Introduce yourself

  • Thread starter Sanctioned Suicide
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  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

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GravityUtilizer

GravityUtilizer

Member
May 22, 2020
89
121
Hello everyone. I'm a guy in my early 20's from the US. Don't remember how I found this site but everyone on it seemed to be really nice so here I am. I'm here for the same reason as everyone else, I'm unhappy with my life and don't like the direction it's going in. I don't have the best mental health and have always had trouble connecting with people in real life. I don't really know what else to say, I like watching sports and The Office. I made my profile picture in Microsoft paint to show off my artistic talents. If you want to talk to me for whatever reason I'm always open to talk.
OCD IS bad. Welcome :)
 
C

Catcatcat

New Member
Jun 26, 2020
1
11
Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!
 
mediocre

mediocre

stuck in an alternative universe
Nov 9, 2019
1,062
2,581
27
Ireland
Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!
welcome! fellow cat lover here. Do you have your own cats?
 
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mutedgoldensunshine

mutedgoldensunshine

Member
Jun 26, 2020
11
21
Hi all, I'm 19 and I've been lurking on this forum for some time and finnaly decided to create an account. I've suffered from depression and anxiety (mostly social) for a long time and im glad i found this website.

Btw do you think the mods would consider my avatar nsfw? Its so hard to think of what other people find normal
 
K

KibblesNBits

Veteran
May 30, 2020
137
305
Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!
Cats are great, aren't they? Mine are the only light left in my life.
 
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LetzteAusfahrt

LetzteAusfahrt

Swiss, exist until September 2020
Jun 27, 2020
11
23
52
Switzerland
Hello everybody,

i'm Dani from Switzerland

First of all a big thank you for being accepted into this family. Too bad I haven't found you before. Unfortunately my English is too bad, so I can only communicate with you via Google Translate. But that doesn't work too badly.

I'm not just here to find a suicide partner, but if it turns out that way, so much the better.

I am active in various German-language forums and try to support anyone planning and executing suicide who wants it.

It is inhumane how society deals with suicide that it is still a taboo subject.
Who gives them the right to forbid me to end my life myself. At a time chosen by me

Life that is completely meaningless and worthless.

Some information about me;
I am male, 52 years old and will kill myself in September 2020.

Unfortunately I have to wait a little longer because I want to keep a promise beforehand. Even though waiting is getting more and more difficult, I always stick to my vet.

I've been depressed for 37 years,
the past 25 years of which have been chronic.
Social phobia since childhood,
Socially isolated for 37 years,
was workaholic,
had 2 untreated burnout,
Complex PTSD
gay, coming out at the age of 30,
never had a relationship, never sex

Recently declined from normal status to welfare and emergency shelter.

In treatment for the first time
Medicines for the first time
(375mg venlafaxine).

Resigned and gave up, but now feel better than ever

I'm in treatment, therapist knows all my thoughts and plans.
 
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Vorty27

Vorty27

Freedom or Death
Jun 28, 2020
118
210
Europe
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for having me on these kind and caring forums. I use the name Vorty, but you may refer to me as Vortex or simply V. What can I say... I am a 26 year old male that lives by himself, mostly at home. Around 10 years ago, I began experiencing lots of depressive episodes due to reasons I wish not to dig too deep into, but all I can say is that abuse, bullying and being made fun of... It can lead to very bad emotions. The kind of emotions that develop into demons and tear you up from the inside out. Now all I am left with is harmful thoughts, 0 friends and not that much to look forward to. While I still can't share too much due to me being new and just registering here, I would like to say that I welcome pretty much anything and would never judge anyone for their views or actions. Interests include video games, art, music, whatever at this point. More than happy to be here and a huge thank you to SS for making my situation a bit more bearable. :smiling:
 
foreverlikethestars

foreverlikethestars

And this will be ours,
Jun 23, 2020
10
18
minnesota
hey everyone,

my main interests are psychology, philosophy, and music. without giving out too much information, i'm college age and living in minnesota. if you're from around here, or otherwise, and looking for a friend to chat with, feel free to DM me or ask for my discord.
 
Life.Journey.Unknown

Life.Journey.Unknown

Member
Feb 24, 2020
7
17
UK
Hello, I've been a member for a while but this is the first time I've posted.

Male,39,UK.
I need to reach out and say these things. These thoughts and feelings on my mind.

I cry and feel sad because I know I won't get better. Throughout my life I've tried to hold onto hope that things will change for the better and I will feel content and happy. Sometimes I feel ok, but then something happens and I'm thrown back to square one again. That deep knotted- stomach feel of depression and anxiety.

I don't have any enthusiasm or motivation or ambition anymore. I feel scared because I can't feel happiness and I'm losing hope.

