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kinzokukae

kinzokukae

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hi, i'm kae (: i'd like to say i enjoy playing games, but to be honest, nowadays i play them in an attempt to escape boredom, though it never works lol. the one thing i can truly say i still enjoy though is music - always has been my biggest companion (:
 
Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

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hi, i'm kae (: i'd like to say i enjoy playing games, but to be honest, nowadays i play them in an attempt to escape boredom, though it never works lol. the one thing i can truly say i still enjoy though is music - always has been my biggest companion (:
Welcome Kae :hug:
 
A

Aftex

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Hey I'm from the UK and just found this amazing forum.

I've been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember as well as emotional detachment.

For once I'm actually quite content with myself now but that's only because I finally discovered that there are relatively peaceful ways of ending my life and I'm quite looking forward to the end now.
 
Reiraku

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hi, i'm kae (: i'd like to say i enjoy playing games, but to be honest, nowadays i play them in an attempt to escape boredom, though it never works lol. the one thing i can truly say i still enjoy though is music - always has been my biggest companion (:
Welcome, Kae. I get what you mean when you say games stop being fun. But it's better than just doing nothing and takes almost no energy, haha. What games do you play?
 
Oscar.in.the.closet

Oscar.in.the.closet

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Sup,
My life isn't particularly shitty but I seem to have lost all ability to find joy in anything I used to love. I used to use BDSM as a way to escape but now physical touch terrifies me. Most of my family I've lost to the care system and I was fostered by my aunt and Uncle. I've spent most of my life feeling guilty as my siblings lost their childhood but I was allowed to thrive. While I had swimming lessons and a nice home they were put in care homes, joined gangs, got cancer or were being sexually abused. I've spent my whole life watching them fall down constantly while I'm given almost everything I could ask for. I'm 18 now and I'm going to Uni this summer while my older brother has just got out of jail, my sister is a single mum who is addicted to just about everything and my younger siblings are all in care and I just feel so helpless. I wish my parents could have looked after all of us and not just me.

When I was like 12-15 I used to go on anonymous websites and let men talk to me in despicable ways and take advantage of my own lack of care for myself. I would send pictures to men who where years older than me and let them abuse me. I was careless and scared all at the same time and everything confused me, until I was sexually abused and I finally realised that it had to stop. I don't know how many people still have pictures of me from when I was a kid but it's a scary thought- it was essentially my version of self harm. I just think it would be easier for a lot of people fi I just wasn't here, my parents wanted a good Christian girl- my foster mum is a priest and I'm trans FTM- and my siblings could do without me rubbing my perfect life in their faces.

Sometimes life isn't on your side and sometimes it is but it's too hard to accept the good when you can't stop any of the bad reaching other people. I don't know if that makes any sense.
the plan is for me to do a drama degree and stuff but Idk if I'll make it to uni, by September I hope that I am dead
- Oscar
 
sufferingalways

sufferingalways

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Welcome, Kae. I get what you mean when you say games stop being fun. But it's better than just doing nothing and takes almost no energy, haha. What games do you play?

Hi there I have some puzzle games i try to keep up with, like slide it+ like the old ffteen tiles but with a twist. Another is emojies, a sliding piece puzzle. Quite a few on the tablet but after a time they get boring and im too sleepy to focus. What ones do you play?
 
B

Bend Sinister

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Hi,

Right now I'm in a living hell. Its always been rough but I am in hell. So, what would a forum in hell look like I ask .

It looks like this place. Lost souls and screams.

Mine are now part of the voice.
 
