[Venting] is there a way to cope with borderline personality disorder or is the only option death

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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
I suffer really badly with BPD and honestly think the only way out is suicide, it's so unmanageable and uncontrollable. I hate it so much. I am not a bad person but this disorder makes me horrible. I can't live in my head any longer being constantly at battle with myself whilst being misunderstood by those around me. I wish I had the courage to go through with suicide rather than idealising and fantasising about it.

What method would you say is the quickest (I can't access guns), I've tried SN and the process was too drawn out which made my SI so strong that I called the ambulance. My issue with hanging is I have no where in my house I can do it from and I don't live near woodland. If I threw a rope over the door everyone in my house would see and know so I'd be saved.

Why does attempting suicide have to be so hard:notsure:
 
porfin1234

porfin1234

Master
Dec 26, 2019
478
1,128
Hi bpdandme
To answer your question from the title, I don’t think death is the only option.
have you heard of or tried DBT (dialectical behavior therapy)? It’s a therapy that combines the use of mindfulness and strategies for how to deal with cognitive distortions and relate to others. It only really works if you dedicate yourself to applying it in your every day life, which I wish I had done much sooner, but it’s hard when you believe there’s no way out of the cycle. If you want to chat more you can PM- I’ve been struggling with BPD myself and sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who can relate. BPD can be different for people too so knowing more about how it is for you could help with ideas.

Here is some basic info for DBT: https://www.psycom.net/what-is-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
Hi bpdandme
To answer your question from the title, I don’t think death is the only option.
have you heard of or tried DBT (dialectical behavior therapy)? It’s a therapy that combines the use of mindfulness and strategies for how to deal with cognitive distortions and relate to others. It only really works if you dedicate yourself to applying it in your every day life, which I wish I had done much sooner, but it’s hard when you believe there’s no way out of the cycle. If you want to chat more you can PM- I’ve been struggling with BPD myself and sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who can relate. BPD can be different for people too so knowing more about how it is for you could help with ideas.

Here is some basic info for DBT: https://www.psycom.net/what-is-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
Thank you so much! I have heard of DBT but I was on a waiting list for years then after my most recent suicide attempt I went back to the doctors and he only gave me medication and didn't think I needed counselling due to "not looking depressed" and told me BPD isn't real its just a "pattern of behaviour" - it was very frustrating! I was basically told I was a cry for help who wasn't actually suffering.

I'm glad DBT has worked for you, it's definitely given me some hope :heart:
 
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noko

Not tortured
Feb 14, 2020
81
295
You should ignore people that say BPD is not real or the ones that don't give a shit. I do know a few people with BPD that do live lives that are just fine, the only thing though, they have strong support networks, so you should look for that. If not a network then at least a partner.
 
BridgeJumper1994

BridgeJumper1994

Wizard
Apr 7, 2019
660
911
No therapy can help me because I cant accept blame,and everytime someone points out my flaws, or says Im attention seeking or selfish for wanting to kill myself (asdgjjkdj) I flip my shit and stop going to sessions
Not to mention most rehabs and treatment centers wont take me in because I also have bipolar
Without therapy Ill never get better, Im still the same selfharming addict piece of shit than 3, 4 and 6 years ago, and the only thing I learned is to try and attempt suicide in secluded places so I dont get locked up
-sigh-
 
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Feb 5, 2020
1,038
1,790
Hi bpdandme
To answer your question from the title, I don’t think death is the only option.
have you heard of or tried DBT (dialectical behavior therapy)? It’s a therapy that combines the use of mindfulness and strategies for how to deal with cognitive distortions and relate to others. It only really works if you dedicate yourself to applying it in your every day life, which I wish I had done much sooner, but it’s hard when you believe there’s no way out of the cycle. If you want to chat more you can PM- I’ve been struggling with BPD myself and sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who can relate. BPD can be different for people too so knowing more about how it is for you could help with ideas.

Here is some basic info for DBT: https://www.psycom.net/what-is-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
Yes, very much seconding the benefits of DBT.

If you can't get access to a DBT treatment program, you could at the very least try following a self-help guide that harnesses those same principles.

