[Discussion] Is anyone contemplating suicide because of their partner but doesn't want the blame to be put on them?

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

rainonme

rainonme

Member
May 22, 2020
28
53
I lost trust in my partner.

It seems that when I find happiness in life I always lose it.

However, it's my fault for not being able to deal with my problems. They suck me in and I can't function. It's terrible. I wish I could be a normal person but one single problem or issue can overcome my life. I'm too weak, but not weak enough to die. I don't think I have a place here.
 
Smudgedlines

Smudgedlines

Member
Jan 23, 2020
38
79
I am not sure that I will ever kill myself but it pops up as an option daily. I think about it a lot.
One of the main reasons has been my relationship with an alcoholic. I’ve had four years of no trust. His mistress resides in a bottle or a can. He has taken me to some very dark places. I’ve considered driving into a tree at 60 or got forbid another car almost daily.
I have finally got him out and had a non molestation order granted. I am hoping the thoughts of suicidal escape will stop.
 
  • Hug
Reactions: Let'sgetoutofHERE
rainonme

rainonme

Member
May 22, 2020
28
53
I am not sure that I will ever kill myself but it pops up as an option daily. I think about it a lot.
One of the main reasons has been my relationship with an alcoholic. I’ve had four years of no trust. His mistress resides in a bottle or a can. He has taken me to some very dark places. I’ve considered driving into a tree at 60 or got forbid another car almost daily.
I have finally got him out and had a non molestation order granted. I am hoping the thoughts of suicidal escape will stop.
My partner has a problem too, but it's with porn. It's driving me insane. I feel like the "crazy girlfriend," and I don't want to be that.

So you've left him? Maybe I should do the same, but again, I think that the loneliness after being with him for so long as a friend, best friend, companion, partner, etc...will get to me.

Another problem will come up even if I did get over it and I will want to CTB.
 
Ijustneeditalltostop

Ijustneeditalltostop

Just a sad old soul searching for a way to escape
May 23, 2020
19
20
It's like you're talking about me.. Im never feeling good enough for him, he's losing interest in me n staying just because of mental health also he knows m suicidal.. I even feel like he has someone else.. I'd be happy for him anyways
He was the reason why i chose life and happiness n now he's the reason why m choosing death again n ig happiness isn't for me..
 
rainonme

rainonme

Member
May 22, 2020
28
53
It's like you're talking about me.. Im never feeling good enough for him, he's losing interest in me n staying just because of mental health also he knows m suicidal.. I even feel like he has someone else.. I'd be happy for him anyways
He was the reason why i chose life and happiness n now he's the reason why m choosing death again n ig happiness isn't for me..
I'm glad someone can relate...my partner is nice but I feel like every time I bring a problem up he loses his attraction to me.

Me too. I feel like happiness isn't for me. It's too hard to achieve.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lis54
Ijustneeditalltostop

Ijustneeditalltostop

Just a sad old soul searching for a way to escape
May 23, 2020
19
20
I'm glad someone can relate...my partner is nice but I feel like every time I bring a problem up he loses his attraction to me.

Me too. I feel like happiness isn't for me. It's too hard to achieve.
I understand cuz im feeling the exact same..
 
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Member
Dec 28, 2019
83
242
While this topic is quite diverse I will share one of the things I commonly see. I am also going to be brief-ish because I am lazy...

Often you have a couple. One or both will assume something is wrong with them due to the way their partner is behaving. Rarely does it occur to them that their partner is having their own issue(s). We tend to assume we are the cause when often that isn't the case.

Part of the worlds problem boils down to communication. For us being such social creatures, we struggle at communication. We often let assumptions and fear stand in the way. We let situations linger until they become too uncomfortable to bring up. I could go on and on here.

You are women. In my mind, there isn't anything more valuable in this world. With that said, try and see that you have value. That means you should speak up. Being means you deserve to express your concerns, wants, needs and desires. Ultimately, if you are with a guy that doesn't see your value then find someone that does. You would then be in a toxic situation that will only cause compound emotional damage.

To all the women out there *HUGS*. Whether you believe in evolution or you believe in a creator, not many of us can argue what a fantastic outcome that came from either.
 
Smudgedlines

Smudgedlines

Member
Jan 23, 2020
38
79
My partner has a problem too, but it's with porn. It's driving me insane. I feel like the "crazy girlfriend," and I don't want to be that.

So you've left him? Maybe I should do the same, but again, I think that the loneliness after being with him for so long as a friend, best friend, companion, partner, etc...will get to me.

Another problem will come up even if I did get over it and I will want to CTB.
An addiction is an addiction. It’s not the addiction I have a problem with...it’s the lies, behaviour and damage as a result of it. ive left a few times but fallen back in the trap when I’ve missed him or inconveniently only remembered the slim good times. But his addiction is progressive and this time I’ve removed the opportunity for him to bully me into going back.
I’m not happy but I am happier than I was when I was on the receiving end of his abuse and drunken bullshit. No going back this time.
 
A

Aap

Wise
Apr 26, 2020
296
315
I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that every romantic relationship you have will fail...until one doesn’t. It’s ok to try again.
 
rainonme

rainonme

Member
May 22, 2020
28
53
An addiction is an addiction. It’s not the addiction I have a problem with...it’s the lies, behaviour and damage as a result of it. ive left a few times but fallen back in the trap when I’ve missed him or inconveniently only remembered the slim good times. But his addiction is progressive and this time I’ve removed the opportunity for him to bully me into going back.
I’m not happy but I am happier than I was when I was on the receiving end of his abuse and drunken bullshit. No going back this time.
You're right. I hate that my partner feels the need to hide things. If we could have open diologue I would feel much better, but he hates it. I always cry, so that's my fault. I can't have a good conversation without putting shame or blame.

I, if you happen to read this after I die, I'm very sorry. You know that I love you.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that every romantic relationship you have will fail...until one doesn’t. It’s ok to try again.
It's more about the fact that I just can't handle relationship problems. Maybe I am just a controlling person. No one deserves to deal with that.

I can't deal with problems! Even if it's not relationship problems I will have a problem and they suck the life out of me!
 
Last edited:
P

patheticpartner

Member
May 4, 2020
16
16
I think I wanted it as a push. Before we got together, I was contemplating suicide, but curiosity kept me alive. After 7 months of feeling the most loved and cared for in my life, I pushed him too far and made him break up with me yesterday. I'm really toxic and I kept initiating break ups every month. When I initiated this last one, he accepted, and I've been a mess but I asked for it.

I feel like I can die now without a second thought. Thankfully, he's very mentally stable and independent so I know he won't blame himself. He won't find out though. We don't have mutual friends and the only people in my life are my parents and my one friend.
 
muffin222

muffin222

Wise
Mar 31, 2020
249
494
It may be worthwhile to dig deep and do the inner healing work/self-exploration required to understand why you find yourself in this kind of toxic dynamic with someone before deciding to ctb over it. I've been where you are, and, at least in my case, there was deep seeded emotional issues from my childhood that led me to gravitate towards these kinds of relationships