I'm killing myself because of my appearance

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HereToday

HereToday

Master
Dec 27, 2019
411
1,220
No offence to anyone, but it seems that no one on here understands body dysmorphia. If OP has body dysmorphia, plastic surgery won't change anything. They'll still hate their body no matter how 'perfect' it is. It's the same reason Michael Jackson had so many nose jobs even after his nose was 'perfect' by society's standards, he still hated it and had more and more surgeries until he couldn't continue. Because the problem wasn't actually his nose, it was the way his brain perceived it.
Not to mention plastic surgery isn't an option for the vast majority of people as it's so expensive.

OP I wish I could advise you, but I have body dysmorphia myself and know how useless words are in this situation. Have you seen a professional about this?
 
antivita

antivita

Member
Dec 30, 2018
32
165
So you listed obesity and acne scarring, both of which you can do something about. You are ahead of a lot of people because you know the cause of your mental illness

why not do something about it instead of just giving up? If you truly feel ugly due to being overweight, hit the gym! The progress alone will bring a smile.

Secondly I know plenty of people who have had their acne scarring treated. You wouldn’t even know they had any now, and I believe it’s pretty inexpensive
1) I mentioned loose skin from weight loss, not obesity. The hard work has already been put in and my body is still a disaster.

2) Just “hitting the gym” isn’t easy at ALL. Took me years and even then it wasn’t easy. Also, it’s not about the gym, it’s about a lifestyle change and eating differently.

3) Treatments are expensive for the kind I need, requiring thousands of dollars and time off for healing. You are definitely not the first person the bring this up, so I feel I should probably emphasize that I have severe rolling scars. I would need about 3-5 laser treatments to get into “not totally distracting territory.” I have gone to dermatologists for discussions about this.

I know you’re trying to help, but talking about this stuff as if it’s just an easy/quick fix is actually kind of unhelpful. You’re on a forum for severely depressed people with suicidal ideation. These issues run way deeper. It might be easy for you, but everyone struggles with different things. So thank you, but going to the gym won’t solve my problems.

Edit: Tonally, this comes off way more bitchy than intended. I hope you take this as more informative than anything, I wasnt trying to be rude. Sorry!
Rolling scars are extremely responsive to treatment, and a lot of women are covered in stretch marks, myself included. My legs are covered, thighs, calves, butt, hips.

I consider myself well versed in acne scars. I just left my surgeons office today, and I've been researching acne scar revision for 6 years. If you do ever consider seeking advice or treatment feel free to reach out to me. You might already be aware of the options.

I've dealt with facial deformity for 7 years now. I've been working with a surgeon for 6 months and will continue for a few years. I'd bet money you're not as severe as I am, but death is your right. Just saying at the very least your facial scarring is perfectly treatable, and if it's only on one side? The loose skin is treatable too but probably ranging out of affordable.
I think it’s on my right side mostly because I sleep on that side. I have minor scarring on my left side around the chin/lips area but that part doesn’t bother me as much. In terms of treatment, the scarring will never fully go away. I will never have normal skin and it will always be noticeable. I was told 70% improvement at best for an exorbitant amount of money. I am saving though, and if I have any questions I will reach out. Thank you for offering.

Hopefully I can get insurance to cover removal of skin around my stomach, but it’s unlikely to be covered fully. I’d take anything I can get though and pay the rest out pocket. Even then I will not only have scars, but still have loose skin left over. I reccomend that people look up videos of before and afters of people with skin removal surgeries rather than pictures to really see how much skin is still there.
No offence to anyone, but it seems that no one on here understands body dysmorphia. If OP has body dysmorphia, plastic surgery won't change anything. They'll still hate their body no matter how 'perfect' it is. It's the same reason Michael Jackson had so many nose jobs even after his nose was 'perfect' by society's standards, he still hated it and had more and more surgeries until he couldn't continue. Because the problem wasn't actually his nose, it was the way his brain perceived it.
Not to mention plastic surgery isn't an option for the vast majority of people as it's so expensive.

OP I wish I could advise you, but I have body dysmorphia myself and know how useless words are in this situation. Have you seen a professional about this?
I considered plastic surgery very seriously (and am still considering it) and no one said anything about my requests being unnecessary. I’m not trying to become hot/pretty. I’m literally just trying to be a normal person.

Does it really count as body dysmorphia if my body actually looks the way I perceive it? I was 300+ pounds - I’m not being dramatic when I say these things.

I’m sorry you feel the same way, I’ll be sending love to you.
 
