Is it awful to ctb where some random person would find me? Do I need to rethink it?

rue89

rue89

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Is it bad to ctb somewhere that someone other than my family or the police will likely find me?

I want to ctb at home so badly, but it likely won't happen because I live with family, unless by some miracle I can get enough time alone. I can't do it at a hotel because of my anxiety.
I also can't drive, so basically the place has to be within walking distance of my house and it will end up being outside.

I had a place in mind that's fairly well hidden, but some recent events might make it too difficult to do it there, and I might have to revert to my original place.
If I do this, it's almost guaranteed that some innocent person would be the one to find me.

There's a large part of me that feels like I mostly don't care, like I just want to be gone and it's not my problem. Then there's another part of me that feels like a horrible person for feeling this way. Ugh I don't know. I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
 
RoseyBird

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I would be unconcerned with a random person finding me. People die every day in every place. The person that found you wouldn’t know it’s a suicide. what if you were an old guy that had a heart attack? What’s the difference?
 
BeHope

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Unless you know how to perfectly make yourself disappear, someone is going to find you. If you're doing it in a building you could try putting a note up somewhere warning people not to come inside and to call the police (so long as you're sure you'll be gone in time).
 
Lilacmoon

Lilacmoon

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Someone will always find you one way or other, I'm sorry. :(
It's nice of you to worry about it though. I like the idea of leaving a note to warn people if they may not want to see. Just be careful the note doesn't bring any do-gooders to stop your attempt >:(
-hugs and love-
 
rue89

rue89

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Someone will always find you one way or other, I'm sorry. :(
It's nice of you to worry about it though. I like the idea of leaving a note to warn people if they may not want to see. Just be careful the note doesn't bring any do-gooders to stop your attempt >:(
-hugs and love-
Unfortunately it's outside and there's not really anywhere that I could leave a note.
 
Lilacmoon

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Then there's nothing you can really do. I know it's hard, but I think you should be your own top priority, not the feelings of others. Ultimately this decision should be for you, not for the comfort of strangers. Well hidden may be the best you can do, and if that's the best you can do to try and protect innocents, then what else could they ask for? It's hard, but try not to be concerned, okay? Whatever you decide.

Do what's best for you, not what's convenient for others. This may be your last time to. :(
 
D

Done at Fifty

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Anywhere you don't have a guarantee that only a person trained to deal with dead bodies will find you, can emotionally scar someone - even a hotel room or at home.
Depending on your method, a hospital public washroom with a lock on the door is best.

If you can take a bus to a local hospital and go to the palliative, geriatric or cancer ward (where death is common), there should be accessible single room washrooms. Since even accessible stalls in large washrooms are hard to use for some people, the large single bathrooms are common place in hospitals now. Because the doors lock, no one but the hospital staff will find you. Once the hospital discovers the door is locked and no ones answering, they'll suspect the worst and a doctor or nurse will be with the maintenance person when they open the door.

Pin a note on yourself and they'll do the task of notifying your family.

Best of luck
 
NewOrder

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Anywhere you don't have a guarantee that only a person trained to deal with dead bodies will find you, can emotionally scar someone - even a hotel room or at home.
Depending on your method, a hospital public washroom with a lock on the door is best.

If you can take a bus to a local hospital and go to the palliative, geriatric or cancer ward (where death is common), there should be accessible single room washrooms. Since even accessible stalls in large washrooms are hard to use for some people, the large single bathrooms are common place in hospitals now. Because the doors lock, no one but the hospital staff will find you. Once the hospital discovers the door is locked and no ones answering, they'll suspect the worst and a doctor or nurse will be with the maintenance person when they open the door.

Pin a note on yourself and they'll do the task of notifying your family.

Best of luck
Wouldn't this be the worst place to do it if you don't want to be saved?
 
D

Done at Fifty

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Wouldn't this be the worst place to do it if you don't want to be saved?
Good point. Its not without its pitfalls. The method would make a big difference and it would have to be a fast.
During a busy time and in a busy area, people may not noticed that the door's been locked for a long time, but the cleaning staff may come around more frequently (there's usually a "next cleaning" schedule in these washrooms). A more secluded area of the hospital, near the office areas or later at night, may not have as many cleaning checks but it may be more noticeable if the doors been locked for a long time.
 
AJ95

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I'm going in a hotel room, I'm assuming I'll be found by a clerk or something when I fail to checkout the next morning.

