I'm getting bad.

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SuicideBoys93

SuicideBoys93

It's hang from the clouds, or hang from a rope.
Feb 10, 2020
112
193
Literally destroying everything, and any attempt to make myself, or wife happy. I constantly think I'm failing everyone around me so I close up and everyone around me suffers including me. I attempted to walk out into traffic last night coming out of dinner. My wife grabbed me. It was just like a fuck it im done moment. I didn't care anymore. I tried soooo hard on the dinner, surprised her with Valentines day cupcakes prior. I just sat there watching her and she seemed not interested at all. Everything was quiet on the ride up. The dinner was literally the most fanciest place I've ever been. I thought her being able to get all dressed up would make her happy. The dinner was 34 floors up above downtown Nashville. I put a lot of work into planning but felt like it flopped. I sat their picturing myself just jumping out the window. I just don't know anymore. I completely fail at everything.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Pensively Prolific
Jan 11, 2020
1,031
1,493
I agree, doesn't sound like a failure at all on your part, you can own what you did and be proud, she owns her response. It's sad the two didn't align. :(

I had a friend once take me to do something she really enjoyed, and I just didn't enjoy it. I appreciated her effort, though, but she was still hurt and I couldn't own that, I could only own that I like some things and not others. Sounds like your effort wasn't appreciated. But you can't make her happy, that has to come from inside, not outside. Sounds like you're having a hard time finding that inside you, too. Maybe your relationship hasn't had alignment for awhile? Sometimes that happens in life, in any kind of relationship. That in itself doesn't mean you're making others suffer.

I don't have any fixes, just compassion. I'm sorry you're suffering and having challenges in alleviating it. It's certainly not for lack of trying.
 
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SuicideBoys93

SuicideBoys93

It's hang from the clouds, or hang from a rope.
Feb 10, 2020
112
193
Just sucks knowing that I tried soo hard, and this isn't unknown to my wife with how I feel. So just to feel unappreciated really rocked me to my core. I tried to set my mind aside for one night, and it ended up really putting me in a worse place. Just feel like I have so much more to offer, but can't seem to get out from under my own two feet..
 
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