Is it normal to be happy when you know you're going to ctb?

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

L

Lostnotfound

-
Feb 23, 2020
351
669
It brought me relief and enabled me to cope with situations that were beyond my control knowing that I had that exit at any time. Now the time is close I dont feel so calm however I supported someone to CTB yesterday and they were very excited
 
A

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,711
2,771
sometimes I feel that way; it's a way of sticking it to the world and it's unjust laws. also it feels like a superpower at times, because you see all your peers so involved in life and all you can think is that they are rather pitiful creatures, chasing the cheese. But then again, I have felt this way since childhood and looked upon adults as basically idiots for taking their little achievements and games so seriously.
.
Sometimes I think I was born to ctb. Can you relate to that at all?
 
highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

I don't know anymore.
Feb 14, 2020
280
640
I felt the same honestly. When i first picked my date i was estatic. i was smiling the whole day and feeling really happy. i was thinking im glad it'll all be over soon. since then ive had to postpone it and has brought me down.
 
greatmuta99

greatmuta99

New Member
Jan 8, 2020
3
15
It's very natural for a person who's suffering to feel happy knowing they have the power to end their suffering at any time. Every time I remind myself that I have that option, I feel happy and at peace. :heart: When I think of suffering through another 20 or 30 or 40 years, I feel horrified. :'(
 
enjolras

enjolras

Saw the angel shine through the jellyfish
Feb 13, 2020
1,024
1,546
Treat yourself right, stay clear of judgement. How you feel belongs to you. It must have a meaning. Use it at own discretion
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow Point
error_ratio

error_ratio

Member
Mar 4, 2020
20
127
I feel the same way. It's odd that a calm settles over yourself as the day draws closer. I think it has to do with the finality of it and the anticipation of relief from pain. Interesting post :)
 
LonelyHeart

LonelyHeart

Just Do It
Mar 11, 2020
13
22
I seem to be singing and whistling a lot lately.
I’m as cool as a cucumber!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow Point
Yomyom

Yomyom

Today was supposed to be a good day!
Feb 5, 2020
822
1,411
I think it's connected to the belief of the person who's gonna die.
If you believe in nothing you should feel some sort of emptiness and quite and peace.
If you believe in after life, you may feel happiness and also peace

I guess I'm wrong, but that's what I'm believe in the subject
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow Point
P

President_Drist

Member
Mar 25, 2020
10
4
When I think about ctb I find relief and sometimes I smile. Knowing that this will be over brings me comfort. Is it normal or am I very crazy?!
That means you have really many of pain in your life and actually nothing can help that...
 
U

Ulisses

Veteran
Feb 21, 2020
137
157
I am happy when I think about ctb. I think about the shit I did, and that led me to this attitude, and I find myself laughing because I know how to get out of this torment. I am master of my destiny and existence. kkkkkkkk
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow Point
danilion

danilion

Member
Nov 24, 2019
54
52
I felt almost euphoric when I first started planning and set a date. However, I realized the planning was more time consuming than I thought and the more I plan the more I get anxious that I haven't planned it perfectly. I am getting very OCD about it and cannot have it fail. Now I feel anxious and panicky and I set dates but I dont follow through because I feel like I need to research more. I have also changed my method a few times and still second guess my choice. Now I am in severe panic but I still want to do it. I just dont like the risk of failure. I would be screwed if I failed and had to get treated at hospital, I find COVID is making my life worse - more obvious that no one is checking on me - and I am more than certain I want to go. Like, NO ONE checks on me and I could have been dead weeks ago without anyone even knowing. I just need to feel empowered again by my choice. FUCK I wish overdosing would work. That would be my choice but I dont know how to get ahold of opiods. I am going to use CO but it does scare me. I have everything I need, I think. I wish I could talk to someone who would relieve my fears.
 
Hollow Point

Hollow Point

A̵l̷w̷a̷y̸s̷ ̷t̸i̸r̵e̸d̶
Mar 24, 2020
118
446
It's like a fail safe. Like, no matter what happens, you have this secret eject button that can get you out of any and every situation. Having a safety net like that can be good, and easy to start obsessing over. You really have to be ready to go if you want to operate like that though, otherwise you're just setting yourself up for more failure.

I have no current plan, method, or date. I'm just going to give in when I've had enough. I've failed forcing it so now I have to wait for it to come to me. I'll know when that time comes, so its comforting in the sense that if things get increasingly worse...I do have a way to stop it indefinitely.
 
U

Ulisses

Veteran
Feb 21, 2020
137
157
It's like a fail safe. Like, no matter what happens, you have this secret eject button that can get you out of any and every situation. Having a safety net like that can be good, and easy to start obsessing over. You really have to be ready to go if you want to operate like that though, otherwise you're just setting yourself up for more failure.

I have no current plan, method, or date. I'm just going to give in when I've had enough. I've failed forcing it so now I have to wait for it to come to me. I'll know when that time comes, so its comforting in the sense that if things get increasingly worse...I do have a way to stop it indefinitely.
I think just like that. you to the limit that I wait mentally and physically, because I already know that I have a quick answer. eat there surviving.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hollow Point
HorribleFeelings1

HorribleFeelings1

Its a hard knock life
Jan 18, 2020
315
873
When I think about ctb I find relief and sometimes I smile. Knowing that this will be over brings me comfort. Is it normal or am I very crazy?!
In my book, this is totally normal, you’re gonna finally get peace by CTBing and that brings you joy and comfort. Live your best life! :heart::smiling: (I wish I was the same tbh, I worry about my problems more than CTBing)
 
CatchTheBus

CatchTheBus

If I could start over, I’d keep myself
Jan 14, 2020
30
62
That’s my situation right now. My family has noticed a change in my behavior and thinks I’m getting better. They don’t realize I’m so happy and excited because the day I ctb is getting closer.
 
U

Ulisses

Veteran
Feb 21, 2020
137
157
That’s my situation right now. My family has noticed a change in my behavior and thinks I’m getting better. They don’t realize I’m so happy and excited because the day I ctb is getting closer.
if you change your mind we will be here, to hear your stories, regrets. be well and hugs
 
G

Goldfinch

Member
Mar 26, 2020
15
24
When I think about ctb I find relief and sometimes I smile. Knowing that this will be over brings me comfort. Is it normal or am I very crazy?!
Less happiness and more comfort , idk if it's just me but I just like t o pretend that I won't be alone in the end and that I won't be suffering anymore