Reiraku

Reiraku

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Hi there I have some puzzle games i try to keep up with, like slide it+ like the old ffteen tiles but with a twist. Another is emojies, a sliding piece puzzle. Quite a few on the tablet but after a time they get boring and im too sleepy to focus. What ones do you play?
That sounds really chill. I mostly play JRPGs and a few shooter games.
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

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Hello everyone, just thought I'd introduce myself before starting to roam the forums. I'm Philosykos, made an account here to converse with like-minded people who understand and don't judge and because I feel like I'm steadily approaching the bus stop. I like bingeing tv series (currently on my 5th GoT binge... :shy:), reading, daydreaming and writing, yoga and walking, cat & dog person in equal measure. Can't think of anything else for now, it's really late here, but feel free to ask anything.
 
kinzokukae

kinzokukae

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Welcome, Kae. I get what you mean when you say games stop being fun. But it's better than just doing nothing and takes almost no energy, haha. What games do you play?


true (: tbh i mainly play games on my ipad since i don't have to get up to do so, but i do occasionally play animal crossing or splatoon on my switch (: what about you? i used to play games on pc too but i get distracted too quick lol
Hello everyone, just thought I'd introduce myself before starting to roam the forums. I'm Philosykos, made an account here to converse with like-minded people who understand and don't judge and because I feel like I'm steadily approaching the bus stop. I like bingeing tv series (currently on my 5th GoT binge... :shy:), reading, daydreaming and writing, yoga and walking, cat & dog person in equal measure. Can't think of anything else for now, it's really late here, but feel free to ask anything.


welcome (:
 
Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

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Hello everyone, just thought I'd introduce myself before starting to roam the forums. I'm Philosykos, made an account here to converse with like-minded people who understand and don't judge and because I feel like I'm steadily approaching the bus stop. I like bingeing tv series (currently on my 5th GoT binge... :shy:), reading, daydreaming and writing, yoga and walking, cat & dog person in equal measure. Can't think of anything else for now, it's really late here, but feel free to ask anything.

I was such a GoT fan... had all the seasons on DVD, rewatched them all probably 10 times...
Then season 8 happened.
Sold my DVDs, haven't looked back.

Welcome to the forums.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

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I try to relax as the situation is beyond my control and as someone on seal team said “a man never added a day to his life by worrying.”

Sooo … If I'm in a constant state of worry (usually I am) I can CTB sooner ??? :ahhha: At least one good thing can come from worrying too much. :wink:
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

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I was such a GoT fan... had all the seasons on DVD, rewatched them all probably 10 times...
Then season 8 happened.
Sold my DVDs, haven't looked back.

Welcome to the forums.

Haha, you're not the only one. I still can't really get over the fact that they took two years to make the last series and then came with that. All the storylines felt so... idk, anticlimactic? And I'm not even talking about Dany going full Targaryen on King's Landing; imo that one was actually fairly understandable and her sanity was kind of deteriorating over the years. But there were so many plotholes and others that were tied up in rather an unceremonious fashion. One of the very few redeeming moments for me was the reunion of Sansa and Tyrion. I actually enjoyed their dynamic a great deal throughout the series.
 
sufferingalways

sufferingalways

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Sooo … If I'm in a constant state of worry (usually I am) I can CTB sooner ??? :ahhha: At least one good thing can come from worrying too much. :wink:

Im sorry I didn’t mean to trivialise anyones pain. Ill ask admin to delete that.
 
Krash1990

Krash1990

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30/M/USA
I had everything I ever dreamed of, after a semi turbulent life up until 4 years ago when I met my wife, and now I’ve lost everything...

I fell in love with the most beautiful, amazing, funny woman I’ve ever met. We clicked so instantly and were best friends. We were into a lot of the same things and the things were weren’t both into initially , the other would find they liked it too most times.

We had two beautiful children together and she helped raise my two other children from my previous train wreck of a marriage.

I started a business(her dream business), we had a nice house, the dog she wanted since she was little, I told her she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen(and I mean it) everyday.

I asked her in the very beginning to JUST be faithful to me and she could be or whatever else she wanted. Every person I’ve ever been with for any length of time has cheated. EVERY. ONE.
It damaged me. I would literally cry and beg her to just be faithful to me. She would always hold me and kiss me and swear she would never hurt me like that.

Of course, 4 months ago she cheated on me while I was at home with our babies...

A month ago our house burned down because of something stupid and the police are saying it was intentional because the fire started in two places(in the same room), which is NOT true.
So, I lost everything I’ve built in an instant, twice, and they want to charge me with arson.

As God as my witness, it was not intentional, nor was the fire in two places.

