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MewtwoIsAlive

MewtwoIsAlive

Member
Joined
Jul 11, 2020
Messages
38
hello everyone, I state that I don't like writing much as I am extremely shy and reserved about my life.

I'm writing from Italy, I'm a 28 year old man and I have been depressed and anxious since I went to elementary school.

I come from a family with many problems: my mother has serious mental problems and she never wanted me, I have always been a burden for her;
my father is also depressed and has long had problems with alcohol, which made him violent and aggressive.

I have no friends and I have never had a girlfriend, I have spent my whole life among doctors' surgeries, psychiatrists and psychologists, and despite the years and the money spent, I have never solved my problems.
I have worked in the past but for about 6 months I have lost my job because of the coronavirus.

I have had several suicide attempts over the years, all of which have failed.

I don't know how long I will stay, I am not a lover of forums, I prefer video games, reading, music and movies.
Im actually stunned that you managed to hold up for so much long
 
AverageIdiot

AverageIdiot

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
6
Hi there, actually joined last year but reached a point where I'll be more active around here .
I'm just a lazy uni student with mood swings that slipped into nihilism and apathy.

I ordered SN last year and going to get the missing parts in the next weeks. While I will try therapy first I currently prefer the other way out.

I like sci-fi series and movies, RPG's or playing non-rpg games like RPG's. Former interests I can still talk about are anime and manga.
That's me, just returned as I realized a shit ton of things about me. Stopped smoking weed, started tripping on acid, was motivated for a short while to better myself but fell back again. Simply said, I just don't give a shit about anything anymore (in this moment). My mood still changes rapidly, I get lost in thoughts way too often and I procrastinate like hell and don't care if I fail my exams or let people hanging that rely on me. So yeah, just an average idiot who is aware ff what he does but doesn't try to fix/ stop or manage it.
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
889
I’ve been reading posts on this site for over a year now, but just registered and started posting today. It’s amazing how different I feel already. Being amidst a community of like-minded people has been so helpful. Thank you all for being so welcoming thus far.
 
S

So-lowgid

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
28
Hi everyone, I just joined the forum after months of lurking. First stumbled on SS while looking for peaceful methods to escape back when Covid first hit. I'm male, 43 and am supposedly borderline. I feel (there's a joke there somewhere) that I have undiagnosed mental health problems which are conveniently ignored or 'covered' by the BPD/EUPD diagnosis. I have struggled with addiction and self harm since childhood and have been on/off suicidal and depressed since then. I seek something which seems impossible to find... meaning & purpose, the kind that stops me falling into this pit of self loathing and despair over and over and over again . I'm tired of searching but still don't feel I've searched hard or consistently enough to justify giving in just yet, but I'm very close.
I had everything at one point in my life, a good job, a wife, family, house, cars, friends but it wasn't enough and through my illness and behaviour I lost it all, or the vast majority of it. I've exhausted the help of mental health services available to me and made nothing of which I was given. I hate myself and can't shake my core belief that I'm a useless, selfish piece of shit. I'm currently so depressed I can't get or stay out of bed and live every day in fear of losing the financial help I receive through benefits.
9 months ago I was on top of the world and thought things/life was looking up and that I could get and hold down a job again and that life was worth living. I thought I could build "a life worth living" and that whilst living said life the missing piece that I've been searching for since childhood would at some point appear & fall into place. However the therapy I was then just starting proved to be unsuited to me & just too much digging up old trauma and by January I fell into a pit of anxiety, depression and despair which is pretty much where I’m now at.
I didn’t need to join SS in order to garner the information needed for me to one day peacefully ctb but lurking the forum and seeing various posts from people who I can relate to has lead me to do so, I have a few friends irl but none of whom I could talk to honestly and openly about how I feel on this subject. I don’t honestly know from one day to the next how I feel about it myself... I just know that I struggle immensely with life, people and my mental health and that A LOT of the time ctb seems like the only real answer...
I enjoyed yoga and callisthenics for a couple of years as well as getting outdoors and various other physical activities but am now completely deconditioned and physically fucked. My muscles have all completely atrophied through lying in bed 24 hours a day and I struggle to walk or even sit upright for very long. I’m run down through poor diet (go long periods not eating or drinking at all), lack of fresh air and exercise. I look as well as feel like shit and am plagued with minor ailment after minor ailment. Conjunctivitis today to accompany my boils, spots, migraines, reappearing fybro and ibs shit. :sick:

Anyway... pleased to join you all.
Hello everyone, I am new to this place did lurk for a few days before joining.