Have a look at these:


With this one seeming particularly good from my brief look and the reviews:


EDIT: Oh also BPD is probably the single most important mental disorder when it comes to your friends and family needing to gain strategies and coping skills as much as you do. Get something like this for those people:

 
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Muirthemne

Member
Mar 1, 2020
18
58
I knew someone once with BPD, and she seemed to be able to recover. We've lost touch, so I don't know how she's doing now, but last I saw her she was doing really well and seemed to have genuinely turned her life around. It took a tremendous amount of strength, hard work, and self-awareness on her part, so I won't pretend it's easy, but it's definitely possible.

I don't have an exact guidebook for how she did it, but I know DBT did help her a lot. No connection to her, but I've also heard something called schema therapy is supposed to be really good for BPD, so that might also be something to look into.
 
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Final Escape

Final Escape

Existing somewhere between life and death
Jul 8, 2018
4,006
12,238
I feel like my only option is to ctb, in my particular case. I’ve got borderline combined with other things I’m sure. Im about to turn 43 and I’m sure this will be my last year. My life took turn for the worst with this lockdown shit.
 
Yomyom

Yomyom

Today was supposed to be a good day!
Feb 5, 2020
822
1,412
Yes, very much seconding the benefits of DBT.

If you can't get access to a DBT treatment program, you could at the very least try following a self-help guide that harnesses those same principles.

Have a look at these:


With this one seeming particularly good from my brief look and the reviews:


EDIT: Oh also BPD is probably the single most important mental disorder when it comes to your friends and family needing to gain strategies and coping skills as much as you do. Get something like this for those people:

That's sounds nice books, maybe I'll try them sometimes.
you can download them free from Genesis

 
thebrinkimdriven

thebrinkimdriven

Wise
Feb 11, 2020
258
877
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with the unwanted symptoms of BPD - it's exhausting to say the least and I've found myself asking similar questions in the past. I don't think that death is the only option at all - recent studies now show that after 10 years many people who met the DSM criteria for the personality disorder no longer do. I hope you try treatment (self or medical) and your circumstances allow you to give living a go.
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
No therapy can help me because I cant accept blame,and everytime someone points out my flaws, or says Im attention seeking or selfish for wanting to kill myself (asdgjjkdj) I flip my shit and stop going to sessions
Not to mention most rehabs and treatment centers wont take me in because I also have bipolar
Without therapy Ill never get better, Im still the same selfharming addict piece of shit than 3, 4 and 6 years ago, and the only thing I learned is to try and attempt suicide in secluded places so I dont get locked up
-sigh-
Hey! You are not your disorder - there are positive traits to BPD. Here if you wanna chat with someone who understands, hope you're okay. Sending light!
Yes, very much seconding the benefits of DBT.

If you can't get access to a DBT treatment program, you could at the very least try following a self-help guide that harnesses those same principles.

Have a look at these:


With this one seeming particularly good from my brief look and the reviews:


EDIT: Oh also BPD is probably the single most important mental disorder when it comes to your friends and family needing to gain strategies and coping skills as much as you do. Get something like this for those people:

Thank you so much I have put this in my Amazon basket for when I have some money :happy:, thanks for finding these!
I knew someone once with BPD, and she seemed to be able to recover. We've lost touch, so I don't know how she's doing now, but last I saw her she was doing really well and seemed to have genuinely turned her life around. It took a tremendous amount of strength, hard work, and self-awareness on her part, so I won't pretend it's easy, but it's definitely possible.

I don't have an exact guidebook for how she did it, but I know DBT did help her a lot. No connection to her, but I've also heard something called schema therapy is supposed to be really good for BPD, so that might also be something to look into.
This is good to know, thank you! I can't imagine how much strength she had to overcome this consuming disorder, I hope I can follow. Hope she's still doing good. I've never heard of schema therapy I'll look it up - thanks again!
I feel like my only option is to ctb, in my particular case. I’ve got borderline combined with other things I’m sure. Im about to turn 43 and I’m sure this will be my last year. My life took turn for the worst with this lockdown shit.
I'm sorry to hear this :notsure: , please feel free to message if you want to chat. Sending light!
 
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Crushed_Innocence

Crushed_Innocence

Hungry Ghost
Oct 16, 2019
430
1,511
Im going to CTB cause I have this...... Its intolerable and at 40 years old I have no energy left after all my trauma to even attempt recovery.... Im tired & burnt out..... I never got a chance at having a happy life..i was robbed & very soon I will take the only dignity & control I will ever know and end this miserable existence full of nonstop agony & suffering.
 
