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  • Thread starter Sanctioned Suicide
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  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

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femalewithdepression

femalewithdepression

Member
Apr 28, 2020
40
120
Hi y’all!
I have a lot on my mind but I’ll keep this short and simple.
  • 22 years old
  • College student
  • Diagnosed with depression
  • Spent weeks in a mental institution
  • Have had multiple suicide attempts
  • Has no motivation
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,410
8,617
Just popping in to welcome all the new members to the forum! This is a wonderful community full of kind, caring, and supportive people. Feel free to reach out at anytime with questions, thoughts, concerns, or even just to vent a bit.
 
guacamole

guacamole

New Member
Apr 27, 2020
3
10
Hi! Long-time lurker here.
I am a 23 year old female from Scandinavia, struggling with BPD and depression. Somehow I am still in uni but struggling quite alot. Very happy and grateful for this community, glad I joined :-)
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
7,410
8,617
Hi! Long-time lurker here.
I am a 23 year old female from Scandinavia, struggling with BPD and depression. Somehow I am still in uni but struggling quite alot. Very happy and grateful for this community, glad I joined :-)
BPD and Depression are almost a prerequisite for joining this community, welcome!
 
femalewithdepression

femalewithdepression

Member
Apr 28, 2020
40
120
Hi! Long-time lurker here.
I am a 23 year old female from Scandinavia, struggling with BPD and depression. Somehow I am still in uni but struggling quite alot. Very happy and grateful for this community, glad I joined :-)
Hey girl!!!
Always here to chat when you need ❤ So glad you’re here !
 
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moodygrl

moodygrl

Member
Apr 25, 2020
71
93
Hi everybody, Im also kinda new here, been lurking for a while before I decided to join. I first became suicidal 3 years ago at 29 when I figured out how messed up I am. I wish I could cease to exist. Ive got nobody to blame for my decision but myself.
so thanks for having this forum up and letting me take part.
cheers :)
 
torturedbylife

torturedbylife

Enemy of the world
May 2, 2020
101
208
Hello there
I'm 19f from Europe and i'm here because i'm sick of the way life has treated me.
What I struggle with the most is loneliness. I've always been ostracized,bullied and pushed away. My family is emotionally and verbally abusive to me and destroyed my life even more.
Right now I don't have any friends or partner and I feel inferior because of this since everyone else seems to have friends and/or partner. I'm like a scared stray animal. I just need some warmth and someone to talk to. But life won't allow me to even have those, so here I am. Wanting to end everything asap.
 
NekoNomNom

NekoNomNom

One drop of love from him and my hearts in ecstacy
May 3, 2020
114
342
Hello. I've struggled with depression since I was about 12, which was also the first time I tried to CTB. I'm 27 now, and certain things in my life have happened which have prolonged my stay here. However, after recent events, I feel that my time has finally come. Although, I must admit that I am terrified to leave my child. I know that if I weren't a parent, then I would have no issue with leaving.

I used to enjoy video games and reading. Now all I've been doing for the last two months is work and lay in bed, watching YouTube or other such things. I feel incredibly useless and guilty that I haven't been a good parent, which only adds to this feeling of hopelessness.

I'm also incredibly tired.
 
kyle

kyle

Sleeping away all my problems
May 3, 2020
64
79
I’m a 26 year old male who works for a crisis outpatient center and helps kids and teenagers for a living. I still have very much hope in life still, but it’s slowly decreasing. I have a dog. That’s probably about it.
 
Oh_dear_how_Gastly

Oh_dear_how_Gastly

*clutches pearls*
Apr 30, 2020
15
244
Hello. I'm in my late 20s and have been struggling with depression and anxiety issues for about 16 years or so.

It really took a turn for the worse a few years ago and I haven't been able to recover from this severe depressive episode which features severe panic disorder as well.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time and have attempted once. Unfortunately I'm still here as you can see.

I'm trying my best trying all sorts of different treatments but it is very exhausting. Each time a treatment fails I lose a little bit more hope. Eventually I fear I'll have no more hope left. I guess that will be my cue to exit.

It's really nice to be here on this forum, with others who can understand the struggles and pain that cause a person to want to leave this world.

