[Story] LSD helped for 3 months - now depression coming back again, so am going to redose (and venting re therapist)

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LittleJem

Wizard
Jul 3, 2019
637
900
Hello everyone

Any words of solidarity/support/thoughts on just getting through the day when it's hard - appreciated. Here's the longer bit:

I'm kind of functional today. Yesterday I was panicking and on the floor and couldn't get up -and so tired walking down the street, and suicidal thoughts back. So I had 3 months off thanks to a big dose of LSD (I am not recommending it for everyone - but I have found a lot of positive research recently which I will share here in a bit).

Then yesterday, I was on the floor with no motivation, crying all the time, miserable, desperate, suicidal again. I forgot how bad it was. The morning twist and agitation all day long, the suicidal thoughts. No escape, no peace, just misery. I told my therapist today that I am just getting up, having weed all day long (and all night), and trying to keep working, then the next day same again. Monday I started the day with gin at 7 am, just trying to function and motivate myself with the depression. He said, that sounds terrible.

That is the stuff going round my head at the moment. I almost don't want anyone to tell me this constant wheel of suicidality and misery is 'terrible' because it's all I've got and right now I can survive it, because it isn't at its worst. The therapist is nice enough and he can be helpful - though I don't know whether it changes anything for me, but I like speaking with him, though it costs loads of money. But to hear this is terrible when it's just how I live and exist every day - I can barely face it.

I am going to take a big dose of LSD again, after the working week. I'll report back (hopefully) afterwards.

I will also share re the research on LSD for depression - I have found some stellar podcasts and videos I highly recommend to anyone who is interested. The results from the 1950s and 60s were very positive in LSD research before they put a stop to it - and now it is coming back again.

best wishes to everyone - I'm sorry I'm back (and sorry there are so many of us struggling) - and yet also always nice to say hello to you all.
 
IWTD

IWTD

Who knows.
Jun 24, 2020
68
83
Wonder what that was like can you explain. How did help ?
 
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LittleJem

Wizard
Jul 3, 2019
637
900
Wonder what that was like can you explain. How did help ?
Hey - I'm not sure I understand the question? Do you mean what was the LSD like? I will try and answer that in a bit.

I have had a few glitches - I think due to female hormone fluctuations. I get panicked before my period, and also have had suicidal thoughts for a few days around it - but other than that, I am a million, million times better than I was before the LSD. The more I have researched it, the more it is clear that it can help a LOT and they know who not to use it on. I am about to share some resources in the group about how it can help.

The difference is - I wake up without suicidal thoughts (I had them constantly, all day long, morning to evening). I have energy to walk down the street and do normal activities (I was so exhausted with the depression, I could barely walk down the road and I was mainly bedridden).

I do still have quite a bit of weed to get through the day - so it isn't like I am entirely miraculously different, but I am so much better. I was ready to die, and now I am living.

So as for what the LSD was like - I used it many times before, but that last time 3 months ago was my largest dose. It was like the world was a computer game - it was kind of fun. I felt myself as less real, more part of everything, like.a character in the Matrix. But I didn't have a big trip on it - even though I took 3 tabs, it was mainly emotional and I talked a lot - about wanting to die, wanting my suffering to be over. But by the next day, the wanting to die had gone. So it was really like a super-effective therapy session - I was with my bf and family - so I had support, and then just got a lot out, and by the next day, I didn't expect to, but I felt better.

The research on LSD is very interesting, I will post it shortly in the recovery section.
 
Abgrundanziehung

Abgrundanziehung

Member
Jun 24, 2020
60
133
I know what you mean. I had a very similar experience with shrooms once. It reset my mind for weeks. By far the best mind medicine I've tried so far. You're right though, it's not for everyone and you really need to make sure your midset and the setting you dose in is right.
 
B

Backwood_tilt

UnEnlightened
Dec 27, 2019
897
1,649
Eastern Canada
I will also share re the research on LSD for depression - I have found some stellar podcasts and videos I highly recommend to anyone who is interested. The results from the 1950s and 60s were very positive in LSD research before they put a stop to it - and now it is coming back again.
Would love if you have any followups on this. Hope your subsequent macrodose went well.

Additionally, i wanted to share my own experiences with LSD. I have not macrodosed recently, but microdosing has at regular intervals has helped me tremendously with my depressive symptoms. In fact, i am on a small break from microdosing now for other reasons, and I took no more than a week or two to observe the resurfacing of those shitty feelings.

The protocol I have been following is roughly 10mg at the start of the day, once every 3 days.
 
W

Whatsthepointanyway

Member
May 14, 2020
36
67
Hey - I'm not sure I understand the question? Do you mean what was the LSD like? I will try and answer that in a bit.

I have had a few glitches - I think due to female hormone fluctuations. I get panicked before my period, and also have had suicidal thoughts for a few days around it - but other than that, I am a million, million times better than I was before the LSD. The more I have researched it, the more it is clear that it can help a LOT and they know who not to use it on. I am about to share some resources in the group about how it can help.

The difference is - I wake up without suicidal thoughts (I had them constantly, all day long, morning to evening). I have energy to walk down the street and do normal activities (I was so exhausted with the depression, I could barely walk down the road and I was mainly bedridden).

I do still have quite a bit of weed to get through the day - so it isn't like I am entirely miraculously different, but I am so much better. I was ready to die, and now I am living.

So as for what the LSD was like - I used it many times before, but that last time 3 months ago was my largest dose. It was like the world was a computer game - it was kind of fun. I felt myself as less real, more part of everything, like.a character in the Matrix. But I didn't have a big trip on it - even though I took 3 tabs, it was mainly emotional and I talked a lot - about wanting to die, wanting my suffering to be over. But by the next day, the wanting to die had gone. So it was really like a super-effective therapy session - I was with my bf and family - so I had support, and then just got a lot out, and by the next day, I didn't expect to, but I felt better.

The research on LSD is very interesting, I will post it shortly in the recovery section.
Hey, how is the LSD working out second time round? I too have read some interesting stuff on it and am tempted to try. Do you have any tips for a newbie?