Made4TV

Made4TV

A hopeless hope junkie
Sep 17, 2018
495
1,994
I don't have BPD, although I exhibit a few of the traits. I thought the stuff I learned from DBT was really useful, and would probably be useful for anyone, but especially for BPD. I know several people who have really had reduction in symptoms. There are a lot of things to put into practice, and together they seem to make a difference if you want to do the inner work. I think it's worth checking out before you make other permanent decisions. ❤
 
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TheTraveller

Member
Mar 23, 2020
43
99
Some people are able to gain balance using these two resources, if you could find a group that went with them or a practitioner I think that would help too.
particularly this one

good luck
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
Some people are able to gain balance using these two resources, if you could find a group that went with them or a practitioner I think that would help too.
particularly this one

good luck
Thank you so so much I’ll check these out!
 
P

PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
22
74
Hi BPDandme-

I wanted to let you know that I do think there's hope for BPD. Like a few other people have posted, DBT is the recommended therapy that has been most effectively proven to treat BPD. The Psychologist who developed it, Marsha Linehan, has also suffered from BPD. I love her, because in some videos of her on Youtube, she talks about how she specifically seeks out the hardest people with BPD to treat, the people who feel suicidal or who have even had a few attempts. These are the people she wants, and somehow, that gave me hope that she was looking for the hardest cases to treat. Here's a video of her talking here:

Marsha Linehan has also written a book with exercises from her DBT program. You can get it on Amazon and it's called "DBT Skills Training Manual". It's a book that describes how DBT works and how you can apply it to yourself. It comes with a key that you can download at least 100 exercises online (if you've purchased the book, you don't pay extra for downloading the exercises) to help treat your BPD. She also has a handbook called "DBT Skills Training- Handouts and Worksheets". The Handouts are the same exercises that you can download online if you purchase the first book, so I would recommend that you just get the first book. The second book is only if you just want the exercises and they've already all been printed out for you in a book format. The books are kinda expensive, but I think at least one of them might be worth it if you can shell out approx. 50 bucks.

Anyway, that was quite long winded. Even though I personally don't suffer from BPD, and I am so sorry that you are going through such hell, it sounds like from listening to her on Youtube that there really is hope for treatment. Why not give it a try at least? Feel free to PM if you like!
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
Hi BPDandme-

I wanted to let you know that I do think there's hope for BPD. Like a few other people have posted, DBT is the recommended therapy that has been most effectively proven to treat BPD. The Psychologist who developed it, Marsha Linehan, has also suffered from BPD. I love her, because in some videos of her on Youtube, she talks about how she specifically seeks out the hardest people with BPD to treat, the people who feel suicidal or who have even had a few attempts. These are the people she wants, and somehow, that gave me hope that she was looking for the hardest cases to treat. Here's a video of her talking here:

Marsha Linehan has also written a book with exercises from her DBT program. You can get it on Amazon and it's called "DBT Skills Training Manual". It's a book that describes how DBT works and how you can apply it to yourself. It comes with a key that you can download at least 100 exercises online (if you've purchased the book, you don't pay extra for downloading the exercises) to help treat your BPD. She also has a handbook called "DBT Skills Training- Handouts and Worksheets". The Handouts are the same exercises that you can download online if you purchase the first book, so I would recommend that you just get the first book. The second book is only if you just want the exercises and they've already all been printed out for you in a book format. The books are kinda expensive, but I think at least one of them might be worth it if you can shell out approx. 50 bucks.

Anyway, that was quite long winded. Even though I personally don't suffer from BPD, and I am so sorry that you are going through such hell, it sounds like from listening to her on Youtube that there really is hope for treatment. Why not give it a try at least? Feel free to PM if you like!
You are an angel! Thank you so much. I’m for sure going to get that book it sounds so helpful. Thank you again this was super useful and for your kindness!
 