So, me, with no criminal record, a pillar in my community because of my business(caring for the elderly), a loving husband and father, has now lost everything I care about aside from my children and I’m being threatened with 3-20 years in prison for something I didn’t do....

This is on top of a life of being poor with no dad, abusive boyfriends of my mother, my brother who was my best friend drowning at 19 yrs old, and my mother dying unexpectedly 2 years later of a heart attack at 57. I’m sure there is more but I can’t think properly anymore.


To make matters very slightly worse(lol) I came here to learn ways out, and suddenly I feel less able to do it when I was moments away prior to coming and reading stories here a few nights ago.

God feels like a big kid with a magnifying glass frying us ants.

Through all of this I have started drinking everyday. I can’t sleep more than 2-4 hours a night... I’m standing at the bus stop but I cant get on.
 
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sufferingalways

sufferingalways

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You don't have to have it deleted. I was just trying to be funny. Even though I worry a lot, I can still joke about it. :wink:
I don't know if it helps or not.

Oh i see. Sorry, i took you literally. Very foggy headed here.
I believe i have a similar outlook with some of my hardest issues, maybe a tension release in my case. Hiw are you feeling today?
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

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Oh i see. Sorry, i took you literally. Very foggy headed here.
I believe i have a similar outlook with some of my hardest issues, maybe a tension release in my case. Hiw are you feeling today?

No problem … I'm always foggy headed. :wink: I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I think mostly angry at myself for being like this.
 
Lydia

Lydia

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Hey,

I'm Lydia, 22, from England.
I would absolutely love to make friends on here, especially as the people on here tend to be open-minded and unjudgemental. Previously I was in contact with someone on here and we called regularly and met up in person, unfortunately now we have lost contact.
 
Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

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Hey,

I'm Lydia, 22, from England.
I would absolutely love to make friends on here, especially as the people on here tend to be open-minded and unjudgemental. Previously I was in contact with someone on here and we called regularly and met up in person, unfortunately now we have lost contact.

I have a niece named Lydia. I'll be your friend, if you want. I'm an old fart, but still a kid at heart.
 
Acerakis

Acerakis

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Hi, I am Alex, 28M Southwest UK.

I was actually improving over the last year but lockdown has destroyed all that work and now I am lower than ever. I don't have anyone to talk to about this as anyone I know has their own shit going on and I don't want to trouble them. Current news around the world is convincing me things are only going to get worse and I can't take it. I have made one attempt in the past which was very spur of the moment and not thought out. I was getting things together for another attempt about 2 years ago but was caught.
 
sufferingalways

sufferingalways

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30/M/USA
I had everything I ever dreamed of, after a semi turbulent life up until 4 years ago when I met my wife, and now I’ve lost everything...

I fell in love with the most beautiful, amazing, funny woman I’ve ever met. We clicked so instantly and were best friends. We were into a lot of the same things and the things were weren’t both into initially , the other would find they liked it too most times.

We had two beautiful children together and she helped raise my two other children from my previous train wreck of a marriage.

I started a business(her dream business), we had a nice house, the dog she wanted since she was little, I told her she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen(and I mean it) everyday.

I asked her in the very beginning to JUST be faithful to me and she could be or whatever else she wanted. Every person I’ve ever been with for any length of time has cheated. EVERY. ONE.
It damaged me. I would literally cry and beg her to just be faithful to me. She would always hold me and kiss me and swear she would never hurt me like that.

Of course, 4 months ago she cheated on me while I was at home with our babies...

A month ago our house burned down because of something stupid and the police are saying it was intentional because the fire started in two places(in the same room), which is NOT true.
So, I lost everything I’ve built in an instant, twice, and they want to charge me with arson.

As God as my witness, it was not intentional, nor was the fire in two places.

So, me, with no criminal record, a pillar in my community because of my business(caring for the elderly), a loving husband and father, has now lost everything I care about aside from my children and I’m being threatened with 3-20 years in prison for something I didn’t do....

This is on top of a life of being poor with no dad, abusive boyfriends of my mother, my brother who was my best friend drowning at 19 yrs old, and my mother dying unexpectedly 2 years later of a heart attack at 57. I’m sure there is more but I can’t think properly anymore.