I can visualise how I exit life. I see myself outside on a summer evening. I feel the cool refreshing breeze as I relax and drift away into peace with my method. The more I see it in my mind the more of a reality it feels. And the more of a comfort it becomes.
 
Chiyuki99

Chiyuki99

Member
May 28, 2019
64
104
21
Portugal
Hello everyone!

I am 21 years old and female. I don't suffer from depression and the reason I am here is mostly because I question life itself:
Why would want to grow old if it means having to work until I'm 65, during that time only having two days a week to do what I like doing and then living for 15 to 20 years more after retirement before dying? That's not worth it in my opinion and it is so boring and all the same for almost everyone.

Apart from this lack of respect for the circle of life I lead, what others would describe, a perfect life. I am smart, speak 5 languages, study abroad, pretty, tall, funny, etc. You name it.
I have August 2020 in mind to step out of life, thinking of taking cyanide and alcohol prior to hanging.
 
LetzteAusfahrt

LetzteAusfahrt

Swiss, exist until September 2020
Jun 27, 2020
11
23
52
Switzerland
Hello everyone!

I am 21 years old and female. I don't suffer from depression and the reason I am here is mostly because I question life itself:
Why would want to grow old if it means having to work until I'm 65, during that time only having two days a week to do what I like doing and then living for 15 to 20 years more after retirement before dying? That's not worth it in my opinion and it is so boring and all the same for almost everyone.

Apart from this lack of respect for the circle of life I lead, what others would describe, a perfect life. I am smart, speak 5 languages, study abroad, pretty, tall, funny, etc. You name it.
I have August 2020 in mind to step out of life, thinking of taking cyanide and alcohol prior to hanging.
Is German also one of the 5 languages?

I understand your derivation for the planned suicide very well. You have my congratulations on your decision.

Unfortunately, it took me too long to get the same enlightenment.
 
Chiyuki99

Chiyuki99

Member
May 28, 2019
64
104
21
Portugal
Is German also one of the 5 languages?

I understand your derivation for the planned suicide very well. You have my congratulations on your decision.

Unfortunately, it took me too long to get the same enlightenment.
Yes sir, German is my mother tongue and I was also born in Germany. How about you? Feel free to send me a direct message.

I came to that enlightenment this year and whenever I try to speak about it with someone outside of this forum I hear "well, get yourself a job you like/fill your life with things you like"
 
islima

islima

New Member
Jun 12, 2020
4
16
Hello, I am a 28 year old male from South Africa

I have been depressed since I was 12 that being said my teenage years were hell for me. I also suffer from social anxiety going outside to meet new people is a struggle and with my financial situation right now I cannot afford to go for therapy. For 10 years now nothing seems to make me happy, I don't find anything amusing. I have had two suicide attempt which both failed as stopped myself in both occasions. I am in this forum to find courage.
 
snuffcore

snuffcore

don’t forget those days that overflowed with love.
Jun 30, 2020
9
29
Hey. I’m a 19 year old guy. Been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, but wasn’t mentally ill until I became 15... typing it out makes me feel weak compared to everyone else here.

I’ve only seriously tried suicide once, before I turned 17, an overdose. I chickened out and ended up in the hospital for a week. At the end of my stay I was thankful for surviving, thinking things would get better. But they didn’t.

Have mediocrely tried hanging myself a couple times since then, nothing too serious. But now that I’ve found this forum I’m willing to go through it, and long as I can find the courage.

A few days ago my now ex boyfriend broke up with me. I guess it’s stupid to feel this bad over it, but he truly was the only light left for me as what I believe to be OCD becomes more and more crippling. My chances and hopes for a future have vanished once again.

Whatever... I like video games and horror. A little bit of anime too. Don’t really have any hobbies, not anymore. All I know is I’ll stay here until I get better, or die. I hope we can get along.
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
8,529
10,263
United States.
Hey. I’m a 19 year old guy. Been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, but wasn’t mentally ill until I became 15... typing it out makes me feel weak compared to everyone else here.

I’ve only seriously tried suicide once, before I turned 17, an overdose. I chickened out and ended up in the hospital for a week. At the end of my stay I was thankful for surviving, thinking things would get better. But they didn’t.

Have mediocrely tried hanging myself a couple times since then, nothing too serious. But now that I’ve found this forum I’m willing to go through it, and long as I can find the courage.

A few days ago my now ex boyfriend broke up with me. I guess it’s stupid to feel this bad over it, but he truly was the only light left for me as what I believe to be OCD becomes more and more crippling. My chances and hopes for a future have vanished once again.