I'm thinking about putting a note on a stand just inside the door telling them what I've done and to call the police so that they don't actually have to find my body. Idk if that would help at all.
 
cryptic__egg

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Someone is gonna see the body, that's just something you have to accept. I am going by train and understand that it'll probably upset someone but that's how it is
 
AJ95

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Someone is gonna see the body, that's just something you have to accept. I am going by train and understand that it'll probably upset someone but that's how it is
True, at least it won't be your family though
 
justpeachy

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Wouldn't this be the worst place to do it if you don't want to be saved?
you’d be surprised, especially in a busy ward or the emergency department we wouldn’t notice for hours...if not longer. the bathrooms are always in use (single stall). it wouldn’t likely be noticed until early am hours when things calmed down then it’s most likely a nurse and or security would open the door to find you. i can gaurentee at the hospitals i’ve worked at nobody would find you for 5-10 hours.
also it would be preferable to pick a ward that has multiple bathrooms so if someone knocks and waits that they get impatient and go to another one vs banging on the door for 20 min and attracting attention.

keep in mind unless you have a dnr literally pinned to you that is a legal copy and not just a note saying please don’t revive they WILL attempt to revive you. the only way it may not happen is if you had a legal copy of your DNR and a number of next of kin to possibly confirm that DNR (do not recessitate order)
 
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AmDead

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That’s one problem I don’t have to worry about. I have the luxury of dying in the middle of nowhere where coyotes will probably eat my body before anyone finds the spot, if they ever do.
 
justpeachy

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Someone is gonna see the body, that's just something you have to accept. I am going by train and understand that it'll probably upset someone but that's how it is
difference is that if there is a driver you likely will not just affect someone, you will seriously traumatize someone and possibly make it so their livlihood is compromised....
 
cryptic__egg

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difference is that if there is a driver you likely will not just affect someone, you will seriously traumatize someone and possibly make it so their livlihood is compromised....
that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make
 
Lupgevif

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i mean it’s not really your sacrifice to make as you are going to be dead and they will be left alive with trauma and possibly no job....
Do you really get fired that easily for driving over someone with a train? I mean, it is a very likely scenario, the higher ups of a train conductor got to know it's not intentional. It a fucking behemoth of a machine that can't be stopped immediately.
 
LastFlowers

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Someone is going to find you eventually and you may not be able to control who it is either way, but depending on your method it’s probably better to be found sooner rather than later so that whoever finds you doesn’t have to witness (or smell) the decomposition of your body. It’s really not something you should have to worry about but society forces us to-considering there are no reasonable, legal, and witness-free means of ending our suffering.
 
E

everydayiloveyou

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Yeah, like others have already said, someone is gonna have the disservice of finding you unless you go missing or something. That's the reality whether you die of suicide, random car crash, natural causes, natural disaster etc.

Honestly most people aren't as affected by death as you think. If you choose to ctb by jumping in front of a drag racer at 4am, chances are they won't give two shits and will make it a point to run over you again. Same if you have a criminal or cop shoot you. The rando who finds you could be an inconsiderate YouTuber who records your hanging body as a joke and doesn't think about it ever again. Or it could be someone with a predisposition to mental illness, and they could be extremely, permanently traumatized from finding your body.

It's one of those things you can't control at all. At the very least, try not to get other people unnecessarily involved in killing you, aim to be discreet if you can, plan to have doctors/police deal with your body ASAP since they are super used to this sorta thing. And of course, if you love your family/friends, don't do it on their property, give them the closure of having a body to bury. Be prepared as much as you can but understand that you won't be able to customize the experience as you please. Once you go there is nothing to be done anymore, nothing you can fix or do differently, and nothing for you to worry about since you won't be able to worry anymore.
 
cryptic__egg

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i mean it’s not really your sacrifice to make as you are going to be dead and they will be left alive with trauma and possibly no job....
I am aware of this I just don't care much. As long as I die and don't directly injure anyone else in the process that's all that matters imo
 
rue89

rue89

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Thank you all for your responses. You guys have helped me resolve any guilt I had. You're right, it's almost inevitable that someone other than the police will find me, no matter where I ctb. There's no point worrying or feeling guilty about it.
 
Lilacmoon

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Thank you all for your responses. You guys have helped me resolve any guilt I had. You're right, it's almost inevitable that someone other than the police will find me, no matter where I ctb. There's no point worrying or feeling guilty about it.
-hugs, love, and sobbles for you-
 
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