I'm female 40's from the UK. Single and no children. I live alone but 'care' for my dad who lives nearby.

I have battled with MH issues for 20 years and I am definitely mis-diagnosed and that it not helping matters because my current diagnosis means it normal in the UK to not give support to people. I am diagnosed with BPD when I believe I have Bipolar which reared its head back in the late 90's. It's a long story and there is plenty of evidence I'm Bipolar and that I don't have BPD.

I frequently get suicidal when unwell and have made several attempts on my life all overdoses and once with insulin, the latter I ended up in ICU.

This year there were three overdoses in the space of 7 days in May, followed by a 4th at the beginning of June. In between 3 and 4 I was sectioned on a section 2 and spent just 4 days in hospital, told the psychiatrist what he wanted to hear to get out and back home. I was under the homebased treatment team from the beginning of May till the middle of June, then they discharged me - basically they did nothing whilst I was under them except section me!

I'm so done with fighting for mental health support and going through crisis after crisis. Dad always been a protective factor to keep me hanging on but even him is not enough now to keep me living much longer. I need a method that won't see me survive. I'm ready to leave and find peace and hope I'll be reunited with my mum who died 11 years ago.
I’m new here too, also diagnosed bpd which I think is correct but think that I also have BP and OCD neither of which is or will be recognised by ICMHT. Been crushed by severe depression for months now. Once you get the BPD diagnosis you are treated like shit and EVERYTHING is put down to it! :aw:
 
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E

EmotionalSupRock

Set me on fire please
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
1
Hello everyone. I’m sure we all have mixed feelings when first coming here. I hope to leave one way or the other.

My life is a dumpster fire.. partner about to leave, stroke victim mother whom I care for, my own bipolar, being fucked as an in attractive trans person.. lawsuits by family to harass me, troubles at work, and a necessary surgery scheduled. I want to die daily. I started this year in heaven, and I’m back to where I’m familiar after a year or two reprieve.
 
T

thickiana

My battery is low, gotta go
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
19
Hi everyone,

I'm a 28-y-old female from Northern Europe.
I've never been suicidal or had bad issues with my mental health; my life used to be happy, I loved and enjoyed every piece of it, and everything was wonderful until last spring.
My health started to fail in April and I have a very strange neurologic condition which makes my life HELL on a daily basis. It started completely out of the blue and doctors are pretty clueless. (I won't dive into details, those would make this post awfully long!)

I don't want to die and I hate to do this to my family (mine is very loving and especially my mom is my whole life), friends and myself but life isn't really worth living in this condition :( Now I'm trying to get all the details right so I won't end up in a much worse situation. My family kind of knows what's up and they're devastated. I hate the fact that I'm going to ruin their lives as well.

I'm into music, sports, cooking, literature, arts, flowers, video games, fashion, etc... I've always had a lot of interests and my best feature used to be the ability to find almost anything in this world interesting. There was a lot of laughing and fun in my life but it's all gone now because of my fucked up health.

Anyway, it's nice to meet you all!
 
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Nath

Nath

New Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
3
Hey! I'm Nath, 23 from the UK.

I'm one of the three admins on SHP / selfharm.pics - I joined this site partially to help our own users (by learning more) and partially for my own reasons. I'm not actively suicidal at the moment, but I do know that my life will end in suicide at some point.

Nice to be here
 
Tereon

Tereon

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
55
Hello! I am a lonely depressive 23-year-old Brazilian man who wish to exit this world full of suffering, hurt and bad persons.

I really would like to die in a painless and peaceful way, but since I can't get N, I think it's not possible, unfortunately. Well, life isn't perfect, isn't it? Maybe I hang myself when I get desperate again.
 
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toms_space_station

toms_space_station

"Alien Observer"
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
20
Hi everyone
I'm Tom

I love learning about outer space, stars, galaxies, nebulae.
I have always wanted to study and be a part of the science field.
Perhaps help find new discoveries that may aid our future way of living.
If I did not have this mental illness, perhaps it would have been my passion and living.

I love learning about history, the different cultures that us humans had for the duration of our existence.
The way communities and people gathered to stand and fight for what's right.
To learn about how people faced their fears and stood up to those who have oppressed them for so long, regardless of deathly consequences.
To learn about how people lived without things we have now like internet, electricity, vehicles, etc.

I love all kinds of music.
I grew up with a lot of rock and metal bands.
My favorites are Napalm Death and Godflesh.
Over time I grew very attached to other unique kinds of music like Noise, ambient, classical, industrial, and jazz music.