Thank you if you took the time to read this ❤
 
S

sufferingalways

Member
Apr 26, 2020
20
32
Hello there, just joined this forum and seen your post. That's absolutely horrendous! I have heard a few nightmares about drugs. I was sectioned sometime during the 90's and it still haunts me the drugs and what they did to me. Nowadays apart from pain meds and headache (migraine) meds I am anti drugs. (causes some dilemma within me regards CTB).
So sorry to hear what happened to you, and I completely understand how devastated you must have been feeling and now, still.
Here's a (*hug*) - if that's okay?
I’m a 26 year old male who works for a crisis outpatient center and helps kids and teenagers for a living. I still have very much hope in life still, but it’s slowly decreasing. I have a dog. That’s probably about it.
hello there kyle, sorry to hear you feel decreasing hope. I feel similar, but at the moment I can't find the words, things are foggy in my mind, not had much sleep the past 2 yrs. Struggling with landlord abuse. Going through the system to try and get it sorted, at this point now I think it will end up as a court order to get them to finish repair that causes lost sleep every night.
Feel free to reply if you want. What's your dog's name and what breed? I used to have a border collie with the family from about age 12. Dogs are great companions . ;-)
 
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The_doomer

The_doomer

New Member
Jan 9, 2020
2
9
Hi guys, i'm 22m from norway.
I've had sleep problems all my life. If it could be treated at one point really doesn't matter by now because i basically cant sleep sober now. Last time i laid off the sauce i spent 70hours awake unable to sleep. Then i was awake 36 hours and slowly made my way down to 16 between sleep but spending my entire day getting ready for sleep and the last 6 being a ritual wore me out in a week. Slipped up and accidently was awake for 27 hours then i gave up again. Especially since sleep was nightmares and sleep paralyzis every time. Before DT fucked my sleep up my record was 40 hours but from 15 to 19 years old i'd skip sleep between school 2-3 times a week.

Treatment for it now is hopeless because medicals only focus on my alcohol abuse, depression and maybe my anxiety. Tell me to lay off the screens a few hours before i go to bed. I tried it all and even if i sleep its just work to be covered in bugs, get chased by demons or "wake up" except i'm paralyzed. Waking up is simple, i jam my eyes open but its uncomfortable and it takes a while to figure out its a dream.

Also, no friends or gf.
 
Iamnotperminant92

Iamnotperminant92

Alien visitor
May 4, 2020
54
73
27 year old person. Assigned male st birth but I think I might be trans but I’m also likely possibly messed up from Trauma. I think I still could be happier as a woman but I live with conservative family and transness is either a joke or a political (read liberal brainwashing) thing. Been seriously questioning my gender only since early 2017. Family + likelihood of CTB + American hellthcare = not likely to transition anyway.
I’m a college dropout (Wayne State Uni. I don’t recommend it.) Single and underemployed. Vision and hearing issues. History of Depression and Anxiety + Seasonal Affective Disorder. Undiagnosed OCD since I was 10, started as Pure O but I’ve self harmed on bad days recently. Mostly Harm/Relationship/scrupulosity. (‘I am the contagion’ styles of OCD I don’t like going into details too much.)
On a positive note, one of the things keeping me here is that I regularly interact on a spiritual radio show which I speak on on a weekly basis. The only other thing is that my mother needs help with the rent so I pay her half of my SSI. Though I feel like if I CTB yes she would be grieving but it would open up opportunities for her to move to be around her grandchildren.
 
kyle

kyle

Sleeping away all my problems
May 3, 2020
64
79
Hello there, just joined this forum and seen your post. That's absolutely horrendous! I have heard a few nightmares about drugs. I was sectioned sometime during the 90's and it still haunts me the drugs and what they did to me. Nowadays apart from pain meds and headache (migraine) meds I am anti drugs. (causes some dilemma within me regards CTB).
So sorry to hear what happened to you, and I completely understand how devastated you must have been feeling and now, still.
Here's a (*hug*) - if that's okay?


hello there kyle, sorry to hear you feel decreasing hope. I feel similar, but at the moment I can't find the words, things are foggy in my mind, not had much sleep the past 2 yrs. Struggling with landlord abuse. Going through the system to try and get it sorted, at this point now I think it will end up as a court order to get them to finish repair that causes lost sleep every night.
Feel free to reply if you want. What's your dog's name and what breed? I used to have a border collie with the family from about age 12. Dogs are great companions . ;-)
Thanks! Landlord abuse must suck. Sending support!
My dog is a Great Dane, she’s super cute but very food aggressive though. Border collies are very snuggly. I had one at age 8.
 