Whatever... I like video games and horror. A little bit of anime too. Don’t really have any hobbies, not anymore. All I know is I’ll stay here until I get better, or die. I hope we can get along.
Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're having a rough time, hopefully you can recover but we got you either way. You'll get along fine here don't worry about it. Everyone is very kind, caring, and understanding.
Hello, I am a 28 year old male from South Africa

I have been depressed since I was 12 that being said my teenage years were hell for me. I also suffer from social anxiety going outside to meet new people is a struggle and with my financial situation right now I cannot afford to go for therapy. For 10 years now nothing seems to make me happy, I don't find anything amusing. I have had two suicide attempt which both failed as stopped myself in both occasions. I am in this forum to find courage.
I'd also like to welcome you here as well!
 
x51391225x

x51391225x

Member
Jul 1, 2020
27
37
29
New England
I just started replying on posts without seeing this haha.

I'm 29, female, US.
I live a very stereotypically perfect on paper suburban life. I have my dream job and everything else I could ever want. I have a house, two amazing kids, and a partner who is mostly amazing and loves them like his own but is incapable of emotionally supporting me.
I work in Human Services, as does my sister. My family are all mentally ill/neurodiverse in some way, very understanding, and we are very open.
I also have textbook rapid cycling Bipolar, an ED, generalized anxiety/panic disorder, and a whole slew of childhood trauma. I am regulated with meds and present very functionally. I am very self aware and emotionally intelligent.
I also have severe attachment/intimacy/abandonment issues which leads me to not be able to maintain healthy friendships or relationships. Every friendship or relationship I enter ends up toxic. I'm extremely empathetic, which leads to feeling used for that emotional labor very often.

I am the epitome of the person who seems like they have their shit completely together, but wants to CTB and no one who I tell gets why. I explained it on another thread as feeling like a prisoner of my own mind and it feels like the only way to truly be free. I've done so many horrible things, hurt so many people and been hurt so many times, and symptoms of mental illness are often the catalyst or cause. I can't imagine that this is "regulated" and I hate to think I would have to live the rest of my life like this. And I don't want to. The things that make me appealing to others are the things that destroy me.

I have had suicidal ideations since I was a child, but as I've gotten older, I just don't want to live like this with this much self hatred anymore, pretending like everything is great. I found this site by accident really, searching inconspicuous ways to do so. Thank you for having me!
 
Last edited:
ItsAllTooLate

ItsAllTooLate

Dancing on the razor's edge
Jul 1, 2020
46
84
Inside My Head
I'm a 23 year old female from the US with several traumatic brain injuries and heaps of social anxiety. I've attempted suicide eight times. I'm here because I fucked up the best relationship I ever had and I don't see myself making wise judgments in the future - I have a history of inherently poor decision making due to my brain injuries. My interests include psychology, cats, video games, music, and hypnosis.
 
lululoo

lululoo

Arcanist
Dec 15, 2018
563
2,747
Hello everybody,

i'm Dani from Switzerland

First of all a big thank you for being accepted into this family. Too bad I haven't found you before. Unfortunately my English is too bad, so I can only communicate with you via Google Translate. But that doesn't work too badly.

I'm not just here to find a suicide partner, but if it turns out that way, so much the better.

I am active in various German-language forums and try to support anyone planning and executing suicide who wants it.

It is inhumane how society deals with suicide that it is still a taboo subject.
Who gives them the right to forbid me to end my life myself. At a time chosen by me

Life that is completely meaningless and worthless.

Some information about me;
I am male, 52 years old and will kill myself in September 2020.

Unfortunately I have to wait a little longer because I want to keep a promise beforehand. Even though waiting is getting more and more difficult, I always stick to my vet.

I've been depressed for 37 years,
the past 25 years of which have been chronic.
Social phobia since childhood,
Socially isolated for 37 years,
was workaholic,
had 2 untreated burnout,
Complex PTSD
gay, coming out at the age of 30,
never had a relationship, never sex

Recently declined from normal status to welfare and emergency shelter.

In treatment for the first time
Medicines for the first time
(375mg venlafaxine).

Resigned and gave up, but now feel better than ever

I'm in treatment, therapist knows all my thoughts and plans.
If you feel better than ever, why do you still want to CTB? Just curious. Welcome.
 
J

JD8080

Member
Jun 28, 2020
6
8
Hello all ,
I am new here. 38years old hate my life and been contemplating shock for years. Now is the time.
 
LetzteAusfahrt

LetzteAusfahrt

Swiss, exist until September 2020
Jun 27, 2020
11
23
52
Switzerland
If you feel better than ever, why do you still want to CTB? Just curious. Welcome.
I know it sounds strange.

But since I made the decision to go to the CTB, I know that any problems will soon be irrelevant.
I can hide past and future and only think in the now. Can just take every day as it is.

But I also know that that's only because I'm going to kill myself.

If I decided to go on living, all the pain would be back.
 
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