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H

Hindsightis2020

Member
Jun 14, 2019
24
447
I would really recommend skipping dermatologists and aesthetician and jump right into plastic surgeon territory. Dermatologists are useless.

I understand. We're about 3.5k in and I'm about 60%. If you're ever comfortable sharing if I could see the case I could recommend a path to 75-90%. If I know your approximate location I can see if I know the most reputable people from the area. I know we'll never have glass smooth skin but to have better skin is a freeing experience. Fuck, I'd even drop the cash to improve and die with better facial skin. It torn me up alive, I know how that feels. Just offering a hand as a fellow sufferer.
 
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antivita

antivita

Member
Dec 30, 2018
32
165
I would really recommend skipping dermatologists and aesthetician and jump right into plastic surgeon territory. Dermatologists are useless.

I understand. We're about 3.5k in and I'm about 60%. If you're ever comfortable sharing if I could see the case I could recommend a path to 75-90%. If I know your approximate location I can see if I know the most reputable people from the area. I know we'll never have glass smooth skin but to have better skin is a freeing experience. Fuck, I'd even drop the cash to improve and die with better facial skin. It torn me up alive, I know how that feels. Just offering a hand as a fellow sufferer.
The best I can do is show you a comparison photo I’ve been using. Also, I live in an expensive city so I looked at traveling pretty far to find reasonable prices. I’d be willing to go anywhere as long as plane ticket costs don’t outweigh savings.
 

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freaky3600

freaky3600

Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.
Jan 11, 2020
15
44
It's a bummer you feel that way about your looks. I'm no stunner by any means and think most people are better looking than me and I have done OK. I think women are judged a bit more harshly but there's definitely people who would dig you I am sure. You come off very self-aware, intelligent and seem like you'd be great company to be around.

I bet if you'd put yourself out there you'd find that people will be into you. It's a catch-22 of course. Put yourself out there to find people but you can't put yourself out there because you're afraid no one will like you.

There are tons of insecure people out there going through the same thing. It's a tough thing to get past for sure. Hang in there though and reach out to everyone here if you need some support. We got your back!

That pic is not bad at all. We're all far from perfect. If that lady in the pic gave me a smile, I'd be over the moon. I'd still think there's no way she's interested in a bum like me. That's how our shitty brains work sometimes. :notsure:
 
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Hindsightis2020

Member
Jun 14, 2019
24
447
what country are you in? and what treatments are you already looking into?
 
Crushed_Innocence

Crushed_Innocence

Hungry Ghost
Oct 16, 2019
238
638
Im killing myself party
Because of how i look too I'm obese again
 
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Hindsightis2020

Member
Jun 14, 2019
24
447
In the US, and fractionated or micro-needling with laser at the same time
If it's similar to your example. start with subcision. Good thing is that's usually extremely affordable, some people combine that with fillers to get optimal results. That's optional depending on your budget. you need to untether the scars.

that's step one, next is Radio frequency (RF) micro needling. 3 session, this is where the cost steps in. I spent 3100 on 3 sessions. Usually 3-8 sessions are recommended but we need to look at what you can afford. I did 3, amazing results. Infini or Genius RF, I wouldn't go to the other devices, there are a few on the market but Genius RF is the best device available now.

so RF does not help the surface too too much, it's lifting the deeper levels, so you will want a resurfacing. So you have the choice from there. That's either going to be a medium to deep peel or whatever laser resurfacing your trusted provider offers.

Go to Acne.org to their scar treatments forum. A lot of resources there, and you can post for advice as well.

Please keep in touch anytime.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Wise
Jan 11, 2020
276
409
I also know you didn't mean it like this, but my experiences aren't illusions. They are my lived realities. I could argue that your perspective is illusory and idealistic, but its your experience so it has validity in your life, even if I don't understand it. I think that's an important perspective to maintain when choosing language like that.

Thank you so much for your response. It's clear this is something you care about and I'm really grateful you are trying to help me change my mindset. To have someone put that much effort into something that has to do with me is really nice.
Not trying to detract from your amazing discussion with Hindsightis!

If it's all right, I'd like to clarify. You are correct that I did not mean your experiences are illusions, and it is indeed important to maintain perspective when using that word. I did not make the perspective clear enough. By illusions, I mean the false messages one believes to be real/valid/factual which have the power to guide our views and actions. Your thoughtful and assertive responses to me and others throughout this thread show clearly and consistently that you are not a weak person. I acknowledge and respect your right to define yourself, and I am aware of the paradox that I am rejecting and arguing against your self-definition. I do not know you, and I do not know what caused such a belief, only that it sounds like a false message that created an illusion.