SpareWheel

SpareWheel

I go on holidays by mistake
May 4, 2020
359
463
Hi, my name is T, or at least that's what many people call me, I'm 41, been dealing with major episodes of depression since 2003, and I wasn't even that happy before that in all honesty. I play the electric guitar, badly, I love music of all genres except C&W and mainstream pap, and I'm a huge video game fan. I'm here to make sure when I do take the plunge, I don't mess it up. I don't want to be a failure at suicide as well as life.
 
S

sufferingalways

Member
Apr 26, 2020
20
32
Thanks! Landlord abuse must suck. Sending support!
My dog is a Great Dane, she’s super cute but very food aggressive though. Border collies are very snuggly. I had one at age 8.
hi kyle, thank you for support.
yes its very catch 22, im at a point most would suggest take them to court. plumbing fault make a noise keeping us awake. think it's going to be a court order. the new homes act will make it easier and the courts guide layman through the process so (deep breath), must make these first steps.

im unable to wake up til very late, plus im housebound with sleep deprivation so .. er .. it will be hard unless my friend goes in my place.

aw great danes are nice. yes, the collie girl was good snuggly friend, and almost seemed to have conversations with us sometimes. now i have 2 cats, who are adopted from cats protection charity. both teenage now, one's 17 this year, the other will be 16.
how are you feeling today? i'm a bit upsest because here we have a house across the road, they let dog bark for long times and we cant open windows. its hard to breathe in this situation so we are dealing with environment people at athe council. girl seems a little elusive.
first 'can you give me your phone number?"

so my friend did.

then another email "can you give me your address so i can progress the complaint?" so he did

then "please fill out diary sheets so i can progress the complaint"

feels like the old joke how to keep idiots happy. council bods ... not always the full shilling! unreliable sometimes (often) but joke fodder.
sorry, rant over.
 
Fumito

Fumito

May 1, 2020
251
356
(inb4 late introduction)

hi. american in my late teens. i like to read a lot of fiction and i have a really cute cat.
 
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SpareWheel

SpareWheel

I go on holidays by mistake
May 4, 2020
359
463
(inb4 late introduction)

hi. american in my late teens. i like to read a lot of fiction and i have a really cute cat.
Do you happen to be a Supervillain too? Cute cats seem to be part of the whole Supervillain repertoire, that and an underground base.
 
purplesmoothie

purplesmoothie

Member
Sep 13, 2018
29
31
Hi guys. Im Lizzie. I feel ugly and want to die because of that. I have swollen tear glands which make me super self conscious and i have been on this site for awhile after two attempts by myself. I had damage from the second attempt of a heroin overdose. I'm not positive I want to die anymore but I still think about it a lot. If I stop feeling ugly I probably won't be suicidal.
 
Fumito

Fumito

May 1, 2020
251
356
Do you happen to be a Supervillain too? Cute cats seem to be part of the whole Supervillain repertoire, that and an underground base.
why yes, i am a supervillain. when you're not paying attention, i snap my supervillain fingers and tangle your headphones using dark magic abilities. its hard work but it's a job that must be done. >:)
 
A

Adamsnolife

Member
May 5, 2020
19
26
Hi there. My name is Adam and from the UK. North Yorkshire to be precise. Just another person who is a burden to this world. Failing many things even relationships. I don't know really. Life is so so complicated. Thankfully I found this place and from what I read, it looks like a place to have a good conversation or message with the same people in the same boat if you get what I mean
 
TheFishingDude

TheFishingDude

Member
Oct 28, 2018
73
878
Hello,

I have been here since October 2018 and never introduced myself.
  • I am a 36 year old male from Israel
  • Not in employment, not studying (NEET)
  • Diagnosed with depression, have social anxiety and agoraphobia
  • Had one suicide attempt but didn't go through it

I haven't been much active on the forum and in the chat and I kind of regret that because now I see many people that I once knew are no longer with us. I was in recovery but in recent 2 months I started participating in chat. I prefer chat because I English is not my first language, I have problem following content and with reading comprehension. I am slow because I have some kind of information processing issue. Because of that I am also incompetent and can't work. I no longer receive disability benefits because I appear normal to people. They don't see that I have a problem when I do.
 
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SpareWheel

SpareWheel

I go on holidays by mistake
May 4, 2020
359
463
why yes, i am a supervillain. when you're not paying attention, i snap my supervillain fingers and tangle your headphones using dark magic abilities. its hard work but it's a job that must be done. >:)
Ah, so that was you! You must have been slightly miffed when I invested in Bluetooth cans and earbuds. Soon got your own back though, you just mess up all the endless wires behind my TV now, they're even worse to sort out. Damn you Lord Wiretangle!
 
