[Discussion] Largest factor for desiring CTB?

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Largest reason for wanting CTB?

  • Trouble/Conflict with non-family (work, school, friends, etc.)

    Votes: 6 4.4%
  • Trouble/Conflict with family (including in-laws, family-friends, etc)

    Votes: 4 2.9%
  • Harsh living conditions (extreme poverty, homeless, unhealthy work conditions, etc.)

    Votes: 5 3.6%
  • Financial issues

    Votes: 6 4.4%
  • Lack of intimacy

    Votes: 9 6.6%
  • Life-long depression (or other mental conditions)

    Votes: 61 44.5%
  • Chronic illness (Cancer, HT, etc.)

    Votes: 20 14.6%
  • Other

    Votes: 26 19.0%

  • Total voters
    137
Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
296
534
The world is complicated (who could've guessed) so of course none of these can be isolated from each other.

As policy I'd be the first to answer. A combination of an inadequette upbringing (you may cope, not recover), an overall disatisfaction with the structure of modern social institutions, CC doesn't help either.
 
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Walilamdzi

Walilamdzi

.
Mar 21, 2019
877
1,856
I just feel panic at the prospect of growing older and having to deal with things. Basically just lack of will to live and inability to cope with adversity / chaos of life. I ticked the depression thing, but it's a mixture really. Feeling like I don't have control over my life.
 
L

lost_soul83

Specialist
Jan 7, 2019
334
1,042
Wish I could’ve chosen more than one.....I have battled mental illness for almost my entire life, along with chronic pain for the last 20 years or so and lastly, my brother died 6 months ago today.....which was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I’m now 100% certain that I want to ctb, I just don’t know exactly when yet.
 
B

Broken

Visionary
Dec 7, 2018
934
4,794
I just feel panic at the prospect of growing older and having to deal with things. Basically just lack of will to live and inability to cope with adversity / chaos of life. I ticked the depression thing, but it's a mixture really. Feeling like I don't have control over my life.
That sums me up pretty well, lack of will to live and inability to cope with life's challenges. Also guilt at throwing away love and happiness, genuine physical and mental health concerns from smoking we'd for 15 years and just feeling like a failure and really behind in life.
 
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RRH

RRH

Member
Jan 5, 2019
59
188
Debilitating mental health conditions that prevent me from being able to have a normal life.

After ten years of completely ineffective treatment and having tried everything, I see suicide as the only feasible option.

Edit: Add "Unhealthy working conditions". I do shiftwork which involves long hours and my body clock is a mess as a result. It's difficult being there with the severe anxiety I have at the moment.

The culture of the place is completely toxic and I have never experienced anything like it in previous jobs.

I also made the mistake of sleeping with a co-worker and that didn't turn out so well. Seeing her at work is a constant painful reminder.

We're so short-staffed at the moment, I can't even take time off to attend job interviews and get out of there.
 
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R

Roberto

Wizard
Jan 19, 2019
632
1,519
I casted 'depression' but also 'conflict with work', 'friends', 'family' and 'financial'.
 
B

Broken

Visionary
Dec 7, 2018
934
4,794
I casted 'depression' but also 'conflict with work', 'friends', 'family' and 'financial'.
I could have ticked all of them other than life long depression(probably had it for half my life) and chronic illness.
 
EddieAllenPoe

EddieAllenPoe

Specialist
Mar 19, 2019
306
820
I recently lost my job due to mental illness. I'm bipolar. It was really the only thing that I had and that I was good at. I don't have much family outside of my parents (who are old). I have debts and medical bills that it would seem I could never pay. I don't like feeling powerless and like there's no hope for things to get better. I don't want to be a burden to society and I don't want to live just to be either homeless or on welfare. I put down "financial issues" though because it really is the largest factor for me. If I didn't have to worry about being able to independently support myself, I think I could handle all the other problems I have.
 
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B

Broken

Visionary
Dec 7, 2018
934
4,794
I recently lost my job due to mental illness. I'm bipolar. It was really the only thing that I had and that I was good at. I don't have much family outside of my parents (who are old). I have debts and medical bills that it would seem I could never pay. I don't like feeling powerless and like there's no hope for things to get better. I don't want to be a burden to society and I don't want to live just to be either homeless or on welfare. I put down "financial issues" though because it really is the largest factor for me. If I didn't have to worry about being able to independently support myself, I think I could handle all the other problems I have.
It's seems that a lot of people had the will to keep going until something out of their control goes wrong and everything just becomes to much. I know that's how I feel. I just can't accept that this is my new life so I don't stand a chance of recovering!
 
