actually personally end my own life because of my religious beliefs. So I can think about suicide all I want, but I won’t probably ever actually participate. That being said, if I ever find myself in a potential life-or-death situation, like realizing I will be hit by a semi if I don’t jerk my wheel right this second, I probably won’t take any extraordinary measures to preserve my life (i.e. I wouldn’t jerk the wheel).
 
cii

cii

"Well, it's groundhog day. Again."
Joined
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Everyone spends so much time researching methods. I’ve done that myself. It’s the “fun” part of being suicidal. But we should all spend more time on finding out if we are truly ready to die. Also, are we capable of CARRYING OUT the chosen method. I for one don’t know if I’m ready to die or if I’m capable to end my life. Plan all you want, shit only gets real once you pull the trigger or drink the SN.
Umm, what made you think we don't lol? Don't generalize. Let people take their time with how they go about ctbing, if planning gives them peace, let them. If thinking about their decision gives them peace, let them. You don't get to decide the order they choose, the tone of this post gives me the 'you're not really suicidal unless you do xyz' vibe, especially with 'shit only gets real once you pull the trigger', like wtf? Shit's been real for a long time fam, no one here is having a 'fun' time.
 
EraseRewind

EraseRewind

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I know the last time I tried to ctb, I didn’t have the knowledge I have now. I overcame my SI but my method was a failure from the start, I guess I’m saying I wish I’d done my research but at the time my shit was real and I wasn’t in the mindset to live just to exit quickly.

I relate to the comment about coping mechanism and I sometimes think I check out methods in my mind to overcome the mind attacks that haunt me.

My hope is that if and when my SI is gone and I’m ready then my method is solid and I do it right, another failure may mean permanent disability and that means no exit at all until the man upstairs decides.
 
chrisbate7

chrisbate7

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Umm, what made you think we don't lol? Don't generalize. Let people take their time with how they go about ctbing, if planning gives them peace, let them. If thinking about their decision gives them peace, let them. You don't get to decide the order they choose, the tone of this post gives me the 'you're not really suicidal unless you do xyz' vibe, especially with 'shit only gets real once you pull the trigger', like wtf? Shit's been real for a long time fam, no one here is having a 'fun' time.
You’re assuming too much. Just thoughts about what we all are dealing with. I’m in terrible agony everyday and it’s a bitch that I’m unsure if this will ever end and if I will be able to end the suffering if this is permanent
 
cii

cii

"Well, it's groundhog day. Again."
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You’re assuming too much. Just thoughts about what we all are dealing with. I’m in terrible agony everyday and it’s a bitch that I’m unsure if this will ever end and if I will be able to end the suffering if this is permanent
Ah sorry, I didn't realize this was a venting post. I'm very sorry, I take back what I said. I hope you will find your answers soon.
 
chrisbate7

chrisbate7

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Ah sorry, I didn't realize this was a venting post. I'm very sorry, I take back what I said. I hope you will find your answers soon.
No worries. I wish the best for you, may we both find peace
 
Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
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If I’m capable isn’t an issue for me. I’ve tried to CTB before but I was lacking knowledge in some details of my method so I was unsuccessful. I actually found this site researching it so I could be successful when I tried again.
 
deathbyginger

deathbyginger

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For me, being suicidal is an impulsive act where I look to obtaining any form of method to have peace knowing I can end it.

I think many here can share the feeling of peace knowing they have their plan of exit.

I don’t believe a single soul has ever woken up one day and decided that they would end their life the same day without thoroughly planning it through.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
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You’re assuming too much. Just thoughts about what we all are dealing with. I’m in terrible agony everyday and it’s a bitch that I’m unsure if this will ever end and if I will be able to end the suffering if this is permanent

@chrisbate 7, respectfully, not ganging up on you here, I had a similar response to your post. Because of the way it was written, I had a response like you were pointing down, reaching in, and bossing me about my own process...which, coincidentally, has some similarities as far as working through readiness and capability. But my process is very personal, intimate, and not open to, well, domination nor being tied up with someone else's process and following their rules. Like I said, not going on the offensive, just stating the bounds of my own personal domain.

I would have had a response of "I feel some of that" rather than "back off" if the post had read something like this:



I've spent so much time researching methods. For me, it's the "fun" part of being suicidal. But I realized I also needed to spend more time on finding out if I am truly ready to die. Also, am I capable of carrying out the chosen method, that's huge for me. I don't know if I'm ready to die or if I'm capable to end my life. I can plan all I want, shit gets real once I pull the trigger or drink the SN.




Anyhow, I wish you well, and yeah, I can relate. I've had some shit gets real moments! Also, I found an element of the process, letter writing, made some shit in my life more real and it motivated me to finally, very definitively address something that I was never able to figure out how to when I was focusing on life. I've found contemplating suicide to be such a revelatory process, and I've noticed it has been for a lot of other members, too.
 