I concede there may be credence that my views are illusory or idealistic. I don't have any idealism left, so from where I am they are grounded and stand up to testing. As far as illusory, my first response is that I have worked hard over decades, with the input of a variety of unrelated sources, to arrive at them. However, perhaps after peeling away so many layers of illusion, they are simply another layer. I used to feel solid in my religious beliefs, which I now identify as illusions, so perhaps one day I may arrive at the realization that these were illusions as well. Conversely, perhaps one day you will see value or validity that you cannot perceive now because you will need to arrive at them for yourself.

There are many people who are willing to put forth effort for you to help you change your mindset, if it in fact needs to be changed. You made the effort to write a post that was honest, candid, and vulnerable. You have reaped honest and candid responses. No one is negating you, only negating the false messages that you are ugly, weak, incapable, unlovable, and that the problems you identified are insurmountable. Consider a person who restricts their food intake as the only viable way they can see to have some control over their own body. Similarly, you may see cbt as potentially the only way to have control over your life, or at least as potentially the best, and it is seductive, even though you know that living on your own would address that need. You experience others' shit talking as an insurmountable obstacle to pursuing that goal. I am not making you wrong or minimizing you, I am making wrong and minimizing the obstacle. I am saying the boogey man isn't the boogey man but an insect with no poison and no bite. Others here are doing the same with your scars and loose skin and beliefs that you are unattractive and undesirable. We are all in some way seeing you as you *are,* and seeing your incredible potential that you are not yet seeing because there are illusions competing for your attention and appear to you as real.

I respect boundaries and others' rights to autonomy and self-determination, so I get miffed when I see someone on this forum I believe to be pushing a survival agenda on another because it serves them rather than the person they likely believe in their heart they are trying to serve. I am positive that is not what is happening on this thread. People are trying to convince you because there are so many other ways to view your issues. They are showing you alternative paths, real solutions, a more accurate view of yourself, and hope -- not idealistic hope, but practical, actual hope.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Wise
Jan 11, 2020
276
409
I don't want to cross any boundaries or make the OP uncomfortable, so I'll drop off this thread as I've said my peace and I don't want to make your thread about me. I very much respect it is your life and your decisions, and I would hate for you to feel any pressure or unmerited obligation to respond. I wish you all the best no matter what decisions you make.
 
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antivita

antivita

Member
Dec 30, 2018
32
165
If it's similar to your example. start with subcision. Good thing is that's usually extremely affordable, some people combine that with fillers to get optimal results. That's optional depending on your budget. you need to untether the scars.

that's step one, next is Radio frequency (RF) micro needling. 3 session, this is where the cost steps in. I spent 3100 on 3 sessions. Usually 3-8 sessions are recommended but we need to look at what you can afford. I did 3, amazing results. Infini or Genius RF, I wouldn't go to the other devices, there are a few on the market but Genius RF is the best device available now.

so RF does not help the surface too too much, it's lifting the deeper levels, so you will want a resurfacing. So you have the choice from there. That's either going to be a medium to deep peel or whatever laser resurfacing your trusted provider offers.

Go to Acne.org to their scar treatments forum. A lot of resources there, and you can post for advice as well.

Please keep in touch anytime.
Thank you for the support!
I don't want to cross any boundaries or make the OP uncomfortable, so I'll drop off this thread as I've said my peace and I don't want to make your thread about me. I very much respect it is your life and your decisions, and I would hate for you to feel any pressure or unmerited obligation to respond. I wish you all the best no matter what decisions you make.
Thanks, I wish the same for you too.
 
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A

Apathy99

Member
Oct 13, 2019
21
76
I chose to live as a hermit decades ago. I see family/friends about once a year on a good year. Taking the leap involves overcoming fear of loneliness. When you actually get there, I found that fear to be an illusion.

If you still seek validation from others, get it online, for reasons other than your appearance.

There are loads of places to live where this is the norm. In the US, Sedona is a good example. You're not going to be judged by anyone there. Personally I haven't experienced much negative judgment about it at all, even from family members who initially thought I was mad - most people are curious and intrigued.
 
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PwincessStepford

PwincessStepford

I wish I were a princess.
Dec 31, 2019
233
354
I’m killing myself technically because of existential reasons, but subjectively, my appearance is like 75% of why my life is unbearable. I even got plastic surgery to help me, but my nose came out crooked and my doctor left my breasts too large. I’m not even being dysmorphic about it because other people can see it too. Other people told me I should just get jaw reduction surgery, but I don’t have the money for it and ugh...

I’m sorry we were born with such horrible genes.