I also love learning about dreams.
I think they are the closest thing to the other side.
And I think they can reflect a lot about a person’s life or mind
Sometimes I wonder what everyone’s dreams are like.

Whether it is through writing, songs, art, I seek to confide this pain with all of you.
I am a human being like many of you, struggling to find my place in this world. I have already decided my fate, but I try to find joy in the simplest of things while I am here.

After all, what are the odds of us experiencing human life and emotion out of the entire, seemingly endless universe?
 
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Inferdan

Inferdan

Pushing onward through the storm
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
404
Hi everyone
I'm funkymonks
glad to have found this site
Welcome, Funkymonks :) I hope you find what you need here. Be sure to expect caring, understanding people, each unique in their own way, and know that you may speak your mind about whatever. Religion, politics, philosophy, all the way down to general things and jokes :p
Until we meet again. May you enjoy your stay :)
 
F

Funkymonks

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2020
Messages
59
Welcome, Funkymonks :) I hope you find what you need here. Be sure to expect caring, understanding people, each unique in their own way, and know that you may speak your mind about whatever. Religion, politics, philosophy, all the way down to general things and jokes :p
Until we meet again. May you enjoy your stay :)
Thanks @Inferdan long time lurker here :smiling:
 
ravergirl

ravergirl

Death becomes her
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
80
Hello all,

I just found this site yesterday, and was excited to find a community that understands. I'm 22, live in the Western US. I have borderline personality disorder, and suicidal ideation has been a thing for me since childhood. I live my life as if nothing long-term matters. I spend money as quickly as I earn it, I do drugs, I don't think about safety in anything I do. I dream about suicide, about being murdered, about playing Russian Roulette.

I'm an exotic dancer, and I also love going to raves. I'm really only happy when I'm moving to music.
hi im misha, 21 year old female from Canada
im numb and dumb baby
nice to meet you all
Numb and dumb is sometimes the best way to be...
 
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J

Jeff_The_Cursed

Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
18
Hello, Jeff here, not Jeffy or Jeffrey, as so many of my enemies think is cute or funny to call me.

I am 63 years old, and live in the central United States, and I've entertained thoughts of suicide on and off going back to when I was 20 years old.

I've lurked on this forum for awhile, but only joined a few days ago, it is interesting to read the observations of other people, and share some of my own from time to time.
 
worsethanworthless

worsethanworthless

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
50
Hi,
im Sarah, I'm 40 years old , I have suffered with my mental health since I was a child . I have BPD.
I've had around 12 failed attempts since Dec19 but according to the hospital I've been in 19 times , I can't remember some of it.
The only reason I'm still alive is because of the guilt of leaving my family but I can't go on like this any longer it's just not possible.
The mental health team stopped all my meds cold turkey because I've taken overdoses and the withdrawals have been horiffic, I've not had a good experience with them at all, they just dont care .
 
candyapple

candyapple

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
6
just realized I posted a whiny overdose method thread without ever introducing myself, so:

i'm Rose, i'm 20 years old. I'm American but I live abroad. diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anorexia nervosa :hug: anorexia is basically a very very very slow suicide attempt
besides that, i've actually "attempted" seven times. first attempt was when I was 10 years old, and once again I am back on my bullshit
i've been lurking for a long time and also have an account on suicideproject where I post all my melodramatic poetry. thx~
 
M

MrBlue

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
44
Hi,
Just a very lonely 22 year old loser that knows I will never be able to intergrate with other people. I've been lurking for over a year, but have'nt really posted anything until very recently. I'm glad to have found this site, it helps me a lot.
 
Pimeä

Pimeä

Alien in human skin
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
52
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hello there!

I'm Pimeä, a 30 year old guy from The Netherlandsh who's just done with everything. I'm depressed and I've got Avoidant personality disorder. I've been suicidal quite a few times in my life -with one attempt when I was 13 years old-, but since five years ago when I had my first burn-out it's pretty much been a constant.

In these past five years I've done a shit ton of therapy and really tried to fix my life. I actually thought I was done two years ago and ready to get back into the world. I found myself a lovely girlfriend, got a good job and moved to another city for it. But reality kept slapping me in the face, and little over a year after being done with therapy I had my second burn-out. I haven't worked since (and of course lost my job), and we had to move recently because we couldn't afford rent of the old place anymore.

In the recent days I've sunk to the same low point I was at five years ago, where I just want to stop breathing. I'm constantly blocking my emotions, which also leads to me being unable to even play any fucking game to distract myself from how awful I feel. I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone I know about how I feel, so I went looking for a place with like-minded people and ended up here.
 
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