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PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
22
74
Oh no worries! I feel so bad for people suffering with conditions like this that they obviously had no choice in. I know the YouTube video is kind of long- did you get a chance to check any of it out? If you did, What did you think?
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
Oh no worries! I feel so bad for people suffering with conditions like this that they obviously had no choice in. I know the YouTube video is kind of long- did you get a chance to check any of it out? If you did, What did you think?
Going to watch after work today! I’ll PM you after I’ve watched :heart:. Thanks for checking in and your kindness again!
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Wizard
Feb 13, 2020
668
1,500
Not sure. Depends on your symptoms. Im a Borderliner, with 3 other diagnosis. I have all the symptoms, except for wanting to die. Im actually afraid of dead. Through therapy and medication I've learned to live with myself. But i realise someone must really like me to put up with my moods. So, in my case, you can cope with it, but if you have a partner, i suggest he or she follows a course and go with you sometimes to your psychiatrist to learn
 
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PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
22
74
Ok, that sounds good. I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts. Hope you're doing well!
 
RedDEE

RedDEE

Member
May 10, 2019
58
143
I also have BPD. Asking if suicide is the only way out for someone with BPD is a very BPD thing to say, because most people with the disease are chronically suicidal - that's one of the symptoms.

As someone with this disease, I'm going to be brutally honest. You're most likely going to be BPD until you die. People can and do recover from this disease and stop being BPD anymore, which is awesome, but it's rare. Realistically speaking, you would need a GOOD therapist experienced and knowledgable in providing DBT therapy. And that is not cheap. Few insurance plans cover it in the USA, and if you do have insurance that covers it or enough money, finding a therapist might be a challenge, because therapists qualified to administer this therapy are rare, so you might have to relocate just to find one.

Not trying to discourage you, just giving you the facts. There is hope to be cured by DBT, which is fucking awesome because most mental disorders cannot be cured, BPD is one of the few that can. But to be truly cured, you would need a therapist. You can buy the book and learn DBT self coping skills, which helps, but you can not administer the core therapy to yourself, a therapist is REQUIRED. It is designed from the ground up to be administered by a therapist.

I know how hard it is to cope with this disease, what it means to be at war with yourself. When you have BPD, that means your personality is broken at it's core. The way I cope is by not forming close relationships, and a lot of alcohol and drugs. Weed helps the most but now I'm on probation and cant smoke it, which is craziness. Weed could probably save my life right now, but i would go to jail if i pissed dirty, guess I'll just kill myself.

In a romantic relationship, I am extremely abusive, so I refuse to ever form another one. It sucks, BPD people are known as being the worst people to form relationships with, because we are toxic. Sucks being toxic. I got PURE EVIL tattooed on my knuckles and pennywise the clown tattooed on my hand so people will know I'm toxic. Should you kill yourself? I don't know. But for me, self destruction is all I desire.
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
I also have BPD. Asking if suicide is the only way out for someone with BPD is a very BPD thing to say, because most people with the disease are chronically suicidal - that's one of the symptoms.

As someone with this disease, I'm going to be brutally honest. You're most likely going to be BPD until you die. People can and do recover from this disease and stop being BPD anymore, which is awesome, but it's rare. Realistically speaking, you would need a GOOD therapist experienced and knowledgable in providing DBT therapy. And that is not cheap. Few insurance plans cover it in the USA, and if you do have insurance that covers it or enough money, finding a therapist might be a challenge, because therapists qualified to administer this therapy are rare, so you might have to relocate just to find one.

Not trying to discourage you, just giving you the facts. There is hope to be cured by DBT, which is fucking awesome because most mental disorders cannot be cured, BPD is one of the few that can. But to be truly cured, you would need a therapist. You can buy the book and learn DBT self coping skills, which helps, but you can not administer the core therapy to yourself, a therapist is REQUIRED. It is designed from the ground up to be administered by a therapist.

I know how hard it is to cope with this disease, what it means to be at war with yourself. When you have BPD, that means your personality is broken at it's core. The way I cope is by not forming close relationships, and a lot of alcohol and drugs. Weed helps the most but now I'm on probation and cant smoke it, which is craziness. Weed could probably save my life right now, but i would go to jail if i pissed dirty, guess I'll just kill myself.