Borabora

Borabora

Member
May 6, 2020
29
39
Hello everyone,
First of all, I am very grateful for finding this pro-choice site. Thank you to the founders of this site for creating this forum for like minded people to interact. I also wish to thank the members here for sharing their thoughts. I am new here. I will briefly introduce myself as appropriate.

I am an Asian female and live in Canada. Just briefly, I suppose you can say that I did all the right things in life. I am just at a point in my life where I feel I have lived enough (I am 47 years old). I feel I have done all the things I was born to do. I believe that we are all born to do the things we are supposed to do (what ever that may be. I believe in a Creator). I believe (my own thoughts only), we are born to somehow live our life purpose, learn on earth, love others, etc.) and once we fulfill our life purpose, we go. I am a member of Exit International. They have found that there is now another new reason why people wish to 'ctb.' P.N (the founder of Exit) says he noticed this phenomenon of people who have 'lived enough' and so wish to die. I feel that I am one of those people. So, I manage to find this forum.

- thank you for taking the time to read my post 'Borabora.'
 
MarsFx

MarsFx

Member
May 7, 2020
64
85
Hi, I'm 30 gay female in California.
I've been depressed and suicidal since I was about 15. At the time, I think I just felt like I wasn't meant to live that long.

Today I woke up to a 3 day notice on my door, and email from my company saying they wanted me to come to work for a significant pay decrease that will not sustain me living on my own. I will not move back in with my parents. I'm only high school educated, and don't come from money to even go to school if I wanted to. My niece and nephews were probably the strongest anchors I had to keeping me in this world, but my sister recently decided homosexuality isn't something that should be displayed in front of them. So that leaves me with just my dog, and although I love him I don't think he's enough anymore.
 
shipwreck

shipwreck

Member
May 7, 2020
25
33
Hi everyone,
I'm male in my 50's in California. I've lurked for a while on this site and been really impressed with the level of empathy and support that on display here. It's refreshing to find a forum where members can talk about difficult topics and find acceptance, non-judgment and ready help. I joined so that I can ask questions and hopefully offer some useful answers and perspectives.

Thank you for reading,
-shipwreck
 
Xaria86

Xaria86

Surviving......just.
Feb 25, 2020
77
143
Hey, I have been a member since February and have posted a few things but usually I just lurk quietly. I am not a huge sharer when it comes to how I’m feeling and that is sometimes a problem for me. I am female, 34 and from the UK.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t have clinical depression , think I started to accept I was unwell when I was 30! But I had been unwell for a long time before that. I have had around 4 suicide attempts and one hospital admission but only so I had a “safe place”. I have wanted to ctb for around 5 years now and haven’t managed to leave this earth due to my dogs. I love them more than anything and they are what is keeping me here at the moment. I purchased SN and that is my first choice when and if I ctb and my second choice is carbon monoxide or hanging. I also suffer from anxiety and this has been since 2012. Combined with my clinical depression it is a crappy combination.

I have witnessed people ctb on here and I respect every since one of them, the bravery that takes is unbelievable and I always wish them the peace and happiness they have longed for once they are on the other side. I really don’t know if I wish to recover or if I have the energy to recover , I think if and when I choose to ctb it’s going to be when something goes awfully wrong for me or I lose someone very close to me like my mother or father and I do it spur of the moment. But for now I am taking my daily medication and enjoying the laughs and smiles my little dogs give me.

So nice to meet you all and happy to chat with anyone in the UK and around my age. Thanks to this forum I feel less “mental” and it’s good to be in a place where people understand and can relate to how I feel on a daily basis.
 
bunny mage

bunny mage

Member
Apr 27, 2020
40
40
Hey. I’m... I don’t really identify with any names any more. Just call me Sans if you want I don’t care.

I like anime, teen titans, Pokemon, world of Warcraft and writing. I like mine craft but only for pixemon and the occasional building/biome/other mods. I’m a builder and not a fighter - I like making armour to wear in games and stuff but I don’t PVP or even enjoy PVE a lot. I just like creating. And creating stories... characters. I’m not good at anything and I’m always the annoying friend but I’ve been trying my best.

I got things wrong the first times I tried tbut this time I want to get it right. A few years ago I tried. Knowing what I know now... I know I wouldn’t change my mind.
 
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