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S

StuFin

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Oct 21, 2020
Messages
348
It's only a problem if you're afraid of death, I myself have come to the conclusion that once I am unconscious and on my way to death I won't suffer, and once I have died there will be nothing, I won't be looking back with regret or sadness because my brain will no longer be capable of the concept of thought or feelings, and I will simply not exist to be aware of anything. Nothing - the universe, the world, people, etc will exist any more, and neither will I.

So there won't be any SI to overcome because I'll be at the point where I don't want to experience this any more, and within minutes it will be over permanently.
 
ixkitty

ixkitty

Let me be Selfish, just this once.
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I feel like I'm stalling on the last step.. someone mentioned alcohol or something to just take that edge off... I completely understand because I used to talk to someone about methods. And for them, it made them feel better to not be judged for the darker thoughts. I know of the entire spectrum from vocally suicidal to actively suicidal ..
 
F

fearmenot

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Oct 25, 2020
Messages
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I feel like I’m ready I have absolutely nothing to live for, my only concerns are how devastated my family will be and who is going to take care of my cat, she’s a very needy girl and requires a lot of patience.
 
chrisbate7

chrisbate7

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I feel like I’m ready I have absolutely nothing to live for, my only concerns are how devastated my family will be and who is going to take care of my cat, she’s a very needy girl and requires a lot of patience.
Well I hope your cat has a good owner of you do CTB. I wish peace for you
I feel like I'm stalling on the last step.. someone mentioned alcohol or something to just take that edge off... I completely understand because I used to talk to someone about methods. And for them, it made them feel better to not be judged for the darker thoughts. I know of the entire spectrum from vocally suicidal to actively suicidal ..
Maybe get some benzodiazepines like Xanax or Ativan. Just make sure you are in your sober mind when/if you decide to CTB
@chrisbate 7, respectfully, not ganging up on you here, I had a similar response to your post. Because of the way it was written, I had a response like you were pointing down, reaching in, and bossing me about my own process...which, coincidentally, has some similarities as far as working through readiness and capability. But my process is very personal, intimate, and not open to, well, domination nor being tied up with someone else's process and following their rules. Like I said, not going on the offensive, just stating the bounds of my own personal domain.

I would have had a response of "I feel some of that" rather than "back off" if the post had read something like this:



I've spent so much time researching methods. For me, it's the "fun" part of being suicidal. But I realized I also needed to spend more time on finding out if I am truly ready to die. Also, am I capable of carrying out the chosen method, that's huge for me. I don't know if I'm ready to die or if I'm capable to end my life. I can plan all I want, shit gets real once I pull the trigger or drink the SN.




Anyhow, I wish you well, and yeah, I can relate. I've had some shit gets real moments! Also, I found an element of the process, letter writing, made some shit in my life more real and it motivated me to finally, very definitively address something that I was never able to figure out how to when I was focusing on life. I've found contemplating suicide to be such a revelatory process, and I've noticed it has been for a lot of other members, too.
No worries, thanks for giving you 2 cents, you have some valid points
 
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xLosthopex

xLosthopex

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
Joined
May 29, 2020
Messages
441
I know the last time I tried to ctb, I didn’t have the knowledge I have now. I overcame my SI but my method was a failure from the start, I guess I’m saying I wish I’d done my research but at the time my shit was real and I wasn’t in the mindset to live just to exit quickly.

I relate to the comment about coping mechanism and I sometimes think I check out methods in my mind to overcome the mind attacks that haunt me.

My hope is that if and when my SI is gone and I’m ready then my method is solid and I do it right, another failure may mean permanent disability and that means no exit at all until the man upstairs decides.
Same here,
I’ve survived 10+ attempts(before I found this site) so obviously I was able to overcome SI all those times, however most of those attempts were actually out of impulsivity, not a true desire to actually die
I do *actually* want to ctb now though so I wonder if I’ll be able to overcome SI as easily this time as it won’t be an impulsive attempt
 
_Cakes_12

_Cakes_12

Specialist
Joined
Oct 25, 2020
Messages
311
It's only a problem if you're afraid of death, I myself have come to the conclusion that once I am unconscious and on my way to death I won't suffer, and once I have died there will be nothing, I won't be looking back with regret or sadness because my brain will no longer be capable of the concept of thought or feelings, and I will simply not exist to be aware of anything. Nothing - the universe, the world, people, etc will exist any more, and neither will I.

So there won't be any SI to overcome because I'll be at the point where I don't want to experience this any more, and within minutes it will be over permanently.
Good way of looking at it
 
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