M

Marawa

HereButNot
Dec 30, 2018
255
745
It's seems that a lot of people had the will to keep going until something out of their control goes wrong and everything just becomes to much. I know that's how I feel. I just can't accept that this is my new life so I don't stand a chance of recovering!
Exactly. I've made attempts in the past when healthy & young. But a car accident started my descent into serious suicidal ideation and lethal attempts. & I'm not terminally I'll yet just severe limited mobility & chronic pain that could easily be treatable with medical mj but I can't afford it regularly. it's a shame that financial reasons fuel so many of our ctb desires..
 
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M

memento_mori

Veteran
Mar 28, 2019
187
333
For me life is pointless and bleak. Every day I'm just going through the motions. I feel disconnected and numb most of the time, have to spend all my energy acting like a normal person, by the end of the day, I'm drained.
 
Puddings

Puddings

Member
Feb 9, 2019
34
129
One of my first memories as a child, being about 4 years old, I was waking with my grandfather on the beach. I saw birds flying over the ocean and instantly longed to be with them, to be free from the world. I have always had a sense of not belonging to this world and have always felt disconnected, since my earliest childhood. I feel like the sadness and brokenness of this world has seeped into my bones.
For me life is pointless and bleak. Every day I'm just going through the motions. I feel disconnected and numb most of the time, have to spend all my energy acting like a normal person, by the end of the day, I'm drained.
I can so relate to this. Like you have to use every single ounce of energy to act normal for the sake of others and by the end of the day there is just no pretend left. Repeat the next day, and the next and the next.
For me life is pointless and bleak. Every day I'm just going through the motions. I feel disconnected and numb most of the time, have to spend all my energy acting like a normal person, by the end of the day, I'm drained.
I can so relate to this. Like you have to use every single ounce of energy to act normal for the sake of others and by the end of the day there is just no pretend left. Repeat the next day, and the next and the next.
 
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A

Addy92

-
Mar 24, 2019
154
256
All but chronic illness. I'll have that soon if I carry on with alcohol.
 
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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - time is getting closer...
Aug 30, 2018
3,799
12,509
My strongest reason is my mental conditions that cause a lot of problems that I face today. I have Aspergers and it has cost me a lot in social opportunities, being accepted by others as their own in their group and if I deviated from the norms, I get ostracized in just about every circle and group. Furthermore, it has caused difficulties in being able to find stable employment, which thus contributes to me financial issues. As far as a sex life, social life, or even romance, it's just a fantasy at this point since Aspergers coupled with other mental issues and social anxiety has really crippled me significantly. I have improved at certain areas, but on the macro level, it's still a losing war and the war isn't worth fighting in my opinion (at least not for me).
 
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Weems

Weems

-
May 5, 2019
201
487
Guilt primarily.
This is what destroys you. You don't have to be a serial killer. I just run my stupid mouth. And fail to follow through on commitments made with said mouth. Have a high enough ratio of embarrassing pronouncements to sane ones and you'll want to die.

When you don't honor your values, everything collapses. You can't have a positive view of yourself, you can't even have an opinion. We are constantly trying to impress our values on the world--and there's nothing wrong with that. Life itself is the contest between different ideals. But when you violate your own values, you become a self-contradiction, you short-circuit.
 
ZomGuy

ZomGuy

Member
Mar 1, 2019
87
209
I chose life long depression. It has completely controlled my life and who I am. Like, I can't be myself at all because my depression doesn't let me. This emotionless, apathetic person is not who I am at all. It's like my depression completely suppresses my true, cheerful self. And therefore it's impossible for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I died a long time ago but my body still wants to exist for no reason. I just want to end this and free my soul from this hell. Hopefully, this will happen tonight.
 
JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 25, 2018
1,003
2,038
Mainly existential, but also because I've had a miserable life/chronic health problems and lifelong Depression + Anxiety/poverty/no social life and see no hopes for a future, so I selected other.
 
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QldCTB

QldCTB

Veteran
Apr 10, 2018
111
431
The main factor is physical pain and numerous other symptoms bringing on deep cycles of depression. Hard to be optimistic when your mind is clouded by pain and wondering how mobile you’ll be on a daily basis..
 
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felix987671

felix987671

Iwanttolivebutnotlikethis Iwanttodiebutnotlikethis
Jun 5, 2019
9
6
I just feel panic at the prospect of growing older and having to deal with things. Basically just lack of will to live and inability to cope with adversity / chaos of life. I ticked the depression thing, but it's a mixture really. Feeling like I don't have control over my life.
I have Asperger and loved learning in school and university( physics). In school I was mobbed, later it got better. But living on my own somehow triggered chronic depression in me. Even hospitalized it doesnt relent. Maybe I am not for this world? I research neurological illnesses that entail depression, but my blood, mri and lumbar liquor are tested to be ok.
 
highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

Sleeping forever would be nice.
Feb 14, 2020
111
163
Depression, financial issues, more. the biggest thing being i lost the two strongest support anchors in my life and i havent recovered. I want to not be here.
 
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