To make matters very slightly worse(lol) I came here to learn ways out, and suddenly I feel less able to do it when I was moments away prior to coming and reading stories here a few nights ago.

God feels like a big kid with a magnifying glass frying us ants.

Through all of this I have started drinking everyday. I can’t sleep more than 2-4 hours a night... I’m standing at the bus stop but I cant get on.

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear all those heartbreaking things happened to you! Big hugs! I know it doesn't take away your pains, and that's one hell of a horrible situation to be in right now. Sorry to hear also about your mum. That's tragic, and your brother. I can't find the right words to say. Dumbfounded with shock for all that you've been through. **hugs**
Hi, I am Alex, 28M Southwest UK.

I was actually improving over the last year but lockdown has destroyed all that work and now I am lower than ever. I don't have anyone to talk to about this as anyone I know has their own shit going on and I don't want to trouble them. Current news around the world is convincing me things are only going to get worse and I can't take it. I have made one attempt in the past which was very spur of the moment and not thought out. I was getting things together for another attempt about 2 years ago but was caught.

hi you're not alone, the lockdown has pissed all over my life too. I'm in the Uk as well. If you need to chat, my conversation /DM's open. Feeling shit and having nobody to talk to is impossible to cope with. Even if I'm not on here every day I'll reply when I'm back on. **hugs**
 
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wagwoo

wagwoo

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HI, I'm Leon. 21 USA.
I like to draw when in the mood and spend my time daydreaming of cool stories when I'm not suffering.

I like anime, gaming and most genres of music with the exception of a lot of radio songs.

I was diagnosed with manic depression and also deal with a painful chronic illness. Life sucks but there are some things in my life that could lead to a less painful existence, we'll just have to wait and see. Feel free to say hi, I'm up to talk about anything.
 
Krash1990

Krash1990

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Hello my friend.!
I would suggest taking a test for Lyme disease and coinfections from a THIRD PARTY. The test your garbage is 75-85% incorrect.

This is the only thing that helped me cure my depression.

Of course now a stressor(multiples actually) will cause the bacteria to come out of their hiding stage l(persister) we don’t have a reliable cure yet but we have a lot of promises. Find out if they could be true for you.

please exhaust all other resourcesnodes you take your own lie.

I understand youre ina hard place. I’ve been there, I over fame it. My issue is that I married the “woman of my dreams” after her telling me she has cheated on EVERY PERSON SHE EVER DATED.

The love I had for her and the compassionate companionship she had for me was amazing...
However, that ended in her cheating on me after so begged and cried for her to just be faithful. I told her she could be anything f she a wanted to be as long as she was faithful. Whether she wanted to gain 300lbs, or not work, or not change diapers of our children, etc et.
 
I

Irrelevant biologist

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Hi everyone. I am 40 and female with a beautiful daughter and a meaningless marriage. My dad killed himself GSW a few months ago and I have a restraining order against my mom who rang my doorbell and threatened to kill herself on my doorstep. I have no reason to be here except for my kiddo. I work in a laboratory and my coworkers hate me because of my lack of social skills. I drink. Alot.

I have a beautiful daughter.
 
NorthernStar

NorthernStar

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Hi all - I am 47-year-old female (but I read at a 48-year-old level). I currently live in the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood of Manhattan with my soon-to-be-ex husband and our cat. (The divorce will be amicable - and I am fond of his gf.) I just am going through a lot of stress because I will be moving back to California to take care of my 85-year-old mom in my go-nowhere hometown.

I will be giving up my nice apartment, my relationship, my city, and most importantly, my cat. He is very fond of my husband and it wouldn’t be fair to him to drag him across country to a scary new place.

I work remotely so I will be able to see my cat when I travel back for my job in NY. But otherwise, the life I’ve known for the past 13 years will be gone. I’m scared shitless.

Like the woman above me, I too drink a lot. I get very depressed when that occurs and I envision jumping off my 9th floor terrace.

I like to diffuse tension with bad jokes and worse puns. And sometimes photos of my cat. Here’s one of each. Thanks for reading.

”I’m gonna tell you a short joke about potassium. K?”

 
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