In a romantic relationship, I am extremely abusive, so I refuse to ever form another one. It sucks, BPD people are known as being the worst people to form relationships with, because we are toxic. Sucks being toxic. I got PURE EVIL tattooed on my knuckles and pennywise the clown tattooed on my hand so people will know I'm toxic. Should you kill yourself? I don't know. But for me, self destruction is all I desire.
I love your honesty and some of the things you have said are so relatable, it's true my post is a very BPD statement in itself. I have started journaling which has help slightly as I can write things down and read back and distance myself from it, get it off my chest in anger and realise I am being completely irrational. I hate that BPD makes me toxic as I am very empathetic and caring but also a toxic and co-dependant person that can hurt people emotionally. It's hard. I really hope I am able to manage it at least. Like you said, constant war with oneself. I love talking to people with BPD and hearing their experiences as I feel less alone, your post has been really helpful to me so thank you.

I'm sorry you are struggling too. You are very self-aware of your symptoms and behaviours, so don't be so hard on yourself. Most people aren't aware at all and are just bad people. I don't believe you are toxic. Here if you ever want to chat and thank you so much again!
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

This goat is tired of pro-life sheeples
Mar 15, 2020
316
672
Just a general rant on the mental health system....I am not sure about DBT? Here's my experience. Sorry you have to suffer, btw... I have no advice, but to say you're not alone. I'm 39 living with BPD or female aspburgers. It's a nightmare. I somewhat made it in the workforce, but personally I feel empty. I am so tired of living in my head full of inconsisies and interactions with people at work is so freaking dddddddddddd-draining...... DBT- I tried to go thru the VA- I got kicked out of the program, because apparently I'm a suicidal c--t. So they sent me a punitive letter by mail, needing my signature, all to reprimand me for having suicidal ideations! So I'm blacklisted in the g..d ole boyz club, well in the councillors department...I was actually kicked out by a Female councillor b-word, I mean beautiful..lol....I thought all us buzzwords were made of spice and everything nice, until you say the s-word!...normies rationality confuses me! I think suicide is my only path to freedom...idk, if I have the courage to go thru with cbt? But I fantasize about it, and I have some of what I need to try SN. I have already attempted...I know my way around weapons, my mombie has my revolver, my precious, and won't return it...
 
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bpdandme

Wise
Feb 3, 2020
243
652
Just a general rant on the mental health system....I am not sure about DBT? Here's my experience. Sorry you have to suffer, btw... I have no advice, but to say you're not alone. I'm 39 living with BPD or female aspburgers. It's a nightmare. I somewhat made it in the workforce, but personally I feel empty. I am so tired of living in my head full of inconsisies and interactions with people at work is so freaking dddddddddddd-draining...... DBT- I tried to go thru the VA- I got kicked out of the program, because apparently I'm a suicidal c--t. So they sent me a punitive letter by mail, needing my signature, all to reprimand me for having suicidal ideations! So I'm blacklisted in the g..d ole boyz club, well in the councillors department...I was actually kicked out by a Female councillor b-word, I mean beautiful..lol....I thought all us buzzwords were made of spice and everything nice, until you say the s-word!...normies rationality confuses me! I think suicide is my only path to freedom...idk, if I have the courage to go thru with cbt? But I fantasize about it, and I have some of what I need to try SN. I have already attempted...I know my way around weapons, my mombie has my revolver, my precious, and won't return it...
Sorry that's happened to you, it's so messed up they are excluding suicidal people when it's such a prevalent symptom of personality disorders. I hope you find something that works for you. Well done on being able to make it in the workforce! I know how you feel about it seeming the only way out, here if you need a chat, I hope it's not the only option for you.
 
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itsamadworld

itsamadworld

This goat is tired of pro-life sheeples
Mar 15, 2020
316
672
Sorry that's happened to you, it's so messed up they are excluding suicidal people when it's such a prevalent symptom of personality disorders. I hope you find something that works for you. Well done on being able to make it in the workforce! I know how you feel about it seeming the only way out, here if you need a chat, I hope it's not the only option for you.
As I get older, and my body breaks from the stress, I am very particular on what I can physically do....All the years of stress, working in more physically demanding jobs, on a short smaller frame, has lead me to recently jack up my right knee worse than I have had an injury in a while, and I hate going to doctors, no offense, so I will do anything to avoid.....and with this appending zombie apocalypse, I want to be able to at least run.....I actually am going to stay in healthcare, ( can't beat em join em type mentality) and possibly quit my more physical morning job that I mentally like better....I just cannot seem to do it anymore...these decisions are hard for me...