[Venting] Living is hard and expensive

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

InterstateFlowers

InterstateFlowers

Member
Apr 16, 2020
66
138
I'm relatively young so it's most likely that I'm ignorant, naive, and lazy but living is too difficult for me. I don't want to suffer depression anymore and live in this cruel world. I don't want to face the responsibilities that come with being alive. I can't help but look up to people my age that have their life together, even if it's as small as getting a fast food job. Literally no experience on my resume and when I try to get a job to find some, I'm rejected. It's so embarrassing and makes me want to cry. There's so much injustice and cruelty in this world and I didn't realize until now that it goes unpunished. I'm so stupid and naive. I don't deserve to suffer like this and my family deserve so much better than me. Life is hard and it all feels so futile.
 
faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
3,128
4,994
You reminded me of my yesterday's check of disability allowance paid there. The maximum amount for me would be 203 euro a week. If I decide to move somewhere, it will be hard to find something cheaper to rent than 600 eu for a bedroom. Well, maybe I will be able to claim for rent allowance years later, but paying 600 eu for room plus 100+ eu for loans leaves me less than 100 eu for everything else. That's in best-case scenario. If I decide to stop paying back the loans, collection agencies will probably take a percentage of my allowance if they manage to deal with local institutions. Technically disability allowance is not recognized as an income, however, when my location will be identified, the debt collection agency here can be notified and I will have to prove that I get disability allowance and I have no sources of income bla bla bla, this may take a while and after they take some amount of my "income" it probably won't be refunded and I won't be able to pay my rent. Smells homelessness. And of course debt can grow large in just a few years. That's what usually pro-lifers recommend, to stay alive and to enjoy living... on the street with frozen bank accounts and growing debt leaving smaller chances to get out. So yes, I agree with you, living can be hard and expensive.
 
sourcreamonion

sourcreamonion

Member
Jun 26, 2020
78
240
kyoto
Tuition is all I think about, I don't know how I'm going to pay it off or if I'll be alive long enough to pay it all, and then scrambling to make ends meet for everything else. It does feel useless. I can't help but want to die every single time something doesn't go right.
 
kovkay

kovkay

"Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone"
Jun 29, 2020
18
62
21
Canada
Living is hard and expensive and to top it off, pointless. I had a couple of bad jobs and it made me hate every second of existence. Whatever time I spent not working would be spent in anticipation of going back to work. It was this endless cycle that led me to want to ctb. I just can't deal with having to repeat the same menial tasks at boring jobs for the next 40 or so years.
 
M

meerpasta

Member
Jan 29, 2020
41
87
It's okay, the earth is a battlefield where all organisms are by no choice of their own drafted to fight for survival, not being able to survive it is a fate meant for many of us. It's not your fault at all, in fact it's impressive to realise and admit in the first place that the world is cruel and unjust when so many people are so blinded by their need to live that they can't even admit such a basic fact. For there to be winners there have to be losers, quitting because you don't want to play this unfair war game is 100% justified, even if you were to start winning it'd always be at the cost of someone else losing, the only real winning move is not to play.
 
Bct

Bct

Disqualified from Being Human
Apr 20, 2020
419
633
Yeah, it's really hard to live for most of us. Sadly people who made on the top basically dismissing our struggles and say it's our fault for not being a hard worker or not good enough.